My b/f won't introduce me to his parents

[lilsmc]

Hello-

I have been dating my b/f for about a year.. we met through an online dating webiste..

Things seem to be working well except for 2 things.

 

1- I have never met his parents...

I recently asked him when he was going to finally introduce me to them and his answer was" nahh uh!"

I was like ok..why not? and his reason was because his last girlfriend he brought over to meet them, they hated her..and because of that.. he wont bring g/f over to meet his parents.. IS THAT THE STUPIDEST EXCUSE EVER?????

But i reacted like an adult and said "Well, you do realize I am not your ex girlfriend right?? So why are you holding that against me? But his response was so certain that he was not introducing me to them..

 

Of course i was really upset about this so i grabbed my things and left. He sends me a text later that day saying he was sorry and that he did want to introudce me to his parents...

I never responded back because i was very hurt and still am!

 

2- He still wont be facebook friends with me!

His reasoning for that : it causes too much drama and he had relationships go bad because of it.. And i mean, his fb profile is so private, you cant even see any pictures.

I dont know what's going on.. We do spend a lot of quality time together practically everday... and every weekend.. so i dont know if he is hiding something or if i should be suspicious ??

 

Over a week has gone by without talking with him and all the sudden he sent me another txt last night with a picture of him n his cat saying "hope to get to see you soon" ughhh.. Help?!?!?!

 

Thank You

[SapphireNoir10]

Red flags!!

 

are you sure he is isn't married or seeing someone else?

 

Do people know about you?

 

He may still be on dating sites and pretending to be single. but if a guy didn't want his parents to meet me after a year and wouldn't add me on facebook and kept it private i'd be INCREDIBLY worried and suspicous.

 

But then a lot of us on here are suspicious by nature. I guess you have to wonder if you can cope with this...I mean will you not EVER meet them? what if you get married? seems very odd to me.

[Moontiger]

Huge red flags. Most likely he has another girlfriend, is trying to get back with his ex, or has multiple other girls he is stringing along.

 

I would run.

[happyfrank]

Don't meet parents until you two are engaged. I can understand that. You don't want to bring somebody over until it's really serious. He doesn't want to make mistakes from his past.

[Anderson Silva]

Both red flags.

Would be enough for me to leave the relationship if nothing changes.

[SapphireNoir10]

If it was just the parents. Maybe. But not wanting her on his Facebook...it just doesn't make sense.

[Moontiger]

Don't meet parents until you two are engaged. I can understand that. You don't want to bring somebody over until it's really serious. He doesn't want to make mistakes from his past.

 

If a guy didn't want me to meet his parents that would be a deal breaker for me. Its highly suspect even more so since she has zero access to his facebook page. There is rarely any good reason to not introduce your SO to your parents. In fact, just about everything I have ever read about dating (books and on the web) have said: You know the guy really likes you when he introduces you to his mother.

 

OP, I bet he has introduce a different girl to his parents. And, I bet he is still seeing that girl. Why else would he keep you a secret.

[Miss Firecracker]

I'm telling you, you really don't want to meet his parents. They are probably b******. Just enjoy the time before you have to do that. These are the best days of your lives. lol

 

FB is stupid, BTW.

[happyfrank]

If a guy didn't want me to meet his parents that would be a deal breaker for me. Its highly suspect even more so since she has zero access to his facebook page. There is rarely any good reason to not introduce your SO to your parents. In fact, just about everything I have ever read about dating (books and on the web) have said: You know the guy really likes you when he introduces you to his mother.

 

OP, I bet he has introduce a different girl to his parents. And, I bet he is still seeing that girl. Why else would he keep you a secret.

 

what if he doesn't like how his parents treat his girlfriends. Protecting her in another sense. Dating books are not always facts. I believe in not meeting parents until it's serious.

[Trinity11]

I think if a guy had not introduced be me to parents that lived kinda nearby I would be wondering why. I have met a guys parents before and wondered if they liked me as they had quite and abrasive manner. After we broke up she insisted I was still welcome if i ever needed a place to stay. I was surprised to say the least. Guess she like me, sure had a strange way of showing it when we were together.

 

You are a big girl and I am sure you can handle it if the mother didn't like you, well you don't have to see her again if you don't want to, and if your boyfriend is man enough he will do what he wants anyway and protect you.

 

BUT A YEAR... even for problematic parents (alcohol etc) this is still something to be wondering about.

Does he ever mention you on phone calls. I can't say I haven't had a boyfriend while in my company and their mum has rang who hasn't mentioned me, boys like to flaunt their prized possessions.

[EssexMan]

If it was just the parents. Maybe. But not wanting her on his Facebook...it just doesn't make sense.

 

Yup. I don't introduce gfs to my father, we're a family that tends to keep our individual private lives relatively private from each other. (Having said that, I wouldn't actively conceal them, so it depends a bit on whether an encounter with his parents is something that the OP would expect to happen naturally anyway, or whether it would involve planning a trip, etc.)

 

The FB thing, however, is - from experience - a major red flag. Not necessarily signifying cheating, but suggesting secrecy and incomplete commitment.

 

OP, why not ask him how FB has created drama for him and why it made relationships go bad? His response to that might help you understand whether he's just being over-cautious, or whether there's something more going on.

[SapphireNoir10]

I had a very brief relationship with a guy where part of the reason why I ended it was he wouldn't put us as 'in a relationship' that and the fact he was close to sooo many girls and he didn't want them to know he had a girlfriend was like 'huh?'

 

i think if it was just the parents, maybe

 

but the fact he is so private on fb and won't add you is a red flag in my opinion

[camus154]

It's funny how we'll all universally agree that FB is the worst source of unnecessary drama in relationships, and yet if someone won't befriend you on FB it's considered a red flag. We all say "it's FB, it doesn't matter!" but then there's an expected obligation to share your online life with your partner, and if you don't it clearly must be because you're up to no good.

 

You've been dating this man for a year now and you say you spend practically all your time together. So does it make sense that he has some other girlfriend tucked away somewhere based on nothing but the fact that he hasn't introduced you to his parents and because he won't buddy up with you on Facebook? And didn't he actually say he WOULD introduce you to his parents when you made a stink about it? What, do you think he's going to rush off and dump the other girl and then cohort with his parents to make sure they don't mention her or act surprised when he says you've been dating for a year now?

 

Sometimes the simplest explanation is the right one. Maybe he's just not ready for you to meet his parents because of his past and he's remarkably wise for a 20-something to know Facebook is a whole sack of drama just waiting to happen.

[SapphireNoir10]

Then why have Facebook at all if it creates so much drama?

 

surely he knows not having it is easier than explaining why she can't be on it not even as a friend and why he is hiding loads on there.

[camus154]

Then why have Facebook at all if it creates so much drama?

 

surely he knows not having it is easier than explaining why she can't be on it not even as a friend and why he is hiding loads on there.

 

So you're saying he shouldn't have an FB account at all if he's not going to friend his girlfriend. So now her entitlement to be his friend on FB should determine whether he should even have an account.

 

Interesting.

[Moontiger]

what if he doesn't like how his parents treat his girlfriends. Protecting her in another sense. Dating books are not always facts. I believe in not meeting parents until it's serious.

 

I don't know one person who would accept. Is it possible the parents are crazy? Sure, I have friend who's mother is nuts! When she come to visit, you know what my friend did? Introduced her boyfriend to her. Because that's what you do in a relationship.

[camus154]

So, OP, obviously you've introduced him to your parents, right?

[EssexMan]

So you're saying he shouldn't have an FB account at all if he's not going to friend his girlfriend. So now her entitlement to be his friend on FB should determine whether he should even have an account.

 

It's not an "entitlement" but it's a reasonable expectation to be friended, and if not, to have a reasonable explanation for it.

[Moontiger]

So you're saying he shouldn't have an FB account at all if he's not going to friend his girlfriend. So now her entitlement to be his friend on FB should determine whether he should even have an account.

 

Interesting.

 

 

See, I don't think facebook cause that much drama. People cause drama. Such as when they post stupid things on line for the whole world to see. If you get two low drama people in a relationship then there is no reason (unless one of them is hiding something) to not be facebook friends.

[LoveSoDeep]

The FB thing, however, is - from experience - a major red flag. Not necessarily signifying cheating, but suggesting secrecy and incomplete commitment.

 

OP, why not ask him how FB has created drama for him and why it made relationships go bad? His response to that might help you understand whether he's just being over-cautious, or whether there's something more going on.

 

Yeha the meeting the parent;s thing wouldn;t upset me really I don;t introduce guys to my parents b/c they get too excited and start talking marraige right away. lol too much for me or any guy to have to put up with unless we actualy are on the fast track down the aisle.

 

The FB thing would bother me....I mean why can't you at least be friends on FB? What is he hiding? I wouldn;t be bothered if he didn't want to change his RS status of FB to include my name b/c I think that's silly....However, I would prefer if he is my bf and we are exclusive I prefer that if his status shows at all it not say "Single"

 

In response to his text I'd send a FB friend request.

[Moonphase]

Its weird that he wouldnt introduce you to his parents after so long, but who knows? Maybe they are really mean and he doesnt want to start any fights or let you get your feelings hurt. I guess you'll find out since he said he'll introduce you to them.

 

The facebook thing is very odd. I disagree with anyone who says facebook is drama waiting to happen. What is so dramatic about it? Unless you have no common sense about what you should and shouldnt post online, there shouldnt be any drama. I've had fb for years and its never caused any problems.

Could be that his ex was very jealous and broke up with him for having girls added as friends. Could be something bad that he's hiding from you. Its hard to know.

[Trinity11]

In response to his text I'd send a FB friend request.

 

And see if he puts you on 'restricted' You will only see photos that he has uploaded. One of my ex's had my on restricted.

[camus154]

See, I don't think facebook cause that much drama. People cause drama. Such as when they post stupid things on line for the whole world to see. If you get two low drama people in a relationship then there is no reason (unless one of them is hiding something) to not be facebook friends.

 

I do agree with this at heart, but human nature is what it is. Give people an inch, they'll take a mile. Give them access to your every interaction with others online, and invariably they'll question why some girl liked your photo or why you commented on some dude's wall. Who is this Susy person, anyway? She posted something about a party 3 summers ago and there was a wink in the message...what's that all about?

 

You see it over and over again here in the forums. Whether there's something going on or whether it's all innocent, whether they're together or have been broken up for a year. People have a knack for playing detective and piecing together a puzzle that often doesn't exist, and what that puzzle actually looks like depends on the mindset of the detective, not the actual information they've gathered.

 

This is why I hate Facebook. It makes it way too easy to be up in everyone's business, and it's become its own authority. You've been dating a girl for 5 months and things are awesome, but she still has her status listed as "Single". So of course that means something, right? Facebook official is worth more than your daily experiences. Now it's time to worry and question and doubt.

 

I have a philosophical problem with the notion that if you have nothing to hide, then there's no reason why you shouldn't do X, Y or Z. That's not good enough logic in my book. Just because one person expects you to do something doesn't mean you're up to no good if you don't oblige.

[Heather Dawn]

Those are two of the biggest red flags there are.

 

My boyfriend asked to friend me on Facebook after we met, but before our first date.

 

After our first weekend together (which happened the same week as our first date), his mom already knew about me. According to her, he normally never introduced women he was dating until she (his mom) had nagged him for ages. With me, he had already gone to her and said, "I want you to meet this girl."

 

Granted, both of the things above may have happened faster than most in our case - but the fact that you've been with this man a year and they still haven't is a HUGE red flag.

[laninaperdida]

I have tons of guy friends who say they don't use FB because if causes drama, but eventually confess they have a girl & just want to **** around.