klvd Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 My boyfriend of 2 years who is 22 almost 23 has been renting a room in his two best friends house. they are a married couple and recently discoverd they are pregnant and nicely asked my boyfriend if he could find a new place by spring seeing as his room will be the babies. His 27 year old sister offered her spare room in her apartment and the two of them living together worries me for several reasons. I worry he is too messy and she is too neat and they will fight which wouldnt be good with the family, Shes a heavy drinker and parties a lot, my boyfriend (after a dwi and jail time) avoids the party scene now amd has become rather responsible. my boyfriend works till 2 - 4 am in the morning and his sisters place is a 40 min drive. she's recently divorced and back in the dating scene and will be bringing guys home and what brother wants to see that? my more selfish reasons for worrying is that his old place and where he works is in the town we grew up in, it is where my friends and family are so it was a luxury to make the hour drive home from college on weekends and be able to spend time with him and sleep next to him and be able to drive 10 miles down the road to see my friends and family as well. now i have to spend extra gas to go visit him and even extra to see family and friends. also she smokes inside and i think that smells and is just down right gross. all my stuff and i will smell like ciggs! Also his family is in general cold and not welcoming so i feel awkward around them even after 2 years and his sister is nosey and will be in our business which im not excited about. overall im not excited about this move and dont know what to do? Link to comment
mhowe Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 You get to do nothing. And this really is all about your convenience --- not his living situation. So -- you grin and bear it. And wait for him to be able to afford his own place. Because your complaining about it won't help a thing. Her house -- she gets to smoke in it. Her house -- your bf needs to clean up his "messy act". Her house -- she gets to ask questions. Link to comment
Doc Blaze Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 why cant he visit you or does he not have transportation Link to comment
becomingkate Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 Is he really excited/happy about moving in with his sister? If he's not, maybe you can ask if he needs help scouting out a new place a little closer to his work. I used to drive about 40 minutes to work and that got old fast! Link to comment
klvd Posted January 24, 2013 Author Share Posted January 24, 2013 You get to do nothing. And this really is all about your convenience --- not his living situation. So -- you grin and bear it. And wait for him to be able to afford his own place. Because your complaining about it won't help a thing. Her house -- she gets to smoke in it. Her house -- your bf needs to clean up his "messy act". Her house -- she gets to ask questions. I'm aware this is his decison which is why im complaining here and not to him. im just worried it is going to strain the relationship. Link to comment
agent1607307371 Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 Unless you have a better idea, you don't do anything. She is is his sister and she's helping him out. Link to comment
metrogirl Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 He could come see you on alternate weeks so you aren't the only one making the drive and spending money. Link to comment
mhowe Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 It is. He has decided to accept a living situation, I would assume for financial purposes, that is less than ideal for a young man in a relationship. But there isn't anything you can do -- since him living at school w/ you isn't an answer. So -- you make it work. Link to comment
Jennifer89 Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 Sorry but I agree with them. Suck it up. Get over it. He will have to work out his issues with his sister, not you. Of the gas is a problem you could always ask him to share in the request. Or, as mentioned above, help him look for another affordable situation. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 why cant he visit you or does he not have transportation I was going to ask this, as well. Link to comment
Heather Dawn Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 Most of these are not problems you should concern yourself with. Whether or not they're compatible in terms of neatness/messiness, whether or not she'll be bringing home guys and offending her brother's delicate sensibilities, or whether or not she lives far from his place of work - none of those things have anything to do with you, whatsoever. I do understand, however, being concerned about him being exposed to the party lifestyle when he has a history of abuse, and being bummed about the distance increasing. But other than that, there's really not much you can do. Link to comment
klvd Posted January 24, 2013 Author Share Posted January 24, 2013 he visits on occasion. my roomates don't like guest though and i honestly hate spending the weekends here with them anyways. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 I understand that this wasn't your question, but it doesn't look like he's responsible enough to pick and choose where he can live. I'm not trying to get away from the main topic, but it seems as if you have much bigger issues here. Link to comment
DN Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 I'm aware this is his decison which is why im complaining here and not to him. im just worried it is going to strain the relationship.It will strain the relationship if you are the one straining it. Link to comment
meczam Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 my more selfish reasons for worrying Sounds to me like all the worrying is for selfish reasons. He's a big boy now, he can take care of himself. Link to comment
FYI Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 Where is the relationship going at this point? Or perhaps the correct question is where do you want the relationship to go? Maybe he can lay there for a while and then eventually the two of you (given the relationship continues to flourish) consider getting your own place. Link to comment
klvd Posted January 24, 2013 Author Share Posted January 24, 2013 Where is the relationship going at this point? Or perhaps the correct question is where do you want the relationship to go? Maybe he can lay there for a while and then eventually the two of you (given the relationship continues to flourish) consider getting your own place. I have two more years of school and he has his work in our hometown. moving in together isn't in the cards for atleast 2 more years. if the relationship makes it. I will just have less time and want to come spend my weekends with him. I have two free days and i have to fit my family and friends in there and i know he's going to throw a huge hissy fit if i dont manage to fit him in one weekend and stay with friends and family and to be frank i dont want to deal with his insecure sensitivites because he's the one who has decided to move to an inconvienient location. Link to comment
camus154 Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 OP, here are your threads about this guy: boyfriend was clearly checking out best friends boobs next to me! Boyfriend acting foolishly over ancient ex. boyfriend bailed on plans Boyfriend is very uneducated Boyfriend is a member of a dating site Money problems with boyfriend Boyfriend moving in with his sister So when I read this bit here: I have two free days and i have to fit my family and friends in there and i know he's going to throw a huge hissy fit if i dont manage to fit him in one weekend and stay with friends and family and to be frank i dont want to deal with his insecure sensitivites because he's the one who has decided to move to an inconvienient location. I have to question...why on earth are you with him, again? Link to comment
catfeeder Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 BF has every right and reason to assess the situation for himself, not whether it's convenient for you. However, once he gets a taste of his commute, this outcome could change very quickly. Your smartest move is to be the supportive GF, and observe the rest--without saying ~a word~ about his sister, or anything else. It makes no sense to worry about a problem that will likely self-correct. Link to comment
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