Dealing with people who won't shut up

[ApocalypseDreams]

Hello

 

I'm currently in group therapy and someone in my group tends to derail conversations, take them off topic and goes on pseudo intellectual tangents while everyone in the group sits there awkardly.

 

This person is so self absorbed (due to his mental illness) that he doesn't listen to what the facilitators ask him, instead talks about something completely different. No matter how pointed the question, he somehow remains incapable of answering it directly.

 

The other day he went off on a tangent about how his father was a nazi, how he grew up thinking eugenics and extermination was the way to solve mental illness and then went on to address a bunch of existential questions. It would be a little different if this was a one off but it happens every session.

 

The sessions go for exactly 2 hours and not a minute more. Usually we have 6 or 7 people in the group, so the time needs to be shared between all of us. The facilitators don't seem to be able to stop him and he never takes in their cues to finish up what he is saying.

 

How can we deal with this person? Do i just have to grin and bear it? I'm kinda angry at him for hogging all the group's time but on the other hand i know he's had a hard time in his life. He hasn't taken any of the polite hints or comments about it. Does someone have to be more blunt?

 

Apologies for how this is written, i haven't quite mastered how to post on my iphone and my computer isn't working at the moment.

[ApocalypseDreams]

I'm especially concerned about another group he is in, which we are working on a project with people working for the mental health center to deliver better outcomes for patients post discharge.

 

If he keeps derailing the group, the center will probably end the project due to a waste of time and resources.

[pippy longstocking]

jonty tell whoever is running the group ....they should of picked up on this already and made attempts to keep him

on track .

 

edit ..sorry you have said the facilitators are aware ....

 

this is still up to them to sort it out , they have to be blunt , they have to cut him off , they have to take him to one side or they have to remove him from the group ....may sound cruel but hey ...thats how it is ...this isnt about him and your part in this jonty darling is to speak your truth to the organisers and express you want it to stop as your not getting anything out of it .

 

I know people like this .....they go off an a tangent about anything ...on and on and on and on , he needs shutting up

[Hoagy]

He sounds like a typical politician to me.

 

Seriously, as Star suggests, you and the rest of the group need to tell the facilitators that you're fed up of this one person ruining it for everyone. If necessary tell them that you (the rest of the group) will refuse to attend any more sessions unless he's removed because you feel like he's holding back your progress. It's harsh as he obviously needs treatment that is suitable for him but I don't think he's ready for group therapy just yet.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I agree with the others. You need to complain to the facilitator. It is the facilitator's job to keep people from rambling too long. I have seen this kind of behaviour at work meetings and conferences where someone keeps rambling on and the Chair of the meeting or session does nothing to stop the rambling. It is very annoying.

[pippy longstocking]

another thing is the facilitators may be waiting for one of you to express your distaste for his behaviour, and

will only act if they have a reason to . Bad pratice in my opinion but thats another story .

[annie24]

Yeah you have to talk to the facilitator.

[Seraphim]

Those people need to be taken out of group because they are not ready for it. I had the same experience in my group. The facilitators had to keep telling the person we had to move on. And even when they had told her outright she had to be quiet now after they had tried 7 times to do it kindly she was still muttering to herself even when we had moved onto the next person.

 

It is annoying for sure. I think the facilitator has to realize that this person is not ready for group therapy.

[Capricorn3]

Are the questions aimed at the group itself, for all the answer, or directed at each individual? If the questions are directed to each individual, then perhaps ask the facilitators to put him last on the list, so that everyone gets their chance to have their say.

[ExcitedtoSleep]

It seems that he is there for attention. If the facilitators do not remedy the situation, then you should probably find a new therapy group.

[catfeeder]

I would contact the facilitator outside of the session and ask for a referral to another group. Explain that you don't feel you're getting what you need while Mr. X is allowed to dominate the group.

[ApocalypseDreams]

Thanks for the replies.

 

I'd respond to a few of them but it is too cumbersome on my phone to do. Hopefully tomorrow i'll have access to a computer!

 

You guys are great!