when do you know its time to breakup?

[keeptrying]

well this is my first ever post in any forum ever, im so desperate.. after 5 years with my partner weve both relised that were living in a complelty loveless relationship, we tell eachother we hate eachother everyday, we fight everyday, we break up every week and we still sleep in the same bed everynight together knowing how completely over it is. he says all the time "when are we just going to accept we hate eachother and move on" it makes me cry so much because im still so in love with him and i dont hate him but obiovusly he hates me.. hes so depressed, so sad and so angry all the time and he blames me and i just know its not me, i know its a problem within himself and hes just searching for blame, our relationship is so bland and just BLAH and its because of how he is.. he doesnt have a job he just lives off my money, he doesnt have his licence anymore and he smokes weed, he hates his life and he hates himself and i cant change it, i cant magically change him into a motivated normal caring man. he blames me for everything wrong in his life, as if they were my actions and not his own. EVERYTHING is my fault to him. ive never been a sad or depressed person and now i can barely bring myself to get up in the morning to face him. I feel soo damn hurt i feel like i do nothing wrong i just live and he just gets angry and sad and just starts being mean, i either have to take it or argue back and have WW3 over defending myself, anyway...

 

it hurts so much to think of living my life without him when hes slept next to me for so many years, i guess everyone must feel this way when its the end of a relationship you thought would last forever, but i still cant understand how ANYONE could get through this pain.

 

were still together living on false hopes that oneday everything will be perfect but as every day goes past it becomes more and more clear that we cant hold on much longer. we thought we would get married and have kids, we planned out our lifes and now it seems like we were niave little kids.. I just want to know how to let go, how to accept the inevitable, because right now id rather kill myself then deal with the agony of restarting my life.. the worst thing is we both moved to the other side of the country together many years ago and if we break up hes going to be 100000miles from me and im just stuck here living out our old lifes, everything feels so hopeless.

 

what am i even doing here, were already hurting so badly that breaking up although it seems scary it seems like it might bring some relief, im so confused how can 2 people who loved eachother for so long, who were so happy for so many years just stop. How does that feeling just disapear? if we dont make it through this ill never pursue another relatonship again in my life, ill be to scared that 5 years later itll just be a whole lot of hurt, how was i supposed to tell when it was going bad? how long do i have to wait before i can tell were going to break up? i just never ever want to make these same mistakes again, but im to scared i will without knowing it and ill end up in the same position.. and so i stay, and i just wonder..maybe this is it, maybe this is what is like after youve spent so long with one person?

 

thanks for listening x

[Ms Darcy]

When you are miserable even though you feel you have tried every option.

 

When you feel like you will never stop resenting them.

 

When you no longer see a future with them.

 

When your core values no longer coincide.

 

When they violate your personal boundaries.

 

When you are only staying because you are scared of loneliness.

 

... that is when you know it is time to leave.

[deflated]

You just need to break this off. You are living with him because you are scared of living any other way. Let go of your fear and begin to live. You just need to see what life has in store for you. Learn from thsi journey with this man and remember the mistakes you made but I think you need to move on. His pot smoking is probably not helping his depression and its a hard thing to break..