Men Who Fear Rejection

[corvidae]

I wish people would stop saying things like 'someone will come along'. You don't know that. Someone might never come along and you might live and die lonely. That's not negative. It's life. It can go either way.

[Mun]

Not to be too positive here, but the way I have seen things...someone else ALWAYS comes along...whether it's someone we like or not--that's a different story, but there is always someone.

 

You can't stop living waiting for someone to show up just as you shouldn't stop living because you believe there is no one.

 

Becareful with thoughts---they become your reality.

 

 

Much love

[CarterJonas]

I'm with Muneca, if you think that you won't get a girlfriend then you won't! You have to be optimistic and get out and about to meet new people. How come average looking, even below average looking people are happily married.....its called positive attitude!

[Shinobie]

ya iono no matter how hard i try i always think that i wont get one.It just feels so distant too me like its never gonna happen.Its because ya i get looks from girls for long periods of time sometimes but its rare.So im thinking maybe i am a given taste as far as looks like its rare or something like that.But ya like ive said before dont be negative like me.U get too far down into negativity that u cant pull yourself out of it.

[corvidae]

Saying that you may never find someone is not negative. That's my point. Whenever I say something like that people seem to assume I'm some sort of morbid hermit, unable to enjoy himself. It's not true. I go out. I have friends. Generally I am content and enjoy myself. People say things like "Go out there with a positive attitude!". Well how do you know that I don't? When I'm out I try to concentrate on having fun and having an interesting time. My lack of success with women is because I have never met anyone who fulfills the criteria that a)they want to go out with me and b) I want to go out with them. And that's not me being fussy. I have met a lot more women I have wanted to go out with than women who have wanted to go out with me. And no, before you ask, I don't just chase gorgeous women with perfect bodies, I have exhibited interest in a variety of women of varying appearances and personalities. My point is, very simply, that to tell someone they will definitely find someone is a lie. A case in point is the advice I have been given here that if I am positive and so on I will find someone. I AM positive. I am a healthy, well-balanced individual with plenty of friends. Yet I find no-one. This is the truth. Being permanently alone is a perfectly feasible reality and can happen to anyone.

[EyeofDTiger75]

You know what is strange is I can get up and sing Karaoke in fron tof a bar full of people. Put a proformance together like singing "I'm too sexy" and having a good time. BUT when I get off that stage I can not walk up to an attractive woman I would like to meet. I kno why. WHile growing up and all threw HIgh School I asked girl after girl for a date, was looked down upon like I was a second class citizen uptil I just gave up. The after college I have dated a few girls (Even lived with one ofr 3 years, then walked in on her and her brother's best friend) but I seem to always get used by women now because of my good heart or get left by them becuase I dont have the financial backing that they want. My last gf was a single mom of triplets, one with CP, we dated a year and then out of the blue she left me cause she said I couldn't provide her what she wanted. Talk about another blow, I had bought her a ring for Christmas. It is stuff like this that has got be very scared to put my heart on the line again, when all I want is to settle down and have a family.

[ltorivia]

Does anyone get anxiety over someone you like to the point you just turn and run away from that person?

 

That has happened to me so many times. Ahhh!!

[ShySoul]

If the person sees me then I'll be polite and say hi and try to talk to her. But I have caught myself intentionally avoiding contact with the person if I see her and she hasn't seen me yet. Arghh, I really need to stop being so afraid and take a chance.

[single4good]

Never really had it to the point that I would turn and run. But I would be so shy that I wouldnt even look at her even though I would want to ask her a 100 questions! I know its crazy but it is the rejection I fear. Nobody wants to know they are not wanted.

[Andy223]

I would like to point out to some of these girls who replied earlier in this thread and seem to "think" that they can sit back and relax and wait for guys to just come over and do all the flirting. Oh! and aparrantly we become "boring" and "annoying" when we stop flirting with you, cos you lot have rejected us for other men. That hurts our feelings..... oh wait but its ok isnt it, cos you dont have to worry, you hvnt just been rejected.

Men have feelings too, and the world doesnt revolve around u women either. It doesnt revolve around for us men either. My point is simple, we both need to make the effort in finding some1. Aparrantly its also unrealistic for women to charge in for a guy, but when men do it, you say that we are acting desperate. What are you actually trying to say there 2bhappy0212 ?

You have spoken on a very bias view, so i have replied on a very bias view of my own. It seems to me 2bhappy0212, that you like the idea of sitting with a large number of your friends in a club, waiting for guys to come over and if he doesnt come accross as your type, ull just sit there and laugh at him. It sickens me.

[Lonelyinasmalltown]

I read 2bhappy0212's post and I don't really think that's quite what she meant, but I do see your point. Almost every bar that I've been too has women like you described Andy223. Honestly though, if they are the type of women who just want to laugh at the shy guys then they really aren't that terribly nice human beings are they? It's like laughing at someone in a wheelchair. Well, maybe not that extreme, but you see my point. Their loss really, the only guys who they tend to attract are, from my experience, are womanizing jerks. They miss out on wonderful fulfilling relationships that way. Sure, some end up getting married, etc. I have a few women friends who used to be like this so I've seen it happen. Every single one of them is divorced now, though. Karma sucks.

 

Shyness is almost like a social disability that takes a lot of work to get over. It might not be completely conquerable but it can be held at bay. I know I'm doing my best. After all, "fortune favors the bold". If you don't put yourself out there, no one will see you because let's face it, 90% of women won't ask a guy out, it's up to us. What we really need is a LED sign on everyone's head stating if they are interested in the person walking up to them or not. That would be a big step to ending shyness! lol

[atlas]

I think really because, as your title states, we fear rejection! I don't do to badly when approaching women but there are girls out there that, no matter what, and for who-knows-what reason, are mean when you try to talk to them.

 

I once went up to a girl at a club and simply said "Hi how are you?". She pretended not to hear me ha ha so I said it louder-still nothing. Then she looked at her friend, laughed, looked back at me and said "I was just at a concert and I can't hear anything". I bowed out and about fifteen min. later I saw her meet up with some guys who she had, apparently, been wating for. I think that any guy who has done "an approach" is a bit scared that he will get some total ...well...you know since they are out there and the more you put yourself out there the higher the odds you will hit one of those becomes.

 

anyway, girls should hit on guys-we won't be mean- I PROMISE!

[ltorivia]

Hey everyone:

 

how many here want a BF/GF but you just never found that person? Or like me, never had the time to go on a date??

[Shinobie]

I want a gf but i have just never had the nerve to go up and talk to a girl.But i think im gonna try and get the nerve when i go back to school.Definitely gonna try and ask a girl to the prom hopefully things go ok

[doorik]

wow this topic is lasting longer than a duracell batterie

[sweetapples]

I have always had a problem with fear of rejection. It always prevented me from approaching girls. About 12 months ago I decided to overcome my fear and I approached a girl for the first time in my life. I was so nervous that I was shaking and my voice was trembling.

Now 50-60 approaches later I have no fear whatsoever, unfortunately noone will go out with me.

[leeutalkin2me]

i have always feared rejection.

The actual feeling of someone saying no, or somehow showing they aint interested in me in that way, and then having to live with the fact, see them around and think they told ppl aswell that u were interested and were turned down. Its such a powerful feeling and still holds me back to this day

 

I have never asked a girl out before, i am 23 now, very sad i know

 

Half the time i feel theres no way someone i like wud b interested in me n that i have nothing to offer, other times im afraid that i may find a partner and then they will realise im nothing, then be ditched, that would kill me and id probs neva make a move again.

 

I never had a girl ask me out before, or even known if someone was interested in me

 

I had a saga where i really liked a girl, got talking to her after had wanted to for months, found a common interest, travelling-australia, then she left for 3months, and just come back, i aint been to work since she got back as i was in egypt

 

some of this posting explains my situation

 

 

shyness and rejection is so powerful it really holds u back in life i feel, and trying to overcome it before its too late

[Caldus]

At some point you guys who fear rejection will have to realize that rejection is simply part of the dating process. Everyone gets rejected at some point. I don't know what to say except that you just need to get out there and try. Get rid of whatever insecurities you have about yourself. It's amazing what confidence can do to you.

[SkyFire]

People fear being said no to. They fear being rejected.

 

That is why.

[Mun]

other times im afraid that i may find a partner and then they will realise im nothing, then be ditched, that would kill me

 

This statement is just WOW.. sad...like someone else said, rejection is part of life. It's ugly, I agree with you there, but you can't not live life.. you have to get out there and at least TRY. I'm still shy sometimes, but if I had let that conquer me it would have held me back from doing so many things.

 

What I do now is just ignore the negative voice inside that says " you will be rejected, they won't like you, they will laugh at you...etc." I'm still scared, but I don't let that stop me.

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

Being rejected hurts, but the capper is when you have powerful feelings for her and she has those same feelings... for another guy. And even worse, you're not even on her radar because you're not her type, or she doesn't find you attractive. That's the ultimate sponsor for eternal depression.

[ShySoul]

No, what's really bad is when you have serious feelings for her and you can tell she sort of likes you but won't admit it. And you can't say anything because it would hurt the friendship that means so much to you. Then she ends up with another guy even when your the one that has been there for her and helped her out. That's depressing.

[single4good]

Yes Shysoul, I have been there and that REALLY hurts. Girls in nightclubs can be utterly mean. No excuse for some of the rude behaviour I have witnessed. And people wonder why (particularly shy guys) fear going up to girls? hahaha

[Shajenko]

Well, women claim that they want guys who are sensitive, nice, etc, but by insisting on rules that require men to approach woman after woman after woman, they guarantee that only guys who are callous, uncaring, and usually jerks will get through the filters.

[al7]

Well, women claim that they want guys who are sensitive, nice, etc, but by insisting on rules that require men to approach woman after woman after woman, they guarantee that only guys who are callous, uncaring, and usually jerks will get through the filters.

 

Women claim what is acceptable to claim. It has almost nothing do to with what people really want.

Woman want kids and want them to survive. So they want sombody who will provide material and other support for that.

 

Now imagine a woman would say: I want a man who'll take care of my kids. How many men would respond?

 

Right, something next to zero.