leeutalkin2me

i have told her that she has to commit and work out woteva it is that is wrong with her marriage. but month or so later, she contacts me and tells me she misses me and loves me still

But even though I leave her alone, i still feel it all inside, nothing changes for me if i see her or not. I dont want to lose her as a friend either but as she says she loves me, she cant b a friend yet, 6 months on.

I have asked her to leave him. but she says its too soon for us. obviously, a leap of faith is required if we are ever to be together. she says she would love that, but that its too complicated as it would mean she would have to change everything in her life. probably her friends and family, justify why etc. To top it off she has recently bought a big new expensive house with him. something i couldnt get my head around when she felt like this for me, but suppose how could she say no to her husband. and i cant provide what he does.

I feel really screwed up. In short, last year I got into a relationship with someoen who was engaged and eventually married. we continued on for a while and then she decided she wanted to be with her husband. Ever since then, she has continued telling me that she loves me and wants to be with me but that she cant. Have still kept in touch, emails at work and txts. every few months she seems to really pull on my heart strings, telling me how she feels. tells me things and her actions say the opposite and confuse me. I have just moved into my own place and i promised i would show her my place. i was ready 2 do some and she started saying she would love to go on a date with me and i tell her that its just not possible, i cant do anything until her circumstances change. Again yesterday, organising when she is coming around, she says will i be able to give her a hug etc, which sets me off again to what does she want. She says she cant give me what i want by being lovers, and at the same time says she cant be friends because she still loves me so much. she married a year ago and its been like this ever since. even tho things ended between us, its always been halfy half with her feelings being passed to me. The majority of our contact is via text messages. I can never stop thinking about her, even when we have no contact at all, i still have all the memories, and now that i have moved etc im just so so had and lonely. I just feel so lost and want to try everytime i think about her, and her life. I know this is all my own fault i should have known what i was doing, but i was in experienced and when a special person came along, once in 25years. im just sad that she keeps chosing otherwise, but at the same time still loves me, even though I dont see her. I just knew that when i had my own place, my heart strings would be pulled by her. i ask her what she wants from me and she simply doesnt know. i have told her in the past to fix her marriage even tho she tells me theres nothing wrong with it, deep down she must realise there is, when she loves two people. What can i do, i cant stop thinking about her, i dont want anyone else and it destroys me. even 6months after she officially broke off with me. Im sorry if im not making any sense, just so confused and sad : - ( A couple of years ago, i took AD's & had some counselling because of my bad attitude towards myself, i ended these and then this girl came along it was like a reward. i wonder if i need to go back on them to get back on Track

sorry did not mean to direct that at you, the majority drink their earnings. Respect to those who pay their own way! Anyone else got any possible Ideas for me ?

Thankyou for your post, its good to hear others feeling siliar. I do have good savings, i dont drink so dont spend all my money putting it down the toilet lol, i dont have any debt. My life is ok, i do need a longterm partner to make me feel good, I did have a girl recently but it was full of complication and we are not together now, she was my first. And just feel i have alot of emptiness in my life, and no direction I too told myself I need a change, infact I have done for a few years and just end up dragging myself down Its great your excited about something in the future. I dont see how I can do something part time to start off with in the "travel-tourism" field or make a few pennies from it. My only thought is some sort of website, with affiliates, ppl book flight/hotels thru and i get a percentage. Id have to have alot of traffic to make money. But i already know of a few sites like this already. Good luck though RayKay, u can do it.

I really want to make 2006 a good year and not just coast along wasting time in my life for previous years. I work in an office in Admin work, very boring & non-challenging & no job satisfaction or praise. Im 25, do not own my own place and earn £15K a year. Im looking for a bit of help from everyone. Obviously everyone does different things in life and we all have our own needs & opinions. For quite a few years now, since school infact when I got an A* in Business Studies, I have always had this feeling that I will be successful & even have my own business of some sort. However I have struggled to come up with an idea or find inspiration which has continued to frustrate me when everyone sets goals and achieves them. I get envious with those who find direction so easily and are so happy in life. I did well in my exams at school, I did a 2 year modern apprenticeship in Administration with local County Council where I earned a NVQ Level 3 in Admin. Since doing so I did a HNC in Computing at college part time as I always thought I.T was what I wanted to do but could never break out into that field because of the dreaded "minimum 2years experience" in that field which every job wants. Im very good in the I.T field and good with the Internet, although I think everyone is these days Ive travelled the globe, probably 20 destinations in 5years and this is my main interest to date. Travelling, looking into different places and organising my own Trips & journeys rather than package holidays. What I need is some sort of idea or brainstorm that can get me thinking on a business idea, where I could offer a service or product & obviously make some money from it. Something that people need & want. My favour to ask is, can anyone help get me started, idea wise. All offers are gratefully accepted. I do feel that if i get started, my life will benefit hugely with some sense of achievement. Everyone on this forum supports & encourages each other so I thought Id start here. people have been good to me here on a few issues. Lee

i have always feared rejection. The actual feeling of someone saying no, or somehow showing they aint interested in me in that way, and then having to live with the fact, see them around and think they told ppl aswell that u were interested and were turned down. Its such a powerful feeling and still holds me back to this day I have never asked a girl out before, i am 23 now, very sad i know Half the time i feel theres no way someone i like wud b interested in me n that i have nothing to offer, other times im afraid that i may find a partner and then they will realise im nothing, then be ditched, that would kill me and id probs neva make a move again. I never had a girl ask me out before, or even known if someone was interested in me I had a saga where i really liked a girl, got talking to her after had wanted to for months, found a common interest, travelling-australia, then she left for 3months, and just come back, i aint been to work since she got back as i was in egypt some of this posting explains my situation shyness and rejection is so powerful it really holds u back in life i feel, and trying to overcome it before its too late

updated original posting

I managed to get into the doctors today and have been I took my a printout of things that were on my mind and been bothering me for years. She read some of it and asked me things about what Id said and how I felt. She says I am depressed, and said regarding my life I am "treading water" at the moment which is totally right, have just been cruising alone for too long. She has given me some medication, wants to see me again in 6weeks, says the tablets should start taking effect in around 3weeks. And has also put me on the waiting list to talk to a councellor. Ive gone straight back to ward after my appointment, my colleague asked why i was going but i told her to mind her own business in a joking way, i dunno how i would explain it all, especially with now having meds and on a waiting list. Im not sure if i should tell my parents either, or to keep it to myself. When my appointments come through the post, they will probably been able to see its from the doctors and ask what its about, I am already on a waiting list about my ears, so I could say its just about that. My medication is Fluoxetine 20mg, 1 a day

Dunno whats the matter with me today, feel really down, felt ok before i left the house for work. Rang the docs at 8.45, said theres no appointments and to ring back 2morrow at 8.30 That hasnt really helped matters now ive prepared and want to go the docs. 2moz is wed and docs are only open half a day, and i wanted to try n get an appoinment for an afternoon. Its impossible at our doctors, u have to ring up at 8.30 and hope they have some appointments, if not ring again the next day. Its so annoying, who the hell gets all the appointments before anyone else, tis all these ppl who have repeat appointments, all the old ppl must have them

today is the last time i will see her for 4months, saw her just before i left work, she doesnt fly until sept 5th though. Your right though, i think she is so pretty and getting to talk to her has made me like her even more. I emailed her a story of my oz trip when at work, thru our internal work email, but it was what i had emailed myself from home to work and then forwarded it on, so in theory if she looks hard enough she can see my home email address. she said she is gonna spend some time reading it oneday. Maybe once she has done, she may email either to my work addy or home addy before she leaves for Oz. I dont know either way, if she does if i could work away to meet up with her before she leaves, or anything. Ideally she would read it over the weekend and email my home address about it and somehow wanna meet up on bank holiday monday, the chances are remote and reply on her orchastrating it. im always full of hopes n dreams in these areas. i dunno how we could meet up and it not sound like a date actually thats how inexperienced i am. If im honest i would love to be good friends with her, as i do with any girls seeing as though thats what im used to. i dont know anything really about her, where she lives or anything, only talked about oz with her Alot of ppl at work know i think she is lovely, i have no idea if i have given off that impression to her. Im pleased manage to wish her well on her trip before finished work today and she kept thanking me for letting her have my guidebook while she is away.

In the case of this girl at work, i saw her just before i left tonight, infact i didnt see her for most of the day and it was total luck that i bumped into her on my way down the corridor to go home. To be honest i was testing to see if she would contact me before i left considering it was her last day, she hadnt but maybe i was supposed to say have a good trip and so it was my fault. Anyway had a little chat, wished her well, she thanked for me for the book i gave her again, i asked if she wud b emailing work when she is away n i said well add me to the list as id like to know what she gets up to, she said she would and would sent pics. Im happy that we parted on good terms. At first when i bumped into her i headed down the corridor but turned back to wish her a good trip n then talked, i think she may have been waiting for me to say it, rather than her say anything, i wudnt have been happy if we hadnt spoke before she left. On drive home felt good, sad that she is gonna b gone but at least she will contact me while she is away i thought. I admitted to someone at work today, when i was askd who in the building would u say is a babe, and i said Gill, im sure it must have been obvious what i thought of her. I thought during my drive home that i really do wanna improve myself and should go to the doctors, nxt friday is my birthday, and ppl from work are going out down the town to the pubs that night for someone in my offices birthday in a couple of weeks and im expected to go even tho they know i always say no. i did consider it when i was feeling good on way home but think will see what happens at the doctors, although by then my feeling good and new determination will have gone and probs not go out on the nightout anyway. Its strange, if i do get some help and change i should thank gill, even if nothing happens with us when shegets back, even though it would be great if i was so lucky. I think as time passes i will gradually get over gill not being here, well in the back of my mind and hopefully focus on improving myself mentally and physically. I do know i need to get my life on track, but i think some kind of treatment is needed before that stage, just to get the basis in my head in line. I may feel totally different once the weekend is gone and im back at work and end up shying away form things again, and letting things eat up inside me about who i am, and wanting someone special. I do need to help myself though. Just thought id add this and see what you think Lee

Im in the same boat, Im 23nxt week and never had a girlfriend either. Suffered self confidence problems all my life and always negative about myself on how some stunning girls at work would wanna be with me. Ive got one on my mind now I know its hard people saying your still young, i wish i could turn the clock back and have a complete confident way with girls. I have lots of female friends at work that i find easy to talk with but have never asked a girl out or found one that has been interested in me. If there was an answer to this problem, i think we would all have posted it by now ps if anyone has the magic answer, pass it onto me

I think she finishes work next friday , im sure she flies on the 5th of september. I had thought all last week that friday was gonna b her last day so i was pretty down for more numerous reasons. She came to see me just before i was due to finish work and presumed she had come to say goodbye or to give me the opportunity to wish her a good trip, before i knew it half an hour had passed wiv us talking. Colleagues in the other room were trying to put me off, i could see them all close up to the window watching n making me know they had seen me talking with her and a guy on the photocopier made sure he got an eyeful of her too lol. Yes she will be coming back to work after her 4months, im presuming as she wants to be in sydney for new year, she should be returning very soon in january. I am gonna try n say to her before she leaves that if she is emailing ppl at work, that id like to b sent a copy to hear how things are going and what she is up to Over the weekend, ive found a guide book i have on sydney and am gonna take that to work for her to see if she would like to look at it or even take it with her, it does have my home email address and mobile number in too lol, but not in a too obvious way, has other scribbled notes too. Gives her the chance just to send me a fun txt msg when she is away bragging about her holiday, cos i have joked to her that im really jealous of her, she came to see me on friday n said so do u still hate me in a non serious way n i said i didnt hate her n she said ok then dispised, the things that ran though my head when i said i didnt hate her, im glad i didnt spit something out like how could i hate you, that would have left a open ended question that could have been interpretated that i think she is lovely. She probably does like me, im just afraid that we only talk because of the Australia topic, or maybe this is what has given us the opportunity to talk??tough one When i emailed her last week when at work, i asked if she wanted to see my Oz photos n that i would bring them in for her, i got a reply back saying yeah she would, she was trying to see them when i came back and had them at work, i remember that exact event where she was in the office for sum reason and ppl were lookin, she did come over to see a couple acting interested, but i didnt have a clue she was that interested n that she had wanted to see them all,(i didntk now she was planning a trip to oz either). I dont know why she didnt ask me though, granted we didnt really know each other or spoken before, surely she knew my name and could have emailed me if she wasnt sure about asking in person. To me she doesnt seem the shy type It would be nice to see her outside work, to go down the town, a couple of drinks after work in a quiet place where we can talk, to me that would be perfect with any pretty female, just a bit of company thats all. I dont think i have it inside me to ask her if she wants to go somewhere after work just to talk, it sounds too much like a date, and she might think so too, with it being her last week she probs has packing to do so thats her excuse. I cant just come out and ask her something like that. It would make my year if she suggested we talk somewhere and did, then again if i was invited somewhere and lots of ppl from her office were there, like a farewell gathering i dont think i would go, too many people. Lee

hi yes i am from GB - England I dont think i have it in me to ask her out, sounds stupid but to me its the most difficult thing i could ever imagine, most due to the frame of mine i have about myself and others about me. I found no trouble flying around the world alone, taking new flights every few days, many ppl have told me they couldnt do it alone what i have done, i think to myself if i went with someone i would worry alot more than going alone as i would have to kinda live up to an expectation and consider others, even though i always consider others and dont have much in relation to independance. I have thought about it before and will wish her a good trip and also gonna ask if she is gonna email work anytime to say how she is going on, if so will ask if she can send me a copy too, I think if we ever break away from the Australia thing in common, i would know how interested she is in actually me, but still not sure if just as a friend

Hi, if anyone remembers me or remembers reading my previous posts. I thought id add an update. I have been on AD's for a few months now and do feel alot better inside. I have taken two holidays and just got back from one of them last night Sri Lanka-Kuala Lumpur-Dubai, and just been to Egypt, both alone. I have had some counselling sessions and do think they have helped me a little It seems like ages ago that i wrote about what i felt and what was bugging me in life, but still seems recent. People may remember me getting pretty worked up about this v pretty girl in an office at work that id thought was wow for ages and then found out she was going to australia for 4months. was jealous she was being allowed so much time off when all i could have for 5weeks annual leave the last time i went, and also bitter that id just started to talk to her before she left, even though only about travelling. Before icame back from egypt, during txts from someone at work, they mentioned she had returned from Oz having run out of Cash. Since then im not sure how im going to deal with going back to work with her being back now. Do i make a special effort to find out about her trip, do i blab on about my travelling since she been away, will i get into a position where i think she likes me or that she realises that I like her? Or even just see if she approaches and makes the effort to talk to me herself. I do remember before she left i really wanted to change myself, to be a more confident person and believe that im a worthwhile person to know, and that with being sick of my life n stuff eventually pushed me to go to my doctor, explain and resulted in pills and counselling. Looking back i thought by the time she came back that id be a different before, but im not sure if i am a better person, or more confidence. Yes i feel loads better than i did before and do find that my travelling alone does help me a great deal but in instances highlights my lonliness and weaknesses in myself. find myself at a crossroads on what to do for the best, if to accept me or change, or if think others should accept me. And now this babes back original posting from beginning ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- I am 22/m and can honestly say i have never experienced or had a relationship with a girl before. Throughout my school life i always felt that i was weird, i neva talked out loud alot, when i did it was with friends who i was comfortable with, i found talking to any of the girls hard, on a one to one basis ok at best. I always worried about going to school each day incase i was asked to speak out loud, these years really put a downer on myself. I never had a girlfriend and sometimes in class a few girls would make fun of me saying they fancied me even though they were obviously joking because i was quiet. I hoped that once id left school i could build my character and personality and start fresh. When i started work in an office, i gradually met alot of girls, strange i worked with alot more girls than guys and got to know their friends, it was the first time i really built up friendships with females. I now have such good female friends that i am close to. I have such problems with myself, alot of things depress me and really affect me. I have always suffered from no self confidence, i guess it startd from school feeling the odd one out, never having a special talent and being quiet. I do talk alot more than i did then, get along great with ppl and have a laugh. When people start talking about nights out, drinking, partying etc i try to shy away from the conversation, ive worked in my office 5years and only been out twice, its a mixture of not be assure of myself, and feel i have to act happy n be happy to go out and party, it fills me with dread. Its my birthday soon and a colleagues so all talk is on nights out for those, and going out for meals, where i know their will be alot of ppl going, personally i dont do anything for my birthday n hate fuss, i do nothing at home. Most days i stay at home anyway, go on the internet and watch dvds, as i dont see many friends, just when i go to work Over the years ive hit bad times, hating myself, thinking i dont have a life or a personality and why i cant be like everyone else, and problems at work. The last month has been really bad, this week ive had patches were i feel really down and seriously considered going to see my doctor about it,a sicknote and maybe meds or councelling as its gone on too long A main reason i think thats getting me down when ifeel depressed is being alone. I have never had a girlfriend, been asked out or asked anyone out before, i wouldnt know how to go about it and dont have confidence to do it. This week i found out that a girl in the nxt office to me is off to australia for 4months, this year i went there for 5weeks alone and so kind have this in common. She has worked in our building over a year, i have always thought that she is wow, really pretty and just the kinda girl looks wise i would go for. We had only spoken a couple of times before this week, about nothing really, i had always tried to get into a position to speak to her as i thought she was nice. I was really depressed when i found out she was going to OZ, 1. jealous 2. wouldnt see her around. Its made me really down and moody at work, along with other problems at work thats getting me so down as well as the state of my life. Twice this week this girl has given me such a boost, i have managed to talk to for quite a while about her trip and my trip. My work colleagues have seen us talking n made fun of me a little, but in a good way, as they say i have agroup of petite blondes that always make time for me n talk lol. I just dont know how to tell if someone is actually interested in me in a relationship way, or just being friends and want to hear about my trip. Im so confused as i really like this girl, ive always managed to talk with her on a one to one as i would feel really embarrassed in front of my work friends because of the way they have her on my list. We are all sure she is single, even if she was interested she is way out of my league for sure. I have seen lots of girls before and thought they are nice but neva made a move and im not learning from my mistakes, each time i just dont do anything, i have no idea how to see if they are interested, how to go about asking them out, never mind the daunting feeling of actually going out with someone for the first time and worrying about how to act and do. I know i am probably just obessing about this girl imparticular but i need to do something about myself, she is at work for one more week before she leaves for Australia, even if she was interested this is the worst time to act or even have her in my head alot, wish she wasnt gonna b gone for long. Ive offered to take her friends place if she gets ill too lol. Can anyone help me about relationships? Maybe i can sort my self out into a confident person for her coming back, if not for her, for me, i need to change myself. Do you think talking to a doctor about all my self confidence problems, depression with my life and work would be worthwhile? Ive always thought i cant have a relationship or have anyone respect me until i respect myself and still stand by that. some kind of female interest would probably do the wonders for believing in who i am Luv to hear everyones opinions Lee Heres some links to posts ive made inthe past which give alot more background into me and can probably make u understand how i act now. link removed= link removed=