When did you start staying the night at your SO's?

[Mistykitty]

[not entirely sure where to post this]

 

Well, this is something I've been curious about since it happened and it just dawned on me I could post this here.

A couple months ago, my long-term boyfriend and I wanted to go to an anime convention about two hours away together. My boyfriend and I had known each other for awhile, my parents knew him and loved him, we were together over a year at the time. I was 18 at the time and him 21. I go to conventions a lot and my parents know what they are about, the people who go there, etc. etc.

 

But they had a HUGE problem with me wanting to go on a weekend trip with my boyfriend alone. The distance wasn't the issue (I've been that far away on trips before), nor was the convention. It didn't really surprise me, but it literally ended up in a huge fight. My boyfriend and I do NOT have sex and my mom knows this; I've told my dad and he didn't believe me. My parents went on about how they "would NEVER even THINK to do something like that when they were MY age" and honestly made me feel like a s*** for wanting a weekend with my boyfriend.

 

I know I'll probably get a lot of "well you're still living with them so you have to follow their rules" and whatever else, I'm just honestly curious if I was ~so~ in the wrong. I suppose 18 is young, but then again I remember being 16 and knowing of peers staying the night at their SO's.

 

(We ended up going btw, this was one of the rare cases where my mom won =P So not looking for advice, just for opinions/experiences)

[Gilson]

When I was 18-19, 20 years ago, my girlfriend stayed with me in my bed, sometimes several nights at a time. We were sexually active. She told her mother she slept on the couch, but who would believe that?

 

When my three sisters were the same age (different times. Two are upwards of 8 years older than me), they had BFs stay the night, in their bed. My sister who is 1yr older than me gor pregnant at um, 17 or 18 I think.

[hear_her_roar]

I was living with my boyfriend by the time I was eighteen, and my parents were fine with that... however, they have never been particularly conservative, so maybe they are an exception. I however would not consider a weekend away with your boyfriend at that age, and when you've been together for that long, to be an issue - especially when you don't have sex.

[Mistykitty]

Good to know I'm not THAT crazy @-@ My best friend recently went to Disney World for a week with her long-distance boyfriend that her mom hadn't even met yet (and yes, her mom knew). I just feel a little sheltered sometimes, hah

[MattW]

I know I'll probably get a lot of "well you're still living with them so you have to follow their rules" and whatever else

 

I don't see why. If you're 18, and you have a car, you can pretty much go where you want. They (your parents, I mean) might not be happy with your decision, but you have no obligation to do as they say once you're 18.

 

Anyway, I have no input on the actual topic, though, as I've never even dated a girl, so I wouldn't have any idea as to when it becomes "normal" to start spending the night with a significant other.

[CeeLambrini]

Because we are English, (but don't live in England) - 16 has been the age of consent in our household. Once I turned 16, it was then acceptable for me to have sex, but when it came to boyfriends sleeping over/me sleeping at my boyfriends they just wouldn't hear of it. I suppose I still am confused with that concept now. My parents and I are quite close so I sort of timidly asked them if they were okay with me having sex, then how is that supposed to happen when my boyfriend wasn't allowed to sleep over?

They said "Well, can't you just wait until we go out or something?". I was outraged at this! I had a little speech going where I claimed that it was sleazy to have quickies and sneak around during the day and then have to quickly get up and get dressed before they came home. I think it ended up me being in tears saying "I just want it to be speciaaaal!!" LOL. So, bless them, they arranged a weekend away so I could have the house to myself. My boyfriend stayed over - sad thing was he was a virgin and decided that he didn't want to do it yet anyway. Ahh well, they tried.

[Natasha24]

I didn't sleep over with my boyfriend until we were both moved out on our own. When I lived with my parents at 18, sometimes my boyfriend would stay the night, but he slept in the basement and I slept in my bedroom. We had been together for about 4 years at that time, and my parents knew him since he was little.

 

I don't think you were "wrong" for wanting to spend the night with your boyfriend alone, but I completely understand why your parents weren't happy with the idea. Like you said - their house, their rules. I waited until I moved out on my own (age 20/21) before I did any of that stuff.

[The_Seeker]

Until I was 21.

 

I think when you're in a high school age, I still think that's very young. But that's just me. I rather focus on my education to get into the career of what I want. Also I don't want to worry about getting pregnancy 24/7. Yeah yeah I know condoms and birth controls whatever.

[xonicolemarie]

my first time i was 18 and had been dating him around 5 months, i could only sleep at his place, if he came here, hed have to sleep in the basement...with my current bf..i was 21, and it was about the same 5 months, ive only been allowed to sleep with him at my house once, and that was the day my dad died, less than a month ago

[RedDress]

For me, the sex thing and the sleeping in the same bed together thing goes hand in hand. Isn't it incredibly hard to sleep next to someone you are attracted to and NOT have sex with them? It's kind of playing with temptation, isn't it?

 

I think that's probably what your parents were objecting to, no? If they know you don't have sex and that you don't want sex right now, they were probably looking out for your best interests. I'm not saying that your bf is a bad guy... but when you are close and there is a thin layer of boxer shorts between you... you know... there could be some pressure.

 

I was 17 when I started sleeping over at my bf's place, but I was also having sex with them.

[lalalollipops]

I was 18 when I used to stay over at my bf's pretty much every night. I did however go flatting for a year and a half and overseas so parents didn't know. My parents are the old fashioned type, we never even had the sex talk. They still used to feel uncomfortable when I stayed overnight with the ex and I am pass my teens now. I'll always be considered 13 in their eyes.

[Gilson]

CeeLambrini LOL, how strange. it's one thing (in NA) for parents to pretend you're not having sex and turn a blinde eye, but to actually take time away at your age 16, so you could have sex with your boyfriend.

 

Lalalollipops, I never ever got the sex talk either. Had sex ed in school but never got the sex talk with my parents. I don't think Dad was particularly shy about it either.

 

It was my oldest sister who gave me my first condoms.

 

 

Back in 1998-2002 I had a gf I ,we met at work. I was 24-26 and she was 19-22 or so...whatever. She was in university and had her own appartment w/ room mates. Her parents knew we slept together at her place but when we stayed at her parents place we could not sleep together, however when we stayed at her grandparents' place we could.

[itsallgrand]

When I was a teenager, our home was the place where all of our friends (my brothers and mine) spent a lot of time. There was constant people coming in and out, some of them practically lived there. My mom wasn't around a lot. Frankly, I could have done anything. If I wanted to have sex, I could have. If I wanted to stay out drinking up until four in the morning, I could have. There were parties at our house a lot - more my moms than ours. It was a bad time for my mom, she was wrapped up in stress and drinking. I was totally off the radar, even right in front of her. Even sometimes we did drink in her house, and lots of my friends would stay the night. Some of these friends - about half - were male.

 

I had some friends who would sneak out of their windows to go out, or to see a bf. I had friends who would lie to their parents to go drinking or do whatever.

 

I was actually envious of those friends. lol. You think it's ridiculous, but I was.

 

As soon as I graduated, I moved out. Moved into a little apartment and got to regulate things a hell of a lot more. Not constant people now, not beer bottles every morning and a chance for me to actually want a bf and all that. Frankly I didn't feel like it would have been good for me to have a bf where there weren't boundaries enforced from outside - my mom wouldn't believe me when I told her I wasn't having sex, she seemed actually disappointed?! She would have been encouraging me to go out with him more, have him over, all that crap. I didn't want that. I wanted something more conservative. lol.

 

I think about that time and I'm pretty amazed with myself, I'm pretty cool. lol. Somehow i managed not to be a teenage drunk, knock-up, and I had superb grades and was involved in sports and other positive activities outside of partying and hanging around with guys.

 

You are friggin lucky hon. When you move out, you can do whatever you want. But you have parents that want to help you get to where you have a chance at great things and will take action to try and make that happen....be happy. Don't ever be envious of kids who have "cool" parents....trust me, it's not what it is cracked up to be.!

[Snny]

A couple months ago, my long-term boyfriend and I wanted to go to an anime convention about two hours away together. My boyfriend and I had known each other for awhile, my parents knew him and loved him, we were together over a year at the time. I was 18 at the time and him 21. I go to conventions a lot and my parents know what they are about, the people who go there, etc. etc.

 

But they had a HUGE problem with me wanting to go on a weekend trip with my boyfriend alone.

That's so funny... it's exactly how my fiance and I started out too. But we were in college. Before I met my fiance, I first went to these cons as a HS senior with a bunch of my girlfriends, and we had our guy friends (college guys) have a larger shack (a suite) for hardcore partying.

 

Even though my fiance and I attended these cons together, we had other people rooming with us to save money. These conventions can get pretty expensive and sharing a room with a bunch of people was smart so you had money to spend in the dealer's room or in the art galleries. Honestly, it's a lot cheaper and romantic for the two of you to go on a cruise than go to an Anime convention, spend a gigantic load of money towards a couple of costumes (No one ever brings one costume to these things and even if you make it, it still costs money AND time), import stuff from Japan, hotel, and food... and be completely surrounded by a bunch of nuts running around screaming stupid stuff (it gets old fast). At least on a boat, you can legally drink if you're 18 without getting busted by city police/hotel/convention staffers. My parents weren't so up against it since I had trustworthy friends and I was an adult to make my own decisions. Plus they didn't give me a penny towards any convention... I either had the money to go or I didn't.

The way you phrased it to them according to what you wrote... the room arrangement would be just you and him together. I bet they wouldn't throw a fit if you had told them that a couple of your friends were going to room with you.

 

College though... different story. When I transferred to a different school, my fiance would slip in and visit me on the weekends. Nothing was told to my parents about it. I was very private about my relationship life among my parents. Stuff about what I did while away at college and with my boyfriends were just not something to be shared with my folks or anyone else.

 

My boyfriend and I do NOT have sex and my mom knows this; I've told my dad and he didn't believe me.

Being a guy, Poppa knows that men, especially young men, can be very sexual. You and your mother being females will never understand a man's need and craving for sex no matter how well he hides it. I don't blame your father on this one. "Oh no, he won't have sex." Please... what do you think happens at these conventions? No offense.. Anime conventions are really not kid appropriate no matter how much it is advertised as being a "family" event. It's baloney.

 

My parents went on about how they "would NEVER even THINK to do something like that when they were MY age"

I guess I'm lucky. My parents were science fiction convention goers when they were in college, so they had almost a full understanding of what I was getting into as long as I went with a group of trustworthy people (and they were people they trusted as well). They probably said this because they still see you as their child. A lot of parents don't fully acknowledge (or even want to) that you are an adult now.

 

I suppose 18 is young, but then again I remember being 16 and knowing of peers staying the night at their SO's.

Parents are extremely gullible when they let their children do this. If I were a parent, I wouldn't let my sixteen-year-old minor do this and wind up pregnant or getting a girl pregnant. Many high school boys are very sexually active, and this is how teen pregnancies happen.

 

 

Your parents are just doing their job. You will understand as you get older.

[SapphireNoir10]

I had my boyfriends stay over at mine and I stayed at theres from the age of 17. My mum trusted me. She knew I was sexually active from the age of 17 and that I was mature, safe and responsible when it came to pregnancy/STD's. The age legally here is 16. So I wasn't breaking any laws.

 

However I didn't have sex under there roof out of respect.

 

Every parent will view this differently I guess.

[Fudgie]

I had HS boyfriends but never slept with them or even spent the night. I didn't have sex or spent the night with boyfriends until I was 18 and in college.

 

For me, spending the night does not mean sex. I've spent the night with boyfriends inc my current boyfriend and last ex without having sex because we didn't want to yet and hadn't yet. Wasn't that hard if you had the willpower. Sometimes it was but oh well. I remember my ex and I met online and we waited a long while to have sex. Definitely didn't have it on the long weekend that I met him. My current boyfriend and I abstained for a bit when I clearly could have had it with him.

 

I personally think 18+ is the prime time to have sex, when you're an adult. So if something happens, you'll be more able to take care of it and protect yourself.

[Snny]

In my eyes, 16 is too old to be having a slumber party, much less with a boyfriend. I grew up in a conservative family and I plan to raise my own family that way until my child is considered a legal adult.

 

Anyways I'm getting off topic.

[locolady]

16's too old for a slumber party? Do you mean that? Lighten up! I'm 28 and sometimes all pile in with mates to stay the night in one house!

 

To the OP. I was allowed to go to Greece for a week with my boyfriend at 17. Looking back I am surprised as my parents were pretty traditional and we were not allowed to sleep in each others' beds at our parents houses. He did stay over sometimes but in the spare room. I was sleeping with him but have no idea if mum knew or not. Now I'm older, I can see he was totally not right for me so probably mum hopes/thinks we weren't.

 

I then had a boyf for 4 years from 18-22 and he wasn't allowed to sleep in my room at home despite me living away from home at uni for most of the time and him coming to visit me. I guess Mum and Dad just didn't want to discuss the issue. They knew I slept in his bed at his house though.

 

This year is the first that my boyfriend has been allowed to sleep in my bed when we visit my parents. I'm 28, he's the one for me and we live in a different city. It'd be pretty weird for him to sleep in the spare room now!

 

Mum's statement (which I agree with now I'm older) was "how many boys should we let sleep in there? You might only have 1 boyfriend but you might not find the right one so young."