The Five Stages of Love and Relationships

[Silverbirch]

link removed

 

 

 

I came accross this recently and it's been on my mind. I've read similar before, and I suppose I've never made it to stage 5 which is rare anyway. Of course, in a commited relationship, it is something I would eventually aspire to. I've had a few "failures" but I'm definitely not bitter and I don't know that I ever really lost my optimism. I've never had many probs attracting men, but so far, probably haven't gone past the third stage. Of course, a lot of people are happy to just get that far and can go from relationship to relationship, choosing always to move on from there and do it all again. I don't plan on doing it again and again. I guess I'm at that stage of looking inward - in any case it's the best thing to do whether I'm unattached or in a relationship.

 

I've tried to think of who I know who has gone all the way here. I'd say 2 of my sisters and my maternal grandparents. Not my own parents.

 

I wondered if there is anyone on ENA who has made it all the way to stage 5 or if you would like to say, where have you reached on this spectrum and your thoughts on the article.

[Abigaelle]

I made it to stage 4 before. The commitment stage was a bit too much for me though..

Now I'm at stage three. I'm really working on move up to the next level. I need to be patient though

Thanks for the article! It helps a lot.

[Silverbirch]

You're welcome Abigaelle. On second thoughts, I think I was at stage 4, but we reverted to stage 3 and so it ended. . . I would assume also that both people would need to want to get to the various stages as it would likely be hard work for everyone to get there. Maybe a lot of the older people got there because divorce was not an easy option and so they were almost forced to get there.

 

I remember when I married, one of the reasons my husband didn't want to get married in a church was because at that time, in that church where we lived, it was compulsory within the local parishes for couples to go to marriage classes" as a prerequisite to getting married in the church. Both my husband and I, but more so my husband believed that it would be a waste of time, and he thought invasive as priests couldn't know anything of the realities of marriage. . . . I'm not planning on marriage again. Still, these days, I wouldn't see things such as the "marriage classes" as a waste of time as I did when I was much younger.

[redrose85]

I'm finding that we jump around between 5 and 3, with a bit of 4...

[Silverbirch]

Congratulations Redrose!

[MizzGee]

Nice article! I think I'm entering stage 2 right now. Nice to know I'm not going crazy and that my rose-colored glasses are just fading away haha. Communication has definitely been important.

[unanimous123]

Thanks for sharing, this is an interesting article! We're a year and 2 months into the relationship and on stage 3; striving to accept each other's differences...currently transitioning to stage 4, where our commitment to make this work has been renewed.

[Silverbirch]

I'm glad you both liked it. I also have been in a relationship for just over a year now, and also striving to accept each others differences and trying hard for each of us to make a success of our own lives.

[lilypadgirl]

I've never made it to stage five. Was definitely in stage three with ex, but it's possible we may be transitioning to stage four. But I'm not sure if we'll ultimately grow stronger or drift further apart. There's still a lot of hurt to forget and trust to rebuild and tension to ease away. But this is a really interesting read. Thanks for sharing!

[Capricorn3]

We must be a very odd couple as my husband and I never went through Stage 2 and 3 - we never had any "disillusionment or power struggles". EVER. I can't relate to that at all. Actually, I'm not sure what to think of the article as there is so much in there which I just cannot relate to - but then again, I'm old school and maybe this is all the new age trendy stuff. Things like this always confuse me, lol.

[Silverbirch]

Hi Capricorn,

I'd really like to read more of your thoughts and experiences.

 

My grandparents, who I think were the most perfect couple I have known and probably were the longest married had some very sad times and difficult times in their marriage. Four of their children died and my grandfather used to experience sadness from he war. I'm told that when their son died, they used to threaten to leave each other because they couldn't handle each others grief. I can't think of anything more difficult for a couple to go through and everything else seems unimportant.

 

I would say however that they probably didn't have lots of the issues people have today though they would have had different types of issues to deal with.

[Avila]

Meh, relationships aren't a one size fit all thing. But reading it through I realized if it applied I made it to 5.

 

Young love says, 'I love you because I need you.'

 

Mature love says, 'I need you because I love you.'

 

You can only truly love someone if you've known them over a period of time and have learned to see through them somewhat. If you can love them even then than that's success. Real love in unconditional and that applies to all types of relationships. I think real love is not needing to be with someone, being just as happy on your own but choosing them anyway.

[mhowe]

I find myself at five, but agree w/ Capricorn....never saw the power struggle, etc. Having a short break due to life issues and then a reconciliation which both parties wanted....we are at the stage now where we are both committed to "us", for life.

 

We have weathered death of parent, job issues, health issues, money problems...and currently, medical crisis w/ family member. We support each other...while allowing the freedom to live our own lives. We are together because we WANT to be, not need to be. We find comfort, solace, respect and friendship in each others lives.

 

It is a very fine place to be.

[Silverbirch]

Thanks Avilla and Mhowe. It's so good to read of success stories and happiness.