Boyfriend looking at naked pictures of celebrities

[Lockwood]

Ultimately I would prefer a partner that looked up pictures of naked men on the internet than one who had a holier than thou attitude about the subject. It might make me a big uncomfortable, but I could live with it. What I couldn't live with would be someone who thought they had a right to dictate what I thought, looked at, and did.

 

How many problems arise from taking something that makes us uncomfortable and turning it into a condemnation?

 

It's not about ethics and morals for the majority of detractors; that's just how they dress up their insecurities, neediness, and inclination to control. It's SO much easier, when faced with something uncomfortable, to push it onto someone else. "Stop being bad" is a much more convenient attitude to adopt than "how do I stop feeling so bad".

 

Of course ANYTHING can be taken too far, but that's no argument against this particular behaviour. It's true of anything at all. I'm not going to shame my partner for eating a taco just because someone asks "what if she then eats tacos ALL THE TIME? What if you can't turn around without bumping into a gosh-darn taco, hm?"

 

What if instead we make the distinction between change-worthy behaviour in others and behaviour that simply makes us uncomfortable? Sure, it'd be trickier at first, but a whole lot more honest. Let's not make "our problem" into "their problem" just to save us some turmoil.

[appdev89]

I will tell you why most people do it instead of these lame-ball answers that you have been hearing.

 

It is nearly as you have said, it is "settling", but not quite. Here is the deal, the celebrities and porn-stars with make-up, implants and plastic surgeries look better than our partners. And we could theoretically wish that they were as hot as them, as attractive as them. But in reality, guys do not want to be with such women due to it being fake, unnatural, jealousy etc. They would love to have one night stands with them if this was a society that looked positively at such acts. However, this society (as exemplified by the numerous parrots in this thread) looks down on such acts. Society in the some cultures look down on porn as well, but some cultures allow it.

 

A man is as faithful as his options. That is a very good observation. But that is not to say that he doesn't love you and think you attractive. Hell, people can have sex with others without loving them. It is not uncommon. Consequently, it also follows that they can love someone and want to have sex with others. But the fundamental truth is that if it bothers you, he should stop. And because you care about him, you will reconsider and tell him that he can look at porn slightly if you are not in the mood etc.

 

That is how it should work. Those who disagree with the above can do what works for them. I think the above is the best observation, explanation and solution.

 

Peace parrots. "I want to" is the best explanation ever. I can call you an idiot for the same reason, but it is unreasonable, isn't it? So next time someone asks a question, answer it and don't "pretend" to have answered it.

[appdev89]

Also as a quick note, if he doesn't even appear to be trying to cut down on the porn while you try to satisfy him sexually as much as you can, then there is a problem somewhere.

 

But if he's trying, improving and yet not quite making it, you should cut him some slack like I said earlier. It is all about a compromise.

[mines]

I'm not really into porn, and I honestly don't 'get' the interest in seeing half naked or naked, celebrities. Then again, I don't find celebrities interesting. I am more interested in the real life individuals I see on a daily basis, at work, during my commutes, my friends, etc.

 

However, I am definitely no prude, and I do enjoy porn from time to time And there are a few men who cross my path that are good looking enough to make me wonder how they do look, naked (Thank you hot biker in yellow who circled me a few times during my 22.5 mile run yesterday. . . and thank GOD for the hot guy in the mailroom who posts incredible pics on his facebook *sigh*).

 

The fact that I enjoy seeing the naked bodies of both genders (well I like couples porn more than singular....I also think women's bodies are beautiful to look at and sexy but I am 100% hetero, for the record). . . .has no bearing on my feelings, or respect, for anyone that I happen to be in love with, (whether it's a relationship or not). I have someone in my life that I care about very much, it's not a classic 'relationship', but I do have feelings for him, and am very physically attracted to him. The sex is wonderful. I still can have my head turned by a nice set of legs.....or some grand pecs. It has NO BEARING on my feelings for this guy I really like.

 

Same goes for when I was married. I just think it's in our DNA to appreciate the beauty of the sex we are attracted to, or maybe just beauty, in general.

 

Sure if it becomes an obsession, hours wasted on porn and/or the person not attending to their partner's needs, then it does become a problem.

 

If your sex life with him is good, and your relationship with him is authentic, I really think you should consider giving him a break on this one. Just my honest opinion. Thoughtful post, thanks for letting me chime in!

[Ms Darcy]

It's not about ethics and morals for the majority of detractors; that's just how they dress up their insecurities, neediness, and inclination to control. It's SO much easier, when faced with something uncomfortable, to push it onto someone else. "Stop being bad" is a much more convenient attitude to adopt than "how do I stop feeling so bad".

 

I agree. I think if you start getting into the territory of "I don't like you doing this because it makes me feel insecure" or "it makes me feel like you don't find me attractive" then yes to me it is absolutely dressing up insecurity as morality.

 

And that is why there may be a compatibility issue. She may view it as "stop being bad" and he may view it as "you need to figure out how to deal with your insecurities/stop feeling bad."

[Blue Spiral]

I hear a lot that guys are visual and they like variety. If this is the case, then why be in a monogamous relationship? I just don't get it?

 

1. There's a ton of cultural pressure to be monogamous. Anything else is viewed as being creepy/weird/wrong. It's easy to give in and conform to avoid conflict.

 

2. Many men overrate their ability to be monogamous. They think that being "wild" when they're young is just a phase, and that they can just flip a switch and be done with it. While that may be true for some, it definitely isn't true for others.

 

3. Likewise, many men romanticize marriage/commitment, and confuse it with an automatic way to grow up. "My parents keep giving me crap about not being mature...well, I've been with Janie for a few years, so we'll get married, and then I'll be an adult! My Uncle Tim did that, and he's really happy!" Nevermind that Uncle Tim already had a great-paying job, owned his own house, married a woman with an unusually-high sex drive, etc. When reality sets in, it's ugly, and they turn to mild escapism.

 

4. And, finally, some men think they can have the best of both worlds. Regular sex and visual (or physical) variety.

 

I'm one of the rare guys that knows he isn't cut out for monogamy, and thus I stick to FWBs and Carla Gugino gifs. But most guys want to be taken seriously by their elders, and many tend to be traditional, which means commitment/marriage. As long as commitment is presented as the only socially-acceptable lifestyle, people who have no business committing will get pulled into it, and make themselves and others miserable.

[bulletproof]

So back to my original question, that I hope someone will answer. Why do you feel the need/want to lookup celebrities constantly, whether they are naked or half-naked.

 

Everyone has their own take on it. I have looked up celebrities because I find them beautiful. I like to look at all sorts of beautiful stuff. Sometimes it's because I strive to be the same. Sometimes because it turns me on a little bit. Sometimes it's because I do a lot of figure drawing, and I just really think the naked body is amazing. But I've never thought about how it relates to whoever I'm dating, because it doesn't. It's a completely separate part of me.

[Lonewing]

All I can say is this:

 

Get Over Yourself.

[mhowe]

So you are telling me that if something he does hurts me so much and makes me feel disrespected, he will do it more if I confront him? That is not how relationships work. He should not want to hurt me and stop doing it if he loves me

 

You are seeing this from your eyes only. Him looking at the pictures is not disrespectful. You think it is so --- and it hurts you. You telling him this -- will make him lie to you, as you have seen. Because this is not about you -- it is about his fantasies. Which he is entitled to have....

[xxdaisyxx]

Thank you all for your replies.

 

Like I said in my original post, I know most people will disagree with me..and that is fine.

 

I am not jealous. I am not insecure. I am not controlling.

 

Not to be conceited, but I know I am way above average in the looks department. Not to say there aren't so many woman that are prettier or "different" than me. Of course there are! I don't have low self esteem and i am not jealous. To appreciate beauty when you see it is one thing. To purposely look up lots of woman naked everyday in my opinion is perverted, and like another poster said "it's viewing woman as an "object"

 

Also, when we first started dating over 2 years ago we discussed porn, nude pictures etc and we were on the same page. This has never come up until now.

[mhowe]

It came up because you went looking. And he knows how you feel ---- this isn't a "new" interest. He has just been hiding it from you.

[appdev89]

Thank you all for your replies.

 

Also, when we first started dating over 2 years ago we discussed porn, nude pictures etc and we were on the same page. This has never come up until now.

 

Which page exactly was that?

[becomingkate]

Argh, I feel like I'm pulling teeth here, haha. What incentive must I initiate for any one of you to answer my question? Many people on this thread have defended the act of looking at celebrities naked/half-naked, but have not explained why they do it. Besides saying "because I want to."

 

There are so many sites that feature nude/half nude celebrities (Drunken Stepfather is one) in addition to the ones like Britney Spears, Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan that go out without panties (thankfully, it's been a few years since that trend died down) and I think that it's just more prevalent now than ten years ago.

 

We've been guilty of looking up pics purely for entertainment. Also, some of the sites my husband visits have major porn links, but it doesn't bother me at all if he gets curious and clicks on something. It's probably because we go to bed at the same time every night and I have no reason to be bothered.

[bulletproof]

 

I am not insecure.

 

To purposely look up lots of woman naked everyday in my opinion is perverted, and like another poster said "it's viewing woman as an "object"

 

 

I disagree that you don't have insecurities surrounding this. You asked why looking at his girlfriend can't be "enough." To me, that indicates that you want him only looking at you, because you fear he is getting some pleasure from looking at others. Why would you care? Surely you've admired an attractive man or two? Does it mean you want your boyfriend less?

 

I also disagree that looking at pictures of naked woman everyday is "perverted." What exactly is perverted about it? If he was obsessive and it was interfering with his life, then yes, that would be an issue. But nothing about this is perverted.

[Lonewing]

If you were secure in yourself you would not be threatened or anxious about your man's choice of what he looks at, which is looking at celebrities in the nude.

 

You may even be able to play the "who do I look better than" game. Or simply ignore it. Either way, You have to understand that there's more than just one woman ont he plnet, and that's just how it goes. Looking is one thing, we all know the line is when it becomes emotional and/or physical. Then you have ever reason to feel these Hurt feelings you have.

 

It seems to me you're hurt because you thought your body was all the body he could ever want to look at, but really, that's petty. Everybody looks different, some better, some worse, but none the same.

[Ms Darcy]

I think this goes back to dressing up insecurity as morality. It's one thing to do say it is perverted for him to look at naked pics of women, but you keep talking about your own looks (I am prettier than average, I should be "enough," etc). So you are creating a comparison between you and the pics that he never created. That's insecurity to me.

 

I do think that if he told you he doesn't look at naked pics of women at the beginning of the relationship and has lied to you about the pics, then you have a bigger issue ... he has lied to you. I would be more concerned about that.

[Unreasonable]

You don't want some answer that sidesteps around the issue? Well, the answer, miss, is because a vast majority of guys jerk off, even when they're in a relationship. Accept that fact and get over it. Men fantasize too, and porn fulfills those fantasies. Variety is a typical male fantasy. Why isn't he thinking of you while he's jerking off? Well, that's about as self-evident as why men don't buy magazine where every single page is the same woman. It's absurd. The world doesn't revolve around you and neither will all of his fantasies. Sorry if that doesn't help your self-esteem but it's the cold hard truth. It also has nothing to do with how pretty you are, or whether or not he cares for you. This is behavior I guarantee pre-dates you for years. Even if you were on the "same page" at the beginning, it was probably pure naiveness on his part. Either that or a "yes dear" mentality just to make you happy.

 

I do agree he shouldn't have lied about it though.

[Unreasonable]

Also, I agree with other posters, that if you make this a big deal and give him an ultimatim, it will cause one of 3 things:

 

1. He'll learn very quickly what private browsing (i.e. porn mode) is, which is now on all major browsers. VERY likely.

2. He'll leave you to find someone a bit more open minded and doesn't label him a pervert. Maybe.

3. He'll find a real woman to sastify his variety fantasy. Unlikely but possible.

4. He'll quit cold turkey and never do it again. Keep dreamin'.

[superfan]

OP, you need to sit down and ask yourself how much of an issue this is for you. If it is not interfering with the relationship on a major level, then is it really worth continuing to mention it? Or is it something that could be a deal breaker?

 

MOST men (and I won't say all because there are those even on this thread that claim to have no interest in porn), but most men watch porn as a way of stimulating themselves. It's a scientific fact that men are more visual than women when it comes to sex. Because women aren't as visual (and can be stimulated in other ways) it often creates a divide wherein women can't understand why men feel the "need" to look at someone other than them. To them, they should be enough. This is very naive and usually causes problems within the couple

 

It's also the reason why most men hide the fact that they look at porn/naked women. Not because they are pre-disposed to lying, or because they are cheating or going to cheat, but simply because they know you won't understand why they do it, and take the path of least resistance in order to keep from causing a problem. Is it fair to you? Probably not, but then if the other person in the relationship makes no effort to understand the behaviour then it's not very fair the other way either.

 

Unless he is showing a tendency to treat women as objects and/or misogynistic behaviour in his day to day life, I would NOT label this as something he does that is perverted, or objectifying. If you sit down and accuse him of one of those things, you are only ensuring that he will continue to hide it from you because he will know you think he is "wrong" in some way and it could hurt the relationship further.

 

Either you need to accept that this is just something that men do (even in a committed relationship) and recognize that it does not impact on your self esteem or how much he loves you. You can see it as a mark of disrespect that he continues to look, but unless he is looking at these women and actively comparing them to you, then he does not see the correlation between the fact that he looks at other women and the reason you feel disrespected. He sees this as something independent of you - having nothing to do with you in fact.

 

Bottom line: If you can't handle the fact that he continues to look, and it is a deal breaker, then leave the relationship.I hope for your sake that the next guy is better at hiding it.

[xxdaisyxx]

Just because my point of view is different about pornography than most people, means in no way shape or form that I am insecure.

 

Insecurity and jealousy have nothing whatsoever anything to do with my issue.

 

My boyfriend, believe or not does not even masturbate. He does not watch porn. That has nothing to do with me or my views. He has in his life and maybe he will one day. I wouldn't even care if he did masturbate. I found it odd that he didn't when he told me. I'm even not against that.

 

 

I've been to nude beaches with him talking about beautiful woman around us. I have been to museums with paintings of naked woman discussing the art of beauty of them. I'm not jealous of any other beautiful woman. I appreciate them. I look at them when I see them. Just like I look at good looking guys. Appreciating beauty when you see it is much different than spending hours looking up naked woman that are fake and photoshopped to just gawk at and view as an object. I find that disgusting.

[mhowe]

If you think your bf doesn't masturbate, you are in denial. Same w/ the porn.

 

He may not do it in your presense, but you know that the pictures on his computer are his. And he isn't sitting there eating popcorn.

[xxdaisyxx]

If you think your bf doesn't masturbate, you are in denial. Same w/ the porn.

 

He may not do it in your presense, but you know that the pictures on his computer are his. And he isn't sitting there eating popcorn.

 

He actually doesn't! He told me that from day one. He said maybe once a year if that...and no he does not watch porn. We live together. He uses my computer. He cannot erase the history, hence why he didn't erase the pictures. Just because MOST guys do, does not mean all do. We have sex 1-3 times every day.

[mhowe]

Well then, maybe he is just taking a break from the sex, pulling up the naked pictures, and having popcorn.

[DieTeufelKatze]

This whole thread is kind of humorous. Especially the popcorn, LOL! That visual is hilarious.

 

I wouldn't care if my husband was looking at naked pictures of women. I know he watches porn and masturbates, not sure exactly when, but I'm sure he does. Most men do. He's still with me and still having sex with me, and I trust him, so why should it bother me? He knows how to use private browsing so I'm certain that it happens.

 

That your bf claims to never look at porn or masturbate... just the mere fact that he'd make a statement like that leads me to believe that he sensed an insecurity about it in you and wanted to reassure you by telling you that.

 

Sorry, but OP, you do seem to bring up your own looks and how often you guys have sex, etc., when mentioning why this bothers you, and it sounds like insecurity to me, no matter how you want to dress it up.

 

I'm not sure why else it would bother you so much?

[dangletsbang]

Well then, maybe he is just taking a break from the sex, pulling up the naked pictures, and having popcorn.

 

LOL.

 

Seriously, OP, you are delusional if you think your boyfriend doesn't masturbate. It's blatantly obvious that you are insecure or you wouldn't have posted this thread. This is one of those things that YOU aren't going to stop obsessing about. If you have sex 1-3 times every single day, then you must have a healthy sexual appetite as your partner does. He enjoys looking at beautiful naked women, who cares? He's not spending 12 hours a day looking at it. Your sexual relationship is obviously not lacking. What's the issue? The more you press on this, the more he will hide..lie.. I'm not saying he should be lying but I can't really blame him if you're being nagging/controlling about something so simple.