Finding someone else after losing who you think is "the one"?

[radiohead20]

So I hear people say this blanket statement "You will find someone else!" to people who have lost a partner close to them.

 

Is this actually true? I understand high school relationships / 1st relationships it is typically true, as people mature and you have a lot of time ahead of you to meet someone. But how does it apply to those that have felt like they met "the one", and meeting they had to date around awhile and be in several relationships to meet that person, and then lost them? . For example a failed marriage / significant other you could see yourself marrying.

 

Is it possible that if you lost the one person you could see yourself with that there is a decent chance that you will not find someone else that will "fit" with you or make you as happy as that previous person?

 

This thought scares me, as a feel that some people tend to "settle" into a "less than" relationship with someone else after losing the one person they could see themselves with forever because they have given up/gotten older/and it is a better option than being alone.

[Fudgie]

I've been in this situation and it really, really, really does hurt more when you actually think that the person is "the one" and you've even made plans.

 

The truth is, you CAN find someone else. I don't say "will" because some people will hang on and not make efforts to move on, so therefore they won't. But the truth is, you can find someone else. You reach a point in your healing when you realize that this is true and what people say is true. But it's something you have to come to realize yourself.

[Natasha24]

This thought scares me, as a feel that some people tend to "settle" into a "less than" relationship with someone else after losing the one person they could see themselves with forever because they have given up/gotten older/and it is a better option than being alone.

 

I guarantee that once you find someone new, which you will, you will be so happy and wonder why you ever settled for your last boyfriend/girlfriend. Even though they feel like "the one" right now, that feeling will fade, and you will be able to find a new "one".

[shikashika]

When people say that, they just can't think of anything else to say.

 

Or, they can't think of anything constructive to say. Or, theyare just trying to be positive, or don't want to listen to that person complaining.

 

You are right, plenty of people do not meet the one. I know of several people who are well adjusted, attractive, interesting, kind people who are single and have not met that special person. A lot of times , people who say that are young and think that "as long as you are positive" it will work out.

 

After a breakup, I think the best thing is to really work on yourself. But even if you do that, you don't always meet that special someone.

 

Just have to be grateful with what you have and happy with yourself.

[radiohead20]

After a breakup, I think the best thing is to really work on yourself. But even if you do that, you don't always meet that special someone.

 

Just have to be greateful with what you have and happy with yourself.

 

 

 

this is true - I have started to stop thinking about this and having it bog me down too much and i have started replacing these negative hopeless emotions with positives ones of confidence by taking an effort to improve myself. I simply only have one life and have realized that I dont want to live each day having this thought bog me down. my only concern is that we are all human and desire companionship - the quality of our in the long run is determined by our relationships, a good spousal relationship with "the one" being the pinnacle of these types of relationships (being family, friend, etc). You can work on yourself and obtain a good career /travel / hobbies etc and it will replace the need for someone temporarily but when you are 65 and have no family / no spouse to spend your old days that is when it starts hitting you again.

[Maeva28]

When people say that, they just can't think of anything else to say.

 

Or, they can't think of anything constructive to say. Or, theyare just trying to be positive, or don't want to listen to that person complaining.

 

 

Yes, have to agree. People usually don't know what to say... What about, say nothing?

 

At first it seems to be impossible to think that you can meet someone else after losing 'the one', like someone else said, especially if you had some future plans with the person & everything... I used to think I'd never ever meet someone after losing 'the one'. I'm still scared it's never going to happen and I still worry I'll never find someone I will love as much as my ex. But, after a few months out of my previous relationship with a man I wanted to marry and have kids with, I'm starting to believe I could eventually meet someone else and it's soothing. It's a slow process where I also had to work on myself...

[Johnny Utah]

With so many people in the world, the chances seem good but often it is the right time and place.

 

Therefore, we need to put ourselves in different places and different times for things to happen.

 

I think you need to hope that there is another "one" as compatibility isn't limited to one person in this diverse world.

[Liraele]

I think if you use logic... it makes sense. It may not be what you want to hear when you're grieving the loss of a relationship... but not wanting to hear it/believe it doesn't necessarily render something untrue.

 

Think about it.

 

There are, what... 7 billion people on the planet? What are the odds that there is only one person on the whole planet that was compatible with you and that you could build a happy and fulfilling life with?

[Sportster2005]

I don't believe in 'the one'. I think it's a fallacy fed to us at an early age. That doesn't negate the horrible pain of losing someone we love. And we often believe it to be true that we won't meet someone again that made us feel that great. After it happens a few times your outlook will change. It always hurts but there is consolation in the fact there will be others. That's why people say it. It's true, they're not trying to blow you off.

 

Edit. The exceptions I've seen are widows/widowers who were married young and were together their entire lives. Understandable in that situation.

[Staples 29]

I agree with Sportster and I am young (24) and have relatively little experience.

 

I don't necessarily believe in the idea of 'the one' as a universal phenomenon but rather two people who want to be together and will work hard making sure they stay together. The idea of the one seems quite limiting. I never imagined 'loving' someone other than my first boyfriend but I did (not necessarily more but in a different way and if we had loved each other enough, then he could have been my 'the one' due to how we connected and how naturally things came)

 

That said, I know a handful of people who have met the ones (my friend's parents make me gooey as they are clearly still in love with each other and they've been together since they were 18) so it might happen to a select few.

 

I am at the stage (especially after making a conscious decision yesterday to remove my heart from the shackles of someone who gave up easily on us) where I miss my recent ex in passing - but it doesn't make me sorrowful, just a little sigh at a waste of an amazing opportunity and sometimes a laugh. I am therefore more open to the idea of meeting someone else. I'm not sure if that will happen soon as I rarely meet men I care to know about; and sometimes because of this I think i might be alone till I die, but I am at least open to the idea.