Shocked & Disgusted at Boyfriend's Past: Is This Unfair?

[gluestick]

This should be an easy decision: LEAVE ASAP. His past is enough to scare any decent woman with a brain away. Had you known about it when you first started dating, I very much doubt you'd be having his baby right now.

 

Now let's put the past aside for a minute because it is a part of his past. Deliberately lying because he's afraid you'd make a big deal is just an excuse to justify his behavior. Lying is a personal choice, not a reaction to what life throws at you. If the pattern with your bf is to lie every time he gets caught doing something bad, are you going to be okay with that, especially around your child? Not to also mention that his past isn't his past anymore but the very essence this man breathes everyday.

 

This man is sick. What I'm worried about is why you haven't left him yet.

[Mercurial Girl]

Yeap....I wouldn't mind if he slept with 3, 4, 5 times that number even but I would sure as hell be pissed that he lied about not only hi sexual history, but also about his character.

 

Trust would be gone and the relationship would be over, for me.

 

ETA: your pregnancy should not be a factor. Don't wait until later to break up with him as other posters above me have suggested just because you're pregnant. He can still parent his child either way, and you don't need to go through the stress of playing house with someone you don't want to be with anymore just because you're having a baby.

 

Do what is best for you.

[abitbroken]

He can still be supportive as a coparent rather than as your partner.

[Lolligirl]

Thank you all for the advice; I really, really appreciate your perspectives, and can see merit in each point of view. While I know I should've run like the wind after discovering his lies initially, I'm in deep now. He's a piece of ****, but I made my bed and must now sleep in it. I'll leave him at some point, but it might be more convenient to stick it out until the baby is born.

 

Now I can understand why none of the hundreds of women he approached (before me) ever wanted a relationship with him. I'm a little embarrassed, but ah well; what's done is done.

[becomingkate]

After reading your original post, I was going to say that perhaps he's changed, now that you're living in a family unit. Then I read how he's always constantly creeping on FB, and for what?

 

I also have a huge issue with lying, because I think it's hard for liars to change. Do you have a lot of family support around you for the birth of your baby?

[Seraphim]

You know you don't have to put up with this crap because you are having a baby with him, right?

[Unreasonable]

Fair or unfair, it sounds pretty impossible for you to be with someone you feel that way about. I don't think there's a thing in the world that's going to swing him your way. You have not listed a single redeeming quality.

[Lolligirl]

BecomingKate: Yes, I do have a little family support, but mostly I'd be doing it on my own. He hasn't been on Facebook at all since his hard drive crashed, but I too find his Facebook creeping VERY strange. I've certainly popped on occasionally to snoop on what one ex was up to, but I certainly don't creep my entire little black book on a regular basis, as he once seemed to...as well as the profiles of other random women.

 

WEIRD.

 

Victoria66: Yes, I've thought about leaving him even though we're having a child. I've also thought about the logistics and decided that if I eventually do, it would probably be after the baby is born. Funny thing is, this guy is even worse than the issues I've brought up--FAR worse--but those are other posts for other days, LOL.

 

Unreasonable: There are some good things about him (we have a lot of common interests, we're both musicians, and we have good times together), but overall, he's a puke. I'm torn between trying to make it work for the sake of the baby, and to make my life easier.

 

Ugh.

[Seraphim]

Honey leave this man before your child is condemned to something horrific.

[dangletsbang]

It will only get worse once you have the child. Trust me. It will also be much harder on the child [not to mention unfair] if/when you split up after he/she is here.

 

If you were truly fed up, there would be no question about it. At this point, it is your ignorance for the reason you're in the situation you're in...and you've brought a child in the mess as well.

 

Trying to make it work for the child, almost never works. The thought of being a single mom is a scary thought...but you don't have to be in a relationship to be parents together. I'm a single mom and while it is incredibly hard sometimes..my son deserves to have happy parents, he doesn't deserve to see two people who dislike eachother.

 

Again, if you were truly 'done'..you wouldn't continue dragging out this mess.

[Unreasonable]

Yeah, um I don't think having things in common, and "having good times together" really counts as "redeeming qualities". Those are pretty much foundational base attributes of somebody unless you're going into an arranged marriage. Being a fellow musician is cool and all but hardly stands against being a "puke." I mean, you really sound like you have a vehement amount of hate and disgust for this guy. About as harsh a judgement as I've ever heard here. How could that possibly change? And how could you live with that long term? It's inconceivable.

 

I might give the guy the benefit of the doubt for anything he did before you, but the fact that he has done things WITH you shows me he is really not a changed person or settling down into the person he should be.

[pl3asehelp]

Pl3asehelp: What couldn't you do? Date him?

 

Yes, or even be friends with him. Lying is a dealbreaker, but even worse (to me) is WHO he is - his character/values/morals - to me it's just disgusting.

[Lolligirl]

Yes, because I can't take much more of this. He has mental issues and will rant and rave at me, and about his job, for no reason. Just last night, he pretended to fall asleep (even snore), and then rolled over in the dead of night and yelled 'BOO!" in my ear, laughing hysterically. I'm beginning to think he is insane. I'm getting closer and closer to finishing this mess.

[Lolligirl]

Yes, or even be friends with him. Lying is a dealbreaker, but even worse (to me) is WHO he is - his character/values/morals - to me it's just disgusting.

 

It's disgusting to me, too. I fell in love with him, and only afterward dug up the shocking truth. It's like I fell in love with Tom Hanks and woke up with (a much lower-class version of) Charlie Sheen.

[HeartGoesOn]

Is he living with you?

[Lolligirl]

Yes, he is living with me.