Would you guys consider this creepy?

[bebeblondie]

So I met a guy off a dating site about a month ago, the date went pretty well, we even kissed at the end. He called me a week and a half later and we had a bit of an awkward conversation, partly because I was a bit put off by the fact that he called over a week after we met (i never mentioned this to him, but I think he might've sensed it). In the conversation he asked if I'd like to see him again and my answer was "umm yeaa i guess" which I know is not very encouraging....he said ok and that he would give me a call (he didn't say when). So with that I never heard from him again.

 

Now normally I would've forgotten by him by now, but for some reason I can't get him out of my head. During our date I had such refreshing conversations with him, and I guess I just really felt a connection. So I'm a pretty traditional girl, meaning that I am not going to make the first move by calling or texting him. However I was wondering if i viewed his profile again on the dating site--and he would see this--if he has any sort of interest still left in me, might it give him a nudge to contact me? or will it look creepy/stalkerish that I viewed his profile?

[chrisn]

Maybe he's waiting for you to actually show you're interested in him by making the first move? Can't always expect the man to initiate everything; nothing will ever get done that way!

[pippy longstocking]

If you feel your response is what put him off then why don't you take the bull by the horns and just message him ..ask him for coffee

[DN]

I agree with the others. Stop being so passive and start reaching for what you want instead of waiting for someone to give it to you.

[Sportster2005]

Tradition is an illogical reason for continuing useless behavior. No I don't think viewing his profile is going to do anything. It won't look stalkerish. He will conclude, correctly, you would rather play cat and mouse games than just come forward.

[EgoJoe]

Amen, when broads don't show initiative, I next them.

[quirky]

I'm all for encouraging the guy but you had a great date, you kissed and then he didn't call for 10 days. I'd be put off by that too, I'd be questioning my judgement, wondering if I imagined the 'connection'. If you hadn't kissed it'd be ok but I dunno. Ideally you should have said it was too long before contact like 'hey, you didn't contact me after our great date and I assumed you weren't interested so I kinda let go of it ' something along those lines..

[bebeblondie]

Ideally you should have said it was too long before contact like 'hey, you didn't contact me after our great date and I assumed you weren't interested so I kinda let go of it ' something along those lines..

 

I agree that I probably should've said this, but I was caught off guard because at that point I really didnt expect to hear from him, so when I spoke to him I guess I froze a bit.

[bebeblondie]

I can see if he called me within the first week of meeting me, but I feel like he contacted me 10 days after meeting me, and then said he'd give me a call, and never did. So who is really playing the game here?

 

I am traditional, but I am not opposed to showing encouragement, however I feel like his actions hardly warrant encouragement, they're more like signs of little to know interest. In all honestly my guess (given his activity on the dating site) is that he's seeing multiple women (which I understand, after all we met off a dating site), and I sort of fell through the cracks I guess.

[MollyGirl]

I'd be abit annoyed by him calling after 10 days too. Though all it will take is a "Hey, how you been?" text and see how it goes from there. Good luck

[brickheart]

Frankly, I think you may both be thinking the same thing (not enough interest, better move on). Try asking him for coffee, see what happens!

[pixiedust1]

Viewing his profile should definitely be avoided, that does come off a bit stalkerish!

 

I would be offended too if someone took that long to call back, he was either trying to play games or not super interested. If you do want to see if he's interested, I think you should get in touch with him. If that's not how you work, then it's better to let this one go!

[bebeblondie]

I'd be abit annoyed by him calling after 10 days too. Though all it will take is a "Hey, how you been?" text and see how it goes from there. Good luck

 

Yea maybe a quick text is not such a bad idea. I guess its better than just viewing his profile (which now that I think about it, is not such a great idea).

[DN]

So he doesn't contact you for ten days and you are annoyed and think he has no interest.

 

So why didn't you contact him? If he asked you out and paid, did you contact him and thank him? If he asked you out first don't you think it was your turn to ask him out? Why does he have to do all the running after?

 

And when he did ask you give him one of the most discouraging answers ever.

[Angler]

my answer was "umm yeaa i guess"

 

If a girl said that to me, I'd consider it a lost cause and move on to the next.

[camus154]

When I used to online date, I hated it when women "nudged" or "winked" at you. It's like saying "Hi, I'm kind of interested in you, so YOU should contact ME". No thanks.

 

Here's another vote for taking the direct approach.

[bebeblondie]

So he doesn't contact you for ten days and you are annoyed and think he has no interest.

 

So why didn't you contact him? If he asked you out and paid, did you contact him and thank him? If he asked you out first don't you think it was your turn to ask him out? Why does he have to do all the running after?

 

And when he did ask you give him one of the most discouraging answers ever.

 

Well generally speaking after a first date if a man is interested he contacts the girl (at least thats been my experience)...I'm not saying it's fair, but biologically men are hunters when they are interested in a woman they chase her. He asked me to get a drink with him on our first date, and yes he paid for my drink....and so did plenty of other guys before him, and the ones that were interested always contacted me within the first week (typically 3 days) of meeting to ask me out again. As for thanking him, I did so at the end of our date.

 

He does not have to do all the running after, but in the beginning stages I think the guy does most of the chasing with some encouragement from the woman. Of course after a couple of dates I see no harm in the woman initiating, but I'm not sure if I agree with the woman initiating after a first date.

 

As for my response to him, I can understand how it might not have sounded very encourgaging (even though the truth is I was just caught off guard), however we did kiss at the end of our date, and I thought that was pretty encouraging.

[DN]

Well generally speaking after a first date if a man is interested he contacts the girl (at least thats been my experience)...I'm not saying it's fair, but biologically men are hunters when they are interested in a woman they chase her.

This is the biggest myth in dating and it is why so many women are lonely. There is proof it is wrong on this very thread and countless others also prove you need to stop that outdated thinking and get with the times. It obviously isn't working for you, it isn't working for most women and you really need to stop shielding yourself behind it. Gather up your courage and start being more proactive.

[Glowguy]

Amen, when broads don't show initiative, I next them.

 

I'm totally on board with this approach. If a girl just drops off the radar after I take her out then I'm done. Passive women are not for me. I'd rather be single. There has to be at least a mutual interest. I think the guy just got the impression that you weren't interested after the date. Your answer confirmed it for him.

 

Well generally speaking after a first date if a man is interested he contacts the girl (at least thats been my experience)...I'm not saying it's fair, but biologically men are hunters when they are interested in a woman they chase her.

 

I think that's completely false. It's not cave man days anymore and times have changed. Just look at the number of guys telling you the exact opposite here.

[LanceVanceDance]

If a girl said that to me, I'd consider it a lost cause and move on to the next.

 

Same for me. Unless I already felt the girl was my soulmate or something similar, I probably would move on.

[Thorshammer]

I would second-guess this dude unless he warned you before then that his time is limited. If he contacted you a lot before, and the traffic stopped after meeting, then i wouldnt bother.

[bebeblondie]

I would second-guess this dude unless he warned you before then that his time is limited. If he contacted you a lot before, and the traffic stopped after meeting, then i wouldnt bother.

 

We met a week and a half after his initial email to me on the dating site, he called me 3 times before we met, one was the initial phone conversation, the he called a couple of days later because we were texting back and forth one day and he figured it would just be easier to call me, then the third was the day of our meeting to confirm the time and place.

 

Thats the thing I don't really know if he's interested or ever really was after we met. I guess the only way to know for sure is if I contact him.

[triangles]

Thats the thing I don't really know if he's interested or ever really was after we met. I guess the only way to know for sure is if I contact him.

 

I was wondering the same thing about a guy I've been hanging out with who I was interested in. His contact became less frequent and more sporadic, I just really wanted to see him, and so I suggested we get together for a drink a few days later. He agreed, then ended up cancelling on me the day of. Nearly a week later (yesterday) he gets in touch to follow-up/re-schedule. I ended up declining his invitation because I interpret that as a lack of interest and very disrespectful.

[Capricorn3]

"my answer was "umm yeaa i guess"

 

If a girl said that to me, I'd consider it a lost cause and move on to the next.

THIS! I can see why he never called back and I don't blame him. I can't imagine any guy calling back after a response like that. If any guy said that to me I wouldn't be back either. That response showed total disinterest and boredom, like you really don't care. I'm not surprised he never called back.