julian19 Posted April 25, 2012 Share Posted April 25, 2012 i lost all the control tonight.... i reactivate my facebook account.. unblocked her., and checked her facebook (open to public)... and i saw how shes doing great with her life,, and,, she changed alot... she's not the person that i once knew before anymore.... she turned into an evil one... even her friends told her that she has changed... i miss the old her... now i gotta start from the beginning again with healing... it hurts.. to know that she's never really coming back..... that the sweet, lovely, kind girl that i used to love, and used to love me turned into a stranger... im kinda glad that i also checked up on her facebook somehow... it loosen my hand grip and i can finally feel myself letting go... knowing that i dont have any hope to hold on to anymore..... i hope this is the real start of healing for me...... Link to comment
Snowy Posted April 25, 2012 Share Posted April 25, 2012 Well take this as a lesson to not snoop on your ex anymore, but at the same time, a step towards closure. Block her again as soon as possible (I think you need to wait at least 48 hours before re-blocking someone). Come back and look at this thread if you have a moments of weakness in the future. Keep strong. Link to comment
PJA1982 Posted April 25, 2012 Share Posted April 25, 2012 Remember that FB is quite often a platform for people to create a perception that quite often does not reflect their life. The more they try = the greater the lie. She's miserable Link to comment
mixhot Posted April 25, 2012 Share Posted April 25, 2012 Remember that FB is quite often a platform for people to create a perception that quite often does not reflect their life. The more they try = the greater the lie. She's miserable Brilliant FAKE BOOK!! Link to comment
markie6 Posted April 25, 2012 Share Posted April 25, 2012 Yep loads of people will over compensate and start posting loads after a breakup, quite easy to work it out. Reading into it is painful for the mind and all it does is cause confusion. Link to comment
italiannmf24 Posted April 25, 2012 Share Posted April 25, 2012 Don't read too much into the Facebook crap. It's only a ploy to get attention, whether it be from you or other people. She so desperately wants validation that she'll actually go out of her way to make sure others are aware of her "happiness". I feel that the true warriors of healing undergo the extremely tough stresses and pains of a break-up behind the scenes. Once those people actually find their own happiness again, nothing else matters to them because they know that, at the end of the day, they have themselves, and they're happy with that. Link to comment
whu647580 Posted April 25, 2012 Share Posted April 25, 2012 Mate, I know exactly how it feels. I looked at my ex's Facebook a couple of days ago. Saw a few pictures of her at various parties and clubs. Not looking very hot if I might say so though, which was some comfort lol. But when we were together she'd hardly ever go out, so I guess she's trying to change herself. Or maybe I'm reading way too much into a few pictures on the Internet. Just remind yourself that you've been havin fun since the breakup (I know I have) as well and while you might not have a million pictures on Facebook to prove it, it's still true. Link to comment
Donovan79 Posted April 25, 2012 Share Posted April 25, 2012 Facebook isn't the devil, it's we who can't resist it that are truly to blame. Facebook doesn't kill people, people do. Last week I broke down and checked out her (blocked) profile, and she'd put up a Timeline photo with three instagram photos of her and her not-ex-anymore cuddling and kissing. I broke down yesterday and checked it again, and she'd just an hour before changed it to a black and white photo of just herself that I'd taken while we were on vacation together in Rome, which the not-ex-anymore had just responded to with "beautiful. Xx". Where does this drive to punish ourselves come from? To some degree seeing evidence of it all hurts more at the moment, yet also helps push you along toward recovery faster. But yet we rationally know without any doubt that if we check they're not going to have posted a big sign saying "I can't live without you, please come back to me". If we know this, then the only outcomes are: (A) nothing interesting, or (B) evidence that they're in love with someone else. I can't think of any other human behavior that is so obviously self-damaging. Willpower is a gift those who have it should cherish. Link to comment
mixhot Posted April 25, 2012 Share Posted April 25, 2012 yeah to be honest i checked up on my exs fb 2 days ago when my sister left her page open. there was pics of her and hew new man "my ex best bate" it looked like she was having fun all march as they where loads of posts, saying " is having drinks with her new man....is at so and so party with her new man...basically tagging each other every where they go!!" i guess that is attention seeking,but its been quiet on her page for a month now so either they are happy and have no time for fb or somthing bad has happened as it still says she is single..they have been tgheter for just over 2 month.. but thats me thinking into things way too far in to this and thats why i will not be snooping around any more my heart was pounding when i was looking.. NEVER AGAIN....EVER Link to comment
rahulrocks Posted April 25, 2012 Share Posted April 25, 2012 Facebook is becoming a platform to check out your ex'es silently without knowing them. Its a desire and curiosity to try to peep into the lives of the people you have left in the past. But the problem is once you bring these people back into your consciousness by looking into their facebook accounts or encountering them accidently in some club or something like that then you also bring back all the memories which you are trying hard to keep aside. Honestly speaking its a dangerous thing for yourself if you are healing after breakup. Link to comment
soybeans Posted April 25, 2012 Share Posted April 25, 2012 Maybe it is better that you saw those photos. Obviously it doesn't feel like it now, but perhaps deep down it will help you to move on. You know, there are pros and cons of not knowing what our exes are up to...what we don't know can't hurt us, but on the other hand, our minds might make up scenarios that they were sitting around being miserable waiting for us to contact them. It gives us false hope and we start to believe it too. To find out they are out "living it up" may just give us that dose of reality we need to snap out of it, and to realize that if we are entitled to a life after the break-up then so are they. We can't be selfish- we can't expect them to just lay down and rot away after the relationship ended. They had a life before us and they will have one now that we are gone. And so do you. Link to comment
Donovan79 Posted April 25, 2012 Share Posted April 25, 2012 Its a desire and curiosity to try to peep into the lives of the people you have left in the past. You don't think that's already pretty clear? Link to comment
surfjon Posted April 25, 2012 Share Posted April 25, 2012 Let go or be dragged...... I'm goin thru it all again, and NC is my only hope. She's the one confused and needs "time", so I can only let her have it.... I have to say, breakups are a GREAT way to lose weight for the next one!! Link to comment
julian19 Posted April 25, 2012 Author Share Posted April 25, 2012 I agree with this one... most of the time, i wonder what she is doing especially during weekends.... when she has alots of free time... like, if shes also wondering about me...? well, seeing that they are NOT.... it kinda give you a big slap on the face to stop fantasizing about those false hopes... Link to comment
MissieP Posted April 25, 2012 Share Posted April 25, 2012 Facebook stalking is the devil trust me! My ex didn't delete me ( he might as well) and I never check facebook so the other day I decided to check facebook just to see what's up and peek my ex's page it was blank like he blocked me but he didn't does that make sense? So...... I logged onto my sister's account ( she hasn't been on there in ages either) and I noticed something........ He tagged photos of them together, tagged photos of places of where they have been yadda,yadda,yadda and people saying oh my god you guys are so adorable together ( barf) The funny part is when Markus and I were together I happened to post a photo of us together when we went to the local fair together on facebook bam in one hour untaggged deleted and got a text saying Missie never post pictures of us on facebook! You can post them all over twitter, google, I don't care but facebook that is a big do not! Huh? So..... It's okay for the new squeeze to post photos and he can tag photos all over the place but when we dated it was a big no no? Oh, ya and he still comes after breadcrumbs? Ya that makes sense..... I honestly do not care about seeing photos of them now. I admit when I first saw photos of them it hurt it really did but now it's like whatever..... Edit- Yes this is the girl he cheated on me with and yes he still comes for breadcrumbs! Link to comment
NANNYSTUDENT Posted April 25, 2012 Share Posted April 25, 2012 Facebook is a lie remember that. It is a selective communication tool. I deleted mine. Feels freeing....took me four months to do it but I did. I can't wait to see future research posted on Facebook's effect on social interaction.... Because something tells me that research will prove more negative than positive. Link to comment
MissieP Posted April 25, 2012 Share Posted April 25, 2012 Thus is true Nanny. Sure they may " tag" photos of each other and be smiling all over the place in the photos and still say so and so is in a relationship with....... It does not mean things are not going well. I mean it is still the honeymoon period after all and photos are just photos and remember if they treated you like **** do you not think for one split second they are not treating the current flame like ****? Sure they might be treating them like a queen or a king because it is the honeymoon period but just wait that honeymoon period will wear off and no one knows what goes behind the scenes and remember no one is going to air out their dirty laundry saying the bad things that is going on instead as Nanny pointed out they will probably say the kiss and make-up stuff. Excellent point Nanny! Link to comment
Zohariel Posted April 25, 2012 Share Posted April 25, 2012 Man, the EXACT same thing happened to me. We were NC for a month and I thought I was doing fine, until one day I lost all of my self-control and checked up him. It made me realize how I wasn't healing the right away - seeing him on facebook with a gazillion new pictures of him going out with his friends and getting drunk every week, him in pictures with a certain girl in close corners, him liking every picture of her... It really, really tore me apart. He's not the kind to ever post pictures on facebook (he told me he hated the facebook movement) and now he's doing everything the opposite of what he used to say. He changed a LOT. The kind boy I knew is either gone, or buried inside him now. At first, I couldn't stand the pain. I didn't expect him to "move on" so fast and have such a fun time. "To think he's having fun and can easily let go of our 3 year relationship in only a month and a half?!" or "I can't believe it. He's replacing me with a new girl and new friends... He must feel that they're better and I have nothing great to offer anymore." are the thoughts I would torture myself with. But then I realized that it was a good thing for me to see this, so that I wouldn't be afraid to face reality anymore. It allowed me to start letting go the proper way, without any kind of hope. It was a milestone, you could say - the permanence of the break-up hit me HARD when I checked up on him. I was going on thinking that he was moping like I was, and it was incredibly unhealthy to think like that. People move on in different paces and in different ways, and unfortunately, people like you and me feel the pain tenfold and (subconsciously) make ourselves feel the pain. Keep your head up I know it's hard... heck, I'm in the same position (it's only been 10 days since I checked his facebook). But just remind yourself that the only person that can help yourself is YOU. You hold the power to your own happiness, take the time and heal yourself for you! "What's the point of being sad if I could choose to be happy?" Link to comment
secondchance67 Posted April 26, 2012 Share Posted April 26, 2012 I have said it 100 times here ... FACEBOOK = PAIN, LIES AND MISERY Plain and simple...stay away from it...it is addicting and way too easy to sneak a peek....and for all you hardcore NC'ers out there...this IS breaking the NC parameters...it is indirect contact by your hand....so STOP THE MADNESS.... Link to comment
tryharder83 Posted April 26, 2012 Share Posted April 26, 2012 To find out they are out "living it up" may just give us that dose of reality we need to snap out of it, and to realize that if we are entitled to a life after the break-up then so are they. We can't be selfish- we can't expect them to just lay down and rot away after the relationship ended. They had a life before us and they will have one now that we are gone. And so do you. i love how you put it. im guilty of snooping around my exe's fb and twitter acct. for some reason she's was trying to hide the new person in her life but not really, like telling common friends about she's doing cause apparently they do group dates together. but putting hints on fb and twitter. no pictures of the prospect until there was one.. other than information are all unsolicited coming friends. i, on the other hand whenever hearing anything about it pretended not to care. all i say is "that's ok she's just trying to live a life.. nothing bad in wanting that" i honestly do feel fine but when im alone i get confused and lonely is all. i also want to shatter the hope of getting back with the ex. but i feel sad and pathetic about. this will be the first day of not looking into the social network. trying to fight the inkling. because i know im reading far more into to it than i probably should. Link to comment
NANNYSTUDENT Posted April 26, 2012 Share Posted April 26, 2012 My check up awhile back did. I found out he was in a relationship. Which he lied to me about, continuously. Which just goes to show they lie even about things on facebook. Really just isn't worth it. My checking up made me think "oh he is sooo much happier, how could that be????" when in reality he was lying to me about his new relationship... so it really couldn't be that great if ya feel the need to lie. Just a little boost of self-confidence for those who feel like their exes life is FANTASTIC.... I highly highly doubt it. Remember they are still the same people... unless they became over night millionaires... I would venture to guess their life is pretty much the same. Link to comment
drmcsugar Posted April 26, 2012 Share Posted April 26, 2012 I stopped snooping when I came to realization of how painful it is to know he's in a much happier relationship with a much better person, or just in general, a more desirable place than I am. So now, Everytime I am curious of how he's doing, I remind myself how hurtful it is to check on him. Same applies for breaking NC. Breaking NC to reach out to him is much more painful than never ever hearing/knowing/talking to him again. Everyone, you don't deserve this pain; why put yourself through it when you really don't have to? You have control over your curiosity and desperation. Love yourself. Link to comment
Love1336 Posted April 26, 2012 Share Posted April 26, 2012 I used to do that with my ex ex. I drove myself MAD. I would cry, over think everything on his page. It took me long time before it was out of my system to check his facebook. But, what I come to learn his life was so amazing. Blah. Facebook is the devil! Link to comment
Live-N-Learn Posted April 26, 2012 Share Posted April 26, 2012 I deactivated my facebook about 6 months ago. I have no idea what she is up to and it feels good not to know! I honestly don't miss fb and everyone's stupid status updates, checkins and especially those damn farmville requests! lol Link to comment
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