Zohariel

Well, I'm home now. Such a strange feeling that we're in the same city in completely different circumstances.

I'm still in love with you, and tonight, I will miss you with no shame.

The pain is overwhelming. I wish you knew just how badly this felt.

This weekend has propelled me back to the excruciating pain of our break-up. It was getting a little better, but tonight I am just a mess. You dropped my bike off at my house accross the country half an hour ago. You didn't notify me that you were going to do this. I guess you really wanted to sever all ties before I came home... Couldn't wait two more weeks, huh. It's so weird to think we're going to be in the same city again but never even see each other.

The moon is so beautiful tonight. We were under the moon when you realized your feelings, remember? I know the break-up was necessary and I know that I was really demanding and dependent. But living without you was never the problem... I've been in love with you since I was 16. How can I ever say goodbye to you?

DL;FJDKAFJ;KDF When will the ache go away.

Probably the worst day in a while. Feels like Day 1 all over again.

Finding it really hard to let it go.

Another hard day. It hurts so much. Everything hurts.

I'm trapped in my own mind. NC, sure, fine, whatever... but you're the only thing on my mind. It's background noise and I can't shut it off, no matter what I do. I'm so emotionally drained. I can't seem to accept that you, my first love, is moving on, and that I have to let you go. How does someone else's happiness bring so much pain?

I wish you knew just how much pain I'm going through.

I'm having a REALLY hard time today. I burst into tears every 5 seconds. I have a final tomorrow but all I'm doing is picturing you with that girl.

Being strong is so relieving. It frees me. I didn't check up on you today. I didn't re-open any wounds. And it feels great. I don't want to be the masochist anymore. The only problem is... You're becoming a stranger. To think we've been the best of friends for 4 years and now we're not a part of each other's lives anymore. It scares me so much. It kills me that we decided to break our bond and connection. I need to stop wondering if you think of me. I think that's when I'll truly know for sure that I'm not still waiting for you.

I had a family lunch today. All my cousins introduced their new boyfriend/girlfriend to us all. I was surrounded by love... kissing and cuddling everywhere. It made me ache for you. Made me want to hold you and show you off to my family. I felt like you should have been here today. But you're not. You're 2000 miles away... and I'm probably the last thing on your mind. You're probably getting close to a new girl. It's always been your style.