Soon I will be 34 and I never had a gf. Is this a bad sign?

[jonny15]

It should also be noted that if you have experienced nothing but rejection and have no success to date, it can be devastating to your confidence or self-esteem. For me, besides a few week casual dating stint with this girl (She was emotionally unstable and highly suspected that she was simply just desperate, as she literally threw herself onto me), women have never had any remote interest in me other than just friends.

 

Yep, if you have no success at all, it will be very hard on you, since you have nothing to fall back on when it comes to success.

 

You can't say, "Well those 35 said no, but those 3 others that did evens it out".

[lalalollipops]

Yeah probably best to get a move on and try harder. I mean 34 and a relationship noob is rare and pretty strange imo. Everyone gets rejected, big deal, it's all about brushing yourself down and trying again.

[lalalollipops]

I've been rejected that much times come to think of it.

 

I blame it on my beauty and integrity. LOL

 

But then again, i know what i want and what i need.

 

Yeah I remember reading that quote about Michael Jordan in high school, how he missed over 9000 baskets etc, it's all about triumph after the fall. Nobody makes it the first time, and if they do, they're just super lucky. We all stumble and bleed, but what separates one group of people from the other is their ability to take what happened and use it as inspiration or motivation. Some just give up.

Nobody likes quitters so keep trying!

[Greatone99]

I didn't have a GF until I was 26, just try to learn as much as you can about attraction and relationship maintenance while you're single and looking.

[Aries73]

Yeah I remember reading that quote about Michael Jordan in high school, how he missed over 9000 baskets etc, it's all about triumph after the fall. Nobody makes it the first time, and if they do, they're just super lucky. We all stumble and bleed, but what separates one group of people from the other is their ability to take what happened and use it as inspiration or motivation. Some just give up.

Nobody likes quitters so keep trying!

 

True, but exactly how often must someone face rejection before he's allowed to question the fairness of our society in dating matters? I'm sorry, but the thought that someone can take anything positive from rejection is a tired platitude.

[lalalollipops]

But you see, life ain't fair. So are you going to dwell on it anyway? Some people get into a car crash and end up paralysed, some people go deaf, some go blind, some find out they have a terminal illness, do they spend the rest of their lives dwelling on how unlucky they are and how sad life is?

It's all really about glass half full or empty isn't it? You can take what you have and make the most of it, or you can feel sorry for yourself.

 

And I read this great book awhile back that had a very small section about rejection (in the wider sense).

 

If you are going to be successful, you are going to need to learn how to deal with rejection. Rejection is a natural part of life. ~ (there's more in the intro but not typing it).

 

To get over rejection, you have to realise that rejection is really a myth. It doesn't really exist. It is simply a concept that you hold in your head. Think about it. If you ask Patty to have dinner with you and she says no, you didn't have anyone to eat dinner with before you asked her and you don't have anyone to eat dinner with after you asked her. The situation didn't get worse, it stayed the same. If you apply to Harvard for graduate school and you don't get in, you weren't in Harvard before you applied, and you are not in Harvard after you applied. Again, your life didn't get worse; it stayed the same. You haven't really lost anything. And think about this-you spend your whole life not going to Harvard; you know how to handle that.

 

Whenever you ask anyone for anything, remember the following: SWSWSWSW which stands for "some will, some won't; so what- someone's waiting' Some ppl are going to say yes, some are going to say no. SO WHAT! Out there somewhere... Someone is waiting FOR YOU and your ideas. It is simply a numbers game. You have to keep asking until you get a yes. The yes! IS out there waiting. What YOU want, wants you, you just have to hang in there long enough to eventually get a yes =).

 

 

So yeah. It's all a matter of perspective.

[Ms Darcy]

If you want to change, I say get a dating coach or someone who will be brutally honest with you.

 

I am my bf's first girlfriend. He is 28. We've been together for 8 months and I should say that he is an absolute diamond in the rough. I can imagine his shyness and speech impediment hurt his ability to get a girlfriend before me. He worked on that a lot before dating me.

 

Maybe there is some 'factor' for you that you need to work on. We cannot say without knowing you, but if there is a factor you need someone to help you identify it and work on it.

[carra]

If you want to change, I say get a dating coach or someone who will be brutally honest with you.

I agree that would be the best choice, but it turns out not so easy... who can a guy go to for dating help? I'm asking this because it's something I am trying to do that myself but I don't know how.

 

I told a couple of good friends and they couldn't provide any useful advice. Where I live there are no "dating coaches". A psychologist might be a solution if someone is shy or ackward, but I have no problem with that... any other idea?

[Ms Darcy]

I agree that would be the best choice, but it turns out not so easy... who can a guy go to for dating help? I'm asking this because it's something I am trying to do that myself but I don't know how.

 

I told a couple of good friends and they couldn't provide any useful advice. Where I live there are no "dating coaches". A psychologist might be a solution if someone is shy or ackward, but I have no problem with that... any other idea?

 

I do think a psychologist is a good option, especially for shy or socially awkward folks. Why not try that?

[carra]

Well I can think of a couple of reasons: first, therapy could mean a lot of time & money invested (it's usually a long process), so maybe it's too much risk to just go "try". I'm saying this because I know a couple of people who went to therapy and didn't actually solve much.

 

On the other hand, for all we know a psychologist could have the same dating problems I do. I mean, there are many psychologists offering marriage counseling, but I have never seen one that offers flirting tips or someone that actually targets dating.

[Ms Darcy]

It is up to you to continue doing what you are doing without any change in results.

 

If you come back here single in five years, maybe you will consider doing something different.

[carra]

Well of course I'm not just repeating the same things... I still have some things to try before resorting to that.

But you are right on that, it's up to me

[Ms Darcy]

Well of course I'm not just repeating the same things... I still have some things to try before resorting to that.

But you are right on that, it's up to me

 

Good luck to you ... I hope things work out!

[H8Reality217]

well, simple, if a guy wants to stay single and sexless, it's easy, do nothing, if your a woman, just always say no

[iwishiknew]

well, simple, if a guy wants to stay single and sexless, it's easy, do nothing, if your a woman, just always say no

 

I don't want to be single and sexless but I know I will be till the end.

 

 

Very very bad sign.

 

Question is are you too picky or are you undesirable to women and no one picked you?

 

I'm not picky at all. I'll go out with any girl. Girls are very dam picky, that is why I have not dated yet. I'm short 5'2, who cares! but A LOT of girls want tall guys, even the short girls likes tall guys over short guys. On top of that I have bone disorder and also on top of that I have no physical attraction. Having all 3 body defects makes it hard for a guy like me to get a date or a gf.

[H8Reality217]

ya being 5'2 definetley does not help

[John John]

Being 5'2" will be rough yeah...but I know and have seen very short men (below 5'5") get married, often to women significantly taller than them.

 

I would argue though that OLD isn't a great option for very short guys. I'm 5'8" which I guess is borderline (short to some, not so much to others - don't really care), and I'm sure plenty women online will never see me because I'm filtered out. Online, you'll see many women filter for 6ft and above, 5'10" and above, and 5'8" and above. I feel like I've seen those height thresholds the most. That said, I have seen a number of profiles where women say they are ok with 5'2" guys and up, so it's not impossible. But at that height, I think you're best bet is to get offline and join some clubs/meetups. Most of the short guys I know (below 5'5") who have had great success have done so in real life.

 

You can do it OP, I know you can. It's never too late! And don't think for a second that you're unlovable because of your height. No one is unlovable, especially for something as superficial as height

[jonny15]

I would assume those really short guys have something going for themselves. Like a nice face or a ton of money.

[iwishiknew]

I would assume those really short guys have something going for themselves. Like a nice face or a ton of money.

 

I have a crappy job and I don't make a lot of money and I don't have a nice face, I have no attraction.

 

ya being 5'2 definetley does not help

 

Yes, I know being 5'2 does not help me at all. I knew about this when I was in my late teens and early 20's of always being rejected because of my height.

[John John]

I went to high school and college with a guy who was like 5'3"...he was unattractive, somewhat overweight, kind of a jerk...yet he always had gfs. I think he definitely had a napoleon complex big time - but he was actually pretty hilarious and would just say whatever the hell he thought.

[Patrick974]

5'2 isnt a problem. Its "the other size" that matters.

[John John]

5'2 isnt a problem. Its "the other size" that matters.

 

lol nice one Patrick!

 

In all seriousness though, 5'2" is a rough height for a guy. I'm 5'8" and I'm sure some women would rule me out because I don't fit the 6'2" gold standard they're usually after. 5'2" is much harder of course, but what I was trying to tell him is that it won't completely rule him out. I was suggesting that he get off online dating sites, because those are cutthroat and his height is likely going to be a huge hindrance there. If he can meet women in person doing things that they both enjoy, it will greatly enhance his chances. I know plenty of very short guys who (while they did struggle) were able to find gfs/wives.

[iwishiknew]

5'2 isnt a problem. Its "the other size" that matters.

 

Oh yes the other size that matters. And that is also a problem for me, I do have a small tiny penis. I did write a thread about this awhile ago. If a girl saw my tiny penis, she would laugh. It sucks for me having all of these body defects, being born with a bone disorder, being only 5'2, no physical attraction and having a small tiny stub penis, just makes it so difficult to date and get a gf. If I had only 1 of the 4 body defects then it would not be so bad or hard to get a date or a gf but having all 4 makes it impossible to date.

[John John]

Oh yes the other size that matters. And that is also a problem for me, I do have a small tiny penis. I did write a thread about this awhile ago. If a girl saw my tiny penis, she would laugh. It sucks for me having all of these body defects, being born with a bone disorder, being only 5'2, no physical attraction and having a small tiny stub penis, just makes it so difficult to date and get a gf. If I had only 1 of the 4 body defects then it would not be so bad or hard to get a date or a gf but having all 4 makes it impossible to date.

 

Hey man - you may have the cards stacked against you, but I promise you - it's NOT impossible.

 

Is online dating your only source of trying to get dates? If so, I would change that. Online dating is notoriously superficial, ESPECIALLY when it comes to women discriminating based on height. Women get their inboxes filled on a daily basis, and so they are looking for easy ways to filter, and we all know height is the first thing up on the chopping blocks. I'm sorry to say, but the 5'2" is going to be more of a glaring issue in an online profile that it will be in real life. "On paper" it just doesn't sound great.

 

I know a guy that's maybe 5'3", he's not good looking, always been kinda heavy, kinda obnoxious too...but he's also very funny. He's ALWAYS girlfriends, always. I don't know how he does it. Actually, I think it's because he puts himself out there, and also because he tends to be friends with girls first. I highly recommend you try to meet women in real life. Do all that you can...try to dress nice, do you hair in a flattering manner, maintain good hygiene, and even wear shoes that give you a bit of a boost. If you put yourself out there (separate from online dating), I think you can increase your chances greatly man.

[Jean-Luc]

If you want to change, I say get a dating coach or someone who will be brutally honest with you.

 

I am my bf's first girlfriend. He is 28. We've been together for 8 months and I should say that he is an absolute diamond in the rough. I can imagine his shyness and speech impediment hurt his ability to get a girlfriend before me. He worked on that a lot before dating me.

 

Maybe there is some 'factor' for you that you need to work on. We cannot say without knowing you, but if there is a factor you need someone to help you identify it and work on it.

 

This is one of the main reasons why I haven't had a girlfriend yet either, and I'm 27. I've been told lots of times that I'm supposedly very attractive, especially when my hair grows out into curls. The problem is, is that it doesn't matter how attractive you may be, if you have some fairly big flaws about yourself, its going to be rough to try to find someone. One of those flaws is that I too had a very bad speech impediment when I was younger that is still affecting my speech today. I'm also very shy and socially awkward, to the point that when I try going up and speaking to a girl, a lot of the times my demeanor changes and I speak in a very low, very awkward way, and am barely able to piece together coherent sentences. I think those things in combination have made me come off in quite the wrong way lots of times(to the point of being very creepy at times I've been told). It can be HARD to get past these things, which is one of the reasons why I'm just focusing on the career that I'm trying to get into(computer science/IT related career), and also on getting on my own two feet for once, and then maybe I can go from there. I think that's really the only thing I can do for right now at least.