Career or Love?

[cupcake22]

Which is more important? I can't make a sound decision

[Seraphim]

Why does it have to be one or the other? Why can't you have both?

[Batya33]

If I hadn't pursued the career I did I wouldn't have found "love" for two reasons -first, it helped me come into my own, grow in confidence, be financially independent. Second, I met my husband through work and we had pursued the same career. One of his first questions to me was why I pursued the career I did.

[lilypadgirl]

Sadly, I had to make that decision due to career concerns. Unfortunately sometimes life just makes you choose.

 

I would choose love over career if the love and compatibility were there. But my gut was telling me something was not there and I never felt secure enough to give up my career to move to his locale, which would have been difficult for me to get a job. Ultimately, I told him I would move for him if he can make the commitment. He couldn't. So in hindsight, though I'm dealing with heartbreak which is why I'm on here, I know rationally I made the right decision.

[GettingBetter]

Unfortunately, it's not that simple. I think if you could only have one, then love is more important. But, especially at a young age, it is often prudent to put one's career first. A good career will help alleviate the financial strain that tears so many families apart, and it will broaden your horizons and may help you to find love.

 

That, and love is so difficult to recognize. Too often we confuse it with infatuation. And keep in mind the fact that most relationships end.

 

So, in my opinion, if you are on the fence (and reasonably young) it is probably wiser to choose your career. There are certainly times when love is more important -- but, I don't think there would be any questions at that point. For example, if your children never saw you because you were working too much, then if at all possible you would almost assuredly change careers if it meant spending more time with them.

 

But, this is yet another reason why putting your career first when young is a good thing -- because having a good career should give you the economic liberty to spend more time with your family, or to more easily find a career where you are afforded more time to spend with them.

[The_Seeker]

Depends what your definition of love is. Love for another man? Love for children? Love for what exactly?

 

I strongly believe I would put my career first if I can't have both and whoever the love of my life will have to understand. I don't know where the relationship is going to go. I want to do something that makes me happy.

 

I want to make sure I have a roof over my head in case things don't work out. I want to make sure I have money save so I can take care of myself. After I'm done with that, I'll either have children of my own or adopt children from other countries. I probably go adopting if I don't have someone who is special to me. If I don't have any children, it's probably because I'm busy working on humanitarian efforts for children.

[iwishiknew]

Career and making a living is more important

[Amorterra]

Depends on your situation and values and what you want out of life. I'd choose career, because if love doesn't work out, at least you still have something to care about.

[msphlyer]

I wouldn't put love over career becayse of how hard I had to work to get to where I was. I just needed to achieve some golas first and then I'd be willing to make sacrifices when I was in a committed relationship. Both my relationships ended for other reasons so I'm glad I didn't compromise my career. I've asked other women in my field and they say compromise is key but from BOTH ends. You can have both but it takes the right person

[thejigsup]

I love what I do for a living, so I have both!!! But honestly, with age I have learned that career is more important.

[Natasha24]

I don't think there is a simple answer on that, it depends on too many things.

 

My fiance is the army, which has him away from me for months at a time. During those times, it feels like he chose career over love.

Because he's in the army, I have to move a lot, which means I can't really advance in my field. I have chosen love over career.

 

But it doesn't mean we're missing out on either. He works hard, but he still has me. I follow him around the country, but I'm still able to work in the field that I enjoy.

[Leya]

OP, I feel your pain! I have had to make the same decision. I love my boyfriend so much - we have been together two years. He now has to relocate accross the country for two years, then he can come back. He originally thought/expected I would quit my job and move with him. I was like, whaaaat? Not only do I love my job, but I have been working at the same university for 10 years...thus I have accumulated seniority and benefits (pension, 6 weeks vacation, etc). Call me selfish, but I didn't want to give up ALL that I have worked SO hard to earn just for a two year temporary gig (and I would go into a depression if I was unable to find work OR be stuck in some job I hated). I need to love my job, I need to be self sufficient.

 

I guess you can say we both have chosen our careers over love...however, we are still going to try to make it work long distance. Now, if things start to fall apart, then perhaps we will reconsider our choices. But we are going to try to have both What I HAVe had to insist is that I can NOT be following him all around the country/world (he has the opportunity, if he wanted, to live/work around the world. However, I refuse to allow MY career to take a backseat to his (and I truly admire those people that can do that!! I would find it stressful, unsatisfying and unsettling). I need to have stability and roots (and my family is all here and I want to be involved in my two little nieces' lives, etc) So in that case, he and I couldn't be together because I know ultimately (no matter how much I love him), I would be unhappy with my day to day to life.

[90_hour_sleep]

questions like these make me grateful that my current career path allows me absolute mobility. i could go anywhere and do what i do. so...with that in mind...i'd probably choose love...because i don't see relocation as a barrier to love, but an opportunity for change and growth. as much as i enjoy my financial stability, and a sense of relative comfort with where i'm at...to me the point of a loving relationship is to stretch. i've always felt that there are certain circumstances that will always trump the certainty one feels with a particular path in life. discovering love with another person can be one of those circumstances. it can open us to a world of different possibilities...and alter our perspective in such a way that we're open to things we never thought we'd be open to. part of the beauty of it all.

 

but as always...different strokes for different folks. trust your own intuition.

[thejigsup]

I'm too selfish to give up my career, which I love, for love. I won't relocate for a man, I won't stop working for a man, and I won't change my life much for a man. I hate being married because women are supposed to do all of that and more after marriage. God I love being single!

[90_hour_sleep]

^^

 

are women really expected to do that? maybe it's a generation gap here...but i've noticed the women of my generation are far less likely to follow that path because 'they're supposed to'. some of them still do it...but it seems to be less predominant than it once was.

 

but i'm with you on the single front. cheers to that!

[thejigsup]

I see more young women doing this than women my age. They are "in love" give up everything for a guy, then have absolutely nothing left in their lives when the relationship ends. I try telling them not to put all of their eggs in one basket, but most of them don't listen. Men don't do this. Why do women?

[SarahRose]

I see more young women doing this than women my age. They are "in love" give up everything for a guy, then have absolutely nothing left in their lives when the relationship ends. I try telling them not to put all of their eggs in one basket, but most of them don't listen. Men don't do this. Why do women?

 

 

I don't know why they do it but I see the young ones really lower their boundaries to fit a square peg into a round hole. Maybe they are holding out for the princess fairy tale?

 

You read it on here all the time how someone moved for a guy and he dumps her a month later, sleep with a guy on the first date and wonders why he isn't interested, etc.

 

If I was dating again, the guy would have to accommodate me because there would be no way I would give up my lucrative career to follow him.

 

That reminds me. I had this friend who worked these menial jobs, loading trucks, janitor, and he had a woman who lived with him probably 10 years. He father died and left her money and a house and she shared it with him. Well when his father died and left a house he didn't share anything.

 

Then he got a wild idea to move state and he was so self righteous about it. It made me sick. I didn't even want to be his friend any more. So he find an office job in the other state and moved by himself and left her in the house which apparently was paid for and he owned. So he wanted to start charging her rent to live there.

 

I guess she missed him and gave up her career as a hospital administrator to follow this dip. She was making the bucks but he was always putting her down.

 

So she moves down there and he ends up selling the house and didn't share any of it with her and then he dumped her a couple months later for some married hippie woman who likes open marriages and swinging.