mesmerized Posted February 11, 2012 Share Posted February 11, 2012 Hi, I want to try one last time to show her that my words about having feelings for her are real... She dumped me, she says that all the feelings she used to have are gone due to my actions and lack of trust... Is making a dinner for her on the 14th of Feb. a good idea? Link to comment
Generation Posted February 11, 2012 Share Posted February 11, 2012 You might as well give it one last shot. Never know til you try. Good luck! Link to comment
mesmerized Posted February 11, 2012 Author Share Posted February 11, 2012 if you guys have some cool ideas about how to make her feel special... let me know... it's the Valentine's Day Link to comment
Ilona Crow Posted February 11, 2012 Share Posted February 11, 2012 due to my actions and lack of trust I hate to say it, but it sounds to me that dinner is not going to address the real issues here. If you did something that betrayed her trust, how will something like this help fix it? It's possible that she'll be swayed by this kind of thing; I don't know her so obviously I can't say anything for sure. What I can tell you is that if someone betrayed my trust, something like a romantic dinner would seem like an empty gesture. It's like the easy way out, and it doesn't solve the problems, unless of course the problem is that you aren't romantic enough. Personally, I would just be annoyed. Link to comment
Generation Posted February 11, 2012 Share Posted February 11, 2012 Whereabouts are you doing this? What's her favorite movie? (not so you can watch it together but so you can emulate some ideas) Does she have a blog where she writes her dreams and fantasies or saves pictures and all that? Heart shaped box of chocolate and roses for sure. Essentially, everything corny and cheesy romantic you can think of, do it up. PS. I still say go for it, cause you never know til you try. My motto, never give up without a fight. I don't like living in terms of "what if?" Link to comment
Ilona Crow Posted February 11, 2012 Share Posted February 11, 2012 my post was a little harsh... I don't mean to discourage you. What I mean is, you should think of the specific things that upset her and see if you can address that directly. Dinner is a good start, but if you want to show her that things have changed, you need to show her that you understand why she's upset, and you are working on fixing that. Without knowing what she said to you, I can't be more specific. Link to comment
Lansing Posted February 11, 2012 Share Posted February 11, 2012 Personally I wouldn't do it on Valentine's Day. I think you need to share more of your story about why you broke up in order to understand if it is a good idea to make her dinner and try to talk to her. How long were you dating, how long ago did you break up? Did you have a period of no contact? Link to comment
RedDress Posted February 11, 2012 Share Posted February 11, 2012 Ilona Crow - I don't think your post was harsh - I think it was spot on. If the problem isn't being hungry or wanting romance, a candlelit dinner isn't going to fix it. If the problem is "actions and lack of trust"... what'd you do? Link to comment
mesmerized Posted February 12, 2012 Author Share Posted February 12, 2012 Thanks for your replies, I really appreciate your effort Well, let's not beat around the bush, here it goes: I nearly kissed her flatmate once. Till this very day I don't know why. She gave me another chance and I blew it 'cause I didn't show her enough affection and attention... but we had lots of problems when we came here and that led to lots of arguments., I was simply exhausted by that. Besides, Chinese girls keep flirting with me and she - obviously - didn't like it. But I never even tried to do anything with those girls... Rejected them every single time. Basically We came to China together, I talked her into this, I got her the job, I found the apartment... and we live together. Now I wish we never had done that. I see her every day and every day I hate myself. The ironic part is that I'm just a quiet guy who used to believe in certain values. Love was supposed to be the only thing that makes sense in today's world. I hate clubs and half-naked girls dancing around stoned, well-off jerks. I hate stories about football stars who just f**k around and lead their over-hedonistic lives. Some people talked me into going out to a club 2 days ago and that made me sick 'cause I saw things I couldn't have imagined... Sometimes I wish I could just run away and leave everything behind... find my own little island and never see the world again. PS. If you want to read the whole story of my life there's my thread called "Whom the gods love die young" in another section of this forum. EDIT: I honestly don't believe we could get back together unless I could reignite the tension and spark between us... but I have no idea how to do that. Link to comment
Carus Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 EDIT: I honestly don't believe we could get back together unless I could reignite the tension and spark between us... but I have no idea how to do that. Let her miss you and leave her to make her own decisions.... A candle lit dinner on VDay - She will feel more pressure than a KFC deep fryer* If a candle lit dinner was all it took to get an ex back, forums such as ENA would not even exist.... Just sayin.... Best of luck with whatever you decide.... Ever Forward Carus* 8-) Link to comment
mesmerized Posted February 13, 2012 Author Share Posted February 13, 2012 I understand what you're saying... Sounds resonable... Yet, how can I let her miss me if we work together? And what if she wants to get rid of me? Maybe that's what she wants? I move out... she moves on with her life... It hurts so much to see how beautiful she is everyday in the morning. Memories haunt me at night. I keep having nightmares about her. Link to comment
Scuza Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 I understand what you're saying... Sounds resonable... Yet, how can I let her miss me if we work together? And what if she wants to get rid of me? Maybe that's what she wants? I move out... she moves on with her life... Maybe, but unless she can realize what she's lost in you, then there will be no desire for her to come back. Just pull a Houdini and vanish, asap. Move out, cut contact. There's a good chance she'll move on, but she may realize what she had and want it back. Don't get your hopes up, though. You should move on, keep moving forward. Onwards and upwards, man. Link to comment
mesmerized Posted February 13, 2012 Author Share Posted February 13, 2012 Maybe, but unless she can realize what she's lost in you, then there will be no desire for her to come back. Just pull a Houdini and vanish, asap. Move out, cut contact. There's a good chance she'll move on, but she may realize what she had and want it back. Don't get your hopes up, though. You should move on, keep moving forward. Onwards and upwards, man. How do I do that if we work together? Link to comment
mesmerized Posted February 14, 2012 Author Share Posted February 14, 2012 ok, so the first thing she told me today in the morning (here it's 11.00 now) is this: "I hope you're not preparing anything for the Valentine's Day today?" heh... so it's really over... she doesn't want to have anything to do with me... I think the best way now is to start to hate her. I don't think it's worth keeping hope what we'll be together one day... I guess it'd help me heal if I did something that would completely ruin our relations, don't you think? there's a thin line between love and hate but I guess that hate lets people move on quicker. I suppose I have to think now ONLY about myself and MY well-being. I'm prone to depression, I've had and still have suicidal thoughts and being around here isn't helping me. I don't want us to be friends, never, so I'll talk with her politely about her moving out. I'm too shattered now to look for a new apartment etc. etc. I don't have my pills here and my mood swings are horrible. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and vomit. I'm going through hell now... Last time I was in a situation like this I had pills, my doctor, my best friend and my family. Here, I'm ALONE. On the other hand, she takes everything normally, so she has the strength to move on and find herself a new place to live. Link to comment
Carus Posted February 14, 2012 Share Posted February 14, 2012 Hate and Anger are still forms of attachment and will eat you up as well... Yes try to resolve the living together situation asap....Being around her is not going to help you.... Stay strong with the depression mate....At least you are aware of it and can take whatever steps help you through.... We are all prone to depression if we let life get on top of us.... Be grateful for the things you DO have....Can you walk and talk? Are you in jail? Are you in hospital? Do you have to empty your blood into a dialysis machine twice a day? If your answer is yes to the first one and no to the others then you are streets ahead of many* You will also find support here so keep posting...But it's time to tip your hat, mount your horse and ride into the sunset on this one* Best Of Luck Ever Forward Carus* 8-) Link to comment
Scuza Posted February 14, 2012 Share Posted February 14, 2012 How do I do that if we work together? Just because you work with her doesn't mean you have to talk to her. If you DO have to, keep it short, professional, and to the point. Nothing but business. Link to comment
mesmerized Posted February 17, 2012 Author Share Posted February 17, 2012 We had a talk on the Valentine's Day... She told me she still found me attractive but she couldn't trust me... and she couldn't give me another chance because I had wasted the ones she had given me. I will not stop fighting... even if this path leads me to a complete mental disaster... I MUST get her back... Any insights? Link to comment
dumPI Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 as long as it is a MUST you are destined to FAIL Link to comment
Carus Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 ...even if this path leads me to a complete mental disaster... Wow! ...she couldn't give me another chance because I had wasted the ones she had given me. Any insights? Yes....You are being completely selfish and refusing to acknowledge that she is a human being with free will and her own wants and needs... She has asked you to back off and you are ignoring her wishes.... Come back once the denial wears off..... Of course you may be in jail by then because with talk like that I feel a restraining order coming on.... Best Of Luck Carus* 8-) Link to comment
mesmerized Posted February 17, 2012 Author Share Posted February 17, 2012 You don't understand. I'm not harassing her or anything like that... I'm merely saying that I won't give a damn about any other girl that comes my way because I want my EX and only her. As long as she's not married there's still a chance. Link to comment
Carus Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 Truth be told, even if she does get married there's still a chance.... Mate I do understand....I put my life on hold for over a year....I dont recommend it...You may be waiting for something that never arrives... I know the stage your in and I will almost certify that eventually, no matter how long it takes, you will move past this* Of course if you somehow do get back together, make sure you have addressed the issues that caused the BU in the first place otherwise you'll be straight back in here! I do wish you all the best, but unrequainted love makes people do crazzee things and I hope you dont end up in a bad place.... I also think you should work out why you would lower your self esteem so much to wait and want a girl who has rejected you. You're better than that surely? Ever Forward Carus* 8-) Link to comment
mesmerized Posted February 19, 2012 Author Share Posted February 19, 2012 we had another conversation... she told me she doesn't feel anything and has no feelings for me... I don't know what to say or do... I told her I have nothing more to live for and I don't care anymore... told her I want her to be happy even if that takes being with someone else... I can't win her back... there's no way to do that... she said she can't give me another chance because I failed her too many times. Well, I wish I had something to overdose on. You might think that's silly but I've been in many relationships and I know this was my last one. That's it. The end. Link to comment
lavenderdove Posted February 19, 2012 Share Posted February 19, 2012 Look, don't think that way... i absolutely and completely am sure you WILL meet someone else and have a great life if you just give yourself time to heal and get over this. And you need to get your own self back in the center of your world rather than putting someone else on a pedestal and making them the center of your world. You can and will live without her... all you need to live is food and water and shelter and the rest is all gravy! Really, you can open up your life to the millions of wonderful things it has to offer rather than putting some woman on a pedestal like she is a goddess... you're just not thinking clearly right now and just need to give yourself time to get over it and realize there are many many wonderful people out there and you just need to heal and get out there and get other people in your life so you are not so dependent on one person And frankly if you are that depressed, you should go to the doctor and let them help you... it is very common to feel devastated after a breakup, but you can and will recover but need to give yourself a chance and get help to do that if you feel you can't on your own. Link to comment
mesmerized Posted February 19, 2012 Author Share Posted February 19, 2012 I deserve what I have. I ruined everything. Not her. And it's not the first time I f.... everything up. Thanks for your words but in fact I don't want to meet anyone else. I've been trying to fight with my depression for the last 6 years, including 2 years of professional treatment. I put everything on one card and I've lost. I don't really want to get back on my feet again, not anymore, not again. All I really want is to end this but I don't have the means. Ibuprofen is not enough and I don't have my meds here. I know that I'll leave my family... but they can't give me what I really need. It's OK, I have made peace with my decision. Link to comment
Carus Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 So you're saying your mother is still alive and you want to take your own life...!? Wow!! That will destroy her man..... And I agree, no need to look for another relationship straight away....You got some time now to really decide some things you want to take on... And also, apologies but noone here at ENA will give up on you Mes* Ever Forward Carus* 8-) Link to comment
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