bananashake Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 why do men say things like this?? I don't have any issues! My biggest issue was how he treated me, ignored me, put me 3rd or 4th on his priority list, while his exW made the top. Yes, I came off as needy during our rship, but what is so wrong with wanting a lil attention? I never cheated I never lied I was never deceptive I tried to be a very supportive gf to him as much as he would let me I liked his kids. alot. and was very good to them also. So why does he only seem to remember the breakup fight. And is now making judgement calls on my character from how I snapped. I am a very graceful person by nature. Always so calm, so snapping was out of my nature. But why can't he GET that I JUST HAD ENOUGH. and I do not have issues!!! Link to comment
mhowe Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 You seem to have an anger issue too:shame: Seriously, why do you care? He is history. Link to comment
bananashake Posted February 1, 2012 Author Share Posted February 1, 2012 Anger issues? Not at all!! I care because this is how the man that I loved so much views me? It hurts. Link to comment
mhowe Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 It is his view of you --- it isn't the truth. He is your past --- the true you has a future without him. Link to comment
bananashake Posted February 1, 2012 Author Share Posted February 1, 2012 yea, yea. it still sux though. Link to comment
pl3asehelp Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 Also, you admit to being needy. I know it's all just words and semantics, but to me there is a difference between wanting a healthy amount of attention from a partner and being needy, which to me implies unhealthy. Link to comment
thejigsup Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 Okay, he had kids, a job, and there was no way you could always, or even very often, be #1 in his priorities. I was a single parent and the people I had successful relationships with understood that and never complained. I know it hurts to not be a priority, but that's the way it is when you date single parents or people with children. I think you were an excellent gf, just not one that was good for a parent. Link to comment
bananashake Posted February 1, 2012 Author Share Posted February 1, 2012 My response to his entire email below. Sorry ENA, some of this won't make sense to u guys since i only gave u a bit of his email: OK Listen, Yes, I bought that massive 4 bedroom house, closing isn't until next month. I'm going to have a big party after I move in and you are welcomed to come. My mom is always asking about you, and my nephew asked which room your kids were going to get when he saw the pictures of the house I am not going to deny it. I have been thinking about u a lot, epsecially after we talked at the mall . I never had the chance to tell u, I'm sorry. I know u want nothing to do with me and I'm on board with that. I just want u to know that I was affected by this BU. Whenever I reflect back, I have regrets for the night that I snapped. But I just want u to know that: -I never cheated -I never lied -I was never deceptive -I tried to be emotionally supportive to u and reliable in all areas -I really liked your kids. Alot. I guess we weren't compatible and I came off as needy with the texts. Truth is, the more u ignored me, the more I text'd. And I just wanted a little bit of attention from you, so I'm not sure how that makes me a bad person. Not sure what else I could have done differently. I loved u so much and would have done anything for u guys. I"m sorry for what I said that night, snapping like that is not my nature. I truly didn't mean any harm and was not trying to be offensive - it just came out in anger and frustration, thus, bad delivery and bad timing. Anyway, hope u can forgive me someday. Take care, B Link to comment
agent1607307371 Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 Bananashake - why is it so importan to you that he forgives you? He doesn't sound like he was ever that into you, so why are you chasing him like this? Forgive yourself and move on. He's not worth this. Link to comment
bananashake Posted February 1, 2012 Author Share Posted February 1, 2012 no, but he should have made some room for me. He was constantly putting me on the backburner and not including me in very much. And he would text his ExW constantly and talk to her like they are bff's. Yet, he rarely returned my calls or texts. Link to comment
bananashake Posted February 1, 2012 Author Share Posted February 1, 2012 Bananashake - why is it so importan to you that he forgives you? He doesn't sound like he was ever that into you, so why are you chasing him like this? Forgive yourself and move on. He's not worth this. that's what i'm trying to figure out..... why am i so upset over this? Link to comment
JA0371 Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 You are upset because HE REJECTED YOU! This guy was awful to you and yet you have made thread after thread about him, and how HE feels and what HE wants. What about YOU? You are expected the wrong things from the wrong source here. And from someone who was treated in an almost identical manner recently, I completeloy understand your need for closure and for this guy to not think badly of you. This guy has major issues, of course he's never gonna admit that to that! So stop expecting him to. I told my 'ex' off in a very scathing text....and he thinks I am the devil now.lol..he'll I didn't even get the satisfaction of telling him off in person....BUT...chances are, I would have handled a face to face confrontation completely different because I am not a yeller or a screamer. In fact had he had the decency to see me in person, I would bet money that we would still be talking. This guys last memory of you as a couple is you telling him off and berating his parenting skills...that is going to stay with him for a while. Link to comment
bananashake Posted February 1, 2012 Author Share Posted February 1, 2012 I think u nailed it. I feel so rejected. and i cant wrap my brain about WHY he rejected me. He chased me, he always said he loved me and how great I was, etc. Why reject someone like me? Why does he call me names like "unstable and drama queen" and accuses me of having too many issues. When he is twice divorced, conceived one child out of an affair. Has no boundaries with one ExW, treats one child like gold and the other like * * * * . I have NOTHING like that in my life. And why does he think his exW is so amazing? she has been married 3 times. And is currently living with the guy she cheted on my bf with and is pregnant with his child. Oh, but she is having problems in her relationship now and would like to leave him and leans on my ex for advice. Yet, I'm the unstabe one and she is gold. I would never lead a life like that and put my kids through so much drama. ugggh. but it's all me and my fault. Link to comment
lavenderdove Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 Look it sounds like he is not over his ex wife... and if that is the case, he is going to perceive everyone as 'less' than her. He may be willing to use you for companionship and distraction because she left him and is with another guy, but if his mind/heart is still with her, you've been wasting your time, and any demands you make on him will just seem to be an irritation because he doesn't want to be responsible to you or put much effort into you because he is still hoping she will come back to him eventually. Link to comment
bananashake Posted February 1, 2012 Author Share Posted February 1, 2012 Look it sounds like he is not over his ex wife... and if that is the case, he is going to perceive everyone as 'less' than her. He may be willing to use you for companionship and distraction because she left him and is with another guy, but if his mind/heart is still with her, you've been wasting your time, and any demands you make on him will just seem to be an irritation because he doesn't want to be responsible to you or put much effort into you because he is still hoping she will come back to him eventually. I nicely asked him if he was over her a few times. he swore that he was over her and is happy for her now that she is pregnant. but then again, he would make jabs at her boyfriend behind his back, etc. And I';; never forget, one night, boyfriend was acting really quiet and somber. I asked if he was OK and he got snippy. I left him alone and didn't hear from him for a few days. After he contacted me, he said he was upset b/c his ExW announced she is pregnant and he worries how a new baby will affect their 5 yo son. Why? Becuase she doesn't spend much time with him as it is. She is always working or studying, I have him all the time as it is. A new baby will take more time away from our son. Anyway, he swore that was why he was upset over the preggo news and not to read into it. that they've been divorced 3 years and he is over her. Link to comment
agent1607307371 Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 A new baby will take more time away from our son. Ahh, sorry I didn't realise you had kids with him. That will make it harder to get over him and the way he treats you. Link to comment
bananashake Posted February 1, 2012 Author Share Posted February 1, 2012 Ahh, sorry I didn't realise you had kids with him. That will make it harder to get over him and the way he treats you. no, i don't have kids with him. sorry, my quote marks aren't working on my computer. that was supposed to be a quote from him, talking about how his ExW's new baby will take time away from the son that they have together. Link to comment
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