Today I finally did it.

[Hope2011]

Today I told my ex via text the following:

"Okay .... I love you. Please contact me when you believe we can start a new relationship, NOT go from the old one -- for we are different people now."

 

This my reply after she sent me the following text "Okay i wont txt u anymore. Got it." After I took sometime to reply to her text. This is becuase I was doing LC for about a month and a half, she was doing the contact. I want to reconcile with her but I love her too much to feel the pain of her contacting me. The friend thing was not working out at all.

 

 

Will NC prove to her how serious I am about wanting to get back together? I did throw the ball right back in her court.

[Gimpyrks]

NC might not prove how much you want her back, but it WILL prove that you have pride in yourself and won't hang around for her, which is the best message to get accross.

[Hope2011]

NC might not prove how much you want her back, but it WILL prove that you have pride in yourself and won't hang around for her, which is the best message to get accross.

 

It took me a month and a half to realize that. I just do not know what to do anymore. I want to prove how much I love her but I can not do the friend thing either. I know I have made many mistakes but that was the past. I learned from my ignorant mistakes. The hardest part will be ignoring the text I might get from her. She said she will not text me anymore right now, but I am not sure I believe her at this moment.

 

I am still weak at the moment. I love the girl.

[Ms Darcy]

Why did she dump you?

[Hope2011]

Why did she dump you?

 

My ex dumped me best I was a jerk to her for three years. In the end she said she could not trust me and that it will take time for her to heal. I was not ready for a relationship and she continued to push me to stay in the relationship, I was very weak. I then told her I loved her and she said no.

 

But she still wants to be friends with me. I am confused to as why; if I was that bad to her, why does she still want me in her life.

In the end, the whole time, I was just simply afraid and scared of love and commitment, of which she knew at the start of the relationship. I was so scared and afraid.

 

She replied to my text with the following:

Theres no such thing as a new relationshp when we have already had one. That * * * * is part of us its our past-its always going to be there.

 

I am not sure how to reply. I love her so much and I can tell she still have many feelings for me. What should I reply back to her?

[Ms Darcy]

Well, that's certainly something. I was with a jerk for two years and I would never go back.

 

Break up might mean wake up call to a dumpee, but it often means relief/letting go for a dumper. She's trying to regain her self-respect by walking away. It would be unwise and unlikely for her to turn around now and take you back now.

 

You can treat someone like crap, but it doesn't turn off feelings. That's why she is staying in some contact.

[Lithp]

I don't think you need to reply - you've already made it clear that you don't want her to contact you unless she wants to start something. You've made it clear you can't just be friends with her. What is there left to say? She knows what she needs to do, so now the hard part starts - now you need to go full No Contact and start healing and focusing on yourself.

[Hope2011]

Well, that's certainly something. I was with a jerk for two years and I would never go back.

 

Break up might mean wake up call to a dumpee, but it often means relief/letting go for a dumper. She's trying to regain her self-respect by walking away. It would be unwise and unlikely for her to turn around now and take you back now.

 

You can treat someone like crap, but it doesn't turn off feelings. That's why she is staying in some contact.

 

I am not sure how to reply to her text about the past. I want to be nice but not an ass. Being the dumpee, it has opend my eyes. I love this girl so much but I am not sure how to respond to her text. What do you recommend me saying to her. Notig, I want her back and I want her to realize that are two different people now.

[Hope2011]

I don't think you need to reply - you've already made it clear that you don't want her to contact you unless she wants to start something. You've made it clear you can't just be friends with her. What is there left to say? She knows what she needs to do, so now the hard part starts - now you need to go full No Contact and start healing and focusing on yourself.

 

Okay, I feel like I am going to be the same jerk I was before if I do not respond back to her. Would that show her that I am the same jerk that left her?

She is hurting from my ignorance and I am hurting because of my mistakes.

[Capricorn3]

Today I told my ex via text the following:

"Okay .... I love you. Please contact me when you believe we can start a new relationship,

 

Will NC prove to her how serious I am about wanting to get back together?.

I'm completely confused. You send her a message saying you love her and wanting to start a new relationship with her, but then you talk about going NC to prove how serious you are about wanting the get back together?? That makes no sense at all (to me). ........

[Hope2011]

I'm completely confused. You send her a message saying you love her and wanting to start a new relationship with her, but then you talk about going NC to prove how serious you are about wanting the get back together?? That makes no sense at all (to me). ........

 

I do love her .... but I want her to know that I am serious about starting a new relationship with her. I guess with your approach to my reasoning, I must be confused. Capicorn, how can I show her I want to start a new relationship without hurting everytime I contact her because I am unsure if she will give me another chance?

[Capricorn3]

I just figured that by going no contact, it shows you are no longer interested and are moving on. That's why I'm so confused, lol.

[Hope2011]

What would you do if you were in my position? She is hurting from the past but I want to let her know that we learn from the past and that it can only make the relationship stronger in the future. I want to fight for her but I do not want to push her away at the sametime by sounding needy.

[Lithp]

What would you do if you were in my position? She is hurting from the past but I want to let her know that we learn from the past and that it can only make the relationship stronger in the future. I want to fight for her but I do not want to push her away at the sametime by sounding needy.

 

Why hasn't the friendship been working? Is it too difficult for you to be friends with her when you know you want more and she doesn't?

[Hope2011]

Why hasn't the friendship been working? Is it too difficult for you to be friends with her when you know you want more and she doesn't?

 

It has not been working becuase I have not put the effort to stay just friends when I want me. I want to prove that I am different, I am just not sure how to do it. With the LC we have had, she has said "I miss you love you." I am just now sure how to take it.

 

I need help of how to approach this. I want to stay friends with her but she obviously has a lot of anger and pain to go over. I want to sent her the following text "Do you believe we can learn from the past and become stronger and wiser people for the future?" But at the sametime I do not think that is the best thing to do.

 

I am not sure what to do.

[Ms Darcy]

Ahh, the me-me-me, now-now-now of the dumpee.

 

In my personal opinion, I think you need a little space to get your head together first. I would tell her this too so she knows you are trying to heal, work on your commitment issues, and grow up some. Then I would be friends with her and accept that she may or may not ever want to get back with you.

[Hope2011]

Ahh, the me-me-me, now-now-now of the dumpee.

 

In my personal opinion, I think you need a little space to get your head together first. I would tell her this too so she knows you are trying to heal, work on your commitment issues, and grow up some. Then I would be friends with her and accept that she may or may not ever want to get back with you.

 

Ooops mistype, with this sentence -It has not been working becuase I have not put the effort to stay just friends when I want me.

I meant to say It has not been working becuase I have not put the effort to be friends when I want MORE.

 

Okay .... I just should say I need more time to heal and so does she?

[Lithp]

I would sit her down and explain to her your reasoning - you have started changing for the better and you are going to continue to do so, but it's proven to be too difficult to just be friends with her when you know you want more and, unless she is willing to give another chance, you will need time to focus on yourself and not have contact with her. This way you're not coming off as a jerk by just walking away without explanation, but also you will be able to have some self respect. I wouldn't wait around for an answer from her - you may have been a jerk in the relationship, she may be angry and hurt over it, but those are things that need to be dealt with before a new relationship can be formed. She will need to get over these things at some point and if she doesn't want to or feels that she can't then you will be better off to walk away from it and stop trying to show her anything.

 

With the No Contact it will allow you the space and time to continue working on yourself and it will allow her to work on herself, as well as miss you and wonder what you're up to. If she does end up contacting you at some point then you can show her how you've changed then, but I wouldn't continue with the low contact/friendship if it hasn't been working for you guys, especially if she hasn't dealt with the hurt/anger.

[Hope2011]

She is on the other side of the county so I will text her that. She has a lot of anger towards me, which I understand but I know the power of love because I have seen it. I will text her what you recommended and I will let you know what she says. She will respond, I know she will.

[Lithp]

She is on the other side of the county so I will text her that. She has a lot of anger towards me, which I understand but I know the power of love because I have seen it. I will text her what you recommended and I will let you know what she says. She will respond, I know she will.

 

Keep us posted, best of luck to you!

[Hope2011]

She responed with a text that pretty much agreed with what I said. She said dropping off the face of the earth was mean and ended by saying "ill give you space til u feel that we ca be friends again."

 

So now the full NC starts. I must admit, I hurt a lot right now. I feel so sad. I will not contact her again and knowing that its all gone. She is out of my life because I can not just be her friend. I am in pain and its hard to not feel this. :sad:

 

What can I do to get this pain emptiness out of my heart?

[Lithp]

She responed with a text that pretty much agreed with what I said. She said dropping off the face of the earth was mean and ended by saying "ill give you space til u feel that we ca be friends again."

 

So now the full NC starts. I must admit, I hurt a lot right now. I feel so sad. I will not contact her again and knowing that its all gone. She is out of my life because I can not just be her friend. I am in pain and its hard to not feel this. :sad:

 

What can I do to get this pain emptiness out of my heart?

 

You need to stick by your No Contact decision. Keeping her around will only make things worse, as you have found out, so the only way to heal and move on is to have zero contact with her. This is for YOU - do it for yourself. Don't do it under the pretense that she may come running back once she sees how well you're doing. Treat this relationship as being 100% completely over.

 

This isn't going to be easy! You have to start the healing process by really working on your issues - you know what your part was in the relationship ending, and this is a chance for you to grow and learn and make yourself a better person. You need to focus on you now. She has made it clear that she can't be in a relationship with you so coming to terms with that, the sooner the better, will help. Realise it's over so you can start moving on. Block her from Facebook, delete her number, take any form of communication you could potentially have with her and get rid of it.

 

Keep yourself busy. Surround yourself with good people and a good support system. Be the better person that you know you can be, and in time the pain will start to lessen. The next few days/weeks may be rough, but absolutely you will start to come out of this funk you're feeling and be a better person for it.

[jbug]

hope, i feel for you bro. i know how much it hurts. its been like 5 weeks since my ex told me she needs a "break".

 

i told myself i was going into nc a bunch of times and still reach out to her. even tonight. i asked i she was doing, we texted back and forth a few times but i made sure to keep it light and not mention the relationship.

 

she told me she would have to see a change if she were to try again. so i figure how can she see it if i dont respond when she text. im making the changes for ME but i want her as my wife down the road.

 

hang in there hope

[GotMyLifeBack]

Hope, I just happened upon your thread and FWIW, I see things differently than some of the others. Just on a gut level, it feels to me that there is a lot of agonizing about if to have contact, how to have contact, being friends, not being friends, etc..

 

Deep breath... you want to be with her, right?

 

And this may be a moot point now... why not just go to her in person, tell her point blank that you want to work things out, and if and when she's ready, you'll give the best of yourself to listening to and understanding her, and work to make things right.

 

I'm talking about a less than 5 minute conversation.

 

That would be it. Say no more. You're not degrading yourself and you're not agreeing to a painful post-BU "friendship." Don't get pulled into an argument about the past, the present, or anything. Unless unexpectedly she wants to talk in that moment, then don't linger. Leave. And truly give her the freedom to decide if and when she responds. You'd have put yourself in the best place of all - that of humility, not humiliation (they're totally different), availability not avoidance, and strength, not weakness. Meanwhile, yes, you go and do everything you need to so you feel better, grow, learn, and heal.

[Ms Darcy]

Exercise, socialize, friendships, work ... focus on these things to help the emptiness in your heart.

 

Do not pursue her to deal with your emptiness. That is making her responsible for your happiness, and living life this way will never allow you to feel full.