Aqua066 Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 Agree 100% with cmswifty!!! Link to comment
CMS Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 And MHowe, your situation is not because of loss of attraction, its more to do with his stress and inability to handle them well, he needed time to get away to sort out things and not because he does not see you attractive anymore. Also by staying away and no contact, you allow him to miss you, you raised your own attraction value; Also by displaying that you no longer care about the breakup, you allow him to see you in higher value and chose to be with you, so admit it or not, you are playing the game as well. Link to comment
mhowe Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 My attraction value was so high, his leaving didn't diminish it at all And I disagree ---- I'm not playing the game, because what he feels or doesn't feel had nothing to do any reaction on my part....because in his book, I didn't react. I cannot "allow" some one to react to me --- it's all on them. And --- my ^^^post was my feelings in general, not my specific circumstance. Link to comment
CMS Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 Contrary, I bet you played the game and played it well, thats how you got him to attract to you in the first place. Link to comment
mhowe Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 If by "played the game and played it well" you meant by being my genuine, authentic self ---- you are right. Link to comment
Sim54 Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 No lifes not black and white. And if your SO is abusive or a substance abuser or has totally given up on life then yes, that is a reason for somone to leave. But in the majority of cases we aren't really talking about that. We're talking about someone who has lost interest in you for a myriad of other reasons. And I'd say it's those relationships I'm addressing here. I would agree with that. It doesn't have to be abuse though. I my case, I needed to be alone. I had some unresolved baggage left over from a past relationship, and my SO was smothering me in a attempt to get me to love her. I didn't want to leave her, but I needed to, for my own health. She didn't seem to understand that. Although I would say that the vast majority of relationships that end stay ended, I read a statistic that something like 60% of all successful long term relationships had experienced at least one break up. That might only be 60% of one Tenth of the population where ever the study was carried out, but it goes to show that often people do break up and get back together, and it appears that the breakup was necessary for the RS to move on and grow to the next level. Link to comment
Sim54 Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 The above doesn't change the need to accept the loss and let go though! Link to comment
ZackMorris Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 I think if you treated your ex like gold (and actually did, not just think you did), the relationship between you was serious (as in didn't just last many months, but lasted years, or you were living together, etc.)... then nonchalance and no contact is almost certain to make them think, and think hard, at least at some point. I know it made me think after I dumped a former gf a long time ago. It's not even about playing a game. It was, on her end, saying "Hey , I was fantastic to you, you left, so now you get nothing." It really does make you think. As a previous dumper I will tell you with 100% certainty that it does. So much so that I came crawling back. So yet again, a blanket rule is if there's even one exception, and I know I'm not the only one who's experienced this. Link to comment
Sim54 Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 Careful with the swearing, you get slapped for that round these parts!! Link to comment
Eocsor Posted November 17, 2011 Author Share Posted November 17, 2011 How did that work out in the long run? Link to comment
Awoken Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 I guess it comes down to individuals situations really. For some NC is the best option AT THE TIME, for others NIC and even LC. When you have those raw emotions playing with your head and your heart it is very difficult to figure out what to do. What ever choose you make you will LEARN from it and hopefully be better off when your next relationship comes along. Link to comment
Edmund Exley Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 All I can say is that if you have to apply all that in order to get someone back you really didn't have that worthwhile a relationship to begin with. All I can say is I've never seen more experts on the Law of Attraction than the ones here who thinK its a way to get an ex back. They all CONVENIENTLY overlook the fact that its been said OVER and OVER and OVER by those who teach LOA that YOU CANT USE IT TO CHANGE A SPECIFIC PERSONS FREE WILL. THE OTHER PERSON IS ATTRACTING THEIR OWN EXPERIENCE BY THEIR THOUGHTS AND EMOTIONS. YOU CAN ONLY ATTRACT LIKES!!! Link to comment
Thorshammer Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 Its only a trick if the person intends to deceive them. Most people who learn what to do naturally ask.. "why?" If its a learning experience, and he applies it, then its not deception unless he is lying to him/herself to their ex. There is something that went "wrong", and that wrong will most likely pop up again with the next one. Its a learning experience, its fixing your mistakes, thats how life is. It doesnt matter the catalyst, I can fail school for being lazy and it will force me to get destroy this flaw to be a better student, if that school takes me back, then it does, if it doesnt, it will set the wheels in motion to change my flaw. Its not a trick if its a revelation to your mistakes, and maybe to your ex's mistakes as well (unless there are mental issues involved). I learned from all break ups. I repaired myself. I still have my desire for working out that started 5 years ago when my ex broke up with me. I still have my tank of confidence that i can reach into because I learned desperate and weak men dont attract for long. Its not like it disappears, you have to be slow not to take in these lessons, to use them only for one person if you know the reason why the person that loved you left, and that most likely those same mistakes will happen with the next. And what exactly is a trick? Is dressing up on a suit on the first date a trick? If you dont dress up in suits daily, or when you are sitting at home on a lazy day? Is sending flowers on your anniversary a trick if you dont send flowers every month or so? Did trick my last date when i went to a barbar to trim up my goatee and shape up my hair a trick, even though I dont look clean shaven 24/7? No, its attraction. I think we all do our "tricks" to attract. Otherwise, women wouldnt wear make-up and let their breasts hang- is that a trick too, lol? Its an attempt to re-attract, we all do things to attract, doesnt matter that they are the ex or a new lover. Plus, its a learning experience, you did wrong, you know now, you prevent showing more of these flaws to your ex, and to anyone else (going nc, cutting convos short). Link to comment
CMS Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 All I can say is I've never seen more experts on the Law of Attraction than the ones here who thinK its a way to get an ex back. They all CONVENIENTLY overlook the fact that its been said OVER and OVER and OVER by those who teach LOA that YOU CANT USE IT TO CHANGE A SPECIFIC PERSONS FREE WILL. THE OTHER PERSON IS ATTRACTING THEIR OWN EXPERIENCE BY THEIR THOUGHTS AND EMOTIONS. YOU CAN ONLY ATTRACT LIKES!!! Precisely, you can only use Laws of Attraction to paint yourself in a better light, to let others see you in better lights. How they are going to act based on this is their own choice. Link to comment
ZackMorris Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 How did that work out in the long run? It didn't. She realized she couldn't trust me anymore. She dumped me several months later, and I don't blame her. But the fact is, her so called "games" and "manipulation" worked 100%. If it was her intent to prove a point to me, it completely worked. We were apart for months before not hearing from her, and if I reached out to her, her "nonchalance" about me, ate me alive. But again, she had been nothing but great to me, and she wasn't just some girl I'd been with for 7 months. Link to comment
Eocsor Posted November 17, 2011 Author Share Posted November 17, 2011 then good luck finding someone by not attracting them to you in the first place. We all play games derived from the laws of attraction to enhance our attraction values, you just dont want to admit it. Well explain this to me then. When my ex left after 3 years together, I let her go and moved on. I say I went NC but what I really did was give up on the relationship and moved on with my life as if she was never coming back. A year later she called me and told me she missed me, she realised it now and that she still loved me. I felt the same way and we spent another 10 years together after that. Explain to me the laws of attraction there. What did I do to make myself more appealing to her? She didn't see or hear from me in that year. I did not change one bit. She had to make up her mind whether or not she legitimately missed me on her own. Thats not game playing thats acceptance and I think thats the only way to go. Link to comment
SparklyBoots Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 Well my most recent ex agreed straight away with the breakup - said he knew there was usually no point arguing with these things, never asked me to explain why I wanted to split up and has kept up a dignified silence....it hasn't made me more attracted to him, just more sure I did the right thing as I felt communication was abig problem and he was too good to be true nice and agreeable, abnormally so about everything!...as far as I can see there are no hard and fast rules to these things as people are so different, what works with one person fails with another- all you can do is be yourself, love yourself regardless of the ex, and surround yourself with folk who give a d**n and life will sort itself out.... Link to comment
CMS Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 See law number 1 and 4 listed by aqua066 on post #22 Link to comment
Eocsor Posted November 17, 2011 Author Share Posted November 17, 2011 See law number 1 and 4 listed by aqua066 on post #22 You have got to be kidding. You boil it all down to that. Not the fact that maybe, just maybe she realised that she missed me and that she loved me and that life would be better with me than without me. I really, really pity people who think that human emotion can be so blindly manipulated and I wish you all the best of luck in any relationship founded on those principals. Link to comment
Thorshammer Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 Lol, we are throwing scenarios now? How about all my changes, and my ex's getting a whiff and them not leaving me alone after the BU? What about when my cousin was dumped, then married when they got back together, and he completely changed and became a better man? How about my friend who is still alone after leaving her ex, and in time realized he changed, but is now with someone else, and she refused to sign the divorce papers? Lol, these replies are hilarious. Especially since both think they can explain something as hard as the human-mind. And yes, there is always the chance they just settled. They were lonely, and they went back to what is comfortable and stable for them. Unless you were a bad person, then those traits are "attractive"... just good luck in having this person forever, or having a really good relationship from it... unless that person re-arranges what they find attractive (which is possible, some people can be attracted to something we know as wrong, like cheaters, or even really tough unstable men that are challenges, they then get tired and turn off from these types), then it wont be a cute outcome. Link to comment
CMS Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 You have got to be kidding. You boil it all down to that. Not the fact that maybe, just maybe she realised that she missed me and that she loved me and that life would be better with me than without me. I really, really pity people who think that human emotion can be so blindly manipulated and I wish you all the best of luck in any relationship founded on those principals. Why thank you kind sir. Link to comment
Eocsor Posted November 17, 2011 Author Share Posted November 17, 2011 Why thank you kind sir. You are most welcome. It's been an interesting debate and I'd love to continue but a cold frosty pint beckons and if I don't leave now I'll be late. Link to comment
Awoken Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 This debate has been really interesting to follow. I think it's been healthy to get everyones point of view. No BS and under handedness, just straight talk from various people. Great. I'm still sticking to my "everyone makes the best decision that makes sense to them, at the time", we all know that change is the one true constant in the universe. If you don't change (your negative ways) you'll end up exactly where you deserve to be. Link to comment
Autumnleaves Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 Well my most recent ex agreed straight away with the breakup - said he knew there was usually no point arguing with these things, never asked me to explain why I wanted to split up and has kept up a dignified silence....it hasn't made me more attracted to him, just more sure I did the right thing as I felt communication was abig problem and he was too good to be true nice and agreeable, abnormally so about everything!...as far as I can see there are no hard and fast rules to these things as people are so different, what works with one person fails with another- all you can do is be yourself, love yourself regardless of the ex, and surround yourself with folk who give a d**n and life will sort itself out.... I agree. I ended the relationship with my ex, he didn't fight or show any doubt, looking back it's like he wanted me to end it. There has been a few games along the way, but he's never tried to get me back or made any attempt to reconcile. His silence comes accross as cold and uncaring & like you it has just made me more sure of my choice in walking away. I'm NOT more attracted to him for it, for me it does exactly the opposite. Every week that passed by without hearing from him made me realize that he isn't the person for me. Link to comment
pl3asehelp Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 then good luck finding someone by not attracting them to you in the first place. We all play games derived from the laws of attraction to enhance our attraction values, you just dont want to admit it. No, some of us are just attractive being ourselves and don't have to do anything at all out of the ordinary for people to be attracted to us. Link to comment
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