New guy - old trust issues :(

[kourtney01]

Thanks for reading this.

 

I have been thru a lot and got out of an emotionally abusive relationship with a cheating, lying pig 6 months ago.. phew! It's been hard to say the least and I suffered a lot getting over him and everything he put me thru while he was busy moving on in a matter of weeks and getting another girl pregnant. Did I mention we were engaged and living together?

 

Anyways.. I met this amazing guy 1 month ago.. the way we met was so out of the norm andalmost like 'meant to be".. (he had to pick up his sister's best friend from my birthday party because she was too drunk to drive home and that's how we met by fluke)

 

We moved a bit fast but it was like love at first sight so it felt right.. (we became official a month into dating) He is so different from my ex (even though physically they look a lot a like) He is respectful and sweet and wants to spend every minute with me..

 

So why is it that for the last week I've been questioning him like crazy? A few times he took hours to get back to me or had his phone off.. and even though he had a pefectly good explanation my gut was acting up like something shady was going on.. he's never given me a reason not to trust him so far and is the sweetest guy ever.. so am I going crazy or is my gut so well trained after my past experience that I detect even the smallest lie?

 

Any advice is appreciated.. I really like this one..

[happyfrank]

Two different people. It's not fair for you not to trust him if he hasn't done anything wrong.

[DylanNotorious]

You'd better stop that destructive behaviour, not everyone is like your ex. Or else your gonna loose this one.

[DN]

I agree - if you don't stop you will lose him. Hopefully that thought will be all the impetus you need.

[volvic1]

Ah my heart goes out to you I recently posted something fairly similar here! I also get that gut feeling, and its from pain from a past relationship!! Its horrible and I know for me no amount of people telling me stop will help...There 100% right in what there saying, I know I need to get over it too, but its easier said than done....just keep thinking how NOT alike your ex he is, hopefully it will get better in time ( I know im still trying ) If you need to ever vent or talk to someone about any of it feel free to PM me..I always feel better if I share!

[sidehop]

I'm sure you're trying to heal but with much time and emotionally vested into your ex it's not always easy to learn to trust again.

 

But with that said if it's affecting your current relationship even if after six months you can either try to slow down the new relationship and/or seek some counseling to really understand how/why you're feeling the way you are but also steps in overcoming such irrational fear. And it's perfectly normal obviously if you were expecting to marry the guy and suddenly you find out everything was a lie.

 

Hopefully you'll find some answers and strengthen the current relationship. Whether you get professional help or not, I would definitely slow it down and rather than over analyzing things because of your ex, try to look at the positive traits of your current boyfriend as much as possible. Sometimes you have to make it a habit to change your thoughts when these fears or thoughts crosses your mind.

[lostinthecloud]

I can relate to what you are feeling. It is hard to put your trust in a new guy after being betrayed, but that is the only way the new relationship will grow and develop. Nothing happens over night, trust will take time.

[broken1414]

Ack! I feel your pain! You should have a look at my latest posts too.....I'm also in the same boat. New guy - Old trust issues (that I never had before!) All I can say is that to those people out there who say "You need to trust him, he's not your ex, if he's never given you a reason to distrust him..."....it's so much more complicated that that! I also had the "gut feeling" when my ex was cheating on me, but gave him the benefit of the doubt and believed every word he said when he swore it was nothing. Well, it wasn't nothing, it was everything. And he had never given me a reason to distrust him either! It's soooooo hard to trust again, even when your brain tells you "this is a different person, he's nothing like my ex, he would never hurt me like that." That's what my brain said last time! That's why I trusted when I shouldn't have....and then BANG, that gut feeling again! And that's how you remember how much you trusted the last guy who wasn't worthy of trust at all....and then you don't know if you should trust the new guy, because you feel exactly like you did when you were being cheated on before....

[John3572]

Micromanaging someone will not keep them from cheating on you. The first stage of cheating, emotional, is free. By the time it turns physical you have already lost them. Don't dampen your new relationship or burden your new guy with your personal issues.

[Notagoodninja]

Hi fave girl of mine

 

I wish sooo much I had of hired a PI. I think you should do that. I will prob do it soon anyway so I can have closure. YOU SHOULD HIRE ONE!!!