One last message

[endy]

I've been very active on this forum for 7 months helping other people. I've seen situations worse than mine. I've seen people handle things well, and I've seen people handle them not so well. We all have free will and we all have choice. This is going to be my last post as it is time for me to explore other areas of my life. It needs to be done. There are many here that can help.

 

The wisdom that I learned throughout this experience involving my breakup is second to none. It's by far the best thing that could have ever happened to me. What I want you all to know is that we experience things in life to promote self growth. That is what we are here for. The experience in whole, and then how we learn from them and grow from it. I did it through reading, examining my childhood, and my beliefs. I have a book thread. All you need to do is search "endy and books".

 

A lot of times people are so addicted to another person in a relationship, the infatuation and comfortability that they don't notice or reflect upon themselves. I would like to encourage every person going through a breakup to take your time and do this for yourself. After you learn to do this, do it daily. Always go back to yourself even in a relationship. There's a reason pain and suffering is there. It's signaling a wrong belief in your mind. It's signaling that hey there's something to be learned here and to grow from. Please do not supress your emotions, take the time to work through them. Pay attention to that signal. Don't use another person to make it temporarily go away. All that will do is make the pain and suffering worse in the end.

 

What I've learned about relationships is that a lot of people don't understand love. They have no idea what it is. A lot of what love is to people is animalistic sexual attraction... the "in love" stage. Sadly, that is only a part of love. After that the relationship is either comfortable enough (status quo), or people just don't love themselves enough or have enough self worth to walk away when they know its the right thing to do. They will either endure suffering that is familiar, or they will wait until they find that feeling again with someone else. The real goal of being in love is first and foremost to grow to a point where you love yourself first and foremost. I mean you love yourself as much as you would love your own child. When you love yourself that much, and find someone else that does as well... You will see yourself in that person. It will be like a mirror. That is my goal now. It is my goal to have children that are born from two people that understand love as more than that.

 

I've learned that relationships need to be interdependent. You can't base your happiness on someone else ever. I've learned that like attracts like. If you have beliefs like you are not good enough etc... that is what you will attract. You will attract a broken person because you yourself are broken. Please work on this. It's going to benefit you in life as well as in all your relationships. I've learned that we are who our parents are... how we are raised as a child is the most important thing that effects our adult relationships. We are raised with certain beliefs, religions, and treated a certain way. The best thing to do is examine this and how you were treated. How did it make you feel? Did it make you feel unloved? Did it make you feel unworthy? For example I never felt worthy enough. I got all A's through schoold, was a great athlete, but I was always told I could do better. I was constantly prone to negativity, because my parents wanted me to know that I could do better. Examine that part of your childhood. Examine your fears as they are resistance to change. See where they come from. I've learned about the mind, spirit and how they are connected, buddhism, quantum physics, quantum healing... among other things.

 

A lot of people are in so much pain, but if you learn how to concentrate on your breath and live in the moment... you can silence that pain. You can listen to your emotions. You can heal yourself. You can grow. I never heard from my ex again. I don't need to. It was an experience that was very painful, but it was also the breakup which caused me this growth. My message is it will get better. Love yourself. Know you are good enough, and don't ever let anyone tell you that you aren't. We all have the ability to understand love to an enlightened point. Strive to get there through the experiences in your life. Grow from them.

 

I will tell you as a man I have learned much about attraction. I can be a Don Juan if I want, but I choose to not be. I can balance a females emotional core. I can try to manipulate your girlfriend, wife, or whoever I want into sleeping with me. I do not choose that because that is not love. As a man what you need is confidence which comes with self growth and experience. Attraction is not manipulation but me and women use it to get things they want... Where will that get me or you? I will be the guy that looks through your eyes and see's something that others won't. I will be the guy who is a mystery and can read your every thought. Not because I'm better than anyone else. Because sexual attraction is not what love is. In this day that's how most people in our society understand it. Those people aren't looking into your eyes to see inside of you and see themselves. They are looking in your physical eyes to get in your pants. When it gets boring and comfortable that feeling is lost, one leaves and does it all over again. LEARN!

 

Also, women... know that you are more powerful than men. You are closer to love than men. You have the direct ability to love your child unconditionally and that is usually met in life. That's part of understanding love that most men don't have. All anyone has to do to get a better understanding of love is to examine a pride of lions and how they operate. Who has the most power? The woman. Who has more love for their children? The women. Then understand what love is as a point in the animal kingdom. Those are only the first three seals of love. There are those animals that mate for life. They are the only one's that make love. Out of that love is an offspring born out of love which is rare. I am not trying to judge anyone. I am not judging you who are reading this who has a child and is divorced. I am not trying to say that you don't have an idea what love is. I am simply explaining grow from experience. Learn what love is and what it isn't.

 

The main message is to start realizing that we are more than just physical beings put here to deal with pain and suffering. That pain and suffering is telling you there's something wrong inside. Take your time and grow, because if you don't... if you never grow within your self... You will experience the same things over and over again. They will become more and more painful until you remove the beliefs and slivers that are causing your to choose this path. Do not operate out of fight or flight. Do not just run to another or use someone to stop the pain. Feel it and learn from it. Grow from it, and you will benefit ten fold. Learn about mind, body, and spirit. Once you do test your belief system and worldview against that spirit.

 

I get a lot of pm's. I will not be responding to many of them any longer. For you that have my email address feel free to email me. The answers and knowledge is inside each and every one of us. You just have to stop the fear and be open to the signals. We all have free will and choice to choose our experiences. Think and feel before you jump into a relationship. Don't chase that sexual attraction. Chase what is inside that person, and have it be a reflection of you. Strive to understand love the best that you can.

 

I wish all of you understanding, compassion, insight, happiness, and true love.

 

 

- Endy

[Eocsor]

Good luck Endy. I always enjoyed reading your posts even if I didn't always agree with what you had to say. I hope you find what you are looking for.

[chitown9]

Endy, thank you for taking the time to explain that you are leaving the post and why. Also, your last post was very informative. I have always enjoyed your persepective....chi

[pl3asehelp]

You've got a lot of great things to say, but I certainly love my kids as much as my wife does, so I have to disagree with you there. I think fathers really get crapped on from all corners and this is another example of that.

[DN]

You've got a lot of great things to say, but I certainly love my kids as much as my wife does, so I have to disagree with you there. I think fathers really get crapped on from all corners and this is another example of that.

I agree with this post.

[thejigsup]

My brother would die for his kids. My ex couldn't care less about our son. It just depends on the person. Some women don't love their kid as much as their husbands do. I agree with everything else you said, though.

[endy]

Lol it was general... of course everyones beliefs are different. You have great mothers, and then you have crack addicts who have children. To go into detail it's not that fathers aren't capable of it. Everyone is capable of it. It's just that women naturally have a better understanding of love. I don't think that makes you a bad father or you or her less important in that childs life. Women house that child. They have a connection men don't and love in general is more feminine anyways. I wasn't saying one isn't capable of it or that it applies to every case. What I was trying to say is you should get to a point where both of you love and understand the same. So that child has two loving parents that can be a good example. Anyways, like always it's just my view on things, everyone else is entitled to their own opinions and beliefs

 

I'de also like to say thanks to people like DN and others who helped me initially. Actually everyone as a collective whole on this forum. I left that out above. It is this forum that gave me my direction on what to work on. I'm grateful for finding it, and for being able to help others through something so painful. So long fellas... for now. Just something I have to do.

[HeartGoesOn]

All the best, and take care, Endy.

[22n32]

Goodluck... you have made great insightfull post

[octour]

Bittersweet for me. Sad to see you go Endy, but you have helped me out a TON. I am thankful that you took the time to come here and share your wisdom, your experience, and your guidance.

 

I am knee deep in the situation that brought me here to ENA and endy was kind enough not only to respond to my threads but also to my PM's. He made me feel like I had a person here that not only understood what I was going through but could also tell me what I needed to be told, the truth.

 

Thank you endy for all of your time, it is really appreciated and best of luck in your future endeavors.

[Deciduous]

Hello Endy,

 

This was so beautifully written that it took my breath away. Bloomin' 'eck, I thought you were talking directly to me. There were a few points that certainly touched a nerve, (in a productive way I might add).

 

Won't go into that here, but there is a lot to reflect on and consider in this message. Obviously you put a lot of effort into it.

 

I do wish you the very, very, very best of luck. Clearly you've done the hard work that it takes to get through a painful break-up - with honesty, openess to growth and the dignity to shy away from bitterness.

 

It's been a pleasure to read your last thread. It really has. It's been the best thing about my day, today, so thank you so much for that.

 

Decixx

[mhowe]

Endy --- I think you have been a powerful force for Light and Insight on this forum and you will be missed.

 

May the road rise up to meet you.....

[Timefornc]

Legend mate. All the best.

[Imprimatur]

I have enjoyed many of your posts. Thankyou.

 

Sometimes I think these forums are like Hotel California

 

You can checkout anytime you like,

But you can never leave

[Heartonasleave]

Endy, ive never ask you for advice, and it dont look like i will have a chance too now. But, i've read allot of your post and they have helped me in more ways than i can imagine..

 

Ty and good luck in life my wise friend

[SorrowandPain]

Thanks for all your advice endy. Best of luck to you in all your future endeavours.

[veneratio]

Hate to see you go, endy. You've helped me out a ton just by reading your threads and responses and of course that explanation that you gave me. Hope you continue to help out others that you encounter and good luck with everything.

[sidfire]

Thank you Endy, really appreciate all of your advice so far - been reading through them yes. And you were also part of my inspiration to post my story just few moments ago. Just wanted to share that, thanks.

 

Sid

[Destiny2112]

I wish you all the best, endy! Your posts were always very very wise and helpful not only for me but for many others here, too! Thank you!

[The Man Who]

Never noticed this until now but take it easy chief, been a pleasure and I'm sure you'll do awesome in your life with all the knowledge that you've learned over this past 7 months

[BlueRose66]

Thank you for giving so much of yourself to others! I have also gained much from you and I wish you all the best in your future!

 

May your future be filled with love, light, health, and happiness. hugs to you

[MissMazzi]

Aw it's a shame that we won't be seeing your wise posts anymore! Thank you so much for your help and insights. They've been tremendously helpful to me. Honestly I can't say enough how grateful I am. I wish you the very best I was going to say I hope you find what you're looking for, but you already have it hug.

[NCMaster]

OMG Endy is going NC from ENA!!

 

1. We will wonder what he is up to and what has changed.

2. We will wonder if he found a new forum

3. We will start regretting saying goodbye on this thread

4. We can increase the chances of Endy coming back, but we first have to let him go

 

Thanks for all your help man

[dabbledave]

I've never visited the Breaking Up forum before.

 

I just did a site-wide search for Endy posts and I see this "One Last Message" at the top of the list.

 

You'll be missed here, mate.

 

Have a charmed life!

 

Take care,

 

DD

[MarmiteCrumpet]

Wow. What an amazing post. Hope you are well Endy. :strawberry: