QUESTION: Has your opinion about your ex changed over time?!

[Sookie]

I'm curious to know whether your opinion about your ex changed over time?!

 

I mean like, were you desperately trying to get your ex back in the beginning and after some time you thought: "What the hell was I thinking, how could I have ever wanted someone like that back!?"

 

Or did you think very negatively of your ex (because of how they treated you during and after the break up) and think of him/ her fondly now -maybe even forgave them - after some time apart?

 

Or do you simply not think or care about them anymore at all?

 

Did it make any difference if you were the "dumper" or the "dumpee"?

[Ac0rn]

I was the dumpee and she left me for the third time a month ago. This time, she tried to rebound with any guy that would take her and she finally got one two days ago. I was trying to get her back the first week and after that she treated me like absolutely * * * * once she no longer needed emotional support from the first guy rejecting her. I hate her/don't care anymore depending on the day.

[Jd1983]

I definitely think that your opinion about people (specifically ex'es change due time).

 

My first love, was also my biggest heartbreak. While he didn't treat me well during our time together, it did take me awhile to get over him. I was well aware that I deserved a lot better than he had to offer. I do not think fondly of him, nor do I feel hatred for him. In time I just fully accepted that sometimes there are things that cannot be.

 

At this place in time, I found a wonderful partner who loves me more than I can imagine. Everything happens for a reason, therefore I don't regret anything.

[pat7x]

At first, I thought she was the one, even after we broke up... after a year (been together for 5) , well still missed her, wanted her back, but not as much you know, I think I was able to control myself, and if she would've came back towards me, I would have been able to really judge if it was real or not...

 

I'm at a year and a half later, just started dating new women, feels great and the ex isn't on my mind anymore. Starting to realize (probably through dating) that we didn't have that much in common after all, that everything I thought was rock solid between us, actually wasn't... It's probably going to take another year to totally forget her, but I'm happy right now, and I do not think about the past anymore... which is sooooo great lolll

 

Whatever happens, take it a day at a time, I don't let you heart come in the way, you gotta face the truth, and analyse what happened rationally like your best friend would. Imagine what you would tell your best friend if he/she was in your situation... then you'll be able to move forward if you really face it and stay strong,

[The Man Who]

I was in the same boat as Pat, genuinely thought she was the one but as soon as she told me she wanted a break and it was ok to get with other people in that month break I knew it was the end. I thought she was amazing/wonderful etc but now my opinions have changed and no matter what I wouldn't take her back even if she tried.

 

She's too young/immature for me and she needs to grow up. Anyone that thinks their boyfriend at the time would send a hateful email to them pretending to be someone else clearly has a want.

 

Thank christ I noticed this before it was too late!

[Thorshammer]

I dont care about ex's when they leave. I mean yeah, it hurts and all that- but at some point the most simplest thoughts take over all the complicated WHAT HAPPENED-thought patterns that ran through my head. Simple thoughts like, "hey, dummy, she left you... uhmmm, yeah, she left YOU." Once i keep that in mind, realize that i dont see the reason to want someone who doesnt want you.

 

With my last ex, it stings just a bit. I do miss her, and she is the one who i really ever loved. I went from hating her, to not hating her, now, it just IS. She is someone from the past, she wanted to be that, so she is that. I cant hang on and love someone that doesnt want it, my logical brain is on full-fire right now, and its grounding me to REALITY.

[Moontiger]

At first, I thought, "Oh, he is just stressed out. He will call me any day to get back together." Then my BFF talked sense into me, and I thought, "What a (censored). I deserve better then this. He is nothing but a (censoredcesoredcesored). I then got to a point where I thought, "Wow, we had some good times. Its too bad he got stupid and things didn't work out."

 

I went from making excuses, to being blindly angry, to acceptance and seeing everything as a learning experience. I no longer see my ex as a bad person but I never want to speak to/see him again.

[thelastsong]

At first, I thought, "Oh, he is just stressed out. He will call me any day to get back together." Then my BFF talked sense into me, and I thought, "What a (censored). I deserve better then this. He is nothing but a (censoredcesoredcesored). I then got to a point where I thought, "Wow, we had some good times. Its too bad he got stupid and things didn't work out."

 

I went from making excuses, to being blindly angry, to acceptance and seeing everything as a learning experience. I no longer see my ex as a bad person but I never want to speak to/see him again.

 

Yup. My feelings about my ex change from day to day, but the general trend has been a downward opinion of him. My friends help this, as most of them see him as selfish, stuck-up, and immature. I just plain don't want to see him anymore. I would like for him to drop off the face of the planet.

 

I'm not sure if I'll ever reach a point of indifference. I'll probably just slowly think of him less and less, but if I'm reminded of him, I'm sure all the negativity will resurface.

[carrie8484]

yep, my feelings towards my ex are very conflicted but generally I do not think of him in the same light as I used to, although it has taken me 5 months to realise that the person I thought was amazing is no longer that guy....

 

While we were together he treated me like a Princess, couldnt bare to be separated from me, texted me 50 times per day, was totally besotted then

 

BAM

 

 

He Broke up with me in a cowardly way - by text, dropped off the face of the earth, barely contacted me

 

how someone can change so much from one extreme to the other is beyond me

 

the one thing that has deteriorated massively is my respect for him

 

so yeah, although part of me still aches for that amazing relationship, that person who made it real is now just a stranger....

[Eocsor]

After a 14 year relationship I went from missing her to indifference. I don't hate her, I just don't care anymore.

[Silverbirch]

Absolutely! I really wanted to get back with my ex at first and I was in a really bad way for around 4 months until I started to get well again - it really was that bad. Eventually, I was able to take the rose-colored glasses off. I have absolutely NO interest in him and wouldn't go back to him for anything in the world. I used to think he was my best friend and a wonderful person. His behaviour at and since the break have shown him in a very different light. He wants us to be friends and even expected that I would go out with him for coffee and dinner "just occasionally". In his dreams! LOL!

[manu85]

Definitely! Right after the break-up I saw her as the best person in the world, offering endless support and love, a brave, special, interesting, fun girl who was totally right to leave me.

 

Now I know she's still brave, fun and interesting, but she is egocentrical, needs a man to fill up the holes in her low self-esteem, can't be on her own, has no respect or sensitivity towards people, especially people she used to care about, is manipulative, controling, needy, clingy and sees sex as a let-out. I'm estimating she must have had sex with at least 10-20 men during the year we broke up. I find that disgusting, as I consider sex as the most intimate thing two people can experience and even if I could have a lot more than I'm having, I don't easily have a one-night-stand (and if i do, I usually end up going back to the same person because the sex grows stronger). I don't think we can be happy together.

[GreenCupcake]

You know, I used to think that my ex was very nice but immature at times so I put up with it for the most part. I thought he was a genuine person who really loved me and went out of his way because he cared. I was crazy about him and got a kick out of his odd behavior at times. I was also sympathetic because he had a hard time when he was younger and was still struggling with it. I wanted to be there for him.

 

I realized that he put on a mask and tried to be someone he wasn't to impress me. He lied a lot because of this too. He would also throw anyone that was close to him under a bus if it meant that he would look like a better person for it. I think he acted all loving and nice to me so that he could get what he wanted. When we talked after the break-up, he never admitted what he did wrong and after a while I realized that he cannot handle taking the blame at all. Even throughout the relationship I noticed this too but it didn't become as apparent until after the breakup.

 

For the past week or so I've been feeling indifferent towards him. I don't even care if I don't hear from him. It's almost been a month since I last got in contact with him and I don't even plan on doing it again. It's over.

[mg22]

Yes they have, when he dumped me , i was so upset , sad, depressed.. thought of him coming back to me.. now i feel disgusted by him, i came to realize that he was a liar, control freak, and a con artist !! thank god i came to my senses.. my family told me things i was to blind to see... but thank god to NC i came to realize these things on my own.

[NICEMAN99]

After a 14 year relationship I went from missing her to indifference. I don't hate her, I just don't care anymore.

 

how long did it took you to get there

i was married 14 years 2 daughters and i still miss her even though she has caused alot of pain

almost everyday

now i wish to heal and just dont care but truth i still care

[Eocsor]

how long did it took you to get there

i was married 14 years 2 daughters and i still miss her even though she has caused alot of pain

almost everyday

now i wish to heal and just dont care but truth i still care

 

For my ex wife, whom I have three children with, about two years to really feel better and move on. By move on I don't mean date though because it was about another year or so before I wanted to do that.

 

It's hard when you have to maintain contact for the childrens sake. I had to deal with the fact that my ex left me for someone else. They are still together to this day. But i don't care anymore. And you will get to that stage to. It just takes time.

[NICEMAN99]

thanks for the reply.

my wife tells me .. that she felt hard for this guy. and when things got complicated the guy left.

and when all the bubbles when away i was still there and he wasnt.

so she wanted to give ourself another chance!!!!

2 days later she tells me she is still intersted on this guy even though he doesnt want to be with her...she havnt give up yet.

as you can see she tells me one thing 1 day and different thing the next day.

[AnnaN]

It changes all the time. Right now I think of him as a lazy coward, who was scared to commit further, although I never asked to, and he preferred to dump me instead of stay with me and fix the things in his life that he wanted. I want to have this opinion so I stop wanting him back. But then if that;s the case, the 4 great years we spent together meant nothing, he ruined it just like that...

[Kaytie]

After a 14 year relationship I went from missing her to indifference. I don't hate her, I just don't care anymore.

 

I am indifferent as well after my 12 year relationship ended. I don't have contact with her at all and I've seen her from afar once without any feeling whatsoever. I am completely indifferent now and have been for some time. It's coming up to two years since she left.

[ChellyV]

my 2 ex's i have remained friends, but friendship recurred after a long period of NC. the first ex i do think fondly of and do not wish ill for. (yes, these thoughts occur, admit it!). the second ex is a friend too, and we remained texting buddies specially when it comes to family and kids. again that happened after a long period of nc. i do love these two gentlemen but not in a romantic way anymore. lets just say, people who made a difference in my life.

 

the most recent ex, i am in the accepting stage now that oh well, he just didnt love me, very fresh 2 week post BU. at this time i am still bitter about it, and actually wished the "what goes around comes around" spiel on him, to which he reacted violently. but i know myself, in a matter of time, i will be completely over him and not wishing him back. i am actually surprised i am not crying so much, but i guess i didnt love him that much too (if that makes sense)?

 

so yes, opinion changes towards ex's.

[Gerda]

Yes, my feelings have changed a number of times. First I felt comfortable about the split because he had treated me badly and I was sure he'd come crawling back anyway. Then he didn't, so I entered a period of thinking I was madly in love with him, desperate for him, crying over him constantly, and in general just dying to have him back. This lasted a month, maybe two. Then I started alternating rage and pain with the occasional positive feeling. I started being able to think of him without hatred, I was able to think of him and his new girl and feel happiness for them both. That stopped in the past month or two. I still miss him. But I don't sit around wishing happiness for him and his new girl, because I don't want them to be happy because they don't deserve it, especially not him. But more and more he's fading away. I am able to think about what happened without nearly so much pain--even the most painful memories of those most painful moments. This is something amazing, such a gift. I feel like his power over me is fading, he can't hurt me like that any more. But it's been 8 months and I still think of him every single day. It upsets me, but I have a lot of reasons to be happy, so for the most part I am.

 

If you are asking this because you, or anyone else out there for that matter, are concerned that the intensity of the pain you are feeling now is an indication that it will never go away, or that it means you really are meant to be together, or that you're going to feel this awful forever, or whatever else--don't worry about it. You would be hard pressed to be any more distraught than I was during those first few months. I felt the same way and I wondered if I was going to mourn for him the rest of my life, but it has gotten better, my fears were baseless.