BrowneyedMan Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 Hi folks, me again. I would like to ask all of you, but especially the women, what I should do in my situation with this Vietnamese girl I've been trying to pursue. To quickly recap my story: I met this Vietnamese girl through a kind of dating site, met her once, went for a walk in the park and we got on nicely (..in hindsight I can't tell whether she was just being polite..), talking intensely. However, I rung her up 3 days after the first meeting, to ask her out again. She agreed, but then cancelled via text the night before the meet-up/date. I was disappointed about it, so didnt respond to her text for three days, then (at the advice from the users of this forum) texted her, apologizing for my late reply. No text response from her. Then called her up two days after the text, explained the situation, and my confusion about it. She apologized and agreed to meet up on the following Friday, after I asked her. That's how far I got in my last post. Now, that Friday, early, at 9am, she rang me up, saying: sorry, she can't meet again, her baby cousin has fallen ill with a cold, and since everyone else is out at work she has to stay in and mind the baby. ..She did call right away (after I told her during my last call that I am just not a text-man), and she did sound genuine enough for me to find her excuse believable. So I asked her during that same phone call, if I can call her again next week to agree on another date for a meet-up, to which she replied "Yeah, next week", and we left it at that. (Mind you, her German -which is my 'English'- is not very good/very basic.) So... I thought I'll give her a couple of days, give the baby time to get over the cold and her time to be around the child. So then I called her on Wednesday night (5 days after she cancelled our second meeting). ..I let it ring 10 times (I know, probably a bit much, but she never picked up very early and doesn't have voicemail on her phone.), anyway, she didn't pick up. ...So I left it at that. Called her once, she didn't pick up, and left it at that. Until now. (still haven't tried again, for wanting to NOT come accross as desperate or needy.) I figured, she cancelled on me twice (even though with good enough reason), and now she must have seen on her phone that I tried to call. (again, me making the effort). Anyway, she has not called back until now. So, all my friends (including women) have said, the ball is now in her court, and if she is interested she will call back. Well, she hasn't. Normally I would take the hint. However I really really liked this girl !! And also, initially felt like I at least didn't turn her off. So, I've been wondering a lot, if I might have gone wrong with all those admittedly long breaks inbetween my attempts to contact her. Whether that might have put her off me, by seeming too disinterested and unreliable, by leaving her waiting too long. - Could this be the case ?? (women, please! ) I've also searched a bit on the forum and the net, for reasons why women don't answer, and on the one side, people say, well, she simply isn't interested and doesn't want to tell you. On the other hand though, many women (and some 'dating experts') say, that women often don't take calls, even if they are interested, in order to 'play hard to get' somewhat. And they then expect the guy to try again and again, until they finally pick up. That way they want to test how real his interest is. ...is there any truth in that ? Could this be the case in my situation ? ...so far I've only tried once, she didn't take it and I haven't tried calling her again. Finally, ..again, as I like the girl so much and was aching about it, ..I sent her another message-response to her dating-ad from a fake email-account, and lo and behold, she responds right away (to the fake account), asking that she would like to meet me too and if I (the fake-'I') can give her my number so she can call me... (Man, that stung, when I saw it!!!) Anyway, what do you all make of all this ???? Is she simply not interested in me ? Or did I mess up and made her go off me through taking too long or not coming on strong enough ? What would you do in my situation ? (bearing in mind, that I am very interested in her.) Thanks very much for your time and any responses ! Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 This is like the third thread about Asian love interests. Clearly the guys aren't Asian. It adds a layer that I don't really know how to respond to. It seems strange to me. Link to comment
wsim Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 She had her chance to get back to you and did not. It seems pretty clear that she is not interested and would rather give you the silent treatment, in hopes that you would get the hint. You should move on and forget about her. Link to comment
badcat3 Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 From a female perspective, I don't think she is interested. She cancelled two dates, ignored your calls, and is going on dates with other guys (as proven when you sent her the fake email). If I I was really interested in someone, I wouldn't play hard to get- especially to that extent (maybe miss a call and and return it the next day, if that). Like you said, she might have been polite on your first date then spared your feelings by coming up with excuses. You should move on. Link to comment
LDRohnos Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 I agree you should move on. I would not expect her to be forthcoming telling you that she isn't interested...just go with your gut. Link to comment
BrowneyedMan Posted October 22, 2011 Author Share Posted October 22, 2011 thanks guys.. well.. can't say I'm happy about what I'm hearing. So you all reckon there is absolutely no point in trying to call her one last time ? The idea of persistence paying is a lost cause in this case ? Urghhh... life.. can be cruel sometimes. Link to comment
LDRohnos Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 This seems to be a theme today...but there's a line between playing hard to get and just plain unattainable. I personally feel you've crossed that line and she needs to slow down and come back to you. Sorry got carried away with the analogy....but yes I wouldn't bother calling again. Let her call you, in the meantime...set your heart on something else! Link to comment
BrowneyedMan Posted October 22, 2011 Author Share Posted October 22, 2011 yeah. cheers. ...over the past half hour what you guys were saying - all agreeing she isn't interested - really hit home with me. I mean, on the surface of things, to what other conclusion would anyone come. ....shyte. Well, I won't be calling her again, nor hang on to any hope with her. You're right. ....I doubt she'll call again, actually. (outcomes like these just make you doubt yourself so much, I find. Like, WHY did she not deem me good enough when I've done the best I could. that's the worst part of rejection.) Anyways.... Link to comment
badcat3 Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 Don't take the rejection personally (I know, easier said than done). It just means you guys weren't compatible. There will be another girl who is better suited for you and vice versa. Link to comment
sadchick83 Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 This woman is a liar. Why don't you send a third response, say you Are really rich and I'll bet you will get yet another quick response from this woman. Hello. This is internet dating after all. After that try a 4th and 5th identity And I'll bet you will get a few more quick responses. Honestly, rather than feel bad about this, I would have a little fun here. Yes she should have just said she wasn't interested, but since she didn't, Tell her you are super hot and ask her if she likes expensive jewlery. She will be salivating over the phone. Tell her you'd love to see her, but you have to look after Your sick grandmother...at least 5 days until she gets over her cold. But yea, you will get together "N.W.". Which stands for next week, which never comes of course. Link to comment
In the Dark Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 Leave this girl alone for the better of yuor own sanity. I think she has done enough things which are hurtful enough to out you off. She will no doubt avoid saying to you the truth because she does not want to feel bad when she says it. Link to comment
Ariel85 Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 Why don't you meet her as the fake you? JK. Really. Don't. Just move on. I think you've given this more than enough of an effort. Link to comment
user1988 Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 This woman is a liar. Why don't you send a third response, say you Are really rich and I'll bet you will get yet another quick response from this woman. Hello. This is internet dating after all. After that try a 4th and 5th identity And I'll bet you will get a few more quick responses. Honestly, rather than feel bad about this, I would have a little fun here. Yes she should have just said she wasn't interested, but since she didn't, Tell her you are super hot and ask her if she likes expensive jewlery. She will be salivating over the phone. Tell her you'd love to see her, but you have to look after Your sick grandmother...at least 5 days until she gets over her cold. But yea, you will get together "N.W.". Which stands for next week, which never comes of course. Seriously, was this response necessary? The woman just didn't sound like a good match, doesn't make her a gold digger and rejected him purely based on money. Why suggest him play games like that, just leave the woman alone and move on, there's better matches for him out there. Link to comment
BrowneyedMan Posted October 22, 2011 Author Share Posted October 22, 2011 thanks guys... @sadchick83: I personally enjoyed your post. Especially since it's coming from a woman. And part of me would be very tempted to do something like that. ..But, alas, time... the only thing on my side here. should I play with her too ?! (Well, if I get bored this weekend I might send her a pic of my very handsome friend. ..and then take my time. lol. ) @in the dark: ..you're probably right. thanks for your sympathy. ..and, love the avatar !! @ariel85: ...you know I have.. well, sanity calls for your advice. @user 1988: I enjoyed that post.. - so to summarize: you all agree it is a lost cause. Link to comment
Kitten love Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 I'm sorry, but I would assume if she hasn't returned any if your attempts to get in contact, she's not interested I know many girls who would take this (slightly cowardly) way out.. And while it's true some girls enjoy being "chased", they would show interest in some way to encourage this. Please don't be discouraged though, you've learned a lot through this experience.. But at the same time don't go the other way and come on too strong with the next girl! Link to comment
Kitten love Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 Also.. I doubt anything you did or didn't do affected the outcome on this one. If you click, you click, and if one person isn't feeling it, onto the next! Link to comment
TheVP Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 What everyone is saying here is probably true, and typically the best to just walk away. But since you REALLY like her, what the heck, give her another call, but brace yourself for a let down. Link to comment
BrowneyedMan Posted October 22, 2011 Author Share Posted October 22, 2011 ok, cheers guys... I think this must be one of the rare instances on this forum where everyone seems to agree. Don't think I'll bother trying with her anymore. anyway, thanks again. Link to comment
sadchick83 Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 Also with this one....I like how her lie of her whereabouts Made herself look good....oh sorry, I'm busy reading the bible to blind kids. Meanwhile, she was likely trolling this dating site looking for her Next meal ticket. Let us know what happens when you contact her again. Link to comment
Ryguy786 Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 This is like the third thread about Asian love interests. Clearly the guys aren't Asian. It adds a layer that I don't really know how to respond to. It seems strange to me. Then why respond? Sorry about the fake e-mail response... but honestly, just leave her alone. If she's not going to give you the respect of cleaning things up with you before moving on to the next guy, she's not worth it. Link to comment
BrowneyedMan Posted October 23, 2011 Author Share Posted October 23, 2011 Then why respond? Sorry about the fake e-mail response... but honestly, just leave her alone. If she's not going to give you the respect of cleaning things up with you before moving on to the next guy, she's not worth it. It didn't stop at one response to the fake-email. So now I have further proof that she can go to heck as far as I'm concerned. She's certainly not worth pursuing. I find her behaviour disgusting, to be honest. Link to comment
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