Dougie_D Posted September 19, 2011 Share Posted September 19, 2011 Many people have said I need to try online dating. And when I tell them I have no luck, they say, maybe you need to change your picture and such! Well, I put the best picture out I have available and nothing! Also,if YOU are a guy....GOOD LUCK actually ASKING A GIRL out and have them saying yes. Dating Sites are for GIRLS...Nothing else. It gives them the confident of asking ANY GUY out w/out feeling * * * * ty or morally wrong. I have had at least 10 girls where we e-mailed back and forth. EVERY SINGLE time I ask "Would you like to get a coffee sometime?" etc... I get NO response back. It sucks!!!!!!!1 Link to comment
bunny45 Posted September 19, 2011 Share Posted September 19, 2011 I've been on dating sites for 4 years and haven't met one fella in person... The reason for me has nothing to do with their appearance... It's all about communication and attitude... Link to comment
RKO Posted September 19, 2011 Share Posted September 19, 2011 I went on a few during what I call my "dark days" although theres nothign wrong with them personally i felt a little bit like it was a cattle market. each to their own. I had good success on them, met a few people had some fun, but it all seemed a bit false and manufactured. The best relationships I think are ones left to chance, when you meet someone out and just click! Link to comment
Shudder Posted September 19, 2011 Share Posted September 19, 2011 i havent had much luck with it myself. i met one girl and we went of a few dates but her true colours showed up and she was a mess lol Link to comment
Fudgie Posted September 19, 2011 Share Posted September 19, 2011 I've met a couple of my boyfriends online. When it comes to online dating, I say "Why not?". It doesn't take much effort to just keep a profile up and browse girls/check messages once in a while. You do online dating WHILE you pursue other avenues to meet women. Link to comment
CMS Posted September 19, 2011 Share Posted September 19, 2011 I will repeat this again to all fellas who are bitter at dating sites, it works fine, you just have to stand out. Dont go email every girl on there with "hey I am xxx, I love walking on the beach and cuddle, please like me", you are guaranteed for a no response. You want a response then do what the other guys dont do. Dont believe me? set up a fake account pretending to be a good looking girl and watch your inbox gets flooded with over 50 emails a day with the message I just listed (I did it and it was an eye opener). You need to to whats the other guys dont do to get a result Link to comment
twentiesgirl86 Posted September 19, 2011 Share Posted September 19, 2011 It works for some people, and for others it doesn't. I've emailed guys, and have had guys email me but it's the comfort thing for me. I would much rather meet a guy in person, I don't know why since I am shy. Everyone always thinks online dating would work better for me, since it's easier to communicate. However, not true for me. I am very good at communicating online when it comes to forums and such. However, I feel more comfortable asking a guy out, and getting to know him better offline then online and I can't explain it. I make more of a connection with a person when I meet them then I do when I talk to them online and I don't why that is. It's hard for me to really feel comfortable, even with a picture of someone and I feel even worse about meeting them offline later. Now if I met said person offline first and then we communicated online via email, texting, MSN, whatever I feel extremely comfortable. I think I'm just weird. Link to comment
Dougie_D Posted September 19, 2011 Author Share Posted September 19, 2011 it works fine, you just have to stand out Yeah, like be more ATTRACTIVE than everyone else. It's not that easy for me! You need to to whats the other guys dont do to get a result And what exactly is this? Not have a bio? Only 2 pictures? Don't e-mail anyone? set up a fake account pretending to be a good looking girl and watch your inbox gets flooded with over 50 emails a day I agree that girls are flooded by emails. So what does that mean? They won't check them, right? Which means, they will only go after what they want. I am trying my best to have a great picture! Link to comment
CMS Posted September 19, 2011 Share Posted September 19, 2011 Yeah, like be more ATTRACTIVE than everyone else. It's not that easy for me! And what exactly is this? Not have a bio? Only 2 pictures? Don't e-mail anyone? I agree that girls are flooded by emails. So what does that mean? They won't check them, right? Which means, they will only go after what they want. I am trying my best to have a great picture! You dont have to look like brad pitt (it helps a lot if you do, but not all of us are brad pitt). Get pictures of you in formal attires while out and look like you are having fun, get the point accross that you have a social life and you have fun when you are out. For the profile you do not want to be an open book, be a little mysterious, tell girls that you are a challenge, you chose the women you want to date, come accross like you are picky. I say in my profile that "I am looking for someone who is beautiful on the inside and out, someone who is not afraid to try new things. If you are just another pretty face with no personality or sense of humor then don't bother, I am too good for you, otherwise dont be shy and shoot me a hi, I wont bite". Make your profile to stand out, dont say I like long walks on the beach and cuddle, be a little mysterious, be a challenge, invite her to reply back to find out more. Link to comment
Dougie_D Posted September 19, 2011 Author Share Posted September 19, 2011 Well, I'm still a little confused. I've had conversations go back and forth but EVERY SINGLE time I ask "let's get together" I get NO reply back. What's the point on being on the site if you don't want to go OUT on a date? It's not a FORUM where we just chat away. That's what gets me. I feel like I can only get a date UNTIL the girl asks me first? Is this true? What am I doing wrong?! Link to comment
ut804 Posted September 19, 2011 Share Posted September 19, 2011 well i can give you some tips: 1. don't flirt/ come on too strong. 2. say more than "hi" in your first message 3. make sure your profile is filled out, but i dont want to read whole long autobiography but honestly... yes for me it comes down to looks. but yiu dont need to be a supermodel (those men tend to be cocky, arrogant, air heads). so it needs to be the obvious looks and personality (and to have things in common) Also, be sure the girls you are messaging are girls who you meet their criteria. For example, it says twice in my profile that my age limit is 29. Do you know how many guys over age 30 have messaged me? and then they are going to complain that I don't respond? READ my profile. also, my profile says I need someone who livec close by. do you know how many messages I get from men out of state? I mean c'mon. it really is competetive though. there are thousands of people. and with so many people, its only natural to get picky. Link to comment
JadeArdor Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 Firstly, who the hell are you? I don't mean this in a disrespectful way, but I do want you to answer the question honestly. What are you doing with your life, how do you feel about yourself, how you feel about other people? And if you could, say something about yourself that you think stands out. (to other people, or even to yourself.) Secondly, it doesn't sound like you're particularly fond of your picture. If the best you can say about it is that it's 'the best one you have available', it sounds like you're using a consolation prize. Get a new picture- preferably one that you can honestly say is something you're happy to say is you. Thirdly, since when does your opinion mean nothing? Are you a slug? Are you sub-human? Isn't it reasonable to believe that people out there might have to pander to your likes and dislikes once in a while? You're scrutinizing these women just as much as they might be scrutinizing you. And probably more, considering you seem to believe that there's some degree of shallowness that affects their level of interest in you. Needless to say, they have just as much to prove to you, if not more. So don't count yourself out, or unworthy. If you're looking for a random hook-up, by all means be as indiscriminate as you like. But if you're looking for a quality relationship or something that could lead in that direction, then start looking for quality women. And that means, you have to be willing to focus on the people that are truly worth your time. Anyone can win the affection an idiot, or a floozy, or someone who's desperate. But if you're looking to find someone who's sane, emotionally healthy and even attractive, you've gotta start treating yourself like the kind of thing you're looking for. You don't want to 'win' anyone's interest, you want to deserve it. Link to comment
Dougie_D Posted September 20, 2011 Author Share Posted September 20, 2011 Firstly, who the hell are you? I'm Doug. I'm 30 years old. I live in Los Angeles, originally from TN. What are you doing with your life, how do you feel about yourself, how you feel about other people? I'm currently helping bands/artist to further their career. I manage,consult,book, etc.. Mostly Artist Development. Also, I've been looking in doing some acting and I have done background extra work. Well, I've never felt too high about myself and right now I feel really lonely. I like myself, but I have doubts because I seriously feel that people don't actually want to be friends with me. They just want to USE me in some way. The fact that my parents have wanted me to get plastic surgery has stuck in my head. Most people like to state my flaws and not compliment me on things I do. I enjoy people's company. I don't mind people but for some reason most people enjoy making fun of my flaws. Most of my friends have admitted to me that they thought that I was a weirdo because I have an eccentric personality apparently. (Is that a good thing?) I feel like people think I have some disease when I don't! And if you could, say something about yourself that you think stands out Honestly, all the things I can say would probably be a NEGATIVE attribute. Saying that I'm a 30 year old VIRGIN, would not help. I don't know what to say? Should I say "I love board games?". I already have that in my bio. Am I NOT exciting? Could this be the reason why I'm having a hard time on the dating site? Get a new picture- preferably one that you can honestly say is something you're happy to say is you Well, I had posted my profile on this forum awhile back asking for feedback on my pictures. The ones I actually likes were ones that apparently didn't really do to well for me (according to some members). So I did change my picture and the one I have right now is the one that people have approved. But I guess, it's not that great now??? I had a few "visitors" but no luck with getting a date. Thirdly, since when does your opinion mean nothing? Are you a slug? Are you sub-human? Isn't it reasonable to believe that people out there might have to pander to your likes and dislikes once in a while? You're scrutinizing these women just as much as they might be scrutinizing you. And probably more, considering you seem to believe that there's some degree of shallowness that affects their level of interest in you. Needless to say, they have just as much to prove to you, if not more. So don't count yourself out, or unworthy. I didn't write this thread to BASH people. It's more of frustration and the question "Is it really just looks? And do I need to accept that I'm not attractive enough for women."? Yes, I would hope for women to pander to my likes and dislikes...but it really HURTS when my roommates BARELY have anything written about what they enjoy and what they are really looking for. Ha! Also, many times a girl will write to my guy roommate and tell him that he needs more info (in a flirty way) If you're looking for a random hook-up, by all means be as indiscriminate as you like. But if you're looking for a quality relationship or something that could lead in that direction, then start looking for quality women. And that means, you have to be willing to focus on the people that are truly worth your time I'm just looking for a date! How do you know if a person is worth your time before you get to know them better? I honestly feel like I'm at disadvantage because I'm not as attractive or whatever. I've messaged girls that apparently message people back a lot, but not for me. I've messaged girls that I feel like I would love to hang out with. Not by their pictures but on what I thought we have in common. All I'm saying is, I'm looking for a chance. No girl has reached out to me. Most all the people who took my advice in using the dating site have had FAR more luck than I have. To me, that's very discouraging. I feel extremely like a loser because they continue to get dates and always ask "So why haven't you got a date?" It's like they are rubbing it in my face. Link to comment
redhood Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 try link removed. its free to join. they have a coach dylan alexander that can view ur profile n tell u what he thinks. he also does coaching. Link to comment
timlondon Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 Many people have said I need to try online dating. And when I tell them I have no luck, they say, maybe you need to change your picture and such! Well, I put the best picture out I have available and nothing! Also,if YOU are a guy....GOOD LUCK actually ASKING A GIRL out and have them saying yes. Dating Sites are for GIRLS...Nothing else. How long have you had an online dating profile and which site is it? I imagine your profile is terrible and you probably also have terrible photos on it. Sorry for assuming that... PM me it and I'll review it if you like. Or if you're not too shy about it post here and you'll get women commenting on it which would be a major bonus for you. On the plus side you are already exchanging messages with women so clearly not a completely awful start. You might like to read through the info link removed (hopefully you can see that site) which should give you some guidance. It sounds like you have an interesting job, anything to do with music and bands should be nectar to women and certainly provides lots to talk about. And you're wrong about dating sites being only for girls, they couldn't exist if they didn't work to some extent. It can take a while though... but I've met some awesome girls through online dating. Link to comment
Dougie_D Posted September 20, 2011 Author Share Posted September 20, 2011 I imagine your profile is terrible and you probably also have terrible photos on it. Sorry for assuming that... PM me it and I'll review it if you like. Or if you're not too shy about it post here and you'll get women commenting on it which would be a major bonus for you I had already posted my profile awhile back on this forum. I'm not going to post the link because I got scrutinized because of it...but I got feedback and changed it. I haven't changed anything since I got the "approval". It can take a while though... but I've met some awesome girls through online dating. How did you approach it? Please tell me YOU asked her out first. How many messages before one person asked the other one out on a date? Link to comment
timlondon Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 How did you approach it? Please tell me YOU asked her out first. How many messages before one person asked the other one out on a date? I'm kind of regularly seeing a couple of girls from okcupid at the moment and they both messaged me first but I wouldn't read too much into that. Other than that I guess averaging a date a week, pretty much always me contacting the target* first. I'd say a rule of thumb for me is to minimise the amount of messaging and meet up as soon as possible, so ideally asking after 3 or 4 messages with something like "hey I hate trying to get to know someone by text, why don't we grab a coffee [or beer, depends on the girl] and do this in person?" Seems to work and eliminates any ambiguity. To be honest I don't think I'm great at online dating but... just good enough. Of the dates only 1 has been bad, some have been great. It's been a bit of effort but a good experience. Oh yeah just to add that it's pretty much always me who asks them for a drink. *joke Link to comment
Alezia Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 How many friends do you have who are female? I'm not talking about dating prospects, just friendships. Link to comment
Dougie_D Posted September 20, 2011 Author Share Posted September 20, 2011 after 3 or 4 messages with something like "hey I hate trying to get to know someone by text, why don't we grab a coffee [or beer, depends on the girl] and do this in person I've almost used that same exact LINE! But EVERY TIME I try to make a suggestion of seeing each other in person, I get NO RESPONSE. I'm trying to figure out why??? This is the reason I started this post. I feel like it works more when the girl makes the first move. By her MESSAGING you first, she's automatically interested. I'm really trying to figure out why PERSONALLY no girl would want to go on date w/ me. Is it really all about my LOOKS? If so, I need help to figure out what's my best LOOK. I'm clueless. I have people tell me all different things. I recently got a haircut. One person loves it, another hates it. Ugh!!! How many friends do you have who are female? I'm not talking about dating prospects, just friendships I'm not sure how to answer this question. On a daily basis? Not sure...one, my roommate? Single? Not Single? I don't have MANY friends here in LA. It's incredibly hard to meet new people out here. I've lived in Tennessee my entire life until last year. (Been in LA since March 2010)I have more "couple" based friends than anything though. Do these girls count? I mean, some of these couples have split up but I still can contact with them. Link to comment
timlondon Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 This is the reason I started this post. I feel like it works more when the girl makes the first move. By her MESSAGING you first, she's automatically interested. I'm really trying to figure out why PERSONALLY no girl would want to go on date w/ me. Is it really all about my LOOKS? If so, I need help to figure out what's my best LOOK. I'm clueless. I have people tell me all different things. I recently got a haircut. One person loves it, another hates it. Ugh!!! Well of course it does, because I'm only going to reply to girls I'm interested in, and she's already definitely interested in me because she's contacted me. Whereas if I contacted first she hasn't made that definite choice. And if you're not getting messages from women anyway this is a moot point. Anyway I offered to have a look at your profile but you won't PM me, so not sure how I can help with the other stuff you ask. Link to comment
ut804 Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 I've almost used that same exact LINE! But EVERY TIME I try to make a suggestion of seeing each other in person, I get NO RESPONSE. I'm trying to figure out why??? OK... i forgot to add a big point in my last post. *I* have been guilty of talking to men and then flake out when they ask to meet up. you want to know why? someone better comes along! sometimes i get bored if im not talking to anyone, so I'll talk to guys who are just *ok* but not that great. I guess kinda like being desperate? well i dont want to use that word.... But I feel like I need to talk to *someone* sometimes. but then I kinda change my mind when they actually want to meet up. because after a week of chatting, chances are someone better came along and messaged me. and then I get overwhelmed. I don't like to multi-date, so then I'll cut out the guys who are OK and focus on the better ones who recently messaged me. ALSO, i chat with multiple men because I know that some of THEM will just stop messaging me. so I feel like if I only talk to one guy at a time I won't get far. I know it may sound wrong, and I had stopped doing that. Link to comment
Day_Walker Posted September 21, 2011 Share Posted September 21, 2011 You just have to keep trying, dating is a numbers game whether online or in person. It is discouraging, but online dating is very non-invasive where you can meet a lot of people very easily. With that ease means that rejecting a person is even easier. My suggestion is to not give up on online dating and keep trying to get dates. Link to comment
Alezia Posted September 21, 2011 Share Posted September 21, 2011 I'm not sure how to answer this question. On a daily basis? Not sure...one, my roommate? Single? Not Single? I don't have MANY friends here in LA. It's incredibly hard to meet new people out here. I've lived in Tennessee my entire life until last year. (Been in LA since March 2010)I have more "couple" based friends than anything though. Do these girls count? I mean, some of these couples have split up but I still can contact with them. I'm not picky on their relationship status. I'm just wondering what your 'offline' network stands at right now, but it seems you've pointed out that you don't have many friends around. Perhaps, that's where you should start. Have something over at your apartment and invite them to bring other people you haven't met. I don't have the same advice for online people as usually they don't mesh together. I always people kept their 'real' dating life, and then had the extra 'game' online. Most girls I know based it entirely off of looks and were looking for one night stands or even just webcam fun. They kept their real relationship potential to real life encounters. If you say that your looks aren't incredible, you will probably have to filter through a lot of girls until you meet one that looks serious. Link to comment
Dougie_D Posted September 21, 2011 Author Share Posted September 21, 2011 I'll cut out the guys who are OK and focus on the better ones What is considered better though? If this is the case then I would assume that my 90% matches (compatible matches) would think that I'm a perfect match, but I guess not? How can someone tell that one person is better than the other in a bio...UNLESS it's based on LOOKS! but it seems you've pointed out that you don't have many friends around. Perhaps, that's where you should start. Have something over at your apartment and invite them to bring other people you haven't met. You sound like I need to throw a party! Hahaha! I'm working hard to meet new people. I live in a house w/ roommates and one of them is basically my landlord. I've met some of my roommates friends enough to feel like I am friend but we only hang out unless my roommate is there. We don't have much in common anyways. I feel very discouraged because it's so easy for my roommates to get a date and not me. They BARELY get out of the house. They are the types that will not go out unless someone is with them. I have somewhat "friends", but they are also considered a client. Also, they are younger than me, so there is an age gap. I'm honestly looking for new WOMEN to hang out with. I just don't know how that works. It seems very easy to be introduced, right? But I have to know someone that is willing to introduce!!! Link to comment
Fudgie Posted September 21, 2011 Share Posted September 21, 2011 Dougie, I determine which men are "better" in my eyes based not on looks, but rather, compatibility. Example: Let's say there are 2 guys. We share same political views. However, one has had ONS in the past and FBs and seems to be a bit more "lax" when it comes to sex. The other guy doesn't have sex outside of a relationship and has always maintained that. I agree with the 2nd dude, as that's how I live my life. To me, he's probably the "better" one, judging on these conditions alone. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.