Fifth date and no kiss

[blossom88]

Okay so am feeling so confused and dont even know what to do.

 

My query is about kissing, holding hands and how early on it comes into a relationship. I have been dating this man for about 3 months. In these 2 months we have gone out for about 6 dates. He intitiates most of the dates and we are able to carry a conversation, laugh and stuff.However I dont understand why he wont kiss me or even attempt to hold my hand. When we go on dates I take time to look good but he has never really complimented me or said I look nice. He has classified our outings as dates which makes me think that he likes me. On date number 6 I tried to give him a hug but it was so awkward he remained with his hands at his side and didn't really respond

 

Is he just respecting me or does he not find me attractive? Has anyone else expirienced this? should I bring it up and find out about it? I like him a lot but I dont know what I'm dealing with.

[mhowe]

You are dealing with someone who is just not into it --- 2 months and 6 dates...not a great sign. I would move on.

[DN]

I would give it more time - he may have been burned befoire by being told he moved too quickly. It isn't always an easy thing to judge.

[Imthatguy]

You are dealing with someone who is just not into it --- 2 months and 6 dates...not a great sign. I would move on.

 

The only problem is that he is initiating the dates. So obviously he is into it but something is just holding him back.

[shuttlefish]

Maybe he's shy...you might have to make the first move here.

[MaryJane2011]

Is he shy? Being a shy person, I am OK with late kisses. But the hug you described sounds very weird.

[happyfrank]

When you see him. Kiss him.. If he doesn't kiss back you will know he wasn't into you.

 

He could be really shy when it comes to holding hands and kissing.

[camus154]

Why not take the direct, simple approach and just talk to him?

[Batya33]

Talking could be overwhelming for both of you. What I did in a similar situation was suggest that our next date be at his place watching a movie (I lived with my parents at the time). He got the hint.

[april15]

One of two things in my mind. He is not an affectionate person. He is not that into you but enjoys spending time with you. I would on the next date, see how things go. If it is more of the same, I would tell him that you are perplexed as to the lack of affection. Plenty of time and dates have passed, if he is attracted to you he should have at least kissed you goodnight by now. Kiss goodnight by the 3rd date would be moving slow for me. Get it out there so you can make an educated decision on how to move forward.

[camus154]

I don't see what would be so overwhelming about simply discussing this. And if it is overwhelming for him, then that would probably say a lot about his emotional health and whether he's honestly worth dating to begin with.

 

I mean, 3 months and not even a kiss? That's not normal.

[Batya33]

I agree but it's only been three months and dealing with it head on could make him very uncomfortable - it might need to happen but I think she should try other things first.

[BellaDonna]

Maybe he is taking it slow, worried that he will offend you if he attempts anything physical. However, you did initiate contact, which would show you were comfortable with that next step:

 

On date number 6 I tried to give him a hug but it was so awkward he remained with his hands at his side and didn't really respond

 

 

I would ask him if he feels attraction/chemistry. Just tell him gently that you noticed that he didn't hug back so you wanted to see what he's thinking.

[reboundstudent]

Three months and no physical contact at all?? That sounds more like a friendship that a romantic relationship to me. If you really like him, your best bet is to ask, but if you're only sort of into him, give him a call and say "I just don't feel any chemistry, let's be friends" and you can pull the whole confusing episode behind you.

[The_Wanderer]

I'd give him the benefit of the doubt, for now. You definitely need to address this, but initiating physical contact can be hard for a lot of guys, especially if they have had bad experiences with their advances getting rejected in the past. Why not take the first step in a casual, light way? A kiss on the lips for goodnight or something, to help ease him into it.

 

But at the same time, if he can't get over this, I'd say it's probably a lost cause. I can't imagine any sort of investment without physical intimacy.

[Stay_home]

Everybody moves at different speeds, there's never a once size fits all.

 

For me personally, usually by date three I try to go in for a light kiss or at least a kiss on the cheek.

[MyNinja]

So you mean to tell me that you went in to hug him and he just stood there with his arms at his sides as if he was paralyzed??? You were right about that being awkward. He couldn't give you a simple hug? That's like few degrees lower than a kiss.

 

Either he's very shy or just not that affectionate or doesn't want to move too fast as he may have experienced some bad situations regarding this in the past. I would talk to him about it and see what he has to say.

[motley802]

He might be really shy person. Simply ask- "so what do you think where are we going?" at the end of next date. Or ask casually "what do you think of us"

[blossom88]

I invited him home, we watched a movie and I cooked dinner. I thought like a previous poster this would make him more comfortable but there was nothing.

 

I kind of feel frustrated because it makes me doubt if there is even any feelings for me. I'm not asking for grand gestures but just a touch, a light kiss or something that distinguishes me from being just a pal.

 

I have thought of having one more date then bringing up the issue a date after. I'll just ask "hey how come we haven't kissed? Are you seeing me in a romantic light or are we just friends?". depending on the answer I will make a decision from there.

[dali]

3rd date? By the end of the first/second a kiss usually happens. Let alone 3 months, that's odd. Do you have chemistry with this guy or is he just good for company?

[blossom88]

I find him attractive and i think he's cool and wondering if its the same for him. When we talk conversation flows and silences are not awkward but comfortable. However because of this issue I feel like the chemistry is missing and it was fine in the first few dates but now its just like am kind of in limbo.

[DN]

This guy is either very shy or very smart.

[camus154]

There comes a point where you have to put it on the line and be prepared to cut your losses or move forward.

 

This is definitely not a normal situation. I wouldn't waste any more time trying to coax this out of him. You shouldn't need to walk on eggshells because this guy isn't giving you any signs of physical interest. I'd simply sit him down and very frankly ask what's going on.

 

If that weirds him out too much, then he's either not very understanding or not very socially adept.

[mxpinky]

How old are you guys? Has he gone out with other girls previously?? If you want to kiss him, then say to him "I want to kiss you" and then just do it! You'll have your answers. No need to over-think.

[Oneironaut]

I invited him home, we watched a movie and I cooked dinner. I thought like a previous poster this would make him more comfortable but there was nothing.

 

I kind of feel frustrated because it makes me doubt if there is even any feelings for me. I'm not asking for grand gestures but just a touch, a light kiss or something that distinguishes me from being just a pal.

 

I have thought of having one more date then bringing up the issue a date after. I'll just ask "hey how come we haven't kissed? Are you seeing me in a romantic light or are we just friends?". depending on the answer I will make a decision from there.

 

I agree with this. Please keep us posted, I'm curious as to how this turns out.