Koglin Posted September 14, 2011 Share Posted September 14, 2011 I'm 32, currently living with my girlfriend (also 32) for the past 8 months, we have a good relationship and both have agreed a few months ago that marriage would be the next anticipated step along with starting a family within the next couple of years. The past few months have been very tough for me and after carefully reflecting on the situation it appears that almost all my stresses are now directly linked to our financial situation. What's worse is I have no clue on what to do to rectify the problem so help from you guys would be much appreciated. Quick background. I have a good career with a good income of $60,000 annually, I have option for overtime which allows me to earn more. I am still progressing in my career and anticipate good raises in salary over the next few years. My girlfriend has a very secure career with great benefits and ears $40,000 annually. She doesn't get paid overtime even if she works longer hours. When we met over a year ago I had $14,000 sitting in my bank account, no debt, just paid off my car in full and finances were a non-issue for me. I was happy. Within a years time I now have a consolidated balance in the negative of $4000 and feel that the debt will only get worse in the year to come. What's worse is I now have to try saving for an engagement ring (not cheap these days), figure out how the wedding and honey moon will get paid for along with all these other expenses that come up. What's even more frustrating is that unlike most guys my age I never spend a penny on alcohol or going out to bars or clubs and treat myself to only minimal things. We live in a luxury condo which we rent for $1,700 monthly which I think is too much so we will hopefully change that in a few months when our lease is up. I've voiced these concerns to my girlfriend on quite a few occasions over the past few months but it almost seems like she isn't very interested in hearing it and although she's compasionate and listens she offers no solid advice and doesn't seem to be phased much over money although she's currently sitting in nearly $30,000 worth of debt but carries assets that can pay this debt off and then some if she had an emergency of some sort. But it's not so much my current situation that's causing me to lose sleep at night, what I worry about is her general attitude towards finances. I find that she's more optimistic and unrealistic with an attitude of "let's do this and worry about paying it off later" where as my attitude is always "Can we really afford this? How are we going to pay for this when the bill comes in a month?" So basically anytime something comes up involving spending a large portion of money I always feel like I'm being a controling * * * * * by voicing my concerns on how we can't afford it while she's always telling me that I'm preventing us from doing what couples do and that things will work themselves out in the end, saying "we'll make it work somehow." (a sentence I've learned to hate recently). To give you an example from yesterday. Just the past weekend we had a talk about money and she simply said that last year was expensive for us but this year will be cheaper. Last year was expensive I agree, between expensive holidays, christmas and birthday presents for our immediate families and each other, xmas/birthday gifts for nieces and nephews, mother day and father day gifts, people's birthdays, buying things for our place, anniversary gifts, weddings, baby showers, stagette parties, baptisms, etc. etc. we're talking thousands and thousands of dollars just in those departments alone, which doesn't even include living costs. So we agreed that I would work over time a few days a week to earn more money and that since we already have a trip planned in January (this is when I'm planning on proposing) and trip planned for end of May to visit my grandma in France who's not well and explore the country a bit we would not make any other major trips that year. Well after working a 10 hour day yesterday I come home and she tells me that one of her cousins got suddenly engaged to his new girlfriend of 4 months (who we've met once) and that he's doing a destination wedding in February. I should point out that this cousin of hers is not close with her or us at all and we see him maybe twice a year at family functions. We don't even talk to him unless it's at those functions. Well of course she thinks it would only be appropriate and a splendid idea that we must make this wedding which is probably going to be 5 hour flight to Mexico and we would have to get a one week all inclusive package for the two of us so between that trip and his wedding gift this would set us back around $3,500. The timing couldn't be any worse as I've already booked end of January off for a week and that trip will cost me $2000 but it's suppose to be my treat for our engagement so I'm happy to do it but convincing my boss to give me another week off three weeks later and spend even more money is unreasonable given the circumstances. So I basically told her how I feel about this and as usual she argued that we should go to this wedding vacation and we can figure out details later, etc. My best friend is getting married at a destination wedding in November and I refused to go due to money constraints. I just don't understand why she can't make similar conclusions on her own. I can also suggest that she goes by herself but then how is that fair to me, I'm putting in heavy over time and making cuts on myself while she's not working overtime and going on trips that are beyond our means. I don't mind once or twice but I don't want that to be the norm for us. So basically I put it to her this way, the long overtime I put in from now until that trip (over the next 5 months) will all be blown in one shot on that destination wedding rather than getting out of debt and saving like we've agreed. I did the math this is true. So I put it in perspective for her that I would have to work almost a year of overtime on a regular basis just to break even on that trip for the two of us and that I feel the money should be going elsewhere. At the end of the one hour conversation she basically told me that I just "yap yap yap" in circles too much and that it's stressful and that we'll figure it all out. I replied that we really should not live beyond our means and she replied (jokingly it sounded) with "it's too late for that." So I just told her fine I've voiced what I wanted to and that I don't want her to come to me a year down the line and complain that I didn't do anything about it. I also told her that I won't stress her out over finances anymore because it's getting annoying to her and I'm getting annoyed too, I feel like I'm nagging too much. I feel like I've hit a wall with this. But above all, what scares me the most is, how are we suppose to get married, have kids and buy a house in the next few years when between our combined $100,000 income we basically spend slightly more than what we earn with out all those obligations to begin with. When I tell her this, she is silent and doesn't have much to say regarding the subject. So guys, for those of you that read this far.. Thank you! but what do I do now? I don't have any other major issues in our relationship and I would like to marry this woman as she really is great to me but I just can't shake off this one financial aspect that's affecting me so negatively, ongoingly and in so many ways. Any opinions? Link to comment
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.