I Love my Husband But.......

[nothingbut_thebest]

I don't know what to. I love my Husband of (almost) 2 years, but sexualy we seem to be having problems. We have sex everynight but its just not good for me. He has this "thing" he likes to do in bed and, well, it turns me off. It was alright at first but now its an everynight thing, and I'm not liking it. I've tryed to talk to him about it. I've been quite blunt! He just dosent seem to care. I don't know what to do! I've now started think about other people, an am at the poin I just "lay there" during sex. I don't want to lose my husband over this!!! What should I do? Can someone help me?

[Meow18]

You need to talk to your husband again. Make sure he understands how you are feeling.

 

Sex is about pleasing the other person, he's got to realize that its not all about him. Let him know that you liked it at first, but the fact that he does it every night just isn't pleasurable for you anymore. Let him know that he can do it sometimes, but he should try new things too to keep it interesting.

 

The thing with sex is that, positions & tricks can get old fast, so its always good to switch things around every once in awhile. I'm not so sure what this "thing" that he does is. But maybe you could take control one night. Like just be aggressive & make him do what you want.

 

I would say to just talk to him about it. Make sure you get him to understand what you are feeling.

[CarterJonas]

Talk to him again. Sex is for the both of you to enjoy. If it has to be tell him in no uncertain terms that you don't like to do 'that'.

[Day_Walker]

Your real problem is that you allow this bahavior to continue. You cannot be taking any kind of active role in sex if you just let him do whatever he wants. Why do let him be selfish in bed? You have taught this guy that you are all talk and that you are unwilling to do anything about your problem. You have let his behavior continue for this long so why would he think that you want to change it. Your talking to him has done nothing but yet you still have sex with him. I think that you should take a more active role in sex and show him what you like to do (whatever that may be). This submissiveness has to stop, you are responsible for your own pleasure and you need to take advantage of it. I wanna know your thought process, you started thinking about other guys because you refused to take an active role in sex. It would be almost exactly the same situation if you did find another guy. This is why im telling you that the ball is in your court and you need to take action.

[nothingbut_thebest]

Maggie-Thank you! That was my thought on the hole thing! Let me be a bit more open: He like's it when I calll him "little dick" and belittle him about his size. I think he's becoming upessed. He even gets on line and ask people to belittle him about it. Thats what he wants from me, to take control and do what I need to do to get my self off while I make fun of his peins size. I have talked to him, over and over again. Usually right befor sex. Thinking things are going to be diffrent for a change. Nope he starts in on it but saying things like: "Tell me how small I am." "Tell me that you can't even feel it." Bla Bla Bla, so I do and say nothing.

 

Day_Walker-Humm I see your point, and I have never thought of it that way befor. But like i was telling Maggie It's not that let him be selfish in bed. We talk, I think everythangs worked out and that he gets my point. I have told him what I want to do he agrees and at soon as he stick it in he's back to his thang agean. I am thinking about other guys because I am put off by my husbands constent will.

[Beec]

Wow, I don't know what to tell you. Normally, I would suggest a change of pace and my first thought would be for you to take charge, a more dominant role, but that's what he is forcing you into.

 

I think you do allow this to happen, so unless you want to use the role differently, you need to change the role, or just cut him off, i.e. no sex.

 

You could try a different game or role. (He walks into find you bound and gagged would be the opposite roles.) You could be dominant and jsut make him be quiet, or get nothing. But in either case, you are still playing games.

 

Cut him off. No sex until he gets help with this, or wants something normal. He has a bad obsession.

[Meow18]

Thats interesting. I guess you need to enforce it then. If he tells you to say things like that, don't. He already knows that you don't like it all the time, so it won't come as a surprise to him when you don't do it.

 

Its a habit of his & if you want him to stop, then you are going to have to help stop it from happening. If you keep doing it, even when you tell him not to, he's never going to stop.

[sphtn]

What if you did the opposite?? Tell him how big he is and how much it hurts when you are having sex. How you have never seen one that large... etc...

 

??

Shawn

[crazy2004]

I am new here so help understand. Is he really small or big and wants to feel small? Cause if I was "big" I would not want to be called small if you know what I mean.

 

I would stop cheating on him because I thing it's the wrong way to go about it but try to confront him again and again depending on how much you love the guy. I believe before anyone should cheat they should end it unless they don't want to finish it off.

[Scout]

When I first read this post, I was rather taken aback and didn't know how to reply. However, I've had some time to think about it, and I think your husband must enjoy dominant/submissive sex. From what I understand, that kind of talk is probably commonly used by a dominitrix (sp?).

 

The problem seems to be that while at first you were open to this, it got on your nerves after a while because that's the ONLY way he wants you two to have sex. Have you tried explaining to your husband that wanting to have sex in only ONE way is making your sex life very tedious, uninteresting, and unchallenging - not to mention weirding you out at this point? I suppose you have...anyway, if he refuses to change this, I think you're going to end up totally unhappy in your marriage. And that can lead to cheating, or a frustrating marriage where you and your husband lose whatever love you have for each other. Divorce is a third option, and out of all three, seems the best one. However, I don't like to advocate divorce if all avenues haven't been explored, especially marital counseling.

[JonnyG]

Well he obviously likes to be submissive or at least enjoys being made fun of in terms of his penis size. He obviously gets a sexual kick.

 

He must find it a very important aspect of sex and i cant see him changing. So i would suggest trying to get a balance. I.e. only twice a week hes allowed to act submissive. Don't rule it out altogether as that will probably ruin his sexual fun and he might look elsewhere, but rather taper it down to a couple of times a week, and the other 5 times just do more standard sex.

 

Your really going to have to tell him face to face how u feel about this and how much u want it to change.

[Mike_Wazowski]

Oh...my wife is Japanese, can't speak english, but I love it when she says 'Oh, me so horny, me love you long time!'

 

Actually she doesn't say nothin cause we have sex like once every six months if I'm lucky!

 

You should just indulge your man, trust me or he'll start lookin for another who will.

 

Good luck! Instead of complaining about it, the next time he says it, slap him hard accross his face......