Dating someone new...not sure where I'm at...any thoughts?

[Crusader9]

Okay, so I have been doing the online dating thing, and I met someone I think is great. We met for coffee last week and had a great 3 hours of just talking, laughing, and a little fun. We both said we had a great time, and she texted me before I even got home.

 

About 1 day later, I talked to her and asked her out for dinner, and we went out on the Monday the week after coffee. In between then she even said she looked forward to seeing me. The dinner date went well I think (another 3 hours...these are late dates, so 3 hours works for both of us who work early, etc.). We walked around a bit after dinner, talked some more, and even made another date for Thursday (I have to come up with an idea if anyone has any suggestions here!...something maybe active or whatever).

 

My issue is that I haven't got the "typical" signs that she is interested (besides that she keeps going out with me!hahah), but you know, usually you get a few hand touches, a little more flirtatious, etc. She did say during the dinner that she "dates a lot", especially recently, and that she is a little "reserved". She is not shy, but outgoing with energy, but just more "reserved".

 

Am I misreading something here? Is she just "dating" and not that interested? Is she interested, but just not the flirty type (aka "reserved"). Is she interested, but going really slow? I'm not looking to speed things up or anything, but I wanted to read the situation right (I'm usually not too bad with reading people, but this one is tough!). I was thinking of texting her after our dinner date, but I didn't want to seem over the top (the "dating a lot" comment kinda threw me a little). I will chat with her today a bit (I have some info she wanted, so I have a good reason to! hah).

 

Thanks for the help!

 

And, if anyone has any suggestions for an evening out that is a little more active for a 2/3 date...toss 'em out!

[1m50L0nl3y]

The "dating a lot" could mean that she wants to sound as if she is not needy or desperate, or could also mean that she is playing the field and is being honest about it. I guess it will depend what you said before she came up with that comment. But from now be open to the slight possibility of having competition.

The same goes as for being reserved, it could be a strategic known as playing hard to get, go ahead and touch her hand a few times while talking, and see whats her reaction, then hold her hand while walking, if you get positive feedback, go for the first kiss. Is the 3rd date and women have big hopes when it comes down to it.

 

Don't let the comment bring you down, keep going, just be cautious of any other red flag, and don't put all your eggs in one basket... just in case!

[Crusader9]

Thanks for the feedback. That is kind of what I was thinking too... Nice to get some reassurance I wasn't out of my mind. We will have been out 3 times in 8 days, so I figure that's okay.

 

Now I guess I have to figure out a decent little 3rd date (on a Thursday evening).

 

Thanks again!

[Tanzi]

Two dates is possibly a little too early to be able to read anyone correctly to be honest and a few more dates are in order, I think. A dinner date was maybe a little too formal for a second date. You would have been better off taking her somewhere a little more relaxed and to have saved the dinner date for later. I also think it is a little bit too early to think about something active as you don't really know her well enough to know what is "her thing". As for telling you that she is "dating a lot" and is "reserved", well this is probably her way of letting you know that she isn't expecting too much, too soon and likes taking things slowly (ie. she doens't want to be rushed into a relationship until she knows for sure she is ready).

[Crusader9]

Thanks...so what do you suggest for our next date? Our dates haven't been real formal, including dinner. Just very light and a place where we could talk; we walked around afterwards and just talked as well.

 

I'm up for some suggestions...

[Crusader9]

Update...so she changed my date from Thursday to Friday and I'm not starting to get some random texts (i.e., big storm tonight, text'd me as she's not a big fan of storms apparently)...

[tattoobunnie]

Wait...you haven't been out to dinner yet? Um...go to dinner.

[Crusader9]

Thanks for the note, but we have been out to dinner (2nd date).

[3DR]

You've gotta make a move at some point.

[Ariel85]

"dates a lot" = I don't plan on getting serious with you anytime soon, nor do I plan on stopping seeing other guys anytime soon.

 

"reserved" = I'm not that physically attracted to you, but you can buy me dinner if I'm free.

[Crusader9]

Wow....well, I guess I'll be thinking about that tonight on our third date!

[1m50L0nl3y]

So I guess today we will know if she is playing hard to get (my theory) or she is not that into you (Ariel85 theory). Let us know how it went.

[Vincent Ruiz]

You better step up you're game up man. It does sound to me as if she is playing hard to get and it's driving you crazy it seems. If I were in you're exact position I would do the same thing or I would've started playing hard to get even before she did. That way you are the prize and she is trying to win you over. Just by doing that it amps attraction and you want to win her over even more. That's why you should have done it first, but it's not too late to start. You're going to have to convey to her that you have women in your life and that she is not your only option. You have to start building yourself up as the prize so that she has to win you over instead of the other way around. You're in a bit of a tough position but I believe you can make this work.

[Crusader9]

Thanks guys...I'm not into game and trying to convince someone "I'm the prize"...but I do have to step it up just a little...no worries!

 

Thanks for the feedback...I'll let you know how it goes.

[Crusader9]

Here's the update...

 

Went out last night, dinner (she paid...I politely argued a bit...y'know for gentleman's sake!) and then we walked around and talked again. Great conversation, a lot of laughing & fun, and some personal stories (starting to feel a bit more comfortable with each other). There was a lot more physical contact, initiated 50/50 so that was good. At the end of the night, still just getting a good hug though. She did smile as she got out the car and reminded me to text her today (next day...re early in the night).

 

I just don't know where this girl is at. I think I'm pretty much going to play it cool, text her today, but not ask her out again immediately and see what happens. Usually we've made plans at the end of our date or the next day. As much as I like her and would like to keep seeing her, I'm not into dating for the sake of dating (I have friends to just hang with!!!).

 

So, hit me up with your feedback....probably good & bad!!! haha

[capuccino83]

If you really want to know, why don't you just go in for the kiss or escalate physical contact? Although I'm not so big on physical contact with strangers I still think I'm pretty flirty and obvious, but according to my boyfriend I was very "difficult to read". He wasn't sure where I stood and he kept asking me out, while I was questioning his attraction to me because typically a guy tries to kiss you or at least has some physical contact at the end of the first few dates if he at least likes you a bit.

[The_Seeker]

Ha ha I really hope you're not dating me.

 

She sounds very much like me. Outgoing and energetic yet reserve. She's just taking things really slow [i probably take it slower than her.]

 

I wouldn't worry too much about it. She's just trying to get to know who you are as a person.

 

As for a kiss, it depends on the person. I wouldn't want to kiss a person by the third date. That's waaay too fast for me.

[cereza]

fun date ideas: going to the beach, having a picnic at a lake (eating and swimming), going for ice-cream and walking at the park, watching a movie at her/your place, cooking a meal together...I thought that on the 3rd date is when u r supposed to kiss or something? it all depends.. Ex: you can just play and tickle her, ask her to compare hands size, hug her when watching a movie, etc.

[The_Seeker]

fun date ideas: going to the beach, having a picnic at a lake (eating and swimming), going for ice-cream and walking at the park, watching a movie at her/your place, cooking a meal together...I thought that on the 3rd date is when u r supposed to kiss or something? it all depends.. Ex: you can just play and tickle her, ask her to compare hands size, hug her when watching a movie, etc.

 

Kiss on a cheek.

 

When we are talking about kiss, LOL are we talking about french kiss?

 

Yeah it really depends on the girl. You will know if she pulls back or turns her cheek. That's either a sign you are moving WAY too fast or that she is not interested in you.

 

It depends on her culture too. But it all comes down to her values.

[Ms Darcy]

You are overthinking this. Just kiss her next time. Did you expect her to kiss you?

[Crusader9]

...well, it looks as though Ariel may have been right...damn! haha

 

It's been a few days, no calls, texts, nothing. I think I just ran into someone who likes to date, maybe likes the fact of having people wanting to date her, but is not looking for more than someone to just go out and do things with. Nothing wrong with that, just not what I am looking for. She was/is hard to read...no worries though...

 

Thanks for everyone's thoughts!...

[Crusader9]

This sucks...I really want to text this girl...I haven't heard from her since Saturday...having a hard time letting go of this one... I think it's because I'm still not comfortable with my read on her...

 

I suck!!! haha

[Tanzi]

Well if she is someone who takes things slowly then thats not so bad. You are only talking days ago, not weeks! You may still hear from her. You are just moving at a quicker pace than she is. What that means though, I just don't know. I wouldn't write her off just yet however.

[Crusader9]

Thanks...I texted her at lunch today...got back to me right away, chatted for a few minutes then let it go. I'm not going to push another date...see how the next few days go.

[Ariel85]

Sorry, hon. I just call it as I see it.

 

I still think she's really into dating a lot of guys. Who knows her reasons - could be anything, but all you need to concern yourself with is if you like the result.

 

Personally, I wouldn't enjoy dating someone like this. She sounds like a Stepford date and goes through the proper motions, but there's nothing real behind it.

 

So, since you admitted this isn't what you're looking for, why would you even consider pursuing this further? Ego? Seems like a waste of time when you have plenty of other options. Don't get stuck on a dud in order to prove something. It ultimately only wastes your time and energy.