PrettyGood Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 I'm 27, my date is 36, he's very beautiful but he's also a couch potato. He's so lazy and passive that the most amazing thing he can do outside together is to cook barbecue. No-one saw us together in public yet. I'm very active person, so I like a lot of activities. I asked him to go out with me to do something a lot of times, but his excuse is "I'm busy having a rest at home". It's sad to go somewhere all alone, so I decided to ask his friend to go swimming or tanning to the beach with me. To be fair I asked my date to join us: - I want to ask your friend to join me swimming tomorrow. I haven't asked him yet, so would you like to join us? - He won't swim, be sure. - I don't care what he does, he may sit on the shore and read a book or flirt with other women, I just need a company. And as I see you don't want to join us, right? - Ask him first. So I asked and his friend happily agreed. I told it to my date, but he just smiled and that's all. What does that mean? I was very disappointed, feeling like he's not so much interested in spending time together with me, just visiting at his house: having me around him whenever he likes, having sex with me, cuddling, sleeping from time to time, eating together. Or maybe he's so confident, because he knows his friend is not so good-looking as him (even if he has a good heart)? Maybe I shouldn't suggest my date anything anymore, because it seems I'm the one who cares?.. Link to comment
Daligal83 Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 It sounds like he just doesn't want a relationship. He was the benefits of one...sex, companionship, etc...without having to put in effort or a commitment. Have you flat out told him that it bothers you that he won't do anything with you? How long have you been seeing him? Link to comment
PrettyGood Posted August 13, 2011 Author Share Posted August 13, 2011 Daligal83, I'm dating him not so long. And he always told me that for him, sex is the 1st priority and everything else (like relationships) goes automatically if his 1st priority is satisfied. Well I agreed to do that if I get non-sexual stuff in return. But it seems that since I was working myself off - he didn't put ANY effort to go out with me, just asked me to visit him and to spend time together at his house or visited me at my house. Everything ended in having sex. So what should I do, NOT to put him off (I don't want him to think I am angry on him), but let him understand that he doesn't satisfy my needs? I can't seem needy, clingy or demanding since I'm not his girl, but I'm working to be one. And he's talking about marriage "someday" and using "I love you", "you're my girlfriend" (when he presents me for everyone as his "friend" in public). Speaking doesn't help, because he agrees with what I'm saying, promising me to improve and he does nothing about it. I need to do some actions. Link to comment
Theniceone Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 Why are you working to be his girl if he is lazy, passive and offers you nothing but sex? Please don't tell me it is because he conned you into believing that if he gets the sex the rest will come. Please don't tell me that you did not fall again into this vague marriage ''someday'' discussion. What do you see in him. P.S. I did not notice any compliments towards him or feelings based on your posts. Link to comment
agent1607307371 Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 Is this the guy you wanted to have a baby with, or the one you wanted to pretend the baby belonged to? If it's the first, you have to stop thinking about why he did anything because it all came down to the fact that he wanted to have sex with you and didn't care about anything past that. If it's the second guy - why are you into men who are only interested in sex and no other aspect of a relationship. And why you think you can work your way into a relationhip. Link to comment
Theniceone Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 Is this the guy you wanted to have a baby with, or the one you wanted to pretend the baby belonged to? I think it is a third one as the description of this guy does not match what we know about the other two. Link to comment
Sparkly Eyes Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 Why are you working to be his girl if he is lazy, passive and offers you nothing but sex? Please don't tell me it is because he conned you into believing that if he gets the sex the rest will come. Please don't tell me that you did not fall again into this vague marriage ''someday'' discussion. What do you see in him. P.S. I did not notice any compliments towards him or feelings based on your posts. exactly, reading posts like this literally makes me want to pull my hair out. "My bf is a douchebag, how do I please him???" Do you really think this is what you deserve? Do you really think you can change him?! Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 Don't you have your own friends you could have asked? Sounds like you asked his friend in order to make him jealous, but it didn't work. I would get rid of this loser guy and find someone who actually wants a relationship, not just a sex partner. Link to comment
PrettyGood Posted August 13, 2011 Author Share Posted August 13, 2011 Is this the guy you wanted to have a baby with, or the one you wanted to pretend the baby belonged to? It's the second one. exactly, reading posts like this literally makes me want to pull my hair out. "My bf is a douchebag, how do I please him???" Yeah, you made me think much more. Sometimes I need a kick to my curb to understand what I'm doing wrong Don't you have your own friends you could have asked? I really didn't wanted to make him jealous. I'm just living abroad for a while and he and his friend are the only one I know. I didn't made any new friends yet because I'm leaving soon. Link to comment
lizzie2011 Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 . And why you think you can work your way into a relationhip. I am wondering the same thing. You do realise this is the 2nd or 3rd guy in the space of a matter of days that you have posted about and the common theme seems to be that you want a relationship and they don't. Why are you still calling this guy "my date" when you say that he said he loved you and calls you his gf but introduces you as a friend? What is it that you want from these men? Someone asked how long you have been dating and you say "not so long" but you haven't said how long that is. How long has he been this way? Sounds like you are putting alot of pressure on this guy to commit to a relationship ... and you haven't been dating that long. He is saying what you want to hear but you don't believe him. After all the drama with your ex maybe you should take a break and learn how to stand on your own two feet. Why on earth would you go out with his friend to the beach? Did you know his friend prior to meeting him? Link to comment
Stay_home Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 This doesn't seem like it's going anywhere. Link to comment
Theniceone Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 Yes I do not understand that you call him your 'date'. So if you are saying this is they guy you considered lying to in making believe that he is the father of your possible child... well you mentioned that he told you he did not want to be a couple in another post. So I do not see why all of a sudden you have a revelation about him. His actions such as not doing anything with you, and be seen in public are consistent with this. For the sake of clarity is it the same guy that was supposed to break up with his ex girfriend now girlfriend (and who you also had a pregnancy scare) but backed out at the last minute just this past month? Link to comment
PrettyGood Posted August 13, 2011 Author Share Posted August 13, 2011 Why are you still calling this guy "my date" Someone asked how long you have been dating and you say "not so long" but you haven't said how long that is. Why on earth would you go out with his friend to the beach? Did you know his friend prior to meeting him? I am calling his "my date" because I don't know how to call him more. He's not my boyfriend. I'm just meeting him hoping him to become him one day maybe. And I still have no big chances. I'm dating him for 2 months, so not so long. And yes, I know his friend for 2 months too. He's very honest person and I just wanted to smalltalk and have him to keep me a company being next to the lake. Nothing more. He knows that. It's not a date. That's why I told HIM to join us. So if you are saying this is they guy you considered lying to in making believe that he is the father of your possible child... well you mentioned that he told you he did not want to be a couple in another post. So I do not see why all of a sudden you have a revelation about him. His actions such as not doing anything with you, and be seen in public are consistent with this I'm not writing my ex anything since he dumped me for the 3rd time. I'm talking about the guy I like (it's not my ex). Link to comment
Theniceone Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 PrettyGood, I was not referring to your ex boyfriend. I am referring to this guy which I think is the same that wanted to pay you breast implants. That during the month of July was not over his ex girlfriend and basically told you that he did not want you as a girlfriend. This is the guy that back in July was waiting after him to tell his ex-grilfriend that you two were sleeping together. the guy that you had to pretend when you saw his ex girlfriend that nothing was happening. Finally the guy that you took a pregnancy test for back in july. Unless all the previous posts were all about the ex boyfriend and not this new love interest. If my understanding is correct, then you should not be surprised by his behaviour as he warned you and told you in very explicit terms that he does not want a relationship. Link to comment
lizzie2011 Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 I am calling his "my date" because I don't know how to call him more. He's not my boyfriend. I'm just meeting him hoping him to become him one day maybe. And I still have no big chances. I'm dating him for 2 months, so not so long. And yes, I know his friend for 2 months too. He's very honest person and I just wanted to smalltalk and have him to keep me a company being next to the lake. Nothing more. He knows that. It's not a date. That's why I told HIM to join us. I'm not writing my ex anything since he dumped me for the 3rd time. I'm talking about the guy I like (it's not my ex). If you want to see where this goes then stop playing games with him. If you want to go to the beach then invite some friends and go. His friend is not automatically your friend and I wouldn't venture to call him that after 2 months. I think your trying too hard to make people into something they are not. If he is a genuine person and he doesn't like going out then you have to accept that. [On the other hand if he goes out but not with you then red flag]. Trying to manipulate him to go to the beach by asking his friend out is immature and can only lead to problems. Its only been 2 months and in that period you were still sleeping with your ex and desperately hoping to reconcile with him. This is not a relationship, he's not your date, he's another guy you are having sex with. If you want a relationship and he doesn't want one with you then you're only setting yourself up for future heartbreak. Right now I am not sure if he is interested in you or if you are acting needy/clingy/manipulative and he decided not to respond to you. Whatever the answer you are way too invested in this guy. Are you sure you aren't rebounding? Link to comment
lizzie2011 Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 Pregnancy test in July? WHAT IS YOUR ISSUE WITH BIRTH CONTROL???? I try not to push my morals on others BUT SERIOUSLY!!!! Are you trying to get pregnant? You CANNOT make a man love you by having his child. You only get one body so try treating it with respect by using some protection when having sex, ESPECIALLY with someone who isn't committed to you. Link to comment
catfeeder Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 exactly, reading posts like this literally makes me want to pull my hair out. "My bf is a douchebag, how do I please him???"[...]! Hah! Bingo! Or, "How do I tiptoe around his douchebag behavior and pretzel myself to pretend that he's NOT a douchebag so I can manipulate him into not acting like a douchebag without actually letting him know that I know he's a douchebag?" Sounds promising. Link to comment
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