So...After Two Break Ups, We're Back Together Again.

[Snowy]

But this time, I have to admit that I feel a little reluctant in getting back together. I think we've lost A LOT of attraction from the previous break up.

 

Everything is fine at the moment but it just doesn't feel 100%. The excitement isn't really there because we're moving from being friends back to being lovers. I'm thinking that maybe it'll have to take some time, so I'm taking things slow.

 

What do you guys think? Please give me some feedback. Thanks.

[charity]

i think what you're feeling is quite normal. breakups do do a lot of damage to people. i got back with my ex multiple times. at first it would be 'not right', lacking the love part maybe but always very soon we relaxed and it came back ans was like old times.. of course then the same * * * * e came back to and we broke up again. old issues HAVE to be resolved before reconciling, trying to forget about them and not facing them head on DOES NOT WORK. best of luck to you both.

[paradiselost]

Hey snowy what are you stats:

 

1. How long were you together?

2. Who broke up with who?

3. How long apart?

4. How did reconciliation take place?

[WeightOffChest]

Don't worry about not feeling 100%. If you look through the most recent reconciliation threads, everyone that is in the process is still guarded. This is our ego's way of protecting ourselves from being vulnerable again.

 

Just remember, you'll have doubts, it's quite normal. But don't let those doubts prevent you from being able to connect with your partner. One of the greatest joys in a relationship is putting yourself on the line and having someone accept you for who you are. It's also nerve-wracking because you're quite exposed. So, until you're comfortable again, you'll be a little guarded still.

 

Best of luck to you in your relationship.

[Thorshammer]

Go back to the way you were when you first started dating and felt compatable. People change, even small things can turn people off. You guys keep breaking up because you got right back into normalcy, right back into habits. Go back in time and be that guy.

 

Read up on how to keep your gf. I know it sounds stupid, but they give some really good advice that makes a lot of sense.

[Brownstone322]

Hey snowy what are you stats:

 

1. How long were you together?

2. Who broke up with who?

3. How long apart?

4. How did reconciliation take place?

Excellent questions. Add "How old are you guys?" and "What were the circumstances of the breakup(s)?" to that list. A story has no context at all without that kinda information.

[endy]

Excellent questions. Add "How old are you guys?" and "What were the circumstances of the breakup(s)?" to that list. A story has no context at all without that kinda information.

 

 

Absolutely necessary for good advice here. Was there any cheating/relationship jumping/rebounds or other people in between break ups?

[mhowe]

BrownS -- I totally agree with you, but I always feel bad asking how old they are!

[Snowy]

I don't want to disclose my age but we're teenagers.

 

We started at the end of 2009. Broke up June 2010 because she started to like another guy long distance. Got back together October 2010 when she said she completely cut contact with the guy. Broke up again April 2011 because of loss of attraction + she had this guy friend who kept pestering her. This guy is gone now.

 

I think she rebounded for a little after our last break up.

 

After the break up, we stayed as friend. Slowly our attraction built up again. So yeah eventually we're back together.

 

Do I need to add anything else?

[Snowy]

Go back to the way you were when you first started dating and felt compatable. People change, even small things can turn people off. You guys keep breaking up because you got right back into normalcy, right back into habits. Go back in time and be that guy.

 

Read up on how to keep your gf. I know it sounds stupid, but they give some really good advice that makes a lot of sense.

 

I don't think going back to how I was before is a good idea.

 

When we first started in 2009, I was really immature, clingy and in general very naive.

 

I've definitely grown over the years.

[ngu11]

I don't want to disclose my age but we're teenagers.

 

We started at the end of 2009. Broke up June 2010 because she started to like another guy long distance. Got back together October 2010 when she said she completely cut contact with the guy. Broke up again April 2011 because of loss of attraction + she had this guy friend who kept pestering her. This guy is gone now.

 

I think she rebounded for a little after our last break up.

 

After the break up, we stayed as friend. Slowly our attraction built up again. So yeah eventually we're back together.

 

Do I need to add anything else?

 

I think you're quite a mature guy and my advice to you is this: Follow your gut. You have so much ahead of you and so many opportunities.

[Brownstone322]

BrownS -- I totally agree with you, but I always feel bad asking how old they are!

I tend to agree with you ... but age is perfectly relevant and appropriate. I think you agree with me that the ways we look at the relationships of teenagers, college kids, and adults later in life (with children and real-estate issues) are significantly different. It's one of those awkward things you need to know.

 

As for teenagers, I encourage them to revel in their irresponsible youth! But I don't much concern myself with their "relationship issues," 'cause they're learning, and they'll be fine.

[mhowe]

Exactly -- the angst of young love; the confusion of post college/first job love.....then all the rest of lifes' complications that have to be filtered in. This thing called Love!!!

[Thorshammer]

I don't think going back to how I was before is a good idea.

 

When we first started in 2009, I was really immature, clingy and in general very naive.

 

I've definitely grown over the years.

 

Interesting, so you were clingy and immature in your dates before she even became your girl?

 

Either way, if she started talking to guy long distance and left you, then she cheated. Stand up for yourself, once you give someone a chance when they commit a sin they might not respect you, they might not say it out right, but women like men with dominant features (thats why i find it interesting if you were in fact clingy and immature before you guys got into a relationship, but of course this is based on probability, not everyone is a cardboard cut-out) and letting them slide, even if she begs, is quite a hard road to walk. I guess playing the forgiving and confident man that didnt let his ego even get scratched that she left can do wonders, but imo, i would stand for that behavior, especially at your age when young love usually doesnt last. I met some serious hotties as i aged, when i was a teen i was dating women i wouldnt even look twice at now.

[tresqua]

I don't think going back to how I was before is a good idea.

 

When we first started in 2009, I was really immature, clingy and in general very naive.

 

I've definitely grown over the years.

 

Ah, the old breakup/reconciliation loop.

 

Been there, done that.

 

I was with a girl for almost two years. It got, well.. "boring". I broke it off, she was devastated, I got lonely and horney and we got back together. Nothing had changed, I broke it off again.. rinse and repeat about 4x before I finally cut her off for good. It wasn't fair to her and it wasn't fair to me.

 

If you and your partner haven't really worked out the issues that led to the breakup, accept it as a no win situation and rip the bandaid off for good.

[endy]

Ah, the old breakup/reconciliation loop.

 

Been there, done that.

 

I was with a girl for almost two years. It got, well.. "boring". I broke it off, she was devastated, I got lonely and horney and we got back together. Nothing had changed, I broke it off again.. rinse and repeat about 4x before I finally cut her off for good. It wasn't fair to her and it wasn't fair to me.

 

If you and your partner haven't really worked out the issues that led to the breakup, accept it as a no win situation and rip the bandaid off for good.

 

 

Agreed. You're young, you have your whole life to deal with relationships. Go out and have fun now. I know at that age you don't really view it that way probably, neither did I. Seriously though if you've tried over and over... Stop beating a dead horse and just move on until either it awakens again a long time from now, or you'll find another one. You need to go out and experience life right now, and need not to worry so much about relationships. I know easier said than done.

[NCforME]

Exactly -- the angst of young love; the confusion of post college/first job love.....then all the rest of lifes' complications that have to be filtered in. This thing called Love!!!

 

Interesting take. I'm at the post college/ first job love and its very confusing. I'm 25 she is 26. I would say the break up was most confusing when she said I was her best friend and that she was going to miss talking to me. But she felt we didn't have that spark. Maybe I'm just a typical guy, I don't know, but like many other guys on here I don't understand the spark thing or the "it" factor. Maybe that's the confusion of the twenty somethings you speak of?

[endy]

All the spark thing is to me is when you can ravish the hell out of a woman and open her heart to love by your actions. When she is down you can bring her back up etc. A lot of men can't and don't do this simply because they don't understand feminine energy or they are too feminine themselves. They get frustrated and take their woman's emotions as they would if a man were talking. They get offended and feed that emotion instead of fighting through it with compassion and love. Women's emotions change all the time. It's up to you to be able to get her back to her feminine balanced energy IMO. That's what keeps "the spark" going to me.

[CMS]

All the spark thing is to me is when you can ravish the hell out of a woman and open her heart to love by your actions. When she is down you can bring her back up etc. A lot of men can't and don't do this simply because they don't understand feminine energy or they are too feminine themselves. They get frustrated and take their woman's emotions as they would if a man were talking. They get offended and feed that emotion instead of fighting through it with compassion and love. Women's emotions change all the time. It's up to you to be able to get her back to her feminine balanced energy IMO. That's what keeps "the spark" going to me.

 

care to elaborate?

[hadherlosther]

Well done!

[endy]

care to elaborate?

 

 

Read the way of the superior man. Check out the daisydoo88 thread in the break up section as well

[CMS]

Read the way of the superior man. Check out the daisydoo88 thread in the break up section as well

 

Endy, its not for me but its for the rest of them. I already subscribed to your line of thinking.

[endy]

All the spark thing is to me is when you can ravish the hell out of a woman and open her heart to love by your actions. When she is down you can bring her back up etc. A lot of men can't and don't do this simply because they don't understand feminine energy or they are too feminine themselves. They get frustrated and take their woman's emotions as they would if a man were talking. They get offended and feed that emotion instead of fighting through it with compassion and love. Women's emotions change all the time. It's up to you to be able to get her back to her feminine balanced energy IMO. That's what keeps "the spark" going to me.

 

There's a balance of polarity in relationships. Most men and most women are masculine and feminine at their core respectively. In specific a man should always be masculine, he should know his purpose, lead, and be decisive. feminine energy is simply open to love. Look when you first meet a woman. She is free flowing, happy, full of feminine energy and love. It attracts the masculine core of us to no avail. Even when we are in a relationship when you see a woman like this a masculine man is attracted. That doesn't mean he acts on it however. Your job in a relationship is to keep her feminine base stable and steady. To be able to lead her back to that place of free flowing feminine love. Have her keep this energy up and balanced. You do this by being stable at your masculine core. You have your own purpose and drive in life besides her and you follow that purpose which changes throughout your life. She respects you because of this and will look for you to open her heart back up because you have direction.

 

With that said when she does get emotional you understand. Women's emotions change often. One minute she hates you, one minute she doesn't. Either way Women will always test you to see if they can take you off track from your purpose. Your goals your drive. Most women probably don't know they do this. For example say you get a raise. She doesn't say that's great etc... she just says that's nice and then starts complaining about something. She's testing you to see if you're going to be emotional. She's testing you to see if you're strong enough not to be knocked off of your higher purpose. A man with purpose that knows how to ravish the hell out of her is going to get her out of that emotional state and a state of balanced love. By grabbing her looking her in the eyes, and kissing her deeply etc. By making a joke out of it or what was mentioned before this. It's all in that book mentioned above, but I agree with it. If not girl loses attraction and that free flowing, loveing, polarized feminine energy, turns into masculine to balance. You can see it in certain women. They are stark, look worn down, and depressed. That's when in a relationship you know you have a problem on your hands. Best thing to do at that point is to first balance yourself back out and get back on track with your ultimate purpose (or goal) at that time.

[WeightOffChest]

Hear hear.

 

You've got to keep centered and focused in order to prevent your partner from throwing you off. Be the alpha dog and lead the way.

[Snowy]

Agreed. You're young, you have your whole life to deal with relationships. Go out and have fun now. I know at that age you don't really view it that way probably, neither did I. Seriously though if you've tried over and over... Stop beating a dead horse and just move on until either it awakens again a long time from now, or you'll find another one. You need to go out and experience life right now, and need not to worry so much about relationships. I know easier said than done.

 

I should have listened to this advice before.

 

Now we are broken up again.