Silverbirch Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 I really wanted to post this for a couple of reasons. Partly as a BIG THANK YOU to all the ENA people who have helped. Secondly, to give hope to others and thirdly, because I'm in a really good place right now it makes me feel good about myself too. I still have some times of being sad, but it is different to the beginning. I was devastated at the breakup, and whilst I didn't post much about it here, I definitely had suicidal thoughts. The breakup was a real shock to me, and it's probably been the most painful breakup I've ever had because I valued him and that relationship so much. Anyway, I've got good things happening for me in my life right now. I am happy to be single. I'm not looking for anyone right now. I might stay on my own forever - who knows. It is a surprise to me though to know that TWO men, I've known for quite some time, one many years prior to the breakup, and another for around 2 years seem to be showing a lot of interest in me, and very pleased I am no longer in a relationship!!! I never hung out with those men - because I was always in a relationship. I just remained a friendly acquaintance to both of them. I'd like both of those men to remain friends too. Guess that's my ego, but it has helped me feel a lot more confident because I felt very devalued by the breakup, specifically the way the ex went about it. I'm taking on another adorable rescue pony. Looks like he will come to live with me on Wednesday. I've made changes to my work situation so I have less stress and more time. I'm getting new interests and picking back up some others I've had for a long time. I'm meeting more people and the friendships I already have are becoming stronger. I'm doing things for myself to take care of myself. People are starting to tell me I am looking fantastic, and very different to how I looked 3 months ago. KNOW I'm going to be okay. Today, I actually feel happy. I just want to let you folks know that it does get better. Sending you all HUGS.xxx Link to comment
carrie8484 Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 you've given me inspiration while im under a very black cloud silverbirch. thank you Link to comment
sadchick83 Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 Silverbirch, I am so happy to hear you are in a good place. Don't forget to pat yourself on your back-- the effort came from you. Do you think keeping focused on your animal rescue helped? Link to comment
mactownman Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 Good for you! Better and better each day. Stay strong. Link to comment
Gerda Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 Great to hear, thank you for sharing the good news--very inspiring. Link to comment
Archtronics Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 Well done so nice to see the difference between the posts when you arrived and now Link to comment
Wildcars Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 Thank you for sharing! i wish you one day happiness as well.. Link to comment
Silverbirch Posted August 6, 2011 Author Share Posted August 6, 2011 Hi Everyone, and THANK YOU so much. Yes, Sadchick, I think the little pony ispart of the reason I feel better. I think a big factor is time, and that I haven't been in much contact with the ex. I'm also starting to see that when the time comes, if I choose, there are men out there who will value me, who are nice people and attractive with a lot to offer. Still, I'm happy being single right now. I do know that I don't want to ever be second or less for any man, and after the way my ex went about the breakup, way too much damage was done for me to want to be with him now. It looks as though I will be able to transport the little black pony to the property where I live on Wednesday with one of my horseygal friends who I haven't caught up with for a long while. She's pretty excited about it too!!! I'm looking forwawrd to posting pics. Hey Sadgirl, mail me anytime you like. HOpe you are feeling better. xxx Link to comment
Carus Posted August 6, 2011 Share Posted August 6, 2011 Silver* You and I have spoken here and through PMs and Im glad to hear the poison is slowly draining away* I planted some seeds in the garden and they are just poking their heads out now and leaves are forming. Just that tiny act of nuturing made me feel better, so I think the pony is a great idea.... And knowing you, even as little as I do, I highly doubt you will be alone forever....Some lucky guy will snaffle you up one day* Regards and Respects Carus* 8-) Link to comment
Realitynut Posted August 6, 2011 Share Posted August 6, 2011 You are so strong. And I am so weak. One year ago today (aug 5 actually) I found out about the other woman. I have not seen him for 4 months. and I still miss him, and think of him not only daily...but almost every minute! The fair is on in my town. And we always went to the state fair and danced, and went to the county fairs and laughed at the animals...now he is doing that with her. And I'm sitting in my living room day after day, alone! Also, I am very unattractive right now...no man would be interested in me...plus I don't know ANY!!! LOL No one compares to what I had.... Link to comment
chitown9 Posted August 6, 2011 Share Posted August 6, 2011 Hey Silver. Chi here. I am glad that you reached a good place in your life. I know it has been a struggle, but I never doubted that you would make it. Now quitting the cigs is your next challenge, and I know you will do that also... Link to comment
Silverbirch Posted August 6, 2011 Author Share Posted August 6, 2011 HUGS xxx and like they say, Keep you cheeks apart! Link to comment
Silverbirch Posted August 6, 2011 Author Share Posted August 6, 2011 Hey Silver. Chi here. I am glad that you reached a good place in your life. I know it has been a struggle, but I never doubted that you would make it. Now quitting the cigs is your next challenge, and I know you will do that also... I so appreciate your kindness, PM's and all your encouragement and support. It has helped me so much. THANK YOU CHI! Link to comment
Silverbirch Posted August 6, 2011 Author Share Posted August 6, 2011 Please go to this link, scroll down a little, and have a look at these 2 pics if you like, especially the second one. It's what I wouldn't mind doing. The second photo looks very much like my 2, only mine are more beautiful, and that is the absolute truth. link removed Link to comment
Silverbirch Posted August 12, 2011 Author Share Posted August 12, 2011 Hi Everyone, Just wanted to post here again to let you know that I saw the ex 2 nights ago to collect my possessions. I was a bit sad afterwards, but today I'm great again! I told myself before I saw him that I would remain composed even if it killed me, and I did, and I'm very pleased with myself about that. I posted on the "Nonchalance is Your Friend" thread about the meeting. I have to say that I was quite shocked when I saw the ex. His hair has turned completely silver since I last saw him 3 months ago, and a lot of his hair has fallen out. He has put on a lot of weight also and says he is having health problems which isn't hard to believe. He kept saying how good it was to see me, and that he was grateful to be able to see me. I remained quite guarded though I wouldn't say that I was poorly intentioned. I was glad of so many things that I chose to do in the recovery from advice and support I received here. I think the most important of those was I chose to take care of myself in the best ways I knew. Firstly, this was in relation to my health. I know now that in the immediate time after being dumped unexpectedly, my body went into physical shock, and I was in a bad way physically, mentally and emotionally. It was one of the most difficult times in my whole life. I just cried buckets. In fact, I cried so much, literally for months, that what it did to my own appearance didn't do anything for my self-confidence, and other people noticed it too - people who didn't know about the breakup and were commenting to me on how terrible I looked. Anyway, firstly, I had to try and get nutrition in me. I literally could not eat and survived on protein drinks, porridge and a bit of yoghurt. Bit by bit, I have improved. As I'm quite anonymous here, I don't mind telling people that I recently put a fair amount of energy into looking as best I can, and had Botox to the area around my eyes and my forehead which had aged so much since the breakup. The results have been very good, and the doc recommended things I could do - non surgical to continue to improve my appearance which don't break the bank balance. I had a hair makeover at a top salon, changed my makeup - love my new makeup which adds a golden glow to my skin and makes me look healthier and younger, and most recently went to a clothing stylist. Of course, there are other things I've been doing not at all related to my appearance which have been great - began trying to lead a more spiritual life, closer relationships with my gorgeous Mum and other friends, making new friends, learning new things, taking horseriding lessons. Lots and lots. I've also had changes at work, and am now working much better hours and more time to enjoy life. Really, I can see now that I was letting life pass me by. I'm feeling so much better and happier - and yes - happier than when I was with the ex, even if sometimes I still get times of sadness which do pass. So, if you are reading this, and struggling, you need to remind yourself, that life can get better, especially if you make a commitment to yourself to take care of yourself, be kind to yourself, and work to become the person you were always meant to be. PS Transport and weather problems on Wednesday so couldn't get little pony, but getting him tomorrow. I am SO ready for my new Bubba. Gone and got the best feed, and done lots here ponywise coz I'm just so excited. HUGS, XXXXXXXXXXXX Link to comment
Carus Posted August 12, 2011 Share Posted August 12, 2011 It's great stuff Silver*....Good to read your update.... ((Hugs)) Carus* 8-) Link to comment
lemsip Posted August 12, 2011 Share Posted August 12, 2011 Glad you're doing so well! The last 3 days my "fog" has started to clear as well. (Do you know what I mean? That thick heavy fog between your eyes and brain that stops you thinking logically.) I feel like some invisible weight is beginning to be lifted, but at the same time I'm very apprehensive. This happened before, when I felt good for a few days then I crashed again. I'm almost scared to trust myself feeling good, cos I'm worried I'm gonna fall back down again. Can anyone relate to any of my blabbering?! Link to comment
Mellie Posted August 12, 2011 Share Posted August 12, 2011 Glad you're doing so well! The last 3 days my "fog" has started to clear as well. (Do you know what I mean? That thick heavy fog between your eyes and brain that stops you thinking logically.) I feel like some invisible weight is beginning to be lifted, but at the same time I'm very apprehensive. This happened before, when I felt good for a few days then I crashed again. I'm almost scared to trust myself feeling good, cos I'm worried I'm gonna fall back down again. Can anyone relate to any of my blabbering?! 100%. I had a little run there where I felt invincible, then bam. I don't feel as bad as I did at the start - nothing like - I haven't been crying or anything, but I do feel pretty depressed. Don't want to do anything. Converse to how it was at the beginning, instead of not wanting to eat anything I now want to eat and eat and eat. BUT I think I know why. I've gone back into a weird kind of funk since the rioting started, and watching News 24 far too much - all doom and gloom. If you listen to hours of negative crap it's bound to drag you down. So time to turn it off and force myself to go out. A walk on the beach normally sorts me out. If I can juuuuuust get up Glad you're doing good Silverbirch. You too Lemsip. Link to comment
lemsip Posted August 12, 2011 Share Posted August 12, 2011 100%. I had a little run there where I felt invincible, then bam. I don't feel as bad as I did at the start - nothing like - I haven't been crying or anything, but I do feel pretty depressed. Don't want to do anything. Converse to how it was at the beginning, instead of not wanting to eat anything I now want to eat and eat and eat. BUT I think I know why. I've gone back into a weird kind of funk since the rioting started, and watching News 24 far too much - all doom and gloom. If you listen to hours of negative crap it's bound to drag you down. So time to turn it off and force myself to go out. A walk on the beach normally sorts me out. If I can juuuuuust get up Glad you're doing good Silverbirch. You too Lemsip. Go out and riot! Get yourself a new plasma TV and a pair of Nike. Get me a nice adidas tracktop while you're at it. Link to comment
Mellie Posted August 12, 2011 Share Posted August 12, 2011 Ah, good thinking. I guess no one can be down in the dumps if they have a 54' plasma. Just isn't possible Link to comment
Silverbirch Posted August 12, 2011 Author Share Posted August 12, 2011 Hugs back at you Carus! Hi Lemsip, yes I think most of us would know exactly what you mean by the fog. I think you are doing okay - it's still very early. Yes, it is normal to have a couple of good days and then feel like crap again. That goes on for a while, but then the periods of being well get longer, and then the days of feeling bad get shorter. I thought I would have felt bad for much longer after seeing the ex, but I just had periods throughout the day of feeling sad. The morning after I saw him, I cried a fair bit in the morning, but it didn't even go on for the whole day. I feel so much more positive. I feel so pleased that I haven't had the need to be with another man or drink or any of those things to feel better. Hi Mellie, with regard to the eating, I've tried hard not to any any junk food - just take the attitude that the food I put in my body is to serve a purpose. I've eaten out a bit as I pretty much live on my own and have had many times of not feeling bothered to cook for myself. I've only been to McDonalds about 2 or 3 times, but I do go to Subway and make sure I order something healthy. I don't eat cakes or sweets, but instead will have low fat yoghurt with a handful of muesli in it and maybe some preserved pears. It tastes nicer than cake to me. I have been enjoying licorice on occasions too. I think I must have been damaging my stomach a lot in the very beginning. I was getting heartburn and reflux a LOT and other digestive problems. I need to keep reminding myself to drink lots of water. That definitely makes a difference. Link to comment
Mellie Posted August 12, 2011 Share Posted August 12, 2011 Hi Silverbirch. Yeah, I guess I am lucky in that I prefer fruit to chocolate, tend to like healthy stuff anyway, but my appetite is back with a vengeance. Probably a good thing really - there were days before where I ate literally nothing but... Dunno. I've been a bit sedentary these last few days. I need to get down the gym asap I think. Right. That's it. I'm signing up tomorrow Link to comment
lemsip Posted August 12, 2011 Share Posted August 12, 2011 Nooooooo! Ugh, I feel like cr@p again... it's amazing how quick the bad feeling can take over. Maybe it's cos it's the weekend, I dunno Wondering what she's at with him etc Link to comment
dabbledave Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 Nooooooo! Ugh, I feel like cr@p again... it's amazing how quick the bad feeling can take over. Maybe it's cos it's the weekend, I dunno Wondering what she's at with him etc Challenge the thoughts creating those bad feelings. Give yourself alternative conclusions! Link to comment
Silverbirch Posted August 13, 2011 Author Share Posted August 13, 2011 Yesterday was a fabulous day. I did miss not having the ex to share my joy with at the end of the day, and was a little teary, but I rang a horsey friend instead and chatted with him about the goings on with the little pony. He was very happy to hear about it, and said he had planned to ring me himself within 15 minutes of me calling him. Okay, despite that sadness, I was happier than when I was with the ex for the rest of the time. I used to feel that I couldn't just spend the day with the ponies without thinking about him. There were times I got a bit carried away or something would happen, and he would rather I was just there for him. It was a type of no-win situation though. When I did give up parts of my life, it seemed like he lost respect and took me for granted, but when I did immerse myself in my passions, that didn't always go down well with him either. Now it's mostly just me to think about, and that IS an easier life. There is definitely something to be said for being single! Link to comment
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