Hopeless Love Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 Ok, me and my bf have been together for 7 months. We practically live together. He uses my car for work, I stay at home, cook, clean, the works. The only night I go home is the night his daughter spends the night. I had to use his cell phone to call my phone and when I opened the phone up it was in his text messages to his babys mom, and there was "i love you", come have sex with me, that type of talk. Im not sure if they have been sexual, but I think they have. Everytime his baby comes over he makes me leave before she gets there. And I have found hair, and a bracelet. He says his babys mom had to use the bathroom one day while dropping off. I spend 6 nights out of the week with him. He hangs with my fam, I hang with his. I havnt told him that i know about this i dont know how to tell him. And the thing is I still want to be with him. I just want to tell him to cut it out and work on us. But friends are saying to just leave all together, but I am so in love with him. His kids mom will be there for ever.. I know.. but i just dont know what I am to do. I dont know how to tell him.. its a week before my birthday, and i dont want drama. HELP Link to comment
chitown9 Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 I don't understand why it is necessary for you to leave when he is visiting with a baby? This does not make sense to me..... Link to comment
Hopeless Love Posted August 5, 2011 Author Share Posted August 5, 2011 Thats what my mom said. Why do i need to leave when the baby spends the night. But his answer is that he wants to be able to have father daughter bonding time with his baby. And that he doesnt think its right for us to be in the bed witht he baby. But yet we have all taken a nap together in the bed. And i said he should get a little crib that can be put up and taken down so we can sleep and she can sleep next to him. but he says he doesnt want to waste money on summin he only will use once a week. Link to comment
chitown9 Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 Thats what my mom said. Why do i need to leave when the baby spends the night. But his answer is that he wants to be able to have father daughter bonding time with his baby. And that he doesnt think its right for us to be in the bed witht he baby. But yet we have all taken a nap together in the bed. And i said he should get a little crib that can be put up and taken down so we can sleep and she can sleep next to him. but he says he doesnt want to waste money on summin he only will use once a week. This is BS. Tell him from now on you are staying..... Link to comment
Hopeless Love Posted August 5, 2011 Author Share Posted August 5, 2011 ok but how do I say no im not leaving.. its his apt. and i dont pay rent and stuff here. Ive helped him with bills before but i dont offically live there. and when ive tried to stay in the past he says babe ur here with me every night..just give me one night with my daughter to spend quality time... Link to comment
chitown9 Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 ok but how do I say no im not leaving.. its his apt. and i dont pay rent and stuff here. Ive helped him with bills before but i dont offically live there. and when ive tried to stay in the past he says babe ur here with me every night..just give me one night with my daughter to spend quality time... You just tell him. Everything you mention is not relevant. If he wants you as a girlfriend he wants to please you. Leaving does not please you. That is what you tell him. Try to examine the motivation for his baby's mother putting up with YOU. My guess they are in agreeance with this arrangement until he can purchase a car of his own. Once that goal is accomplished, it is bye bye to you. Why else would she put up with this? Why does she need to be present when she brings the baby and then she stays!!! Please wake up and smell the coffee..... Link to comment
Tique Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 I wouldn't encourage you to even go back and work things out with this dude. Isn't it obvious that they are taking you for the fool? You should have picked this up from the first time he asked you to leave when the child was visiting...and then it would have been further supported when you found the hair and bracelet. If you are his woman, I would think that he'd want you to spend a lot of time with the child as well, that is, if he sees a future with you. A good relationship between you and the child would be great. Don't let this man and his woman take you for a fool. I know you probably have a lot of feelings for him, but it's never worth being taken advantage of. Link to comment
Hopeless Love Posted August 5, 2011 Author Share Posted August 5, 2011 I have thought about why is he with me in the first place if he wnats her. And yes the car could be a reason.. but before he met me, why didnt he just start summin with her... and before he met me he was using public transportation to get to work. If he really loved her he could go back to that. and what women is ok with being with a guy who says i need to be with her for her car, and when i get my own we will be together. What women puts up with not having a guy cuz he wants to use a car? Link to comment
Hopeless Love Posted August 5, 2011 Author Share Posted August 5, 2011 With the baby thing, he siad that he has to get use to a girlfriend being around his baby.... and u cant just bring people into your kids life. the funny thing is we were together before his baby was born. when we got togehter she was 6 months pregnant. and previous to me he had another girlfriend. so thru out her prgnancy and the birth of the baby he had his ex girlfriend and then me. this ex broke up with him when she found out about the baby. Link to comment
chitown9 Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 I have thought about why is he with me in the first place if he wnats her. And yes the car could be a reason.. but before he met me, why didnt he just start summin with her... and before he met me he was using public transportation to get to work. If he really loved her he could go back to that. and what women is ok with being with a guy who says i need to be with her for her car, and when i get my own we will be together. What women puts up with not having a guy cuz he wants to use a car? In answer to your question, a woman who wants your boyfriend.... Link to comment
DylanNotorious Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 He does not want the responsibilities of family life, he wants to do his own thing. The baby's momma probably wants to get back together and he's feeding her lines like he's feeding you. You should really ditch him. He is using you. Link to comment
metrogirl Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 You said you found hair, where did you find hair? In the bed?? In the shower? Link to comment
thejigsup Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 Let's see: He has you cleaning his house. You give him sex. He uses your car. You leave when he wants to have sex with his child's mother. He probably takes your car to go have sex with her. Why should he break up with you, you are (pardon me frankness) a doormat. Grow a spine, girl! They are probably BOTH laughing at you. Link to comment
Hopeless Love Posted August 5, 2011 Author Share Posted August 5, 2011 You said you found hair, where did you find hair? In the bed?? In the shower? I found hair in the bathroom trash. like she brushed or combed her hair and cleaned her brush out. Link to comment
Hopeless Love Posted August 5, 2011 Author Share Posted August 5, 2011 Let's see: He has you cleaning his house. You give him sex. He uses your car. You leave when he wants to have sex with his child's mother. He probably takes your car to go have sex with her. Why should he break up with you, you are (pardon me frankness) a doormat. Grow a spine, girl! They are probably BOTH laughing at you. But why does he not just have her live with him, and use her car? I just feel like the stuff that i do cleaning and cooking , is stuff that god girlfriends do. So is it that no matter what guy i do this stuff for is gonna just walk over me becuase im giving like that? Link to comment
chitown9 Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 But why does he not just have her live with him, and use her car? I just feel like the stuff that i do cleaning and cooking , is stuff that god girlfriends do. So is it that no matter what guy i do this stuff for is gonna just walk over me becuase im giving like that? It is the fact that you must leave when the baby comes to visit him that makes him different than other guys. PUT A STOP TO IT!... Link to comment
DylanNotorious Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 I already told you why. He does not want the responsibilities of being a family man. Do you understand? Link to comment
metrogirl Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 She's probably spending the night when you aren't there. For all we know, he might have baby's mama hoodwinked into believing that you are just a friend or bed buddy and nothing serious is going on blah blah blah. Maybe baby's mama is okay with his little arrangement with you as long as she still gets to get some on the side from him. Either way, it's not going to go well for you. Maybe next time he wants you to leave, protest and see what he does. Link to comment
Hopeless Love Posted August 5, 2011 Author Share Posted August 5, 2011 YEs i understand. Link to comment
charity Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 This is BS. Tell him from now on you are staying..... ok this guy is a douche and needs to be dumped immediately. OP it is not love when there is lying and deceit and cheating involved. so you may feel love for him..... but he doesn't feel it for you. don't accept such nasty behaviour. however the part about her leaving when his child comes over is the only acceptable part of this story to me. when a child is part of a split family and they see their dad only once or twice a week then they have a right to that private time with their dad without his girlfriend being around. girlfriends are distracting and i too don't think that they should all be sleeping in the bed together. now i know that in this case the guy has an ulterior motive in that he is sleeping with his childs mom. but in general no girlfriend should ever demand to stay the night when a guy's kid comes over for the night. that is THEIR time. Link to comment
diamond78 Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 I found hair in the bathroom trash. like she brushed or combed her hair and cleaned her brush out. This means that she is staying there for a significant amount of time...like spending the night. I'm going to be frank, he is definitely using you. It doesn't even matter if they slept together, which I can guarantee they have..but he sent her a text saying "i love you. come have sex with me" That alone is grounds for dismissal. He is making a fool out of you and you trying to understand why he doesn't just leave you and be with her is pointless as there are tons of guys who live this type of lifestyle. He just happens to be one of those guys. You've only been with him for 7 months, so it would be wise not invest anymore time and energy into this. This is still a new relationship and it will be easier to leave now rather than later. You can find someone alot better because this guy is just a player. Link to comment
Blue Spiral Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 He's probably cheating on you. That said, I get texts from women that say emotional stuff and sex-related stuff, but that doesn't mean I'm having sex with them. (Much to my dismay!) You can learn from this, and he'll learn to keep future women at a distance, as not to mess up his other...situations. You can't get away with that when you're practically living with someone. Link to comment
Hopeless Love Posted August 5, 2011 Author Share Posted August 5, 2011 Thats how i sort of felt about it. If i dont pay rent here and offically live here i cant demand to stay, when he only gets his baby once a week. so i understand that and thats why i leave. but my issue now is that why do i have to leave before the baby even gets in the house. I always try to stay till she gets here. But he wants me to get packed up and ready to go before baby hits the door. but the times i have seen her, he will go down to the parking lot and get her and bring her up. which makes me believe he is trying to get me out the house before baby comes becuase the mom is bringing her up. and even if the mom is bringing her up, i dont see why i cant be here in the room while the baby gets dropped off. Which leads me to believe she isnt only just dropping off she is spending time. Link to comment
Hopeless Love Posted August 5, 2011 Author Share Posted August 5, 2011 well in the text she said sum long sentence.. and at the end put i love u, and he responded with love you to. now She is the one that was texting him saying im horny im so horny, come have sex with me.. not in those words, more like come F me. His response was im at work. Link to comment
Hopeless Love Posted August 5, 2011 Author Share Posted August 5, 2011 He's probably cheating on you. That said, I get texts from women that say emotional stuff and sex-related stuff, but that doesn't mean I'm having sex with them. (Much to my dismay!) You can learn from this, and he'll learn to keep future women at a distance, as not to mess up his other...situations. You can't get away with that when you're practically living with someone. Yeah but its not like he responded and was like u know thats not gona happen i have a girlfriend... his response was i am still off work. I dont get off till 5. but that same night he made it home by 530, and he works 20-30 mins away depending on traffice. So i know he didnt run over there after work, cuz i was on the phone with him when he got off at 5, and he made it homein 30 mins. Link to comment
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