Ways to Tell if A Man is a Pick-Up Artist Con

[Silverbirch]

Okay, I'm no spring chicken and should already be educated about this subject, but I don't think I am. I've seen a few references on this site to Neil Strauss and Pick-Up Artists. I feel like in the past, I've been a bit of a dumbo and would like to wisen up on this subject.

 

Anyone care to share what they know about this. For women, is it worth buying Neil Strauss's book?

[boyblue]

Just ask another guy we can usually spot them!

[Silverbirch]

We women can usually spot women who are real B's too.

 

What are the dead giveaway signs?

[RedDress]

I agree that asking another guy (who is a brother, married or a long time friend) is the best approach. Careful, though! Some guys will simply feel that no other guy is good enough for you and will find fault with everyone.

 

If you don't want to be used for sex (which is really what this is) - don't be used for sex. Make sure that you are in a relationship before you sleep with the guy. You aren't in a relationship until he says "yes, we are in a relationship". Players dodge that kind of stuff like the plague.

 

He could be a player if:

- You don't get straight answers to your questions and instead they try to compliment you or something to throw you off.

- He says all the right things and seems TOO perfect. Real men (just like real women) are flawed.

- He gives fuzzy answers about his whereabouts. People who have nothing to hide tend to hide nothing.

- He dodges probing questions about himself and instead always wants to talk about you. People like to talk about themselves. If he keeps flipping it around to you, it's because he knows this and is trying to take advantage of this. Real people want you to get to know them too.

 

I wouldn't bother buying those books. Some otherwise good guys try to use some of those techniques just because they are bad with women or some other guy told him about them. I think some of the points above are better markers, personally.

[Silverbirch]

Thanks RedDress

[boyblue]

Always has low-level distraction, always looking around at other people (in case he knows them), phone always going, always getting messages.

 

BB

[Silverbirch]

Sounds like my exex LOL!

[Batya33]

I only dated men who were looking in general for marriage/family and who acted in a reliable, consistent way and didn't pressure me to get too physically intimate early on. I didn't try to meet men at clubs/bars other than at singles events but more often I met men through friends or through on line sites where I did careful screening. I met a few "players" but it was very rare in my almost 25 years of dating many men.

[latitudezero]

I've read the Mystery Method; it was fairly interesting but not very realistic in my opinion, but it does break down how a pick up artist operates. The points mentioned by RedDress apply, and a few things to add:

 

-A pick-up artist will usually try to falsely disqualify himself as a potential partner in an attempt to make you feel more comfortable and lower your guard.

-They prepare their pick-up routines in advance and approach women with scripted material.

-If you are in a group, they try to engage the entire group before focusing in on the woman they are interested in, in order to obtain group acceptance, and then hopefully individual acceptance.

-They will hit on a series of women before approaching their real target in order to demonstrate high social value and acceptance by other women first.

 

Anyways, there are more but those are some of the obvious ones I can think of. Hope this was helpful.

[Silverbirch]

Thats a good track record Batya!

[Silverbirch]

Latitudezero, that is creepy.

[rahulrocks]

@ SilverBirch

 

What is so wrong about PUA's ? Ok if you want ordinary guys in your life then date only the nice friendly guys. A guy who buys you gifts, chases you, makes 3 phone calls to you in a day, does what you want him to do, such guys are not Pickup artists.

[magnoliatree]

I'd suggest reading through the PUA online forums.

[Silverbirch]

Hugs Rahul!

 

Thanks Mtree. That might make fun and interesting reading!

[GhostRocket]

Come on now, let's not blame it on the game if you decide to go home with a guy or something.

[Silverbirch]

Hey, can women use some of these these strategies on men successfully? . . . . . . . . . Which ones?

[Batya33]

@ SilverBirch

 

What is so wrong about PUA's ? Ok if you want ordinary guys in your life then date only the nice friendly guys. A guy who buys you gifts, chases you, makes 3 phone calls to you in a day, does what you want him to do, such guys are not Pickup artists.

 

To me, a man who behaved that way towards me would not be nice or friendly- he'd obviously have no interest in knowing me as an individual (that behavior would be overwhelming and a turn off to me, especially the puppy dog stuff), and would obviously have strong insecurities if he behaved that way. That's not nice, friendly or ordinary. Neither are people who act in manipulative ways to get sex from the other person. Those are two extremes - in the middle are people who genuinely like people, care about what makes them tick, want to grow closer and more intimate over time, and have a good balance between self-confidence and being other-centered with respect to the other person's needs.

[Silverbirch]

I agree Bataya, but just want to add that the most tragic cases I've heard of have been people using such techniques to utlimately use them for money. That would happen with both men and women. Luckily for me, I don't have that type of money.

[GhostRocket]

You shouldn't blame other people for being manipulated into having sex. Ultimately it's your decision to give them your number or get into bed with them. Pick-up artists aren't just about "hit it and quit it", which seems to be the perception I'm getting in this thread. That kind of agenda could come from anyone, not just pick-up artists. Some guys become pick up artists just because they really have a hard time talking to women. But their morals and intentions are still within the realm of self-righteousness. Really, it's just a way of attracting the opposite sex. If women want to say it's not being honest, or true then I could turn right around and say that things like makeup, high heels, earrings, etc. aren't honest either. Yet we accept them in society. It's all just tools of attracting the opposite sex. Doesn't matter if it's an accessory someone wears or a persona someone takes up.

 

RedDress' interpretation of what a pick-up artist had a clear negative bias. Silverbirch, if you really want to know more, you should do some research yourself beyond the confines of this place. Read books. There are even pick up artist forums. Talk to people that have been doing this for a while. And it's not just guys. There are a lot of women in this industry that know the ins and outs of social interaction with pickup artists because of what they've learned and wouldn't be influenced by your average pick up artist male. Videos on YouTube are also around. This isn't some diabolic plot to break the female psyche. Nor is any malice usually involved. Heck, try going to wikipedia for a quick read.

[Silverbirch]

Fair play GhostRocket. I take your point. I did read a review of ?Mystery Method, and that did creep me. It talked about a strategy of establishing relationships with women to supposedly raise their social status and trust from other women. Wherein, the really desired target would be a different unsuspecting woman. I wouldn't call that type of thing innocent. That to me is very creepy. I would think though that there would be plenty of average type guys who as you say, just want to develop some basic skills in interacting with women. Thing is, what is wrong with just being polite and friendly?

[rahulrocks]

To me, a man who behaved that way towards me would not be nice or friendly- he'd obviously have no interest in knowing me as an individual (that behavior would be overwhelming and a turn off to me, especially the puppy dog stuff), and would obviously have strong insecurities if he behaved that way. That's not nice, friendly or ordinary. Neither are people who act in manipulative ways to get sex from the other person. Those are two extremes - in the middle are people who genuinely like people, care about what makes them tick, want to grow closer and more intimate over time, and have a good balance between self-confidence and being other-centered with respect to the other person's needs.

 

Batya what about the people who use a certain charm over the girls just to create attraction. You see Man is attracted by physical looks but woman are attracted by personality traits. Now If a guy finds someone attractive and he uses a certain skills to attract her then i do not see anything wrong with that.

 

One question to girls here : Why do you all take sex as if you are doing a favour to man ?? Why do you think that it is something which you are giving to the guys, where in reality you all enjoy that. I think probably it is the fault of men that they have made it look like that.

[rahulrocks]

Hugs Rahul!

 

Thanks Mtree. That might make fun and interesting reading!

 

Kisses Sliverbirch, next time please use a deodarant before hugging......Lol (Kidding).

[rahulrocks]

Hey, can women use some of these these strategies on men successfully? . . . . . . . . . Which ones?

 

For woman, firstly go to a beuty parlor, go to gym do some excercises to get in good shape. By doing these thing you will naturally attract a lot of men (they are generally attracted by loooks). If you want someone who is not short of girls, then play hard to get with him. By the way dont play hard to get with shy guys are inexperianced one's, it will make them run away.

[Silverbirch]

Hey Rahulrocks, you're gorgeous. You don't need those books or strategies!

[GhostRocket]

Fair play GhostRocket. I take your point. I did read a review of ?Mystery Method, and that did creep me. It talked about a strategy of establishing relationships with women to supposedly raise their social status and trust from other women. Wherein, the really desired target would be a different unsuspecting woman. I wouldn't call that type of thing innocent. That to me is very creepy. I would think though that there would be plenty of average type guys who as you say, just want to develop some basic skills in interacting with women. Thing is, what is wrong with just being polite and friendly?

 

Our society puts a lot of pressure on guys establishing the status quo for getting a woman. Women can be intimidating to approach. Trust me if you were a guy you'd know what I'm talking about. Being the ones to actually approach isn't easy for everyone. And being polite and friendly doesn't always work out. Or rather, it's just not that simple. A lot of guys do this and are rejected time and time again for whatever reason. And so confidence is lost. A lot of the strategies that pick up artists employ can give some guys confidence in interacting with women. And Mystery Method isn't the the only pick up artist out there that has a following. You should check out Adam Lyons. He's pretty good at what he does and actually came from a background where he was absolutely terrible with women. And his intentions are pretty moral. He, like a lot of other pick up artists, isn't out to hurt anyone.