is this being blown off?

[ls33]

please refer to previous thread for background info

After almost a week of not talking, I called him this morning, left no voicemail. Immediately got return text saying, "out to breakfast...what's ur deal." I decided not to respond. But 5 hours later (at 4PM) I get another text asking if I'm going out tonight.

 

Me: "going to a movie w/friends to start the night"

Him: "i'm napping, then we may be having cookout by our pool... lmk after the movie."

Me, texting him at 9pm: "movie just let out. looks like a nice night for a cookout..."

Me, 11pm: "guess the cookout isn't happening? no worries... we just got to (name of bar), actually"

Him, just a few minutes later: "completely passed out (napping), just woke up a bit ago, not looking good for me making it out tonight"

Me: "lame. u r missing out..."

 

The end.

Why would he possibly go through all that elaborate stuff just to blow me off? it's not like i even asked what he was doing this weekend - i never showed any interest in that topic. maybe when he woke up and saw that my text said I had already moved on to another bar w/friends, he figured "well tonight's not the night to get with her then" and that was it? When he said he "wouldn't make it out tonight," was he hoping i'd offer myself up for a booty call?!

 

does it seem like he'd be receptive if i suggested a late-night get-together in the future? i just don't think he's truly acting like a person who wants to blow me off completely. maybe he also wants to give it a few weeks of minimal contact, just keeping me around, to give me time to get over my recent relationship or whatever... so that next time he suggests sleeping together, he won't be turned down.

 

reference: it's happened multiple times before. ex. even before our great first date, he blew off my phone call for 2 days then eventually mentioned, "sorry i didn't return your call, i totally passed out that night." he works looong hours & clearly isn't willing to put work into a relationship. but that's not what i'm looking for anymore, either.

[Kitkat973]

I honestly think that you're over-thinking this.

 

I'd just send him a casual text asking if he wants to go out some time soon (since your most recent conversation can be put down to scheduling issues, both on his exhaustion and your already having plans), and if he doesn't reply, I'd write it off as him not really being interested.

[BriarRose]

I think if he had zero interest, he would not have responded at all. You already had plans, so it's just hard to say. See if he contacts you in the next day or two.

[ls33]

He definitely won't bc we never ever talked every day- not even 1 text per day.

He had mentioned before any of thus started that the next 2 months were especially killer for him at work. Could he be unwilling to put time inti me now but doesn't want to write me off for future? Bc y would he have even made that amiuyvt of contact yest?

[BriarRose]

He definitely won't bc we never ever talked every day- not even 1 text per day.

He had mentioned before any of thus started that the next 2 months were especially killer for him at work. Could he be unwilling to put time inti me now but doesn't want to write me off for future? Bc y would he have even made that amiuyvt of contact yest?

 

Okay, now THAT sounds like a brush-off. Still, if he wasn't at all interested he would not reply (this has been my experience). I think there is someone else, but he is attracted to you, too.

[lavenderdove]

Look, he's not that interested... he'll call you if he doesn't find someone else he likes better for a booty call.

 

I can guarantee he knows how to pick up the phone and call you for a real date if what he was interested in was dating and looking for a GF. He's just not doing that... he's hanging out and letting you know he's not all that interested in you by the way he answers your texts.

 

Also, he is not doing 'all this elaborate stuff.' He's just sent you responses to a few texts which takes a couple seconds, and isn't even responding to all your texts. If he were interested, he'd pick up the phone and ask you out on real dates rather than booty calls or blowing you off.

 

I pretty sure if you sent a text to him saying, 'i'm hot for you baby, can i come over for sex?' he'd respond immediately and wake up from his 'nap', but then all you'd get is sex and not a real date and no response to anything that didn't mean he wasn't just going to get free and easy sex.

[ls33]

I know he isn't interested in me as a gf!!! If u knew how much he worked you'd understand why he wouldn't want the work of a gf. I was happy just hanging out being casual w him... But if I'm

Gonna say I'm take things slow and be unwilling to do

More than make out on that night, then y would he bother w me? I just want to keep in contact w him

Until he gets to point in his life when he does want someone! But I probably can't keep that interest if he doesn't think I'll

Put out for a while

[Theniceone]

I know he isn't interested in me as a gf!!! If u knew how much he worked you'd understand why he wouldn't want the work of a gf. I was happy just hanging out being casual w him... But if I'm

Gonna say I'm take things slow and be unwilling to do

More than make out on that night, then y would he bother w me? I just want to keep in contact w him

Until he gets to point in his life when he does want someone! But I probably can't keep that interest if he doesn't think I'll

Put out for a while

 

Now..you longer want a relationhip with this guy???

(btw tried to private message you yesterday but could not)

[Theniceone]

Also, he is not doing 'all this elaborate stuff.' He's just sent you responses to a few texts which takes a couple seconds, and isn't even responding to all your texts. If he were interested, he'd pick up the phone and ask you out on real dates rather than booty calls or blowing you off..

 

Exactly! and funny how you can say that you barely speak/text, but at the same time all confused by the ''amount of contact'' you have with each other and hence is interest in you

[ls33]

Some ppl play it cool bc a) they know I just got out of very serious r'ship, 2) afraid of getting hurt themselves, 3) not wanting something serious.

[Ariel85]

I think if you stopped chasing him and making yourself so available, you'd stop hearing from him entirely. I don't think he's blowing you off - just that he enjoys keeping you on a long leash and likes the attention.

[Theniceone]

Some ppl play it cool bc a) they know I just got out of very serious r'ship, 2) afraid of getting hurt themselves, 3) not wanting something serious.

 

All valid reasons to play it cool and if you are playing it cool as well, you should not be worried about him blowing you off or not.

[ls33]

He probably wrote me off forever w the failed booty call, although honestly he didn't respect me before that either in the way I'd like to b respected If he even made the text

[Batya33]

I know he isn't interested in me as a gf!!! If u knew how much he worked you'd understand why he wouldn't want the work of a gf. I was happy just hanging out being casual w him... But if I'm

Gonna say I'm take things slow and be unwilling to do

More than make out on that night, then y would he bother w me? I just want to keep in contact w him

Until he gets to point in his life when he does want someone! But I probably can't keep that interest if he doesn't think I'll

Put out for a while

 

If you continue to settle for his scraps of attention you won't be the one he chooses when his schedule lightens up - even though I don't buy the "too busy" excuse for a second - he obviously has time for a social life. When my now husband and I started dating, he lived hundreds of miles away and was working insane hours without any relief in sight. He asked me out two weeks in advance, called me every day during those two weeks (we couldn't see each other for two weeks because he was away), and brought me a belated birthday present when he came to see me. It was a necklace. He fastened the necklace around my neck but didn't try to kiss me even though he was inches away from me. I asked him why, later, after our first kiss. He said "because I didn't want you to think I was helping you with the necklace just so I could make a pass at you -I wanted our first kiss to be special" (we had dated in the past so our first kiss happened on our first real date after deciding to get back together).

Sure, that is on the extreme side of things but......I'm not complaining. It's 6 years since that evening and I will never forget that feeling of being so cared for to that level of detail. By contrast, a guy who you have to chase down to get a text, and who treats you as an afterthought/potential booty call - do you really think that he would risk offending you if he saw any potential in the future? Don't take his mediocre interest personally - some people just don't click that way, it's fine -but please don't settle for scraps either.

[ls33]

You know, I think I didn't put out that night bc in back of my mind I already didnt like how i was being treated.

 

first date = he suggested getting drinks sometime. then we talk on phone and i say, "what about tomorrow night?" he says "may not work but call me tomorrow anyhow -- the worst that can happen is I say no!" I call him back and he blows off the call for the next 2 days -- no return call or text. I finally text him again to ask for the date again and he accepts.

 

even after our 2nd meetup (the group get-together), where he was all romantic & kissed me, at the end of the night i suggested going to the hiking trails sometime soon... and he brushed that off & just said "I'll let u know about next week's cookout." So... 1) doesn't want to make any plans w/me alone & 2) doesn't even give me a definitive date for the next time he wants to see me. Then I hear from him only 1 text msg the whole week -- another vague "still don't know when the cookout is yet."

 

The cookout thing was probably just baiting me so that when he booty-called, it wouldn't look so out-of-the blue.

 

If u think about that, the guy was never interested in more than building me into a casual FWB relationship.

[Theniceone]

ls33,

 

you do not need to convince us that this guy is not that interested. Most of us have been telling you that for a while or at leat asked you to be careful.

 

For some reason you keep going back and forth about this. In one post you agree that he is not worth your time, in another you act desperate and you want him bad...

 

Now it is time to accept and move on.

[ls33]

the only part that doesn't make sense = the texts yesterday. no need to volunteer info about what you're up to, ask me what i'm doing, then follow up and explain that u fell asleep and napped for a long time. as a man who doesn't want a woman either now or at any point in the future, wouldn't you do better if u just blew her off completely... Or sent the 1 text in the morning asking y i called, then ignored me from there out?

[Theniceone]

There is an unwritten rule (well in my opinion) that when I contact a friend over the week end the discussion will go over what each other have planned. Does not mean there is a committment there to do anything with each other, could just be small talk.

 

Now for your situation...this guy is not that interested in you to contact you througout the week, make plans with you in advance and ensure to stay awake so he has a chance to see you. but if he happens to be awake, and he asks you to come to him (like pizza), since he nevers wants to go to you, he will be willing to sleep with you. Nothing more.

 

.. and because guys will not turn down a possibility to have sex, he still replies to your text but has never and I say never initiated anything meaninful or of substance with you. Remember how he never asks you anything and does not talk about himself!

[ls33]

When I called , of course he was just being polite by asking what was up. But when i never responded in 5 hrs, he did NOT have to text again, ask what I was up to, volunteer info that he just wanted to stay at home. He simply could've been nice/polite without doing that.

[Theniceone]

Yes, he contacted you after 5 hours... Now for what purposes...

 

Did he contact you today?

 

Let him come to you. Do not be so willing to go to his place at any time of the day. Have him meet you in an other settings than a club or with his friends. You two alone. That is only if you want something serious with him.

 

If you just want to go over the values that were so important to you in your previous post...you are an adult please after all, contact him and have sex and this whole thread has no reason to be.

 

There is nothing wrong with casual sex imo if this is the expectations of both parties. You do not seem to know what you want from this or seem to be willing to be disrespected or taking crumbs from him.

[ls33]

He asked what I waS doing at 4pm, not 1am.

He reached out and sent that second text when I hadn't responded to the first. I understand texting is effortless but if he truly felt "get this girl out of my life," then u don't step up and send that second text.

[Theniceone]

Listen there seems to be miscommunication here, so i will summarize

 

1) He does not want you out of his life per say: He wants to keep you as an option but he is not actively trying to be in touch with you.

 

He has not acted in a way that spells ''relationship''. If this is ok with you go for it.

 

Nothing he has done so far is to be considered as ''steppin up''... Sorry

 

I am starting to wonder what kind of relationship you had with your ex fiance to consider what the new guy is giving you (i.e not much) aas something extraordinary.

[ls33]

So people agree that he isn't writing me off for good?

[Theniceone]

writing you off as a potential booty call? or more?

 

You are not clear with your expectations

[Ms Darcy]

So people agree that he isn't writing me off for good?

 

I agree that you are not clear on your expectations. Occassionally texting you what you are up to is little to no effort, yet it seems to mean a lot to you. I would say he's giving you crumbs, but he's not really even doing that much.