I'm pregnant by my boyfriend...he's got a girlfriend 2

[LovingMe221]

For those who hadn't read my first post, In a nut-shell: I was seeing my boyfriend while he was seeing his girlfriend and I ended up pregnant. He says I have to get an abortion. I agree.

Okay, he's called since then, surprise surprise, NOT this fool is still trying to have sex with me. A lot of you didn't understand why this happened in the first place. Well, lets just clear this up, I feel like I am the victim here I'm only 20 and he is 31. Big age difference huh? I called the abortion clinic I need $300 in the next 7 weeks. Pray for me, I have thought about keeping the baby but after much thought and consideration I decided to end the pregnancy. Still no job, but then again its only been 3 days, so keep your fingers crossed. How do I tell him, I can't stand looking at his face, thinking of him and the situation he put me in makes me sick alone. I know I can't be with him sexually again. After all of this I plan on getting a tubal ligation, I cannot let this happen again. Again I thank you all for your support and advice (even if it is harsh at times )

--Thank You eNotAlone

[hexaemeron]

Did you know he had a girlfriend when you began seeing him?

[Seraphim]

Well the guy is a lecher, but you have to take your own responsibility in this too. This is why I am really against age difference relationships were someone is just out of their teenage years. Were you using birth control? This is your responsibility too. I hate to tell you this no dr who values his licence and has conscience will provide you with a tubal ligation at 20. They get sued by such people who want to become parents 10 years later when they change their mind and say they were "influenced" when they were young. Drs won't do it. I am sorry for your predicament, but you are responsible too.

[LovingMe221]

Yes and no, I knew they were dating but it was "rocky" as he stated. I didn't know they lived together at all until after the fact.

[LovingMe221]

No, I will be 21 in August.

[hexaemeron]

I agree with Victoria. It sounds like you did know what was going on, just not specifics. I know you're in a really tough place now, but these sorts of things happen when people make adult choices out in the world. You just have to be smart and follow your heart.

[lavenderdove]

Don't restrict your future fertility just because this guy is a jerk. You will meet someone you love in future and will most likely want to have kids.

Please talk with Planned Parenthood or ob-gyn about getting an implant or pills, and use a condom for double protection.

 

And we all agree, you shouldn't see him if he still is with his GF. And make him cough up money for the abortion. That's the least he can do.

[FathomFear]

You're 20. As unfortunate as the situation is, there comes a point in your life where you can't just immediately put yourself in the "victim" category. You chose to have sex with him, etc. You're now living with the consequences.

 

I'm not saying this to be harsh. It's just that your post has a "Woe is me, abused by the world!" kind of tone to it. I would certainly agree if you were 12 years old or something, but you're a grown woman.

[capilot]

... no dr who values his licence and has conscience will provide you with a tubal ligation at 20. They get sued by such people who want to become parents 10 years later when they change their mind and say they were "influenced" when they were young. Drs won't do it....

 

As an aside, I don't think people really sue doctors over this issue very often, if at all. I think doctors are paranoid that it will happen though, and coupled with an innate discomfort with the idea of young women who want to take themselves out of the breeding pool, they refuse to do it.

[Seraphim]

As an aside, I don't think people really sue doctors over this issue very often, if at all. I think doctors are paranoid that it will happen though, and coupled with an innate discomfort with the idea of young women who want to take themselves out of the breeding pool, they refuse to do it.

 

Drs do get sued, that is why their insurance is ridiculously high. Also at 20 some people make some life altering decisions that they TOTALLY regret later and this is one of them. The dr actually wants you to think about it and make no rash decisions. Most of them will consider it if you are like 30 and adamant about it. They will also do it if you have other children and want one done. My mother had one done at 23, but she had 2 kids already.

[capilot]

Anyway: 1) listen to Lavenderdove. Get on birth control before you sleep with a man who's already in a relationship next time. 2) Planned parenthood is your friend; get to know them. 3) If he's in his 30's, he can easily afford $300 to save himself a whole lot of grief. He should be falling all over himself to give you the money to make this problem go away. I suppose he might be worried that his girlfriend (or is she his wife?) will ask what the $300 was for, but that won't take a fraction of the explaining that a pregnant girlfriend will take.

[catcountry]

I'm only 20 and he is 31. Big age difference huh?

 

But you knew this...right? It wasn't a big surprise to you after the fact...was it?

 

I can't stand looking at his face, thinking of him and the situation he put me in makes me sick alone.

 

You agreed to have sex with him...right? It wasn't rape...was it? You have 2 children already and you are only 20 years old. Did you not think to use some sort of birth control this time around?

 

I feel like I am the victim here

 

You knew this man had a girlfriend even thought you were told it was "rocky", you knew his age, and you willingly had sex with him without using birth control even though you already have 2 children.

 

Understandably you are hurt and you are angry but, you are not the victim...that child you both created is. Use this as a big life lesson and hopefully in the future you will make better decisions.

[Seraphim]

I totally agree with this. I did not read your other thread or if I did I did not remember it. If you have 2 kids already you will probably get your tubal. However I do not see you as the victim here. You knew the score, and you know how babies are made. It is just time to grow up now.

[Ariel85]

You had posted that you're not on welfare, so then how are you supporting yourself and your two kids while not having a job? If you're living off savings, certainly you have $300 to spend on your abortion.

 

And how did you end up at 20 with two other kids? Same kind of situation as this one? Are they by two different fathers? Do you get child support from them?

 

Unfortunately, you won't get a lot of sympathy here. You were merely the side dish for sex to a guy who's in a long term commited relationship with someone else. He was not your BF.

 

I commend you for looking into permanent birth control methods, however. It's high time you start taking control of your life and stop blaming others for your own poor choices.

[sunnyhappydays]

3 kids at 20? Stop being dramatic and just GET PROPER BIRTH CONTROL. Geez, you don't need surgery. Just the standard condoms and some HBC would do it!