Silverbirches Healing Journal

[Silverbirch]

Hi Carla and JN if either of you are reading this. It's very late here but I'm still a bit hyped up from a busy night at work tonight. I enjoyed it though and have worked a few times now with a nice lady who is a great worker so it was extra good.

 

I'm excited about going back to the belly dance class again tomorrow. Have been giving the performance costume (a requirement) some thought and have decided that I will likely go to an authentic Indian ladies clothing shop and get something I think is really classy. I've looked at quite a few pics now, and I actually think some of the more covered up styles are much sexier and flattering to a woman's shape. Also, as we would be wearing the costumes in public - like at fairs, community events and even old folks home, I'm sure I'd feel more comfortable and confident if I was to wear something which has a type of wrap with it so I can be pretty much covered up when I choose. I saw that a lot of the Indian styles have sleeves and a few are more high-wasted so don't show the belly-button and I actually think it looks better - regardless as to whether someone is slim or not. This is one of the styles I REALLY like though I don't think it's my color. I'd still like something in either red or gold. What do you think?

 

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[journeynow]

Fun! I wonder how belly-dancing differs from hula dancing.

 

I think red or burgundy would be nice.

 

What do you think about this style? (I like the blue color, too):

image removedlink removed (It looks expensive, though, and maybe not flow-y enough for dancing?)

 

I like this color:

 

image removed

link removed

(link to shop: link removed )

 

It seems I've seen saris worn with a type of leotard underneath (in movies), which might be a more modest way to wear one if you don't want to show a bare belly.

[Silverbirch]

Oh they are GORGEOUS JN! I'm funny about blue. Although it's one of my favourite colors, there are only certain shades of blue I feel that flatter me in clothing. Dark turquoise looks okay. I love the scarves which they wear over them.

 

Some of the wedding saris were BEAUTIFUL. Not that I'll ever have the need, but if I was to marry, I would like to wear something very much like this

 

link removed

[Silverbirch]

I've been up since 6am although I don't start work until 3.30pm - finishing at 10.30pm. I've been pottering about trying to get housework done, but I'm so body-sore from a very hectic shift yesterday. Things have been stressful with work in that on Tuesday, my shift was double-booked and so I missed out on a day's pay. Because I had travelled by car for an hour to get there, I hung about waiting for another job to come in as that nearly always happens, but nothing that day. I was very annoyed as I had been offered 2 other long shifts that day which I knocked back - so my next pay will be low. Due to industrial regulations, we are not permitted to work more than 38 hours per week although that was easier for me to swing when I was team leader in an understaffed facility. As well, our employer, which is meant to be one of the better ones finds ways not to pay staff for extra qualifications. I've been lucky in that some of the managers are swinging work my way, but I have to be constantly vigilant that I'm getting enough. Last week, I was booked for 40 hours and because of the regulations I had to drop a shift to be below 38 hours. It's such a pain in the neck. If I take a second job with another employer, I'll be paying double-tax. We were recently awarded a long overdue pay rise of 40%, but it will be paid through 5% increases over an 8 year period. Anyway, enough of that. Part of the reason also that we are not allowed to work longer hours is due to burn out rates which are high. Somebody I know is encouraging me to apply to work for the company she does as a sales rep selling medical supplies. I'm tempted, but not feeling very confident.

 

After work last Friday night, I was tired that I slept in my car for a couple of hours before the drive home. I finished 10.30pm with an hours travel each way and had to be back on the job at 8am, then worked again Sunday. I'm not eating very well and stomach feeling bad, but I'll buy some groceries before I start work today.

 

Anyway, tomorrow is MY day. I'm going to the bellydance class in the morning and then will check out the drumming group in the afternoon - African and Arabic drumming. Then if all goes well, I'll see David in the afternoon.

 

JN, I got myself a nice skirt and tops for the class. I opted on something completely different. I decided to get something not too way out so I could wear it to both classes and also dress up and down for wearing out. I got a nice long silk skirt in various shades of blue with a little yellow-gold in it. I tried photographing it, but the colors didn't come out as they look. Maybe I'll have another go. I think it's really nice. I also bought a lace tie up blouse in teal blue to wear over something else. I'll just wear my gold bangles and gold hoop earrings so will keep it quite simple. I'll go through the coin scarves that the instructor sells and that will be it for now until I've gotten a bit more money together.

 

Things seem to be going very well with David. I think the relationship is becoming deeper, but I wish I could see more of him. He talks a lot about us living together - and I know I want to do this eventually, but not for a while. I''ve told him recently that I don't want to leave the area I currently live in. He LOVES it here too, but a bit worried we won't find something we can afford. I'll send out messages to the universe for this when the time comes.

 

We speak by phone every day, and he is missing me too. He is having similar mess arounds with his work too, and was annoyed when he got out to a job this morning which was cancelled - saying he could have come and seen me. I know he is missing me too - he tells me - and he isn't the type to say something like that if he doesn't mean it. He did make me smile this morning when he asked me if I would like a 5 week old pet piglet which one of his clients is trying to home (she has 5 of them). David is thinking of taking one for himself, but looking into what care they require first.

 

Anyway, I hope you are all well. Haven't seen you about for a while Carla. Hope you are okay. Hugs xxxx

[journeynow]

Silver,

Good to see you here, and I enjoy your posts as always. I started a response on another of your threads but was interrupted and lost the text. Your skirt and top for dancing sound like good choices. I hope you are able to post pictures—I'd love to see.

 

Take care and have a good rest, and a fun day off.

[Silverbirch]

Hey thank you JN! I really like your posts too JN and find them very helpful. I hope all is well in your world. Will see if I can dig out my tripod and work out how to use the timer. The skirt looks nice with lots of different style tops. I think for day wear, just a white cotton Indian sytle button down the front short sleeves and waist looks good as does a white gypsy style. I have some lovely high heels I've worn which look perfect with it for night. Anyway, off to work now but back soon. I forgot to say that 2 of David's ponies might be coming to live here. They were laminitic when he rescued them and rehabilitated them a while back, but my pasture is much more suitable for them than his is. They are both "paints" and the boy who is named Frankie has the most gorgeous blue eyes. Will see if I can find a pic of them to post too. Back late tonight.

[Silverbirch]

My body is feeling much better this morning after a much easier shift last night. David rang me to say good-night and he was half-asleep when we were speaking. I know that to a lot of people I will probably sound very demanding, but I feel very annoyed with him after that conversation. He has volunteered to me a couple of weeks ago that due to his insecurities and fears, he has a lot of problems planning things and being pinned down to arrangements. Anyway, throughout the week, he had said that he will come by my place and visit me some time this afternoon. Neither of us has been eating really well due to our busyness with work. I told him that I was planning on cooking something healthy and he was welcome to join me. I asked if he wanted to come afternoon or evening. I could hear his apprehension. I could sense immediately that I'd pushed a button for him. Yes, to me it is just a small thing to say when you are coming. Still I couldn't help myself and asked "Just around what time". He couldn't answer. OMG, I had put him in a situation where he might feel a bit out of control.

 

Strangely, I feel very different to how I have been with partners in the past. I don't feel sad or pining - he could in fact decide not to come at all - as an over-compensation to be back in control. My thoughts are that I need to make sure I always have a great life for myself with as many friends as I want, places to go and things to do. I must not build my life around waiting for a man to be there - especially one who has admitted to me his issues about planning events. Last time he did this to me, I took myself out and had a great time and I'm pretty certain it both rocked him and brought him some respect of me. Thing is, I need to do things for ME - not to gain his respect or have him behave in ways I want. There is my stuff and his stuff - and today I will take care of MY stuff. That's going to entail going to my dance classs and checking out the drumming group. If I get time, I may go off and have a massage and/or go to some shops in a neighbouring township. I'm off to say good-morning to my ponies and give the oldest girl some gumnuts as treats.

 

Have a great day everyone. Hugs.

[Silverbirch]

These last few days, I although I am very tired today, I have felt very different within myself – ALIVE in a way I can’t recall. I think it started in Friday which seems like the best day of my life. For the following 2 days, I was aware of a major change in my sensory perceptions – all around me, I noticed vibrant colors and I felt a true joy inside of me. Yesterday, the weather was perfect – a clear sunny warm day. I have craved fresh fruit to eat and instrumental non-Western music to listen to while driving. I was sitting outside at work on my break, basking in the warmth and light, admiring the patterns of color of the washing on the clothesline and the beauty of other ordinary, everyday surroundings. Soon I came out of living in the moment, and I began to wonder how could I preserve these feelings of wholeness, appreciation and happiness.

 

I wasn’t certain of what to attribute to my altered state to. I felt a knowing that my relationship with David was NOT the cause, but memories of my mental, emotional and physical state after the breakup with G came momentarily flashing back. I willed those thoughts to go, telling myself that I now own my thoughts and feelings, that I will never give another person the power to hurt me in such a way. I wondered if David leaves my life, what should I do to maintain my happiness. How can I protect myself from falling into that hellish pit of darkness and pain.

 

I had been at the dance class in Friday morning which was a lot of fun and increasingly more friendly – lots of laughter, chattiness, planning of parties and festival performances. I had time for lunch after the class. Then I went to the drumming group in the same building. The instructor, Annie, attends the dance group and told me to sit beside her, introduced me to yet another happy and welcoming group of people.

 

I was instructed on how to play base on the African Dejembe drum. Some of us played the African drums while others played on Arabic/Turkish drums. I noticed how the people in the class made smiling eye contact with each other – and myself right throughout the class. In the front corner of the room was a very large set of 3 tribal drums – they looked African. Annie asked various students to play these drums to lead the rest of the class into the drumming recitals. In between drum beats, Annie began doing all types of silly movements with her arms and hands, moving them outstretched up in the air and at her sides. At one point, she and I were clapping one of each of our hands together – like children do in the playground. Then Annie began add-libbing words to ridiculous lyrics in time to the drums. I was unable to drum at that point, leaning backwards into laughter which I could feel deep in my stomach and chest. It seemed to fill my whole being. Then something happened which took me totally by surprise. . . . I felt the nearness of my late father . . . as though he was there with me . . . laughing and happy and completely enjoying the moment. I saw flashes of his face laughing and smiling with me and his eyes sparkling. For 15 years since he passed, I have wished there could be some way I could be with him again in a way which doesn’t necessitate my own death. I had felt and seen him there with me. It had happened. I felt my eyes beginning to mist as though I would cry so I made myself focus on my own drum playing. I felt my father’s presence fade into the background and then leave.

 

The class ended and we wished our cheerful farewells until next week as we walked out to our cars together. Annie told me I had played surprisingly well. As I drove off, the indescribable good feelings remained with me. I can hardly wait until next Friday when I can do it all again.

[journeynow]

Silver,

 

The drumming class sounds like so much fun! I can just picture it, full of energy and life. And the part about your father is heartwarming and gave me tingles. The drumming, your shifting perceptions, and presence of your father reminds me of shamanic drumming. I don't know much about it, but this might be of interest:

link removed

 

Your experience of heightened senses and joy is wonderful. What you said about preserving the feelings of wholeness, appreciation and happiness reminded me of what I've heard a number of times in that respect. We are bound to have ebbs and flows, but we can do some things to help find that joyful moment again. When you find yourself in that state of joy, taking time to notice it, get quiet and feel it through and through, focus on it—I believe it takes 17 seconds for it to become a body memory, or muscle memory, or something like that. At the same time you can associate a trigger to go with it , maybe a word, or perhaps an eye or hand movement. Then you can use that trigger intentionally to evoke that feeling again in another time and place. I can't remember where I came accross this, or if the 17 seconds is correct, but giving it some focus, some moments, it shifts from short term memory to long term memory.

 

Matthew Joyce calls it Bookmarking a Feeling, which can be useful for relaxing during stressful moments, and has a free guide to download from his website:

link removed

 

I took an Insight Meditation class called Awakening Joy during year following my separation and it was similar, to notice the many moments of joy or happiness throughout the day, no matter how small or fleeting, and using mindfulness around those moments to instill them in our memory and well-being. I probably not expressing this clearly, but it was very helpful for me at that time.

[Realitynut]

I only felt great joy when I was in the relationship with Dan. Usually when he was still at work, and I was excited about seeing him. then when he came, somehow the expectation I had built up, was not quite what I had expected....so would get upset, or bummed. that was one of our reasons for our demise. He could never 'make' me happy.

 

but when the weather was beautiful, and I'd be hanging the clothes out on the line, It just made me soooo happy. I always told him I felt like Little house of the Praire. Or in a Commune. It was never as dang hot up in Wisconsin, and it was where I lived. Only 4 hours south....

 

sorry I haven't been on much. I've had 3 lousy weeks at work. Had a date today. didn't care for him. Had a date last week. didn't care for him.....are you seeing a pattern??

 

When you'd rather be alone walking with pup, then with 'some guy'....depressing.

 

When I had met Dan...I was just crazy over him. I have his pics on the computer, and I still look at them. Yep...I know....I don't go a day without thinking of him.

 

 

I walked almost 2 hours yesterday. It's just starting to get warm out, and didn't have to wear a jacket....it's HEAVEN!

 

Last Wed. I walked one hour, then an hour later I joined a ZUMBA class. It's kind of an african dance/excersise class. That night I really felt OLD!!! lol

I thought, well if S.B. can do Belly-dancing, I can do this. But I felt so stupid, everyone knew all the moves....not me...

 

I thought if I kept moving and 'doing my thing', it was still doing some good.

I went to church tonite also.

 

So I did 2 things that were good.

 

I expect to have my old house within a few months...maybe a month. Then in May and June I'm planning on going up to Dan's and moving. Not looking forward to it.

 

I wish I would have been a better person, and kept him in my life. I'm just not sure if it's in my personality to be 'perfect'!!! lol

 

Can't wait to see your outfit! Make sure you're IN it!

Ps....I don't think you sound controlling of David at ALL! I think if you made plans to see each other, and he hardly EVER sees you, you should be ABLE to say, "hey buddy, what time do ya think you can make it over....gonna cook ya up a good meal....be here!!!" lol

 

Guys...sometimes they don't realize how good they have it!

 

Kiss ponies and David for me....love ya,

Carla and pup

[Silverbirch]

THANK YOU SO MUCH JN. I have just come back inside for a drink. I had decided to take my favourite pony for a walk at the side of the road. Unfortunately, my decided he was coming too and dug himself out of the yard. I have to go find the holes where he is escaping, and had to settle for giving my little princess a brushing and groom. Then THAT dog is getting a haircut and bath. LOL

 

Yes, it makes sense to me and you explain it well. I will go to the links. Thanks again! Hope you are having a good day. xxx

[Silverbirch]

Hey Carla, we crossed posts! I've missed you. Zumba sounds good, but bellydance for me is easier and more fun. A lot of work with Zumba. That's great news about the house.

 

Well, as for David, I won't be waiting around for him to appear. There were words exchanged about his issues related to planning. In fact, he brought up the subject saying it is a source of grievance for his family. He says that every time he sees them, they ask how I am and marvel I am still in his life - citing his issues around appearances and contact. I saw a lot of him over the last 2 days, and both of us appear to be doing our own thing today. I wont be surprised if he has gone flying today.

 

Carls, after work on Saturday, I decided to travel half an hour's drive to one of the Little India's of Melbourne. It was very colorful and interesting. Mostly food and clothing stores, where all of the store-keepers will say: "Oh yes, beautiful - I can do you a special deal." I went into some Afghani stores as well. It is soo cheap. I saw many saris like the red one I linked to from around $95. The only thing I bought was a lovely pair of Indian sandals for $25. I found out that I can only get the scarf coins from the markets where some of the Indian importers have their stalls so I'll go there one day soon. I went into this one store called "Heritage of India". I asked about the scarves, and they had none, but she brought out this amazing Bollywood style midriff blouse for $60 . . . but would have done me a special deal. OMG, the costume jewellry was quite amazing too - bangles for $1 each, sets of necklaces, with matching earrings and jewel which hangs over the forehead from $30 upwards, but incredibly gorgeous sets for around $135. The shoes are all cheap - around $25. In the stores, they also have Indian music playing and when nobody could see, I let myself do some dance moves while I browsed. LOL!

 

Maybe I will be able to get one of the girls at next Friday's class to take some pics - one of me. Better go and organise my messy house now and put some music on.

[Realitynut]

Well, I didn't join Zumba to feel good!!! lol I bought a 'punch card' worth $40, so I gotta go....kinda like going to church...I have to force myself. Once I'm there, I'm glad....

 

I told mom that all the skinny rich women were dancing/excersizing up front, and I was in the back with all the heavy black women....lol

 

You are so funny SB...one day you're madly in love with David, and all you can think of is sex....

then a week later, he needs his space and you're out buying bangles!!! lol

 

That's life! You're so understanding. I'm not that way. David would despise me!!! lol

 

Ok, don't kiss David for me...give him a pinch in the rear....and kiss ponies nose for me instead!

 

Huggs to you, Carla and pup

[Silverbirch]

Oh Carla, he rang me today and said he is going to do some paid work, but he said he is so exhausted from the sex we had on Friday and Saturday night. I told him that with the weather being so good, I thought he would go fly a plane, but he re-iterated, saying he was so tired and his head too fuzzy to fly a plane. Well, it's his own darn fault for refusing to plan anything. Somehow, I'm sure he will never learn. I have to go do things like go buy bangles so I don't wear him out completely. He isn't in my good books right now but I still want to keep him as a lover and sometime friend - when he isn't wrapped up with his stubborn ways. I should say he does finish off every phone call and visit with "I love you" which I suppose doesn't necessarily mean anything much. I'll just have to wait,keep an open-mind, but have some reasonable expectations for myself and see how things pan out. He's way too old for change. I went up to the general store for a latte and got chatted up by a younger man out for a ride on his motorbike. He looked a lot like an older version of Prince Harry and has quite a toff accent so not sure he was my type but definitely attractive, Seriously, I wouldn't do anything behind his back and don't even really want to, but I'm reminding myself not to let myself be cut off from the rest of life while David stays stuck with his old Oedipal ways.

[Silverbirch]

Hi JN, thanks for the links which I visited. Fascinating. I will try and find out more about the shamanic drumming. Wondering if I will see my father again, especially now I know it is possible and might even learn a few "how to do its". I had totally forgotten also that my father owned a set of bongos for many years which he played from time to time.

[Silverbirch]

Mess up with work today due to the admin people. I got a call at 7.10 am saying that had expected me at work - wrong, I wasn't booked to start at another facility until 3.30pm. They didn't have trained staff to do some of the work so I went in for 3 hours and came back home (an hours drive each way), had a bath, fed my animals and drove back to work - so I'm here until around 10pm. It's been a sort of nothing day.

 

Thursday I go and have my follow-up cystoscopy so hoping it's going to show CANCER-FREE! I haven't had any symptoms so I'm hopeful.

[Silverbirch]

Mess up with work today due to the admin people. I got a call at 7.10 am saying that had expected me at work - wrong, I wasn't booked to start at another facility until 3.30pm. They didn't have trained staff to do some of the work so I went in for 3 hours and came back home (an hours drive each way), had a bath, fed my animals and drove back to work - so I'm here until around 10pm. It's been a sort of nothing day.

 

Thursday I go and have my follow-up cystoscopy so hoping it's going to show CANCER-FREE! I haven't had any symptoms so I'm hopeful.

[Silverbirch]

Mess up with work today due to the admin people. I got a call at 7.10 am saying that had expected me at work - wrong, I wasn't booked to start at another facility until 3.30pm. They didn't have trained staff to do some of the work so I went in for 3 hours and came back home (an hours drive each way), had a bath, fed my animals and drove back to work - so I'm here until around 10pm. It's been a sort of nothing day.

 

Thursday I go and have my follow-up cystoscopy so hoping it's going to show CANCER-FREE! I haven't had any symptoms so I'm hopeful.

[Silverbirch]

I'm feeling quite hyped up and insomnic atm. I think part of it is the cancer testing tomorrow. When I first found out about the cancer, it seemed devastating and I was so frightened. That was in early December 2011. Xmas was hard as I was still waiting for the full results which turned out to be the best I could have hoped for although I'm going to be tested regularly until I am cancer-free for 10 years - if all goes well. Meaning, if I'm still alive in 10 years. Since around the end of January, I've felt a lot calmer about it. I still remember every day that I have already had cancer in my body and that it could come back any time, but I feel sort of accepting. It's definitely been life-changing for me - in most ways for the best.

 

It's hard not to feel anxious about work atm. At the end of last year, I changed my work status (with the same organisation I am employed with) from permanent full-time to casual although I was promised that there would be plenty of work for me - more hours than I had as a permanent worker. Since that time though, the changes that the organisation has undergone have been enormous and they don't have the same administrative support to adequately allocate the casual work which means there have been SO many stuff-ups - double bookings has been the worst problem for most of us. This has meant that some weeks, especially of late, I've lost a lot of paid work due to double-bookings. Today, it was the worst on record and I spent most of the day speaking with various people in management who are aware of the problems but it is so big, right now, it is way out of everyone's control. It won't be surprising to me at least, if this fairly old and established organisation folds up due to mismanagement. I decided today that the safest thing for me to do is firstly, to go back to permanent worker status. Fortunately, there are several managers who want me to work for them. One of them at least, will have work I should be able to move into as a permanent worker hopefully in the next few weeks. I want to go back also to one of my older work haunts in the organisation who I've been doing loads of casual work with, but I'm going to have to wait a bit until somebody leaves which is expected in a few months time. I don't think I can mess around though as a lot of the other casual workers will likely try to also go permanent. The organisation is also doing some dodgey things with the permanent workers, but until I can work elsewhere, it's still safer than remaining casual.

 

I've been a bit worried about David. I think he borders on being a workaholic. He has this pattern of doing way too much work and then getting sick and not being able to work and then stressing about money and his business. Then when he is well enough, he goes back to work and works harder to make up for the lost time and money. Of course, when he is working like this, I'm not getting to see much of him, and when I do see him, he is so tired. I wish he didn't have to work so hard. He keeps telling me that the only way I'm going to see more of him is to live with him, but I still feel like it's too soon, and I would rather be seeing more of him while living apart for a while at least. I couldn't let myself move in with him yet for a range of reasons. When he is really busy and tired, I'm not hearing so much from him and I worry that maybe he isn't so into me. It feels like he isn't making so much of an effort, but when I hear what he has been doing with work and what he hasn't had time to do in his private life and taking care of himself, I know that he is putting in as much effort as is possible for him. In some ways, as time has passed, I've seen changes in him - and he sees changes in himself. He was alone and reclusive for such a long time and so used to being on his own and set in some of his ways. He preferred his own company to being with people. Now he says he misses me - and he used to tell me he never missed anyone. He even used to find it hard spending the entire night sleeping with another person because he was so used to having a bed all to himself. Now he tells me, he is much happier sleeping with me than without me - "I've gotten used to having you around".

 

Anyway, before I go for this procedure tomorrow, I have phone calls to make for work to try and drum up so paid work - I'm even going to chant and be positive anything to attract work my way. This will have been one of the worst weeks I will have had as far as earning money goes. It's becoming a struggle and I really need some help from someone higher than myself to get through this period in time. Most of the time, I still have a sense of humor and I'm a fairly happy person. Hopefully soon I'll be able to wind down and get some sleep so I won't be too tired tomorrow.

[Silverbirch]

Oh God I feel as though I spend half my life on the phone trying to sort out mess. Well, I finally lodged my complaint against the phone company with the Ombudsman Dept as I am continuing to get letters of demand from them of over $1700 despite the phone being returned to them. I can't even get through to their telephone number due to problems with their automated answering service. The Ombudsman's Office has told me that I should hear from Vodaphone within 10 working days. If the matter is not resolved by then, then I am to contact Ombudsman again and further actions will be taken.

 

I've also found more double-bookings with work, and have spoken with some managers about returning to work for them on a permanent full-time basis and this looks like it will happen - the sooner the better. Hopefully, I will then stop waking in the middle of the night with panic attacks. I'm very, very stressed about money atm.

 

David and I had dinner last night after a long day at work for me. We had just returned from walking our dogs when his daughter pulled up in her car saying she had come for her father to replace her car battery. He knew nothing about it and said he wouldn't be doing it last night. I thought it best to just say my good-byes and go home. I've been having contact with my son and we are trying hard to catch up at some point when neither is working.

 

I was so busy with work over the weekend but that is so preferable to sitting around stressing about not having work. I'm off to work shortly at a place I haven't been before. I am so wanting to go to this shopping place I have heard of which is meant to be great. It's all recycled stuff with very good prices. The women from the bellydance class go their for their day to day clothes for themselves and their teenagers - as well as their bellydance and drumming costumes. If I get time this afternoon, I'll have a look, but likely won't. I so need to build my bank balance back up.

[journeynow]

Hi Silver,

 

Do you have a Consumer Affairs agency you can file a complaint with about the phone company? It might not help immediately, but it might help change things for the better in the long run if there is outside pressure for them to improve their methods. Or if you do get ahold of someone from the phone company, you could let them know that is your next choice of action. I mentioned on an earlier post that I've had a repeated overcharge on 5 or so phone bills, each month I'd call to have it fixed, and each month they assure me they have fixed it with the call. Last time I told them I may have to charge them for my time. (I was only half joking.) They took a slightly different approach, then. They assured me it absolutely will be fixed, and that if it didn't show correctly on the next bill I could deduct the error myself. I doubted whether this would work or if billing would think I had underpaid. She assured me again. Then a few days ago someone from the company called me to once again assure me they are fixing it. I have yet to get a new bill, but this is the first time they've called, and I assume it's been moved to a new department, and not just the front line of customer service. So, I recommend billing them! Your time is money.... ;-) It's ironic that phone companies, who are all about communication, are so difficult to communicate with.

[Silverbirch]

Hi JN, How's it going? The Ombudsman's Office for Communications is the most appropriate body here for dealing with disputes with telephone companies. I'm feeling a lot more positive though I know there is the possibility that I will need to continue with further processes with the Ombudsman's Office. I definitely felt more confident after finding out that last year that company had to pay more than $228 million in fines to the Ombudsman's Dept and that they have the worst track record of any of the telphone companies.

 

Tonight, I'm feeling as though God and the Universe are taking care of me. Tonight, I got 2 more phone calls from 2 other managers and 1 facility who heard I am looking for assignments. I'm keeping the word alive I want work. I could only take a little work as I was already booked for the days they wanted me, but one of them is ringing me again tomorrow with quite a few more offers for assignments in a few weeks time. I found out it is very much preferable for me to be run off my feet and tired from work than to be sitting around stressing out about not having work. Now I just need a couple more hours for this week, and after all, it is only the wee hours of Tuesday here. I might need to miss my drumming class Friday and take work, but if I have notice, I can take the class Thursday night instead.

 

JN, I'm assuming you are referring to probs you are having with your landline telephone. I wont have anything other than prepaid mobile now because of the risks of incorrect billing and being locked into a contract. A lot of us also believe that at some point we have been seriously overcharged by electricity providers. Has that been a problem for you too?

[journeynow]

Yes, that was for my landline, which I rely on because I live in a dead zone—no cell signal. I use a prepaid phone for a cell phone, since I rarely use it. Our electricity company has been great, with superb customer service and reasonable rates. They've just been bought out by a larger company, though, and my fingers are crossed that they don't go downhill.

 

Good luck with work, I hope if flows in, but doesn't overwhelm you.

[Silverbirch]

Hi JN, another offer of work this am but unfortunately on a day I am already working. I'm resting up today just bumming around to conserve my energy in case I get last minute offers. Hope your day is going well. xxxx

[Silverbirch]

I had another experience last night where I felt my father's presence. I had inadvertently found myself sitting in on a music lesson at the small local community centre. I had gone there to attend the Reiki group which I found when I got there had been cancelled. When I got there I could hear music coming from the room where I attend the bellydance and drumming classes. It was at the drumming class about 10 days ago that I'd had the previous experience. Anyway, the people at this class called "Miss Wattle's Ukhelele Class ased if I had come to join them. I thought that as I was already there, I would ask if I could sit in for a bit and they said yes. I sat there while they went through their warm-up. It was mostly women and 3 small dogs in attendance. There were 2 people there who also attend the drumming group, one of them was the ukhelele teacher.

 

Then they went into their first piece which turned out to be the theme from "The Lion King". My father who was a professional musician, teacher and arranger uswed to perform on sax and bongoes and sing that song at family parties and loved it. This group of ukehelele players and singers performed it as a lullaby. Hearing it sent shivers down my spine though it felt good - reassuring. When they finished, I clapped, thanked them and left.

 

It has occurred to me that both times I felt my father around me has been at music lessons. For years, from when I was a child right into my very early teens, I had pleaded with my father for him to teach me music. He said he was too busy - which was true - and that he didn't think he was good enough to teach me. We argued with our mother because she wanted us to learn music from the nuns and we refused, and in the end, only music lessons I had were from a guitar book and a guitar my father bought me for my 13th birthday - in my room. I was so disappointed that he wasn't able to teach me. Thinking back, when my father was only 22 years old, he had me, my older sister and my mother to support and worked at 2 jobs to achieve this. Two more children came along in the next few years, and now that I have a grown up child myself, I can appreciate the stress he must have been under.

 

I feel my father would be reminding me that I grew up around a lot of music all the years I lived with my parents, and that I haven't had enough of it in my life for many years, that I should enjoy it and learn, and that it doesn't matter if I'm never great, it's about the happiness and enjoyment it brings to oneself and others and enjoying the experience of performing with others in a group.

 

Spoke with David last night. He rescued a tortoise of the road which somebody had already run over so it's in a pretty bad way. He's taking it to somebody this morning who is involved in wildlife rescue to see if it can be helped. I hope it didn't die through the night.

 

Got a phone call last night to say my shift for this evening has been extended so a little bit more work. My poor little doggy isn't going to see much of me as I finish late tonight and have a very early start in the morning and a full day.

 

I've been awake since around 4am due to heavy winds here and my stomach is feeling rumbly as well. If anyone is reading this, I hope you have a good day.