SapphireNoir10 Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 I've had a friend for nearly five years. I get on with him better than I've ever got on with anyone. He has always treated me like a princess, he makes me laugh and smile. He was the person that drove five hours to pick me up from my exes when we split up. We have everything in common and I know he is in love with me and he is literally like my soulmate in so many ways. Hes always been there to listen to me, and help me...and I feel terrible. I really really like him YET theres one phsyical aspect of him I can't get past. Something about his features. And its awful cos other than that I really like him. But all my friends and family all say hes perfect for me...but all mock that one feature. Ah Life is cruel. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted June 1, 2011 Author Share Posted June 1, 2011 Even my dad said this guy is like my soulmate...that he sees that. BUT AH. Link to comment
Blackey Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 May I ask what is that physical aspect you cno not get past? Link to comment
sadchick83 Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 WHat is wrong with his features? You know I had the same situation a few years ago. This guy was my office husband. We spent 8 hours a day together and we connected like no one else. He was very good looking and had a great body, but was my height. (I'm 5' 4"). Anyway, he went on to marry and is not happy, has a kid, etc. My serious relationship was with again a very good looking guy who is 6' 4". Almost everyday I think "what if?" I would certainly have a family and loving husband by now with shorty, and laughing all the time. Sapphire, sounds like you are still into looks-- nothing wrong with that, but have your heart broken by a few more hotties and your soul mate may not look so bad! Link to comment
onemoretime Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 Seems like if you kind of force yourself into something it's not gona pan out. It would be better if he won you over somehow and then you wouldn't feel like you were settling for him but because actually couldn't say no. Maybe you are shallow but it's probably better to recognize that and live with the consequences (potentially never having compatible relationships) then starting something that you can't finish. I think a lot can be said for exploration too, but this would be at the expense of another person potentially. I think ironically if you were more selfish you could try a relationship and end up being happy with him. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted June 1, 2011 Author Share Posted June 1, 2011 Sactly. I go out with good looking guys who treat me badly. Hes always treated me with respect and kindness and no one make me laugh like he does. No one. He's my height, maybe a bit taller, good body, longish hair.... I dont know if i wanna say what it is incase he ever found this, its something facial/headwise...not like a deformity...like a big forehead with receding hairline. There I said it. Link to comment
Cadence44 Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 like a big forehead with receding hairline. Oh my god, that's horrifying! You know, even the gorgeous guys that you date are going to get old and lose their physical perfection. Maybe someday you'll be ready to look past what you see as a flaw to see that it's just a part of a really great person. Link to comment
CMS Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 2 words, hair transplant, problem solved. Link to comment
sadchick83 Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 2 words: beer goggles! Well you could always give it one good shot with this guy. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 That is too bad but at least you're being honest with yourself and letting him find someone who is crazy about him. I'm one of those lucky ones who was and is very attracted to my husband even though he is shorter than average - not because I settled because I was attracted to him (and often found myself attracted to shorter guys). I am certain that many women overlooked him because he is not tall. Similarly, your "trash" is someone else's treasure - and I am sure she won't be settling either. If you had the desire to kiss him I would say go for it and see if his forehead/hairline recedes in your focus (pun intended) but if you don't desire to kiss him don't test it out because that would be leading him on. Link to comment
Firiel Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 My husband's aunt dated jerks for a long time... and she had this wonderful friend that was willing to do anything for her. He'd pic her up from the airport, dog-sit for her, bring her soup when she was sick-- but she just wasn't attracted to him. He was shorter than she was and not the typical "manly-man" that she usually dated. Everyone always asked her why she wasn't dating him. One day, he started dating (not in a relationship) an ex of his, and she got super jealous and realized that she wanted to be with him after all. They've been married for about 10 years now! I'm not saying you should date this guy if you aren't attracted to him, but there is always that chance that one day, something will click within your mind and you'll want to date him. Link to comment
dramallama Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 I think that if the chemistry isn't there, and you can't get past this physical aspect of him, then you should let him find a girl where this isn't an issue for her. And it might be something to consider that even if he did have a full head of hair, you might still not feel anything for him either. Link to comment
pinkelephant Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 i think that if the chemistry isnt there, the chemistry isn't there. but stories like what firiel has told is quite common! it's almost like she took him for granted. i have a close friend who really likes me and treats me well and even though he's really good looking, there's no chemistry.. awful how that works. he even tried to make me jealous and all i was was happy for him. lol Link to comment
Batya33 Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 I think that chemistry can happen over time or appear randomly especially if the person is open to it (focusing on a receding hairline is going to sabotage any chance of that happening, most likely). I dated many great guys who I felt no chemistry for - and had few regrets when they married/found someone special. I did regret one person, for years, and it was because at the time I was fresh out of a broken engagement and was more interested in the hot looking cold guy than the warm, sweet, adorable but not hot guy. When I thought I was ready and wanted to give things a second chance, he wasn't. Link to comment
Cadence44 Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 With your focus on the dastardly feature and the importance you place on others talking about it, I do think that you're protecting yourself from someone who could really care for you. It's a form of commitmentphobia - you choose guys who you subconsciously know will be bad for you so you don't have to deal with something that might work out. But as others have said, it's also about chemistry and it wouldn't be fair to consider being with him if you didn't have it. I agree that you will probably be quite upset if he gets into a relationship with someone else (I sense a "I don't want him but I don't want anyone else to have him"). Maybe someday you'll see him for the prize that he is, but you might not be ready for that yet. Link to comment
metrogirl Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 This kind of receding hair line and big forehead??? This guy is so incredibily sexy to me, he's my future husband he just doesn't know it yet! LOL image removed Link to comment
FairyGodmother Posted June 6, 2011 Share Posted June 6, 2011 You can't force yourself to like him... he might be perfect in every way but if his receding hairline bothers you that much, you definitely aren't right for each other. And there's no need to feel guilty for that, if the attraction isn't there, then it just isn't there. You can keep being really good friends though Like someone else said, it's also unfair to him if you try to "endure" this feature of his that you don't like, because there might be some other woman out there who won't mind it and appreciates all his other aspects as well. In the end it's a part of who he is, and you gotta take him whole (receding hair line and everything) or not at all. Link to comment
piruru Posted June 6, 2011 Share Posted June 6, 2011 Maybe you're focusing too hard on his unattractive parts that you're failing to realise/recognise his attractive parts? Also consider what are the odds of you meeting a man who is going to treat you like the world AND be more physically attractive? Your friend sounds like quite the catch tbh and he would be hard to beat. He treats you well and doesn't expect you to sleep with him in return. He knows you through and through. You guys have a great connection. He has seen you at your very worst, through all your imperfections and yet he still loves you. Aside from the minor physical aspects, is there anything else that is putting you off him? If there isn't, and that otherwise he is a great guy for you, then put your issues with his looks aside and give him a chance. Nobody is perfect after all. Can you live with him for a long time without getting bored? Another thing to consider. Looks fade. They can also be gone in an instant because of some freak accident or illness. I agree with Cadence44 in that you might have some kind of issue with commitment so you subconsciously pick guys that won't give you that long-term commitment. Maybe you're also afraid to be happy? Sounds odd, but a lot of people have issues with it. Chemistry can take time to build too. I didn't feel anything for my bf when we were friends until one day I just felt it. I've never looked back and I'm happier than ever. At first he was really unattractive to me, but now I've realised that he is not at all unattractive and he gets more attractive to me every time I see him. My relationship with him is deeper than any of my previous ones because finally I opened my eyes and saw the beauty inside. The looks are just a bonus now Link to comment
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