MissingSparkle Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 My ex and i have had some limited contact lately, he had been sending me emails telling me he loves me and wishes things were different. so i called him because i wanted him to know that i would be working with him again and not to act crazy if he sees me. I wanted him to prepare himself. He flipped out saying he's sooooooo upset, he doesn't even want to work there...etc. and hung up on me. Called backed and said he's scared because he knows when he sees me he's going to want to get back with me which means he's going to get sh|tt>d on the rest of his life. My concern is i do not want him back if things don't change on his part. My main problems with him were that i live 15 mins away and he never tries to come see me, he doesn't have a car, he still has females in his life that he was initimate with, actually too many female friends which makes me uncomfortable and i feel the convience of me working with him has kept us together(and now coming back doesn't help this issue). I really want him to take me seriously and know that i can't just have him back in my life doing the same things which ticked me off to begin with and that we should keep it professional at work and he should only try to persue me at a reasonable time, which is after work. while i'm at work he calls and texts me incessantly, so how do i manage to swing this so that he doesn't get offended like i don't want him back but makes the effort to show me in a way that translates to me and respects my decisions?? Link to comment
maalox Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 Hi Sparkle. You shouldn't have relationships with coworkers. One of the reasons is that it causes the kind of grief that you're both going through now. Beyond that, you have to set your boundaries and stick to them. You have to make it crystal clear to him what those boundaries and expectations are. That goes for anybody in your life. Him too. You have issues that he doesn't find a way to cross 15 minutes (either a 1 mile walk or a short drive) to see you, he doesn't have a car, maintains contact with his EXes and has too many female friends. He doesn't take you seriously and makes no effort to show you that he respects your decisions, and apparently he did much to tick you off. You sure you want this guy back? Him being scared that he's going to get excreted upon for the rest of his life doesn't make it sound like he was thrilled with your behavior, either. I'd ask each of you: Why bother? Link to comment
Silverbirch Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 You sound like you have your head on your shoulders. You need to give serious thought as to whether this guy really could change, and sorry, but from what I've seen, I can't ever remember seeing one who has. You should go with your gut instincts. The female friends (some of whom he has already been intimate with) is a genuine reason for concern despite whatever he tells you. I KNOW this from personal experience, and I got hurt badly, so I'll repeat, trust your instincts. Don't answer his texts in work time, and consider if you want to answer them at all. Good luck. Link to comment
NANsense Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 ^I agree! Basically I'm taking his message as "I want to do what I want to do without getting yelled at for it!" He wants you as part of his LIST of casual GF's....do you want to be on his LIST? He also wants his privacy--I'm guessing that also goes for you only going to his house when he knows your coming...just a guess... Ignore him! Link to comment
MissingSparkle Posted May 9, 2011 Author Share Posted May 9, 2011 He also wants his privacy--I'm guessing that also goes for you only going to his house when he knows your coming...just a guess... lmao exactly he always wanted me to call before i came. i barely did just to see what would happen. my instincts are telling me he'll never change or do what needs to be done to give me peace in a relationship. His first reaction was his honest and he said, "thank God the job is over in August." your right i shouldn't let him get to me and should remain as far away from him as possible because he'll never change. and then when August comes and he disappears again, i'll know for sure. Link to comment
NANsense Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 He sounds like a total player! Onward and upward! You have a better man in your future than him! Link to comment
imonlyhuman Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 square 1 again i suck!!!! you don't suck. you made a decision to go LC because he contacted you. that's fine, you wanted to see if things have changed. it actually sounds like he hasn't changed and you're doing extra well with dealing with his crap. just go NC again, he's not worth your time and effort. Link to comment
MissingSparkle Posted May 9, 2011 Author Share Posted May 9, 2011 you don't suck. you made a decision to go LC because he contacted you. that's fine, you wanted to see if things have changed. it actually sounds like he hasn't changed and you're doing extra well with dealing with his crap. just go NC again, he's not worth your time and effort. aw thank you, i feel like a mess, lol. although my feelings are there i have to be extra logical about this because he thinks onces he seems me and gets jealous around the guys at work that, thats love. he knows what to say to get my defensives down, so i just have to proceed with extreme caution. i can guarantee he won't call me at all this week and will start to persue me vigoriously when he sees me next monday, oh goodness. i really don't want him back no matter how much i love or care for him until at least i can see 75% of the things i can't stand are gone, not that he's making changes because he promised me that before too but GONE. i know myself and i would just put an unnecessary burdern on us if i feel my needs aren't met. Link to comment
NANsense Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 i know myself and i would just put an unnecessary burdern on us if i feel my needs aren't met. YOU are not putting a burden on anyone or anything!!!!!!! HE is putting the burden on you by playing with your head and your heart and NOT giving YOU what you need! You made it clear what you wanted & he is trying to get you to forgo your wants because they don't fit his player lifestyle! DON'T ever give up your needs or your values for another human being to satisfy their selfish one-way agenda! Link to comment
MissingSparkle Posted May 9, 2011 Author Share Posted May 9, 2011 DON'T ever give up your needs or your values for another human being to satisfy their selfish one-way agenda! yes, i did settle for so much crap in the beginning because my feelings were so strong. Never again!!! Link to comment
NANsense Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 yes, i did settle for so much crap in the beginning because my feelings were so strong. Never again!!! now you're talking! Link to comment
kaboom1218 Posted May 10, 2011 Share Posted May 10, 2011 Now the ex you mentioned before in the other thread we were on together, when you were the dumper, seems nothing compared to this loser. You should definitely cut him loose and not look back. He has all these issues and is he the one that's emotionally and mentally abusive on top of it?!?! You do have a good head on your shoulders and can do so much better! What were the circumstances of the break up and reconnect? Just curious, even though you need to run, not walk away from this one! Link to comment
MissingSparkle Posted May 10, 2011 Author Share Posted May 10, 2011 Well the reconnect is unavoidable because were going to start working together again. i care for him so much but i know deep down he isn't good for me, especially if he doesn't change so its really scary and i need to stick to my guns this time around. I went to therapy today and she even laughed when i said he was 32 without a car, it made me feel that i wasn't crazy when that was a problem to me. Link to comment
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