Can a break-up be one of the most painful things to deal with?

[TiredOfGames]

I've gone through two other fairly big break-ups in my time, one of which was a divorce. But this time around I love my ex on such a different level that this break-up is extremely and incredibly painful.

 

I don't mean to sound insensitive, but this really does feel like my s.o. has died, and a large chunk of me has gone with her. I feel like I've woken up to the news of a terrible accident in which she didn't survive and so has been whipped out of my life with no chance of return.

 

I've never experienced the death of a loved one in my life, so I apologise if it sounds like I'm up-playing the effects of a break-up.

[Lobo555]

A breakup is very much like a death. I have, unfortunately, dealt with a lot of both so I know. Allow yourself to grieve so that you can eventually move on. Talk to family and friends about how you're feeling and surround yourself with good people who love you. {hugs}

[MakeItCount]

I think death can be easier to get over because of the finality of it all. That person is gone, and you know nothing you do will bring them back. A breakup is different..always what ifs, buts, maybes, etc. It's hard as hell especially in the short term, because your emotions keep over analyzing everything. Give it sometime and take your proper time to grieve.

[TiredOfGames]

Thanks for your replies. I don't really have any friends unfortunately and I'm not that close with my family (plus we live in different countries; I'm residing in the U.S.A.). I've always led my social life through my s.o., which meant that any friends I did have never really stuck around. My own fault, but that's now where I'm at and something I now look back on and regret.

 

MakeItCount - What you say makes a lot of sense. Thank-you.

 

Lobo555 - I'm sorry you've had to deal with both. I work with my (now) ex also, same team, cubes next to one another. I stayed home today and felt somewhat weak by doing so. I've been a mess all day and only just managed to pull myself together and get out of my apartment at 6pm. At a coffee shop now. This is going to sound like a silly question, but how does one grieve? I also need to keep things together at work and around my ex there; just not sure how.

[nattpanter]

The waiting-game is defo the worst thing ever! I think our brains are responding to a final result, like death, rather than an open one...

[sumone]

yes, this is one of the worst things i have gone thru, and yes i have had death in my immediate family... i cant even believe it sometimes. how i can feel this terrible and very very up & down every day, every few hours.. its ridiculous.

like mourning time, you have to go thru the stages.. but you dont have to stay there.

 

the worst thing i found is staying at home all the time.. but yes you defnately need some time to feel and move on from the pain. it takes time and small steps. you wont forget about it, but you can move on from it.

 

this forum is awesome too.. i found it extremely helpful. and it hasnt been that long at all. read read read!

if you dont have alot of friends, find a support group, join a gym? social events, wat ever you are actually interested, what were your dreams? goals? things you always wanted to do.. NOW you can do it =)

 

read alot of articles online.. not about relationships, but about working on YOU.

[mikeee]

I think there's nothing worse than a break up w/someone you love. I've felt like i was loosing my mind. Got on a sailboat for 5 months!!. 2 yrs. Later i was mostly over it. It was a place i visited again recently but only about 1/2 as bad which is just tolerable at best. I talk about it daily till i'm tired of talking about it and after a while it just seems to slowly go away. Crazy thoughts that are totally unrealistic and all made up in your mind. Anyways it will go away and exercise helps, friend, fun-ship dates and this site!!!

 

Take care

[Lobo555]

Try to get through the work day as best you can even though it must be really tough. Then come home, let out your emotions -- ask yourself how you feel that day and give yourself a complete answer. Let it all come out. Then do something that comforts you and makes you happy.

 

Sumone and Mikeee are absolutely correct in their suggestions. I am guilty of holing up in my house myself, even though I know I should get out and be with people. Find things you love to do and do them. Eat right, sleep as much as you need, and exercise.

 

Now I need to take my own and everyone else's advice, too!

[Lobo555]

Try to get through the work day as best you can even though it must be really tough. Then come home, let out your emotions -- ask yourself how you feel that day and give yourself a complete answer. Let it all come out. Then do something that comforts you and makes you happy.

 

Sumone and Mikeee are absolutely correct in their suggestions. I am guilty of holing up in my house myself, even though I know I should get out and be with people. Find things you love to do and do them. Eat right, sleep as much as you need, and exercise.

 

Now I need to take my own and everyone else's advice, too!

[Carus]

I work with my (now) ex also, same team, cubes next to one another.

Ouch..! You're in for a bit of a hell ride unfortunately

This is going to sound like a silly question, but how does one grieve?

It's not a silly question, especially if someone has never experienced it....

 

The way you are feeling now, your grieving has already begun*

 

Google the stages of grief...You will find it helpful.

 

Best Of Luck

K2* 8-)

[TiredOfGames]

Thanks for the replies everyone. Your insight and advice is incredibly helpful, so thank-you!

 

Ouch..! You're in for a bit of a hell ride unfortunately

Yeah, I figured as much. Ho hum... blinders and headphones at the ready!

[SmilingKatty]

I have a different opinion - for me the death in my family was much worse than a breakup (which happened only couple of weeks before). Death is something you cannot change and it affects also other people you love, which cannot be said about break-up.

[Live-N-Learn]

This had def been one of the most painful and destructive events of my life. However on the plus side. I will be a much better person from all that I have learned. I am not the same person I was before going through this.

 

I think I will be the 6 million dollar man when it's over

[Success]

This BU is definitely the toughest thing I've been through, though I've experienced death as well. In terms of death, it depends on the death of whom and how they died. If we're talking about the death of your child, I don't think anything can beat that. If we're talking about a horrific death (murder, etc), I don't think anything can beat that either.

 

Death vs Breakup... The thing with a breakup is the person made a CONSCIOUS decision not to be with you, they rejected the very essence of you, they chose that you were no longer good enough for them whereas in death nobody chooses to die and we chalk it up to God/higher being deciding it was their time to go so there is no rejection aspect. With a breakup the ex is still alive and living a life which makes us wonder what they are up to, whereas in death the person no longer exists so the mind does not wander.

[Silverbirch]

I've given birth which was quite painful. I have also had a dental abscess. I would rather give birth several times than go through this. Hmm, bout the dental abscess - well, that was really bad, but the pain goes once you go to a dentist so yeah, I would rather a dental abscess than this breakup.