Is he hiding something?

[cupcake22]

My bf never lets me read his texts and claims that it's none of my business and that he deserves privacy, but seriously why would he care if he isn't doing anything wrong? Does anyone else's partner do that?

[Ariel85]

Sabotage much?

[SVSV]

Why do you want to read his texts? Don't you trust him?

 

I generally don't show my texts, or my e-mail, or my snail mail to other people.

[RedDress]

Me neither.

 

I'm not a cheater (never have been) but NO - I don't let my bfs read my texts, emails or anything else. What if my best friend is confessing her personal problems to me? Why do you need to see this?

 

I agree he deserves privacy.

[cupcake22]

I don't trust him, every time we go on a break he sleeps with someone (3 times in the past 4 1/2 years) I've gotten into his phone many times and have seen tons of suspicious texts, but he argues it's just flirting.

[Crazy2surf]

hmmm...... I get insulted when my girlfriend looks at my texts... bc its not right for them to not trust me when im so loyal to them. BUT if she really feels that way i give her my phone, and just let her feel stupid. The same goes for her though, if i were to question ANYTHING along the lines of trust shell prove me wrong. ITs simple... i mean, if he REALLY just wanted you to shut up hed just give you his phone lol... he does deserve his privacy though... if it bothers you THAT MUCH... and you think something might be up, then check ONE TIME, when hes not looking and when he is least likely to delete any of them. If they are deleted, than check again another time to see if they are deleted again. Showing that he deletes them right before you meet up with him both times. but dont go crazy, and its very risky and i dont suggest it lol. Only do it if you REALLY start to feel like he is up to something. Just tyr talking to him about it first, hell understand just dont go pointing fingers, just say somehting along the lines of "i feel that _______" dont accuse. make it clear that it has to do with your insecurities and not with him.

[Crazy2surf]

I don't trust him, every time we go on a break he sleeps with someone (3 times in the past 4 1/2 years) I've gotten into his phone many times and have seen tons of suspicious texts, but he argues it's just flirting.

 

damn... well thats not okay... if your on breaks, i mean i guess he can sleep with girls... i mean, personally i wouldnt but.. you just really need to think about it and not let your emotions blind you bc im sure the answer is right in front of you. Also, bottom line, i dont even get how you could let him use "its just flirting" as a valid argument. that should be enough.

 

i think you have reasons to not trust him. just being honest. The sooner you figure things out the better.

[jumper11]

I never let my ex see them. I wasn't hiding anything. He just would analyze and find SOMETHING wrong because he misinterpreted. He never trusted me so I had to put walls up. It was for his own good, I never had anything to hide but he always made me feel like I was because of lack of trust. That could be why.

 

Other times people just like having a sense of their own space. Something simple like that.

 

I didn't see your other post. OK that's not cool.. this isn't healthy because first off its making you paranoid/trust issues and he doesn't seem to care.

[SVSV]

If you don't trust him, the issue is not the texts. If he doesn't deserve your trust, move on.

[WockaWocka]

The real issue here isn't the texts. It's the lack of trust. Hypothetically if you could read all of his texts would you be satisfied? You can't monitor his whereabouts 24/7. At some point we have to trust our partners and resist any urge to invade their privacy. If you can't do that after 4+ years then you probably won't ever trust him. Sorry.

[Marisa33]

i've never cheated in my life or even thought about it while I'm with someone. But there is no way my bf could read my texts and go through my phone and me be ok with it. That's an invasion of my personal conversations with girlfriends and family. I had an ex-bf try to go through my phone once and I said "If you're that insecure to have to do that, then we have no business being together because I will NEVER go through your phone, I'm not 12" and he stopped right away. I don't touch my bf's phone or need to know what he's talking about with friends. That would be me invading his personal space. And if he's going to cheat then he's going to do it, I'd rather it be sooner than later so I can write him off and find someone else. Either way, I trust him and he trust's me so I don't feel the need to do silly stuff like that.

[alwaysmoving]

I don't want a guy going through my phone. Not because I'm cheating on him, but because my phone has records of so many conversations my friends and I have, and it's unnecessary for him to read that. Some may be about him!

[Oneironaut]

Some people are just more private than others.

 

I have no problem with my boyfriend seeing my texts or emails or posts or whatever...I have nothing to hide.

 

On the other hand, he is very private, and always has been. It's just the way he is. I used to read into it, thinking he was hiding something. But as I got to know him better, I realized that if he didn't want to be with me, he would simply leave, lol...so now I don't need to see everything, I just trust him.

[Koglin]

The texts and emails are addressed to HIM not you. How would you feel if you wrote an email to your best friend who's now in a relationship telling her about a very personal matter in confidence and you learned that her boyfriend got his hands on this email? What if it was a very personal matter? Something very embaressing? Perhaps something you didn't want other people make public? Obviously you wouldn't appreciate it so don't expect your boyfriend to show you texts addressed to him. I would worry only if there were other red flags in the picture such as him spending more time away from you or acting different or you catch him on some lies then yes I would be concerned about the texts but otherwise you should respect his privacy unless you have strong reasons to assume he's up to no good.

[Scott12]

I don't know. Perhaps I'm somewhat gunshy because of my experiences, but while I don't think that someone should have unfettered access to their partner's private documents at any time, for any reason, I do think that circumstances do exist where one party needs to determine the facts of the matter in order to protect themselves, and this can include access to their partner's texts/emails/etc.

 

And I've learned that someone saying "I would NEVER cheat" is an automatic red flag. Everyone should realize they have within themselves the capacity to cheat, and as such, should be wary of involving themselves in situations that could result in cheating. Cheating is so much more often a matter of circumstance, and NOT of intent. Anyone who feels that it's okay to put themselves in borderline circumstances because they think "well, its not possible for ME to cheat" is a heartbreak waiting to happen.

 

Scott

[cupcake22]

It's not fair because he will take my phone and read mine, but won't let me see his, * * * ?

[Ariel85]

Cupcake - all of this is unhealthy. On both sides. If you can't respect each others privacy, and trust each other, then you have no business being together, and this will blow up much sooner than later.

[Jd1983]

I don't think the issue on hand is about texts at all.

 

If you don't trust him, then why do you continue being with him? As far as him sleeping with other people while you were on a break, how long was the break? What was the reason for the breaks to begin with? I can understand sometimes things happen, but if he feels the need to sleep with someone new right after each break, I can understand why you should be worried.

 

If it bothers you to the extent that you have to constantly go through his things, do you honestly think that the relationship is worth salvaging?

[CorpseGrinder]

Maybe he just likes his privacy.

[PaintWithLight]

It's not fair because he will take my phone and read mine, but won't let me see his, * * * ?

 

It is not about what is fair. It is about your selection of a chronically unfaithful boyfriend and your decision to stay with him despite lots of hints that he is continuing to play around. Getting into his phone and email will not solve your problem, it will just make you the village policeman.

 

Ask instead why you do not think you deserve to be treated better and have a loyal partner who respects you.

[cupcake22]

It is not about what is fair. It is about your selection of a chronically unfaithful boyfriend and your decision to stay with him despite lots of hints that he is continuing to play around. Getting into his phone and email will not solve your problem, it will just make you the village policeman.

 

Ask instead why you do not think you deserve to be treated better and have a loyal partner who respects you.

 

I guess because I'm afraid to be alone after 4+ years of being together, afraid no one else will love me like him, afraid that I will quickly replaced...He's my best friend and I don't want to lose that either.

[WockaWocka]

I guess because I'm afraid to be alone after 4+ years of being together, afraid no one else will love me like him, afraid that I will quickly replaced...He's my best friend and I don't want to lose that either.

 

He doesn't sound like much of a best friend.

[metrogirl]

I guess because I'm afraid to be alone after 4+ years of being together, afraid no one else will love me like him, afraid that I will quickly replaced...He's my best friend and I don't want to lose that either.

 

Millions of men on this earth, I'm sure there is at least one that can love you. You are staying with someone you don't trust and it's clearly driving you insane, so why torture yourself? Wouldn't you like to be with someone who you don't have to police?

[bopina]

wow... kind of hard to believe its been over 4 years for you... i found this site because i'm not happy in my relationship right now, but have admitted that i have my own issues i need to try to look at for HIS sake... if you're afraid he's going to leave you... you're most likely going to end up pushing him to by freaking out about it so much... i know it's hard when you love someone so much you just want them to love you back just as much! but it's true... there must be something about you that he does still want otherwise he would have called it quits.. guys dont generally seem to hang onto things if they dont want them like chicks always do... you definitely should do some self reflecting

[geekgirl4]

I guess because I'm afraid to be alone after 4+ years of being together, afraid no one else will love me like him, afraid that I will quickly replaced...He's my best friend and I don't want to lose that either.

 

His form of "love" isn't love at all. Hiding things from you, sleeping around, having double standards - these things aren't love. Don't you think you should take the chance of happiness by not being with him, instead of the absolute certainty that he's going to keep hurting you if you stay with him?