unintentional threesome on GHB

[agent1607307371]

If your gf had such a traumatic time, then she needs to speak to a therapist. Most likely though, I think she is telling you she regrets it to get you off the subject. It's not usually considered the done thing to express how awesome you think the sexcapades you had before you were in a relationship were.

[annie24]

overall, i'd say it was 'OK' at the time, maybe fun, maybe enjoyable, not mind blowing. and then the next morning, i might feel embarrassed about what happened!!!

[Batya33]

I remember it all but I have never been drunk and never tried an illegal drug (never had casual sex either)-those around me were at times. I had some regrets at times and once I was sexually harassed/assaulted but it's nothing I would need to or want to share in any detail with my husband - not because it reveals a different side of me that I am ashamed of (I'm not and it didn't) but because it was a long time ago and the retelling would not be interesting and potentially boring. I find most stories that involve alcohol/partying typically boring and usually the teller is "trying" to shock the other person which is also uninteresting to me. I also know that my husband does not want to know those sorts of details and I don't blame him. It would be tactless of me to go down the path of a story that involved those details -would put him in an awkward position.

[hexaemeron]

How dare your girlfriend ever have had a life or have had fun before you came along and animated her barren husk of a life! She's a monster!

 

Seriously dude, it has nothing to do with you. Get over it.

[matman]

How dare your girlfriend ever have had a life or have had fun before you came along and animated her barren husk of a life! She's a monster!

 

Seriously dude, it has nothing to do with you. Get over it.

 

Well then why do more people seem to care about threesomes than just normal relationships and sex?

You seem more people on here complaining about values and threesomes than other stuff.

I don;t care about history, she's had BFs, I've had GFs, just this seems to get to me.

Anyway, it can't be changed so I just have to accept it.

[hexaemeron]

Well then why do more people seem to care about threesomes than just normal relationships and sex?

You seem more people on here complaining about values and threesomes than other stuff.

I don;t care about history, she's had BFs, I've had GFs, just this seems to get to me.

Anyway, it can't be changed so I just have to accept it.

 

Everything minus the bolded was totally pointless. If you want to be broken, then I guess it feels better to be broken with a whole bunch of other broken people?

 

The fact is that your girlfriend isn't a possession. She isn't property and she's allowed to have had a rich full life before meeting you, because those experiences, all experiences, good and bad helped form the person you fell in love with.

 

I will NEVER understand this bizarre retroactive possessive/jealousy thing, ever. It just makes no sense.

[matman]

Everything minus the bolded was totally pointless. If you want to be broken, then I guess it feels better to be broken with a whole bunch of other broken people?

 

The fact is that your girlfriend isn't a possession. She isn't property and she's allowed to have had a rich full life before meeting you, because those experiences, all experiences, good and bad helped form the person you fell in love with.

 

I will NEVER understand this bizarre retroactive possessive/jealousy thing, ever. It just makes no sense.

 

It's more the circumstances of the night than anything else.

Having a couple set you up for a threesome that you didn;t know about yet when a girl comes into the bedroom later in the night and being fairly high/drugged up that you don;t immediately think "who the f is this entering the room" leads to a lot of questions.

[Lonewing]

And she's fine with it.

 

No, if my gf had ever hoped me up on drugs and then another girl entered the room with her, I'd not have thought twice about it.

 

But seeing as how I don't ever do drugs nor get in those situations, I've never had that problem.

 

What's I'm more bemused about is how she was willing to sleep with him after knowing him for less than a couple hours [or of she knew him longer term, then she knew about his girlfriend]. It tells me a lot about her, a lot about the lifestyle you're in, and a lot of about things in general - it's one reason I've really distanced myself from that crowd.

[matman]

And she's fine with it.

 

No, if my gf had ever hoped me up on drugs and then another girl entered the room with her, I'd not have thought twice about it.

 

But seeing as how I don't ever do drugs nor get in those situations, I've never had that problem.

 

What's I'm more bemused about is how she was willing to sleep with him after knowing him for less than a couple hours [or of she knew him longer term, then she knew about his girlfriend]. It tells me a lot about her, a lot about the lifestyle you're in, and a lot of about things in general - it's one reason I've really distanced myself from that crowd.

 

She met him once before but not his girlfriend. He never mentioned her on the night but mentioned his "friend" a few times without saying directly what the situation was. TBH, she's never slept with a complete random on the first night but second night onwards. I think that's better than what a lot of people do. If you think someone has potential, you don't necessarily plan around when things are going to happen, they just do especially if you have met them at least once before.

[Lonewing]

2nd night onwards is now "pretty good" in the morals department? Whatever floats your boat, I suppose...

[matman]

It's more the circumstances of the night than anything else.

Having a couple set you up for a threesome that you didn;t know about yet when a girl comes into the bedroom later in the night and being fairly high/drugged up that you don;t immediately think "who the f is this entering the room" leads to a lot of questions.

 

And she's fine with it.

 

No, if my gf had ever hoped me up on drugs and then another girl entered the room with her, I'd not have thought twice about it.

High on the morals list yourself?

 

2nd night onwards is now "pretty good" in the morals department? Whatever floats your boat, I suppose...

 

I'm not saying all the time, it's never as simple as well on the 3rd night I do this, and after a week I do this. I'm just saying it's more than what the large majority of people do. She's more of a relationship person but of course to get into a relationship you have to sleep with the other person at some point!

Anyway, that's off topic a little.

[hexaemeron]

It's more the circumstances of the night than anything else.

Having a couple set you up for a threesome that you didn;t know about yet when a girl comes into the bedroom later in the night and being fairly high/drugged up that you don;t immediately think "who the f is this entering the room" leads to a lot of questions.

 

You know, you're right. She's proven herself to be a totally unreliable, untrustworthy . Why are you with her, exactly?

[annie24]

well, when you go home with someone you barely know (1-3 'dates') you take the risk that they are Ted Bundy or that they are going to dope you up on more drugs and involve you in their little plans with their gf. so what if 'everyone does it' - fact is, everytime you do, you take a chance that something bad could happen. and in her case, something did.

[matman]

You know, you're right. She's proven herself to be a totally unreliable, untrustworthy . Why are you with her, exactly?

 

Not the most constructive advice ever is it!

I never said she was unreliable, a , or a druggy, that seems to be the rest of the forum who have their own biases about sex and drugs. I merely said it was difficult to cope with such a situation - it's not exactly an everyday occurrence.

[hexaemeron]

Not the most constructive advice ever is it!

I never said she was unreliable, a , or a druggy, that seems to be the rest of the forum who have their own biases about sex and drugs. I merely said it was difficult to cope with such a situation - it's not exactly an everyday occurrence.

 

Why do -you- have to deal with it at all? It has nothing to do with you.

[matman]

Why do -you- have to deal with it at all? It has nothing to do with you.

 

I don't like that it happened I guess. I question the judgement at the time especially in choosing a person who was pretty untrustworthy although I can deal with the fact that people make mistakes but more so because I don't get how she was feeling at the time of being high while doing this. Like I said, she only remembers patches and she doesn't seem to care about it anymore, it's just something that happened and a mistake she made.

 

I guess it's the same principle as some girtls might not like their BF if the BF had slept with some prostitutes in the past. The BF probably doesn;t see anything wrong with it but the GF might on a moral level.

[Batya33]

It's funny how when posters comment negatively about her choices in sex and drugs that's "bias" -what about your "everyone does it" and your opinions about drugs -aren't those biases too or is it just those of us who have different values than you/your gf does? Sure -everyone makes mistakes -but that's not going to get you very far - is the mistake she made and her reaction to it and the way she told it to you problematic for you as far as your values and standards about sex, drugs, reliability, trustworthiness, common sense? And I mean that you should focus as much as possible on her present reaction to her past mistake and her present values and standards.

[hexaemeron]

I don't like that it happened I guess. I question the judgement at the time especially in choosing a person who was pretty untrustworthy although I can deal with the fact that people make mistakes but more so because I don't get how she was feeling at the time of being high while doing this. Like I said, she only remembers patches and she doesn't seem to care about it anymore, it's just something that happened and a mistake she made.

 

I guess it's the same principle as some girtls might not like their BF if the BF had slept with some prostitutes in the past. The BF probably doesn;t see anything wrong with it but the GF might on a moral level.

 

That's quite a leap there to equating participation in a threesome to breaking the law and engaging in sexual slavery. I'm guessing you yourself are a paragon of moral virtue, then?

[matman]

It's funny how when posters comment negatively about her choices in sex and drugs that's "bias" -what about your "everyone does it" and your opinions about drugs -aren't those biases too or is it just those of us who have different values than you/your gf does? Sure -everyone makes mistakes -but that's not going to get you very far - is the mistake she made and her reaction to it and the way she told it to you problematic for you as far as your values and standards about sex, drugs, reliability, trustworthiness, common sense? And I mean that you should focus as much as possible on her present reaction to her past mistake and her present values and standards.

Yes, I guess they are biases. The point I was trying to make was that immediately saying that her values on sex/drugs were the issue doesn't really address my specific worries.

This is important: " values and standards about sex, drugs, reliability, trustworthiness, common sense? And I mean that you should focus as much as possible on her present reaction to her past mistake and her present values and standards."

As far as that goes, I have no problems but the situation of the night annoys me. No-one has really mentioned the other couple who it seems to me obviously setup the situation - I can't believe there are people like that out there.

 

That's quite a leap there to equating participation in a threesome to breaking the law and engaging in sexual slavery. I'm guessing you yourself are a paragon of moral virtue, then?

 

Let's say that was done in the past though and the BF thought it was a mistake, I still think some people would find that hard to deal with. It was just an example, you could pick anything about your partner that you might not have liked them to do once in the past but they thought it was a mistake.

It's all about perceived values.

[matman]

She says she's assumed part of the responsibility for the night and that's why she deals with it...it was a couple of years ago after all.

I just don;t agree with what the other couple did I suppose and I worry that she enjoyed even though the next morning she wished it hadn't happened.

[hexaemeron]

If my partner murdered or raped someone before we got together, yes. If my partner did some other highly illegal or wildly immoral deed, yes. If my partner had a threesome?

 

...pfft, why would that even hit my radar? We just obviously have different values.

[matman]

If my partner murdered or raped someone before we got together, yes. If my partner did some other highly illegal or wildly immoral deed, yes. If my partner had a threesome?

 

...pfft, why would that even hit my radar? We just obviously have different values.

 

The values is one thing but perhaps I can accept that especially as it was a mistake.

 

I still have difficulty accepting that another couple essentially tricked her. The guy in the club never told her about his girlfriend and then she returns later - they must have obviously agreed to let him go home with her first and then his GF would return later. Not exactly honest people - some sort of open relationship.

[Lonewing]

A lotta funny things happen when you get drunk and use drugs and hang out in places where people of ill repute frequent - and a lotta funny things happen when your definition of "knowing someone" is two dates. Is this adding up for you? No doubt they had it planned, they probably do it often, and a lot of their partners are probably shocked about it but go with it anyways.

 

Let it go.

[annie24]

A lotta funny things happen when you get drunk and use drugs and hang out in places where people of ill repute frequent - and a lotta funny things happen when your definition of "knowing someone" is two dates. Is this adding up for you? No doubt they had it planned, they probably do it often, and a lot of their partners are probably shocked about it but go with it anyways.

 

Let it go.

 

agreed 100%!!!

[Koglin]

Think of it this way, she got consumed by drugs at some point in her life which made her do uncharacteristic things and yes drugs do make you behave in ways you would have never done so if you're not on them, often times you're extremely humiliated with the way you acted when you're thinking sober. This is now behind her, she made a mistake, if she's clean now and was honest with you about her past then I would strongly suggest you look past this and move on in a positive way. I'm sure there are countless things you're not proud of doing when you were younger, some of which you would never do again, so how would you feel if after you were honest with your partner about your past they just used this against you although you are a different person now. You would feel helpless, humiliated and scared which is exactly how she probably feels. Forget about this.