unintentional threesome on GHB

[matman]

She may have gone there to get laid with a guy she liked, yes. I've done that with girls I liked - some I had relationships with after - does that make me bad because I was a clubber?

I think taking a bit of GHB to come down after speed is done by a lot of clubbers. Some smoke spliffs after, I don;t do it but it's not done to get high unless it is overdosed.

 

But as above, I don;t want her to be more turned on by the threesome than she is with me. But there's no real way of knowing that without talking about it. Unfortunately, talking about it hurts.

[matman]

Let's assume for a moment that your girlfriend enjoyed the sex with the other woman. What then? Are you going to chastise and/or leave her for potentially being bisexual? Again, I'm not sure how this is really relevant to anything. She's with you because she wants to be with you, and she should be judged based on her behavior while in a relationship with you. Not some sexual romp she had when she was single.

 

The sex with the other woman is an issue as well and she said she didn;t like it and was embarassed by it.

Yes, she's with me now but maybe I get over this by not thinking about it...I just worry that it's always going to be an issue.

[annie24]

what is always going to be an issue???? The fact that she has a past? don't you too?

[matman]

what is always going to be an issue???? The fact that she has a past? don't you too?

 

By the same factor, I don't sleep with other men...mistake or not. I dunno, maybe I would if I got overdosed with GHB by some girl I picked up in a bar.

Doesn't that bring up all kinds of awkwardness. Wouldn't she worry that maybe I enjoyed the sex with a man?

[annie24]

look - do her a favor then and dump her now. if you're going to keep going over and over this, it's not going to work out.

[matman]

look - do her a favor then and dump her now. if you're going to keep going over and over this, it's not going to work out.

 

I was kind of asking for ways to help me sort this out because I don't want to dump her (we have been going out 2 years) but at the same time I don't like this aspect much either. She's perfect in every other way.

[annie24]

it's that easy - either you accept it and bury it forever, or you move on. i've seen sooooo many guys on here, complaining that their gf of 6 years did something 7 years ago, and they haven't gotten over it.

 

PLEASE!!!! you've been with her 2 years?!?!? why can you not just see her for the person she is now, and not some experience she had while on the "DATE RAPE DRUG"!?!?!!

[matman]

it's that easy - either you accept it and bury it forever, or you move on. i've seen sooooo many guys on here, complaining that their gf of 6 years did something 7 years ago, and they haven't gotten over it.

 

PLEASE!!!! you've been with her 2 years?!?!? why can you not just see her for the person she is now, and not some experience she had while on the "DATE RAPE DRUG"!?!?!!

 

From erowid:

Among those who frequent the rave or club scene, GHB is used as an alternative to ecstasy or speed.

[iBroken]

I agree with Annie....get over it or dump her and find someone without a history.

 

Why would you engage in such a conversation with her if you know full well you cant handle it? I find it hard to believe this wouldnt have been an issue had she just said Yes, I did have a threesome in my life.

[matman]

I agree with Annie....get over it or dump her and find someone without a history.

 

Why would you engage in such a conversation with her if you know full well you cant handle it? I find it hard to believe this wouldnt have been an issue had she just said Yes, I did have a threesome in my life.

 

Such is the jealous mind I suppose

You ask because you're kind of interested in the person and you'd prefer the answer to be no and then when it's yes, that fires off all kinds of other emotions. Yes, it's probably better not to know but I can't help but ask, I've done so in almost all my relationships. Sometimes it bothered me, sometimes it didn't, sometimes I got over it, sometimes I split up with the person but I always question things I don't understand personally (whether on a belief, values, or social aspect) until I do understand them. However, I guess there are some things that are impossible to understand - people do things and make mistakes for all sorts of reasons.

[iBroken]

I am the same way - as such, I know not to ask questions I know I wont like the answer to.

 

At this point, I suggest you find a way to stop the wheels from spinning in your head about the situation. It's something that happened at one point in her life, and its part of the past. But if you cannot get past this on your own, its best you end that relationship.

[annie24]

From erowid:

Among those who frequent the rave or club scene, GHB is used as an alternative to ecstasy or speed.

 

And it's also used as a Date Rape Drug.

 

So my question to you is - if she is still using recreational drugs, how do you know that something like this won't happen again? (she gets messed up, ends up doing something she would not normally do?)

[matman]

And it's also used as a Date Rape Drug.

 

So my question to you is - if she is still using recreational drugs, how do you know that something like this won't happen again? (she gets messed up, ends up doing something she would not normally do?)

 

Because I know her and I'm with her most of the time anyway. Anything's possible I guess but let's say I trust her not to cheat on me and I trust her not to do something like that while she was with me. oh any recreational drugs she does use, she uses with me.

 

I think some of you on the forum have a stigma against drugs. Alcohol can be used as a means to an end... after all...what's the phrase "beer, helping people to have sex since the mid 1800s" or something

[annie24]

Because I know her and I'm with her most of the time anyway. Anything's possible I guess but let's say I trust her not to cheat on me and I trust her not to do something like that while she was with me.

 

I think some of you on the forum have a stigma against drugs. Alcohol can be used as a means to an end... after all...what's the phrase "helping people to have sex since the mid 1800s" or something

 

ok, so if you trust her not to cheat on you, then what is the problem?? you are the one with the problem with the drugs - by your own account, she did something you are uncomfortable with while on drugs. but you are ok with her continuing to use them......? that doesn't make a lot of sense to me.

[annie24]

Here are some effects:

link removed

 

 

 

Maybe, but I worry that doing something out of the ordinary means you have to be more turned on than normal to do it. More than being in a normal relationship could do.

 

On your own list:

 

Immediate effects:

 

• feelings of euphoria;
  
• increased libido;
  
• lowered inhibitions;
  
• memory lapses;
  
• drowsiness;
  
• sleep;
  
• dizziness and headache;
  
• tremor;
  
• decreased body temperature, blood pressure and heart rate;
  
• nausea;
  
• diarrhoea; and
  
• urinary incontinence.
  

Overdose

 

Using GHB carries a high risk of overdose, due to the small difference between the amount required to produce a ‘high’ and that which causes overdose. Not knowing the strength of GHB increases the risk of overdose.

High doses of GHB can result in:

 

• dizziness;
  
• vomiting;
  
• tremors;
  
• tunnel vision;
  
• loss of coordination (ataxia);
  
• confusion, irritation and agitation;
  
• hallucinations;
  
• blackouts and memory lapses;
  
• seizures;
  
• coma;
  
• respiratory arrest (stop breathing) and death.
  

 

Just the immediate effects alone are pretty bad. Diarrhea? incontinence??? why would you want to do this drug for fun? why are you ok with her continuing to use a drug that lowers inhibitions and leads to memory lapses? you yourself are not pleased with the after-effects, as evidenced by this thread.

[matman]

ok, so if you trust her not to cheat on you, then what is the problem?? you are the one with the problem with the drugs - by your own account, she did something you are uncomfortable with while on drugs. but you are ok with her continuing to use them......? that doesn't make a lot of sense to me.

 

I think it's pretty clear you've not used some drugs. Effects doesn't mean all of the effects happen, it's like any drug you take. Some effects of alcohol can be vomiting but not always. "Effects of a low to moderate dose may include

 

I guess the point you are getting at as is that because it CAN be used as a date rape drug then it was stupid to take it with someone you don't know 100% but then if you have met someone once or twice, I guess you lower your barriers a bit especially in a country where GHB is used by a few of your friends. I know for example that it is very common place in use in Canada as people like to use it as a dieting replacement and enhancer in clubs or as a relaxation drug after speed/ecstasy. For example, when you go homer after a night out, you might have a whisky at home to relax before going to sleep.

 

It's one thing to take it to relax and it's another thing to be given a dose that basically makes you very very drunk that you haven't experienced before.

 

I guess I'm uncomfortable because I don;t know what the high was like and don;t want the sex to be better than it could be with me. By her own account, she doesn't remember a lot and the threesome was described as not very special...just "bleurgh" because she had the feelings of being very very drunk and then fell asleep. Supposedly afterwards, the man and his GF just carried on. They talked momentarily in the morning before she left and it's something the man and his GF do fairly regularly. Slightly messed up people but anyway, apart form being tricksters, it's not like they aren't getting consent even though the person is not really themself.

 

Not that I would, but if we were to take speed and then GHB and have sex together, I might at least understand what happened.

 

She doesn't continue to use drugs - not sure what you are getting at? She used to take them maybe twice a year at a rave or dance night. We sometimes have speed once a year at a rave but that's it.

[annie24]

No, I don't use illegal drugs (have smoked pot in the past) but I drink alcohol and I use legal drugs (medications). I am well aware that there is a huge range of effects from any drug (legal or illegal). She used a drug that at best, lowers inhibitions, at worst can lead to coma or death. If she "only" uses it twice a year, then she "only" has a chance of these effects happening twice a year. that's what it means to me. On my part, I've had friends wind up in the Emergency Room because someone they didn't know at a club put GHB in their drinks.

 

Honestly, I mean this - you have to either get over it and stay with her, or break up with her. She has a past, we all have a past, we've all had other experiences. unless you are dating a virgin, there was someone there before you. you have to trust that she is with you because she likes you and is attracted to you, and you have to get over your insecurities that *maybe* she enjoyed having sex others. either accept that or move on.

[matman]

I agree it's a risky drug, she hasn't taken it since I've known her. I think a lot of people in the city she is from take it, it's very common place. Not where I am from and I guess not where you're from so whilst I don;t understand it and it is more commonly known as the date rape drug, I do understand how it could be used more openly in some places and lead to a situation where barriers are lowered.

I've talked with her lots about this, she doesn't really understand why she did it, I guess she was just trying out to see if it would work. I think when you sleep with anyone, you don't know it's going to work from the first night, you just know that you fancy them - it doesn't always have to be about having sex for the night only but you never know if it will go further. Equally some men only want the first night. To me it sounds like a wrong place wrong time with a bit of stupid decision making in the process.

 

Anyway, I guess I have to try getting over it, I was just wondering if there were any tricks I could use apart from just time. Some sort of psychological trick to catch myself thinking of bad things and avoid it...

The questioning is kind of driving her a bit nuts because she doesn'.t care about it anymore

[Crazyaboutdogs]

She may have gone there to get laid with a guy she liked, yes. I've done that with girls I liked - some I had relationships with after - does that make me bad because I was a clubber?I think taking a bit of GHB to come down after speed is done by a lot of clubbers. Some smoke spliffs after, I don;t do it but it's not done to get high unless it is overdosed.

 

But as above, I don;t want her to be more turned on by the threesome than she is with me. But there's no real way of knowing that without talking about it. Unfortunately, talking about it hurts.

 

Okay, so you have gone to clubs and taken home girls you have liked to have sex with them. So now picture this:

You start dating a girl who only ever had sex within the confines of a committed relationship. Suddenly she finds out that you have banged all kinds of strangers from clubs. Then she wonders if the sex you had with them was sooo much better than what you have with her, because, after all, you were clubbing, a little high and drunk and that may have heightened the orgasm you had with these women...took you to greater heights of pleasure than you ever had with her. So now she is eating herself up over it wondering how you could even have this kind of sex with strangers..and knowing she can't understand the difference because she herself has never tried that experiment...doing drugs, going home high and having mindblowing sex with a stranger. So, how would you feel if you were dating someone for 2 years and all she kept wondering about was how the sex you had 5 years ago with strangers from a club must have been so much better than what you have with her. Would you be happy to have your past dredged up like that and for the person to question your current physical relationship in light of the past?

[matman]

No, I wouldn't think anything of it. I wouldn't even think the sex with other peopls in the past was that great if I loved the person I was with (in your scenario). I guess I wouldn't want someone to drop me because of my past that I don't care about. Equally, some people still go on about that ONS they had at college or that threesome they had with 2 fit girls years ago. Maybe it's just a fun memory/souvenir in their head. I don't think that it is in this situation though.

 

It's one thing to know that logically in your head but it's another to have experienced what other people experienced and understand it. I guess we are all different.

It's kind of why a lot of people tick off boxes for experiences in their life just to say they have done it and not be thinking "what if" in the future.

[annie24]

No, I wouldn't think anything of it. I wouldn't even think the sex was that great in the past if I loved the person I was with but that's me. Some people go on about the ONS they had back in their university days. I guess I wouldn't want someone to drop me because of my past that I don't care about.

 

I think men care about this more than women. i think for most women, these "wild nights" are in the past and they don't get thought of too much. your own post made me reflect back to some "wild nights" back in college that I haven't even thought about for years!! like i said, she is probably the same way - the past is in the past, who cares what happened on some drug/alcohol fueled night years ago? it means about as much to her as what she had for dinner 5 years ago.

[matman]

I think men care about this more than women. i think for most women, these "wild nights" are in the past and they don't get thought of too much. your own post made me reflect back to some "wild nights" back in college that I haven't even thought about for years!! like i said, she is probably the same way - the past is in the past, who cares what happened on some drug/alcohol fueled night years ago? it means about as much to her as what she had for dinner 5 years ago.

 

I suppose it comes back to the whole visual+physical vs emotional thing.

Maybe it is a man worry.

[matman]

TBH, the other hard part to get over is that she was essentially groomed by the man and his GF into the situation. The more I think about it, the more likely is that he put the extra dose in for that. It's not rape but it's not 100% legit either is it. She remembers the girl coming into the bedroom but was farely doped so didn't think much of it. As some background, there is a strong swingers community in the city she's from, so she was probably picked up by a swinger or something.

 

I can't imagine being in that situation and not thinking * * * !!!! but then I guess that is the drugs. She was so doped that she passed out sometimes during and then definitely about 15mins after the girl came back so whilst she remembers some of it and said some of it was enjoyable ( otherwise she wouldn't have done it), the next morning she regretted it.

She realises it was stupid and it's not my problem directly but I do worry about it. She seems to have dealt with it and basically says there's nothing that can change anyway.

The part I can't get over is the change from enjoyable to regret, maybe that's a girls perogative or something but it seems to be much more logical with men.

 

I think men care about this more than women. i think for most women, these "wild nights" are in the past and they don't get thought of too much. your own post made me reflect back to some "wild nights" back in college that I haven't even thought about for years!! like i said, she is probably the same way - the past is in the past, who cares what happened on some drug/alcohol fueled night years ago? it means about as much to her as what she had for dinner 5 years ago.

 

Let me ask a question the if you don't mind. Do you remember the feeling on those wild nights or do you just remember the situation? ie you probably know whether it was bad, good, or ok, but you don't remember the exact feelings of euphoria or interest?

[Crazyaboutdogs]

People who willingly consume too much alcohol or drugs often end up going home with someone and having sex. Then they come on ENA and say "I had too much to drink and we ended up having sex...I wish I hadn't done it". They always blame alcohol in order to take some of the blame off of their own conscious decision. Your gf chose to indulge in drugs and chose to go home with the guy to have sex. For all you know she could very well have agreed to this threesome but is now re-writing history in order to make it more palatable for herself. People who willingly engage in sexual behaviour after a night of partying often re-write history the next day because they are embarrassed about what seemed like an amazing idea and so much fun the night before.

[matman]

People who willingly engage in sexual behaviour after a night of partying often re-write history the next day because they are embarrassed about what seemed like an amazing idea and so much fun the night before.

 

No, it's not that having spoken to her.