Fudgie Posted March 7, 2011 Share Posted March 7, 2011 Well, I just think both play a part. Just goes to show that you can't predict how a child will come out exactly. Link to comment
Fudgie Posted March 7, 2011 Share Posted March 7, 2011 That's because it's not just about nuture, as Fudgie said it's a balance. The outside world has an affect on your child - which is why you can tell your child to wait for marriage for sex all you want, but peer pressure will touch them. No way to stop it. All you can do is hope you raied them to be smart enough to a) wait or b) use protection. This is very true. This is why my parents taught me to just "wait for the right person" and I did. All my friends were taught "NO SEX UNTIL MARRIAGE" and guess how many people kept that? Zero. End result? They felt a crap ton of guilt when they actually decided to have sex because of this underlying "mummy and daddy and God wouldn't want me to do this". I, on the other hand, didn't. I think it made things more enjoyable. I also knew more about BC. Link to comment
OptomisticGirl Posted March 7, 2011 Share Posted March 7, 2011 This is very true. This is why my parents taught me to just "wait for the right person" and I did. All my friends were taught "NO SEX UNTIL MARRIAGE" and guess how many people kept that? Zero. End result? They felt a crap ton of guilt when they actually decided to have sex because of this underlying "mummy and daddy and God wouldn't want me to do this". I, on the other hand, didn't. I think it made things more enjoyable. I also knew more about BC. It's the key reason L and I will teach our kids about sex and if I have to provide my kids with protection I will. I can't stop them from doing it but I can at least try to protect them for the effects. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted March 7, 2011 Share Posted March 7, 2011 Of course people are not going to take 100% of what their parents believe I think however you are both portraying in that kids will basically have very little of their parents values and be an entirely "new" organism. Maybe that is true for you. Not all people are you though and there is nothing wrong with people who do carry on the values they were taught. Link to comment
Fudgie Posted March 7, 2011 Share Posted March 7, 2011 It's the key reason L and I will teach our kids about sex and if I have to provide my kids with protection I will. I can't stop them from doing it but I can at least try to protect them for the effects. I personally think this is awesome, OG. I'm glad my parents went that approach. I think it's horrifically sad to see people feel all guilty about having sex with someone they love because it's "dirty". Talk about missing the point! My mom told me that when I started to have sex, she wanted me to tell her so I could get on BC. I was already on BC by the time I started to have sex so no worries, but I DID pick her brain on other methods of BC, possible STDs, etc. It was very helpful. Link to comment
OptomisticGirl Posted March 7, 2011 Share Posted March 7, 2011 Neither of us are saying that. A good amount of my values come from my mother - but I also reject a lot of her values because of who I am and what i believe doesn't mesh with that. All we are saying is you can't CHOSE what values your children take. Link to comment
OptomisticGirl Posted March 7, 2011 Share Posted March 7, 2011 I personally think this is awesome, OG. I'm glad my parents went that approach. I think it's horrifically sad to see people feel all guilty about having sex with someone they love because it's "dirty". Talk about missing the point! My mom told me that when I started to have sex, she wanted me to tell her so I could get on BC. I was already on BC by the time I started to have sex so no worries, but I DID pick her brain on other methods of BC, possible STDs, etc. It was very helpful. I wish mine had. Mine went the opposite - sex is wrong, you have to wait.... Link to comment
Fudgie Posted March 7, 2011 Share Posted March 7, 2011 Of course people are not going to take 100% of what their parents believe I think however you are both portraying in that kids will basically have very little of their parents values and be an entirely "new" organism. Maybe that is true for you. Not all people are you though and there is nothing wrong with people who do carry on the values they were taught. Whoa whoa, never said that there was anything wrong with the apple not falling far from the tree. Just saying, I hope you won't be really mad if your children do not emulate you. I know a lot of parents get disappointed when their kids aren't like them or retain their values. Quite sad to see. I hope you aren't one of those parents. But yeah, I would say for me and my friends, we are quite different from our parents, it's not just me. I got that way through getting out of the house and living on my own. I see it as a good thing for me. Link to comment
Fudgie Posted March 7, 2011 Share Posted March 7, 2011 I wish mine had. Mine went the opposite - sex is wrong, you have to wait.... Awww That would be sad. I'm sorry you had to do that. I see sex as "private" but never "Wrong" or "dirty". I even have trouble thinking of it as "naughty" to be honest! Haha. But yeah, now your kids will not feel that it's wrong or anything. You learned from your parents' mistakes. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted March 7, 2011 Share Posted March 7, 2011 You can and you can't. It depends on the child and the value and how you do it. My son at present is very happy with the values of his family, I mean truly happy not just paying lip service and then behind his parents back doing whatever he wants kind of values. He truly believes most of what we do and he is happy to do so. Whether he changes later I can not know for sure entirely,but I am betting his core values will remain close to what he has now. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted March 7, 2011 Share Posted March 7, 2011 Whoa whoa, never said that there was anything wrong with the apple not falling far from the tree. Just saying, I hope you won't be really mad if your children do not emulate you. I know a lot of parents get disappointed when their kids aren't like them or retain their values. Quite sad to see. I hope you aren't one of those parents. But yeah, I would say for me and my friends, we are quite different from our parents, it's not just me. I got that way through getting out of the house and living on my own. I see it as a good thing for me. No, I wont be mad at him. First and foremost he is my son and I love him. I have always told him no matter what he does or says or believes I will always love and nothing and no one will ever change that, ever. Link to comment
OptomisticGirl Posted March 7, 2011 Share Posted March 7, 2011 My core values never changed. I may have went to church every sunday as a child and now as an adult repulse religion but I still believe in being kind to others, treating everyone fairly, and not being jerk. Same values I had as a child. Link to comment
Fudgie Posted March 7, 2011 Share Posted March 7, 2011 Yeah my sister will probably stay "close to home" in terms of values. But honestly, with the severity of her autism...I hate to say this but...she doesn't really know at better. She's like completely asexual and does everything that is asked for her. Emotionally, it's like she is 10 years old. Given that she will never be able to be independent, I think that it's a good thing that she is close to home. She should stick close to home and hopefully be happy with that existence. Since she can't really be out by herself.... My brother was close for a long time. Is starting to break away. He has a lot of issues but is going to college soon and I can't wait to see what happens with him there. I think he's going to move away more but will always be a little "tethered" to home, at least until he marries some girl who can help him out with stuff. Being an Aspie, he's kind of a mess when it comes to certain things. But he's smart and ok once he does his hygiene, so I'm sure he'll find someone. It's as funny as heck to see him rebel though. Link to comment
just M.E. Posted March 7, 2011 Share Posted March 7, 2011 Don't have a hysterectomy, have your tubes tied if that is what you want. With a hysterectomy, you can throw yourself into menopause and I doubt a doctor will do this without a physical need. I thought the same as you, although I was in a rather bad marriage, then I got pregnant, almost 30 years ago. It was the best thing that happened in my life. Maybe there was a plan for me, outside of my control, but I can't imagine what life would have been like without my daughter. I do know there is no way you can imagine how it can change you, hard and struggles but worth more than anything in life. My two cents worth. Link to comment
Fudgie Posted March 7, 2011 Share Posted March 7, 2011 My core values never changed. I may have went to church every sunday as a child and now as an adult repulse religion but I still believe in being kind to others, treating everyone fairly, and not being jerk. Same values I had as a child. I feel the same. I believed maybe about half of what my parents told me, and immediately rejected the other. Of course, I was "good" and went to church and the whole shebang and didn't act up, but as I got older, I left the church when I could and just started to break away a bit. It's not like anything "changed"...it was just that I had the opportunity to do so. My moral beliefs haven't changed since I was a little girl. Link to comment
Tezza Posted March 7, 2011 Author Share Posted March 7, 2011 Don't have a hysterectomy, have your tubes tied if that is what you want. With a hysterectomy, you can throw yourself into menopause and I doubt a doctor will do this without a physical need. For now I won't. I will revisit the idea in about 5 years time. Who knows, I might end up meeting the right person to have a family with but for now I am content with being on my own. FYI. I am not going to expect my own kids (if I have any) to look after me when I get older. I am already starting to plan and set myself up for my retirement years. I have been told by some that I am too independent for my own good. Lol. Link to comment
CorpseGrinder Posted March 9, 2011 Share Posted March 9, 2011 I dont want to get married ever. Mainly because I am too realistic, meaning if I love someone now I have no idea if I will still love someone in 5 or 10 years so I choose not to have some legal contract that basically is me saying I will always love that person. Kids...I have no clue yet. Right now, no. Link to comment
InvisibleWound Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 I told myself I never will get married and plan to keep it that way. Me and my boyfriend don't need a piece of paper saying we are married. We are together in a long term commited relationship that is all that matters... Neither of us want kids. I just don't like kids, maybe thats mean but I don't. If I don't like kids then it makes no sense to bring any into the world... Someday my mind might change, but right now it is a firm no, no questions asked. Link to comment
daydaybeme Posted June 7, 2012 Share Posted June 7, 2012 i am just a 15 year old girl in high school and i don't want to get married, have kids, or even date anyone. when ever i tell people they that think i'm dumb or weird and that i will just grow out of this "phase". They think that I don't know what I want and that they know better. Well i know what i want, i want to travel the world and help people when i grow up and i don't want to drag people through my adventures because i want to live my dream, so i'd rather not get attached to anyone. so, i hope i will never "grow out of this phase" (give up on my dream) and i hope i can prove all who ever doubted me that i knew what i felt, someday. Link to comment
little_buttercup Posted June 8, 2012 Share Posted June 8, 2012 Getting married to the right person would be great; I just don't know if it will ever happen. I'm content with being single, and I don't want kids. My nephews are more than enough. Link to comment
Mercurial Girl Posted June 9, 2012 Share Posted June 9, 2012 Jealous!! I want kids. My whole life all I've wanted to do is raise children. But we'll never be able to afford it. And getting married? Maybe but we'd have a hard time coming up with the cash to even afford a marriage license! Link to comment
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