Dating Someone You're NOT attracted to????? Have you tried it?

[_Asti_]

I wasn't attracted to my fiance when I met him. In fact, that was the whole reason I thought to myself "This isn't going to work..." but part of me was confused because quality wise & personality wise...he had everything I wanted.

 

We didn't rush anything, but with time, a different type of attraction formed based on his personality, his charm, his wit, his humour etc. I was hooked and addicted to him, and couldn't get enough.

 

Its been 7 amazing years together, getting married in three months. I am ripping this man's clothing off daily because I cannot get enough of him and he is absolutely perfect for me and I am so happy that I gave it a shot. I find him so handsome and attractive now. I see him in a totally different light and he lights up my world when he walks into a room.

 

Sure I ran the risk of hurting him, but I was open and honest about not feeling a connection in the beginning and just wanted to be friends and see where things took us, and they progressed naturally into a full blown relationship.

 

Its not for everyone. Some people need that instant attraction, but attraction comes in alot of forms.

 

I certainly wasn't repulsed by him, but he just wasn't typical in terms of what I was attracted to.

[Elsewhere]

If you get wowed by his personality, physical attraction will come in time, you bet!

But if you see him just as a decent person, you'll get bored. Showing up and being kind is not enough in the end.

[90_hour_sleep]

I might as well just accept that I'm never going to have sex then. Unless it's with a hooker, and me being Christian, that's not going to happen.

 

I definitely see the 40 year old virgin being in my future...

 

self-fullfiling prophecy. creator of your own reality.

 

say what you will...but thoughts are powerful. if it's what you want...by all means pursue it. if it's not what you want...then why beat your head against the same wall?

 

in regards to the original post...i had a fantastic relationship with someone who i wasn't inherently attracted to to start with. it was strictly physical in the beginning. i'm not sure the attraction ever grew in that department. it felt like a compromise to be honest. i was compromising my own desire for physical attractiveness to spend time with someone that had alot of awesomeness to offer. realistically...the physical component tends to be short-lived anyway. sometimes there's an intensely passionate period...but sooner or later that dwindles down to something more moderate. and as another poster mentioned...the physical side will always fade.

 

i dunno...it's still not easy. we're bombarded with so much crap in our lives that's telling us what we deserve...what we need to be happy...fullfiled. getting around that is no easy feat. it's pretty sad though. we're very much conditioned to see what we want to see...and exclude the rest. it's a tired old cliche...but beauty really is skin deep. but...i tend to agree...if chemsitry is lacking (whatever the reason)...it can be tough to move forward. if it doesn't work out...at least you tried. it's not a waste...and it's not a failure. you opened to something beyond your normal tendencies. that's something to be celebrated!

 

 

[lady00]

I did once and it didn't work out because I wasn't attracted to him. He was a good guy, good personality etc. In terms of intimacy, things were great (strangely enough) but I just wasn't attracted enough and that ultimately killed the relationship.

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

Continue to see him. As we're constantly told in this forum, looks don't matter.

 

Ok seriously in the real world, if there's no physical attraction, then you can either have patience to see where it goes or let go. Do not worry about what others think about you. It's your life, it's your love life, you should be happy. I will say that you should make a quick decision because the longer you wait, the more painful it is for him. If there is an attraction that develops then that would be awesome. If not, that's life.

 

I'm always in this guy's situation. If I'm seeing a girl and she's not attracted to me, I rather her tell me yesterday so that I can move on. It will hurt but it will be best for both parties.

[hear_her_roar]

I did it once, and it turned out terribly.

 

He was a lot more "fit" than anyone I had dated before, and more conventionally attractive, but I wasn't attracted to him at all. I managed to focus on other things when we had sex and enjoyed it for a while, but as soon as the honeymoon stage was over it SUCKED.

 

If you like someone, whether they're ugly as sin or super hot, you're going to be attracted to them. It's just something that's there.

 

Just because this guy treats you well and people in your life like him does NOT mean you have to date him or try to force yourself to be attracted to him.

 

And if you look at it from the other angle... would you want to be in a relationship with someone who was super hot but you absolutely hated?

 

Just do what's right by YOU.

[hear_her_roar]

I want a Walk To Remember type romance, where the "bad boy" falls for the "good girl". 'Cause most girls are "good girls" and most "normal" men are "bad boys".

 

That's something great to think about and a nice fantasy... but it rarely, if ever works out in real life.

 

Unless you're willing to change some of your "good girl" habits and values to fit his lifestyle, it would most probably just turn into a giant headache. You can't just expect to find a hardcore bad boy and have them turn their life around out of undying love for you.

 

Life isn't a movie, and I've seen a lot of people set themselves up for heartache by holding out for a script-worthy romance.

 

(Unless we're just talking about someone who physically LOOKS like a bad-boy. I can relate there - my boyfriend looks like a hard-core scary militia brawler biker kind of dude, but he's really the least scary person I know. He's just buff, and shy, and is often grungy due to his job.)

 

But, I stand by what I said before. If you're not attracted to the guy, even after giving him a chance, DON'T DATE HIM. Do what is best for YOU.

[Betteroffalone]

Would I date a guy who I'm not physically attracted to? I use to think looks were the least important thing when looking for someone to date. Then as time went by, I put on weight and when trying to meet a guy, they wouldnt even give me a second look. So the way I see it now is, ask yourself the question "would he give you a chance if the rolls were reversed?". Of course everyones different and in order to answer this question you need to get to know the person first. But in my experience, if hes a guy, no he wouldnt. But like I said before, everyones different.