SapphireNoir10 Posted December 31, 2010 Share Posted December 31, 2010 My earlier thread Basically I started talking to him on MSN and he made it clear he'd rather not see me NYE so he wouldnt feel responsible for me. Even though initially he invited me out for it. Basically when I stayed with him for a few days. He constantly spoke of his ex. The last night I was there I asked him if he was over his ex, and that if he wasnt , I'd understand if he didnt want to continue going out with me. I thought maybe after commiting he'd realised he'd made a mistake. hence talking about her all the time, checking her fb while I was there, I know there WHOLE history including there sex life. And he made a point of telling me he was sure about her straight away and put them as in a relationship on FB immediatley. But didnt want to put it for me, cos he wasnt as sure. Nice. So. Since I left, He's hardly been texting and has cancelled all our plans to see eachother, including me meeting his parents, and I was supposed to stay over NYE but he cancelled that too. When I was talking to him tonight he basically said 'I told my mum about you, she thinks its stupid cos im not over my ex, but I am' So I was like 'I dont think you are, and I dont think its fair on me or you. I think the best thing I can do is end this, because I cant cope with hearing about her all the time' Then he said that it was a relief I ended it, because ever since I First bought up him not being over her, he said 'I was paranoid you were going to dump me as soon as you bought me not being over her up' Even though once he reassured me he was, I told him I really liked him, trusted he was, and that I wanted to be with him, and we were ok. So he said the reason he went cold was cos I asked him if he was over his ex... In the conversation he said he wanted to go back to being friends, but I said I couldnt. And he was like 'If you ever decide Im emotionally ready maybe we can give it another shot' But I was like...No. Sorry. And like he was flitting between I really like you lets not split too...Im glad lets just be friends. He doesnt know WHAT he wants. So please...Did I do the right thing? My friend think he pulled away deliberatley cos he wasnt interested, or cos he got sex out of me, or had the thrill of the chase, got me, and was done. Cos he'd been chasing for months. And she thinks his excuses for pulling away are BS. Link to comment
Circe Posted December 31, 2010 Share Posted December 31, 2010 What was his reason for cancelling the NYE plans? I guess he cancelled meeting the mum because the mum wasnt supportive of him seeing someone so close to the breakup - so fair enough that he didnt want to introduce you at this point. Why did he cancel NYE plans? Link to comment
Circe Posted December 31, 2010 Share Posted December 31, 2010 Just read your other thread. He sounds screwed up. I actually get the feeling that he's testing you - or hurting you because he's still hurting himself and is taking that out on you without really meaning to. I suspect he does like you but really is not ready for a r'ship yet. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted December 31, 2010 Author Share Posted December 31, 2010 He didnt give me a reason. I was supposed to see him tomorrow day. he was like sorry I cant but I'll see you in the evening. Then he was like 'id rather spend it with my friends actually' so that was his reason. Then he made it clear that instead of seeing me every weekend like we'd planned, just on saturdays, cos he lives an hr away, that he only wanted to see me once ever two weeks. He told me he was sure about his ex, nut not sure about me. But he was the one that asked me out, I wasnt sure on meeting his parents yet but he forced the issue, then cancelled that too. And hes been split with her three months. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted December 31, 2010 Author Share Posted December 31, 2010 Also they were only together four months :S Link to comment
browneyedgirl36 Posted December 31, 2010 Share Posted December 31, 2010 I think you did the right thing. Him talking about his ex all weekend when you went to visit him is not a good sign, and what he said about putting "in a relationship" with her on FB straight away because he was "sure" about her but NOT doing that with you because he wasn't sure...eh. Even his own mother thinks he's not over his ex! Clearly, he's not. It's one thing to briefly talk about previous relationships or to briefly mention an ex in passing, but...frequent mentions of the same ex when you're supposedly trying to have a relationship with someone new screams "I'm not over it!" I think it's interesting that he turned it around on you -- or tried to -- by saying that he started to pull away after you suggested he wasn't over his ex. Hmmmm...sounds like a convenient excuse to me. His responses to your inquiries about NYE were telling too: It seemed that he would rather have spent it without you. I really think it was one of those situations wherein he did a lot of chasing, pursuing, etc. and once he "got" you, the "pursuit" was over, and he decided he couldn't be bothered. This is no reflection on you of course. It sounds like he doesn't know what he wants. I'm sorry you're disappointed, but I do think you did the right thing. I think this all would have ended up happening eventually; you just took matters into your own hands and stopped it before he strung you along and did the "slow fade" on you for weeks on end. I think you saved yourself a lot of additional pain by ending things with him. Hang in there... Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted December 31, 2010 Author Share Posted December 31, 2010 Yeah I could see him doing the slow fade. It was one of those. If I dont do it. he will. and everytime he'd text or called I would have been expecting him to be ending it. Yeah he talked about her all the time, even looking at her fb and critisizing her new pictures etc. And just sat there and played his guitar and ignored me I feel stronger though, with my last three exes I ignored stuff like this and carried on, and i Ended up years in and getting super hurt. The last two guys I've dated I've dumped at the first sign of stuff like this. Link to comment
lostnscared Posted December 31, 2010 Share Posted December 31, 2010 You did the right thing-believe me. But this time please take at least 2-3 months to be by yourself. You did just break up with your ex, about 4 months ago--and then your breaking up with this guy. It's time to take some breather time and cope and heal. I really hope that this time your able to cope through this break up and your last one, and give yourself time before jumping out there. Good luck. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted December 31, 2010 Author Share Posted December 31, 2010 Yeah I cant believe in like three months I've been through two different guys. both who've kinda used me then got cold on me. Both whom I've felt forced to dump. I've had two bf's since my ex already. I just need to be single. Eugh. Im glad im entering the new year single and free of drama. Link to comment
Circe Posted December 31, 2010 Share Posted December 31, 2010 Good for you.. great attitude. Don't feel used. They just weren't good enough for you and your life will be so much better without them - especially long term. Link to comment
browneyedgirl36 Posted December 31, 2010 Share Posted December 31, 2010 Yeah I cant believe in like three months I've been through two different guys. both who've kinda used me then got cold on me. Both whom I've felt forced to dump. I've had two bf's since my ex already. I just need to be single. Eugh. Im glad im entering the new year single and free of drama. That's the spirit! A drama-free 2011! Sounds like a good plan for ALL of us. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted December 31, 2010 Author Share Posted December 31, 2010 Thanks guys. I felt like he was constantly comparing us, constantly talking about how great he was and how sure he was about her, and even his mum said to him he didnt seem sure on me and he said thats cos he wasnt sure...nice. He also said about all the FWB he had who he'd have to resist sleeping with now he was in a relationship, and emphasised although we were going out he didnt want commitment Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted December 31, 2010 Author Share Posted December 31, 2010 I feel bad. But truth is if he liked me he woulda said 'course im over her, i dont want to split up, sorry if its come accross that I dont care' fact. Link to comment
sophie274 Posted December 31, 2010 Share Posted December 31, 2010 Yeah I cant believe in like three months I've been through two different guys. both who've kinda used me then got cold on me. Both whom I've felt forced to dump. I've had two bf's since my ex already. I just need to be single. Eugh. Im glad im entering the new year single and free of drama. The thing is, it hasn't even been two months, if I remember correctly. It seems to me as though you have a habit of relying on men to make you happy, that you desperately need male affirmation in your life in order to feel good about yourself. As long as you've been on this board I don't think I've known you to be single for more than a week or so. If you just happened to meet one Prince Charming after another it would be one thing (although still not recommendable), but the speed with which you find new men in your life sort of indicates that you're not necessarily being very picky or making them prove THEIR WORTH to you. (You're young and beautiful and of course you'll naturally attract men who want to date you, but to manage to find new guys within barely a week of being in an LTR means you're probably not being quite discriminating enough). You have been in one bad relationship after another, and it worries me ... that you're just letting any guy into your life because you need a guy to be happy. I think you know that you have a pattern of jumping into relationships - from what you're saying on here I think you see that and that you want it to stop. I assume that's why you told us about "a friend" instead of telling us it was you in those dating quandaries. I just hope you'll strengthen your resolve and actually follow through - ACTUALLY stay single this time. It's good that you dumped this guy, but look at all the anguish he put you through while you were dating and how hurt you are now. It sounds like he was not very enthusiastic even to begin with ... it shouldn't have to be this long painful deliberation of pros and cons for you to decide to get rid of him. I'm just worried that this need for guys is going to lead you into even more abusive relationships than you have been in. Needing anyone, male or female, for affirmation like that makes you very vulnerable for guys who will prey on you. I'm still worried that in spire of your resolve you'll end up in another one of these relationships and let yourself be used for far too long. I know it's hard being single. I have a fairly good life as well, and I still get down and lonely from having been single for quite a while now. I think if you could just start to prove to yourself that you CAN be single and be happy, that would be a great first step. (I agree with all the others that therapy would be a wonderful idea, of course). You haven't really given being single a shot - I think you should try it out. Actually give it 6 months or so, see what happens. I don't mean to be harsh or hurt your feelings. I'm only saying this because you're a lovely, beautiful, smart sensitive young woman who deserves to be in a GOOD relationship, with a guy who treats her well. I really want you to have that and I'm worried about the pattern that you're repeating. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted December 31, 2010 Author Share Posted December 31, 2010 Thank you Sophie. You are so right. Im sticking to single this time. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted December 31, 2010 Author Share Posted December 31, 2010 It is a New Year. A new start. Single. Without drama and guys that treat me like crap. Me and my best friend are out having fun tonight minus men Link to comment
sophie274 Posted January 1, 2011 Share Posted January 1, 2011 It is a New Year. A new start. Single. Without drama and guys that treat me like crap. Me and my best friend are out having fun tonight minus men I'm very glad to hear that Sapphire. Stick to this - there will plenty of great men left even if you take a hiatus from dating. I hope you had a fun evening. All the best for the new year! Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted January 1, 2011 Author Share Posted January 1, 2011 I had a really nice time thank you. I feel a lot better. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted January 3, 2011 Author Share Posted January 3, 2011 I feel horrible. He text me to say happy new year.Which I replied too saying 'happy new year' Then asked me how it went, and he keeps trying to talk to me and asking can we still be friends etc But I cant bring myself to say ANYTHINg, so I end up ignoring him and I feel horrible. It hurts. I dont want to talk to him. But I dont want to speak to him or be his friend. I found out he lied, he and his ex were only together two months, broken up three etc. All sorts of lies he told me, and that as soon as he got what he wanted, sex, he backed off completely and became cold. I dont want a friend who took advantage of me when he knew i was in a strange place when he knew damn well he still loved his ex. I feel bad though I dont do dumping, yet the last three guys I was with I've ended up leaving them. I am glad to be single though. Link to comment
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