I just want to take this gun and shoot myself tonight...

[Eriel]

I don't know why but I went out with a man last night and I'm not sure if we had sex. I feel like a * * * * . We drinked a little too much and I'm not sure what happened. He texted me and said that we did nothing more than kiss, I woke up in his bed but although I was fully clothed, my vagina feels sore. I think I might of fell too, because I have bruises on my legs and my breast has finger prints. I feel like dying tonight.

I'm sitting here with a AR15, contemplating my life.

I just want to die right now, I don't know why I do this to myself. Help me.

I take full responsibility for getting drunk and going home with him. I'm afraid because I don't know what happened.

I thought he liked me, but I was probably just another * * * * * .

[Richard-]

I think you're being really hard on yourself. All you can do from these types of situations is live and learn. It's possible he's being honest, but your vagina feeling sore is pretty suspect. I'm not sure what kind of guy he is or where you met him, but if he seems like a honest guy, his word may be worthy. Don't be so hard on yourself and call yourself names. Life's really hard on everyone without you being hard on yourself on top of it. Just make sure nothing like this happens again.

[D3adkl0wn]

to be blunt, this will solve nothing.. feeling down and bad about yourself is something we all have to deal with from time to time..

 

I have had a blackout sexual encounter before and they're scary as hell, I was left with a feeling that i didnt even know myself and that I was sick somehow.. Regardless of what this guy says, from what you've said its likely that you may have had sex, or at the very least, some heavy petting.. If he is only telling you that you kissed, then i'd suggest that you get yourself checked out for a STD panel as soon as possible and cut back on the drinking..

 

I dont know your situation, but at the time of my encounter I was on some new antidepressants that severely impacted my alcohol tolerance and caused the massive gap in my memory.. either way, this wanting to die isnt a solution to your situation and I hope that you can see that.. it only hurts everyone around you and leave them in a worse mess than you could understand..

[generaldiscord]

Why do you feel so depressed after a hard night of drinking and sex? Most people feel tired, brush themselves off, and chalk it up to crazy times. If drinking makes you terribly depressed, you should stop drinking. If you think you were raped or drugged, you should see a doctor immediately.

 

Either way, take a couple days off and get plenty of water and rest.

[browneyedgirl36]

Don't be so hard on yourself. I imagine it is probably very scary to wake up and not be sure what happened the night before, but it's definitely NOT worth beating yourself up over, and it certainly isn't worth killing yourself over. You made a mistake, and you didn't get killed or seriously injured, nor did anyone else.

 

My concern would be for your physical heath, particularly if you didn't know the guy very well. I would suggest getting Plan B contraception from your pharmacy if you are not on birth control (usually needs to be done within 48 hours of sex, I think), and definitely get checked for STD's at some point in the near future (it would be too early at this point to tell if you have anything, so you'll need to wait a bit.)

 

Watch out for the drinking. I'm sure you know this, but...SO many things can go horribly wrong when we drink too much, and blacking out and losing hours of time due to alcohol is pretty serious. Be very careful about drinking around people you don't know well, try to limit yourself to only a couple of drinks maximum over the course of an evening, and never leave your drink unattended (unscrupulous people waiting to put stuff in peoples' drinks are, unfortunately, out there).

 

EDITED TO ADD: I suspect this guy was lying to you -- it's just a hunch I have. If your vagina was sore, and you had some bruises, I would say that something happened -- even if it wasn't full-on sex. He certainly WOULD have reason to lie -- taking advantage of someone who can't consent is a crime -- so of course it's always possible that he did something but is telling you he didn't. All the more reason to get tested for STD's and, if necessary, get emergency contraception.

[mgirl]

Give yourself a few days. Get the alcohol out of your system and then think about things. We've all made mistakes, maybe if you can deal with the underlying issue (alcohol consumption maybe?), you will find your life will become more stable. Remember, alcohol is a central nervous system depressant, so does effect how you feel.

[3fuegos3]

Your avatar pictures you with a Kalashnikov, so are you sure you'd had an AR-15 in your hands? It doesn't matter; if you haven't already, please remove the magazine, remove its bullets, and lock each component in a separate closet. Alcohol abuse and firearms, not to mention the emotions you describe, don't mix well.

 

As a man, I can't imagine what dealing with rape might feel life, but if you and he were equally intoxicated, then maybe you both just did something stupid, and if he says the two of you only made out, maybe that's him forgetting just as much as you did. Of course, your worst fears may also be true. I can't give you any medical advice here that other posters haven't already, and by this time, I hope you've gone ahead and taken their advice.

 

I've heard many women tell me your same story, and I hope you can learn that alcohol abuse is destructive. It can destroy you, allow others to destroy you, and allow you to destroy others. Regarding that last point, I'm sure you don't want to wake up at some point, not remembering what "happened," and then find you'd riddled an innocent person, perhaps a child passing by, with bullets because you'd gotten drunk, gotten sad, and decided to grab your rifle and contemplate your life before blacking out.

[Eriel]

Thanks guys/gals I was feeling nutty the day I wrote this. Well to cut things short my bro walked into me with my gun and he took it away and he also took my collection of guns so I just went into the bathroom and got really high and passed out for two days in the bathroom. I feel better now and I'm not drinking anymore or doing drugs. I feel better. Thank you for all the help. This means a lot to me.

[orillia]

Generaldiscord, do you not know, alcohol is a depressant.

 

Add that to the regret, guilt and shame she feels that she blacked out and can't remember what happened, plus waking up in some guy's bed....yeah, I'd be depressed, too.

 

But suicidal depressed is extreme. Why don't you get some help for your drinking? Do you black out often? If so, don't blame yourself for this. You may have a drinking problem.

 

Why do you feel so depressed after a hard night of drinking and sex? Most people feel tired, brush themselves off, and chalk it up to crazy times. If drinking makes you terribly depressed, you should stop drinking. If you think you were raped or drugged, you should see a doctor immediately.

 

Either way, take a couple days off and get plenty of water and rest.

[orillia]

My exbf has been threatening to kill himself lately. I wish I had taken his gun while I was at his house today. I am going nuts with worry.

 

Thanks guys/gals I was feeling nutty the day I wrote this. Well to cut things short my bro walked into me with my gun and he took it away and he also took my collection of guns so I just went into the bathroom and got really high and passed out for two days in the bathroom. I feel better now and I'm not drinking anymore or doing drugs. I feel better. Thank you for all the help. This means a lot to me.