A lot of the hurt from a breakup comes from 'The truth hurts' Dont you think?

[SapphireNoir10]

I was thinking about this today. When my ex ended it. I was SO upset. He said a lot of hurtful things that werent true.

 

But when he said 'Its for the best,I dont make you happy' I found it so hard to digest/accept and it hurt so much. But it was 'True' I think a lot of hurt in break ups comes from the fact that the truth hurts. That it really WASNT working but you didnt want to accept it, but the other person finally had to face it if one of you wouldnt.

 

Its just a thought....obviously not relevant to every break up.

[SapphireNoir10]

I know a lot of people use that line as a cop out too. But sometimes. Its true.

 

I think sometimes its the truth and reality that it 'isnt working' that hits you, and it really hurts.

[Sophie1986]

Yeah i got the whole ''It's for the best''

 

which is probably true.

 

but the thing is me and him are still in love with eachother, but it's long distance so it won't work..

 

It's def harder when the both of you are still in love

[Shyguy20]

Exactly. When it comes to truth (sometimes) the truth will always hurt until you finnaly figure out it was truth. You think your happy because your with somebody, but the real question is are you really happy, do you think he's happy with you? If you say yes. . . that really does suck, but it might be the best for both of you to move on and break up.

[SapphireNoir10]

IT always sucks when its not working, and your hoping it will work, and the other person comes to the same conclusion its not working, but they would rather end it.

[kampuniform]

 

He said a lot of hurtful things that werent true.

 

'Its for the best,I dont make you happy'

 

 

That bizarre phantasmagoria ‘happiness’. The absurdity and perversity of its dominion is an impermissible truth to individuals entrapped-and curiously slaked-by its barbs.

 

It’s a normative behaviour where the individual’s perspective is diminished in deference to a collective interpretation. One of our social needs is slaked by grafting this bizarre interpretation of happiness onto the human condition. Satisfying this collective need, the error propagates into relationships, causing their ruin. The effect that this interpretation has on a relationship is identical to administering an emetic to a diner after they’ve enjoyed an elaborate and well-prepared meal.

 

A healthy union between people is built upon trust, and not on the perishable and entirely transitory sensation of happiness.

 

‘Happiness’ does not transpose to any other meaningful aspect of our lives:

 

-Why did you quit your job? Oh, it wasn’t making me happy.

-Your children have been taken into child custody. Why? Oh, they were as unhappy with me as I was with them.

-Have you prepared your income tax? No, it wasn’t making me happy.

-You quit school? It wasn’t making me happy.

 

I equate ‘happiness’ to anything that is purposeless, mendacious, false, spirit-crushing, invalid, dehumanizing.

[SapphireNoir10]

I agree. In a relationship Im happy to stick it out through the 'happy' and non 'happy stages' because it isnt all roses and rainbows. But a lot of people run at the first sign of 'its not making me happy'

[Islandia]

I sometimes think that people who never know the truth are happier in the end. It seems like when someone is telling you "the truth" upon breaking up, you find out much later that it was really "the truth from a certain point of view." The hurt actually comes from finding out that a lie ended the relationship and it makes you think about what other things were said that might have been lies as well.

[SapphireNoir10]

I agree with that too. The truth can be very objective and different from person to person.

[The_Seeker]

kapeuniform, Are you a philosophy major?

 

SapphireNoir10, that's part of the truth but I believe there's more to it that we shall never know.

 

;] Unless we're Goddesses we can find out by picking out their little mind brain game.

[Ms Darcy]

A healthy union between people is built upon trust, and not on the perishable and entirely transitory sensation of happiness.

 

‘Happiness’ does not transpose to any other meaningful aspect of our lives:

 

-Why did you quit your job? Oh, it wasn’t making me happy.

-Your children have been taken into child custody. Why? Oh, they were as unhappy with me as I was with them.

-Have you prepared your income tax? No, it wasn’t making me happy.

-You quit school? It wasn’t making me happy.

 

I equate ‘happiness’ to anything that is purposeless, mendacious, false, spirit-crushing, invalid, dehumanizing.

 

I actually don't agree with this. People do quit their jobs because they are unhappy, usually after they have secured new one. And people leave school because they are unhappy all the time.

 

For some things we use happiness as our measure, but the word is usually undergirded by more concrete examples. If a man leaves a woman, because he's "unhappy" asking him more specific questions can yield the answers. "We never have sex. She doesn't appreciate the work I do around the house. She is very critical. Etc etc."

 

People leave for reasons that are valid for them, but may not be valid to the other person.

[SapphireNoir10]

Yeah. Thats also true.

 

I think everyone has valid points here. Not being 'happy' can be used in vagueness. And a lot of people break up with people cos their 'unhappy' then realise that person WASNT the source of their unhappiness.

 

I think the hardest part sometimes is accepting the truth that it wasnt working and its for the best. Its hard to admit.

[Minx2012]

Yeah i got the whole ''It's for the best''

 

which is probably true.

 

but the thing is me and him are still in love with eachother, but it's long distance so it won't work..

 

It's def harder when the both of you are still in love

 

To be quite honest, if you two are madly in love with each other, NO distance will change the quality and the value of the relationship. My boyfriend and I were madly in love for 4 whole years when we were living together in a foreign country. The minute we separated ( only for a year, we planned bc we had to get into our postgraduate degrees ), things changed. It put our lives into a whole new perspective and realised that he wasn't in love anymore...or else, he wouldn't be considering on breaking up with me...and I wouldn't be here, on enot alone writing away about my hurt, pain and helplessness. I am still in love with him ...but what good is that if he is no longer in love with me?

 

If the " in love " feeling was still there...believe me, this separation would be nothing but just a minor " glitch " that leads to the bigger reward of being together, happy and towards marriage...but alas, that's not the case for me

[kampuniform]

kapeuniform, Are you a philosophy major?

 

No, it was mathematics, but philosophy-particularly Nietzsche's-has been one of my passions.

[kampuniform]

I actually don't agree with this. People do quit their jobs because they are unhappy, usually after they have secured new one. And people leave school because they are unhappy all the time.

 

People leave for reasons that are valid for them, but may not be valid to the other person.

 

That was my point. To be happy means that one has ceased to participate in life. Happiness is the joy of being a cog on a wheel spinning on an axis of banality.

An individual maximizes all life outcomes by the degree to which they decide to persevere.

[theartofruin]

Yeah accepting the truth that me and my ex would never have worked out is one of the worst things. I torture myself wondering that if we had managed to be calm when we disagreed on things instead of blowing up and having nasty fights that maybe things would have worked - because for most of the time it was amazing, we seemed so in love and had so much fun.

 

But yeah, we kept giving each other second chances over and over, and nothing changed. Ordinarily I would hold no grudges against an ex for acknowledging it wasn't working and facing up to the truth by ending it (I seemingly was too loved up and naive and would never have ended things myself) but as it happened she never seemed to face up to the truth herself until she was sleeping with someone else. So that makes her more of a coward than me.

 

I can't wait for the day when I can look back and think "Wow, why did we even stick it out for so long together, we were such a bad match!"

[Lester]

Dear Sapphire, You learn not to burn your hand by touching the stove as child. You never do it again. Therefore, any event or combination of words that helps you learn and grow should be embraced. But... the pain a failing/failed relationship... Most us would rather die or at least put are face on that stove. God wants more for you. Keep going. Look for true love. Life is not short, as the unbelievers would have you think. It's just right. P.S. Look how many strangers you have helped with your kind words. You’re pretty awesome.

[sophia7]

I don't know if I agree with the premise...it seems a bit reductive, although definitely better to boil it down/move on than stew in what might have been. Many times relationships fail due to timing, or people are growing at different paces and can't properly show up for each other. People mature because of failed relationships, and who is to know if those two same people met under different circumstances if it would work. If strong attraction, compatibility, and shared values are there, it is kind of up to individuals' character and maturity whether or not things work out or end. The 'truth' can change depending on the participants in the relationship and other factors.But it's undeniable that both people have to have both feet in to make it work. Once one starts pulling it creates a power imbalance that is unsustainable.