I've read your posts and you always sound strong, disciplined, and clear eyed about your situation. You know what, healing means you're going to backslide once in awhile. It's a testament to your being human and not something to punish yourself for. It's only been a month for me, but I finally broke down and e-mailed my ex today. I'm guessing his reply will probably tell me what I need to truly let go. It sounds similar for you. Just keep looking ahead.