What is the point of marriage?

[FreakAndUnique]

Not really. Sex is the same. Why should two people with different sex drives stay with each other? I would DEFINITELY leave a guy who had a much lower or much higher drive than me, morose than I would leave if he didn't want to marry me.

 

I think it would be safe to say you are not my type then. (Sorry for being cheeky!)

[sweetpea03]

Interesting.... I love how people's words get twisted from what they actually meant... lol.

 

No one is going to change their minds and you are all arguing in a circle...

[Cognitive_Canine]

OP, you never answered my questions about your general experiences with women. I feel that my posts have been ignored.

[Sparkly Eyes]

OP, you never answered my questions about your general experiences with women. I feel that my posts have been ignored.

 

Read his other thread.

[Cognitive_Canine]

I think part of your hostility towards the idea of marriage has to do with your low opinion of women in general. While you don't need to ever believe in marriage or want it for yourself, you'll needs to address your poor view of women to have a successful relationship.

[FreakAndUnique]

I think part of your hostility towards the idea of marriage has to do with your low opinion of women in general.

 

Just out of interest ... how would you sum up my attitude? I think just to say I have a low opinion of women is slightly unfair ... I have admitted that I have had bad experiences, and some dodgy parenting.

 

I don't believe myself that I have a terrible attitude of women, it is more like women tend to have a low opinion of me, if you see what I mean. Anyway .... not an easy issue, as you might recognize.

[Cognitive_Canine]

Well. In this thread you talked about marriage being for the financial protection of women and guys just marrying to please the woman. Do you view women as wanting/needing protection? And do you think marriage only benefits women?

 

In your other thread you said you felt women were generally cold and calculating and you did mention your bad experiences with your mother.

 

You're right in that I do not know much about the situation, and that's why i'm asking. But, I think it's something worth looking into.

[shes2smart]

Interesting.... I love how people's words get twisted from what they actually meant... lol.

 

No one is going to change their minds and you are all arguing in a circle...

 

LOL...yeah, just as I predicted/expected and have seen happen before.

 

It's kinda like trying to explain why you like your steak rare or why you don't like chocolate or why you like to ski or why you'd rather have a cat than a dog to someone who likes their steak well done or who likes chocolate or who thinks skiing is dangerous or who'd rather have a dog than a cat. They're probably not going to get it no matter how much talking (or typing) is done because they're at the other end of the spectrum and can't conceive of someone liking (or not liking) something different.

 

That's ok though. It'd be a pretty dull world if we were all the same and all wanted the same things and all liked & disliked the same things as everyone else.

 

Where it starts to get dicey is when any one individual starts thinking their way/their wants/their likes or dislikes are the "right" way or the "better" way and everyone else is wrong/stupid/inferior/flawed/blind/ingnorant/bowing to societal pressure or what have you.

 

So, if you don't think marriage is a good idea - don't get married. Pretty darn simple, really. And while you don't need to "understand" those of us who want to be/prefer to be married, it would certainly further your own growth and development as a human being if you'd at least learn to respect the choices other people make for their own lives rather than pick them apart in the name of "trying to understand."

[FreakAndUnique]

Where it starts to get dicey is when any one individual starting thinking their way/their wants/their likes or dislikes are the "right" way or the "better" way and everyone else is wrong/stupid/inferior/flawed/blind/ingnorant/bowing to societal pressure or what have you.

 

Point accepted. Note, however, I have never argued that the marriage laws should be abolished, or anything silly like that. But you must accept that there is social pressure, and female pressure, to get married. It is slightly different to a preference in a rare or well-done steak.

[FreakAndUnique]

Well. In this thread you talked about marriage being for the financial protection of women and guys just marrying to please the woman. Do you view women as wanting/needing protection? And do you think marriage only benefits women?

 

I believe that women who keep going on and on about it are looking for financial protection. But not all women are obsessed with it. I would like to call it a "Stepford Wive Syndrome". A complete regression of liberal values from the 60s/70s if you ask me.

 

In your other thread you said you felt women were generally cold and calculating and you did mention your bad experiences with your mother.

 

Well yes - It is difficult for me to even consider females of being the "fairer sex", I have not experienced it myself. Never. Now, is this because of me? Perhaps it is. There maybe something inherently offensive about my personality that has created this.

 

Now, I don't believe my views or personality is anything completely outrageous - I think someone in this thread mentioned that it is a cultural problem I have, rather than a gender problem. That has really made me think ... gold star for the person who said that. !

[shes2smart]

But you must accept that there is social pressure, and female pressure, to get married.

 

For some people, perhaps.

 

In my life, I didn't get married until I was past my 38th birthday so, obviously, I wasn't exactly feeling any great push from external forces to get married. In fact, I actively avoided marriage and didn't think it was a desirable thing for me until I was looking backwards at 30. I had opportunities before then, but declined.

 

As for "female pressure"....my husband proposed a week after our first date. Hardly time to "pressure" him, I'd think. Part of our initial conversations were about relationship goals. His goal -- one he chose for himself well before he met me -- was to get into a serious relationship leading to marriage sooner rather than later.

 

So while those things exist for some people, they do not exist for all people.

[FreakAndUnique]

As for "female pressure"....my husband proposed a week after our first date.

 

Didn't waste any time there. A week?

[shes2smart]

Didn't waste any time there. A week?

 

Yup.

 

Chatted online & on the phone for a few weeks, met up in person, a week later he proposed (with a ring).

 

Been married 8.5 years now.

[ut804]

i dont have time to read this whole thread..

 

but to me marriage isn't just a legal thing. It's a commitment. A formal commitment. It shows me that the man is serious about me. that he is willing to stand in front of my family and friends and myself and make that commitment. it shows that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me.

any guy can say "hey let's be boyfriend and girlfriend." but a marriage is more "proof" that he's serious about me. and I want to be married to have kids. because i feel that without marriage, a guy can a lot easier to walk away. Marriage is more "let's spend the rest of our lives together" while being boyfriend and girlfriend seems like a short-term commitment.

 

hope that made sense. but that's just me and what I believe in. if you don't want to get married or don't believe in it, then fine, that's your choice.

[OptomisticGirl]

Point accepted. Note, however, I have never argued that the marriage laws should be abolished, or anything silly like that. But you must accept that there is social pressure, and female pressure, to get married. It is slightly different to a preference in a rare or well-done steak.

 

Do many women pressure men to get married? Certainly, there are women out there like that. Weather they want the whole fairy tale marriage thing (that isn't real, btw) or they are older and their biological clocks are ticking, some women do pressure men.

 

However--

 

The vast majority of women don't pressure men. It's simply the end goal of the relationship they want with the right man. My fiance proposed after we had been dating 4 months and met once (we are in a 4,000 mile LDR). There was not a lick of pressure for him to do so. In fact, from the beginning, before we started dating, we had been talking about how important marriage is for the BOTH of us.

 

Marriage to me, personally, is me sharing my life with the man I love. Does it have certain legal perks? Sure. If he tries to leave me (or I leave him) we can clean each other for half of what we own... there is usually a tax break or more money for married people... if an accident happens we as each others spouse have the first say in what happens/if anythign happens to the person hurt.. and so forth and so forth. But when you're in love, those legal perks are the last thing you think about. The only legal 'perk' I have thought about is I get to change my name when I marry him. That's it, honestly.

 

Does this mean people who don't get marry and only stay in LTRs are less committed than those who marry? Of course not. But, I do see it as a different kind of commitment. Not a bad committment but I think it is two sides of the same coin. And no, I really can't explain it. I can't explain why signing that piece of paper and taking his name is important to me. Is it because women have been doing it for millions of years? Maybe, but I as a human being could have made the decision not to want marriage. Marriage for me is not all fairytale and happily ever after, it's a constant working of the two involved to never take a wrong step.

[The_Seeker]

Yup.

 

Chatted online & on the phone for a few weeks, met up in person, a week later he proposed (with a ring).

 

Been married 8.5 years now.

 

LOL You beat my parents by having 1 week ahead.

 

My parents got married in 2 weeks.

[OptomisticGirl]

LOL You beat my parents by having 1 week ahead.

 

My parents got married in 2 weeks.

 

So did mine! But there's only lasted for 8 years and really shouldn't have lasted that long.

 

I told her when CS proposed at 4 months she had NO room to judge me with her and her two weeks stunt.

[The_Seeker]

So did mine! But there's only lasted for 8 years and really shouldn't have lasted that long.

 

I told her when CS proposed at 4 months she had NO room to judge me with her and her two weeks stunt.

 

Mine lasted for 22 years and still going.

 

My mom got married to my dad at age 19 and my dad was 23 at the time.

 

I'm pretty sure everyone on ENA would tell my parents they both need to get a divorce.

 

You know what the funny part is? They still stick together. I guess my parents have the same sort of respect and care for each other. Even though sometimes both of them do fall in and out of love every time. So they stay and try to work things out. It's not because of me and my sibling.

 

I don't know if this has to do with a culture aspect. I think it's more of an individual choice.

 

It's so sad I can't have that type of love life like my parents. LOL Willing to stay to work things out no matter how much you want to pull a Mr. and Mrs. Smith on each other.

[OptomisticGirl]

I'm sure you'll find it one day. It's out there with the right person.

 

I always thought I'd end up having a relationship like my parents had (abusive, cheating, fighting) but I managed to find what I think could be like your parents' marriage. I think both of us being ENA members helps a ton too.

[The_Seeker]

I'm sure you'll find it one day. It's out there with the right person.

 

I always thought I'd end up having a relationship like my parents had (abusive, cheating, fighting) but I managed to find what I think could be like your parents' marriage. I think both of us being ENA members helps a ton too.

 

Haha wait I lied, they've been together for 24 years. LOL My mom had me when she was 21. My bad.

 

I don't know if they ever cheated on each other. Men find my mother attractive because she's flirty [ ;] Maybe that's where I get my flirting skills from] and women loves my father because he's very kind [ No wonder my ex was spoiled. LOL That's where I get my kindness from].

 

It's kind of funny because their friends want to marry them, but they always say they rather have each other because someone can deal with their craziness.

 

;] Of course it does help a lot being ENA members.

 

Hopefully I do find a love like my parents. Someone who is willing to deal with your craziness and stay to work things out. LOL That would be priceless. I know I can deal with someone's craziness but cheating I don't think i can.

[OptomisticGirl]

My parents were young to, my dad was 19 or 20, my mom 21 or 22, I can never remember. lol

 

My parents were just a bad match from the beginning. My mom was actually engaged when she met my dad. :s I still say she got the worse end of the bargain there, even if she did get me and my siblings out of it.

 

That's my fiance. God knows he has a lot of crazy to handle when it comes to me! But I know he's willing to take me good and bad, because the bad is a part of me as well.

[The_Seeker]

My parents were young to, my dad was 19 or 20, my mom 21 or 22, I can never remember. lol

 

My parents were just a bad match from the beginning. My mom was actually engaged when she met my dad. :s I still say she got the worse end of the bargain there, even if she did get me and my siblings out of it.

 

That's my fiance. God knows he has a lot of crazy to handle when it comes to me! But I know he's willing to take me good and bad, because the bad is a part of me as well.

 

Ha ha, I guess it is true. Marry someone who can deal your worst attitude. LOL

 

That's very sweet of your fiance. LOL He better be able to handle your worst, ;] or he doesn't deserve your best.

[OptomisticGirl]

Ha ha, I guess it is true. Marry someone who can deal your worst attitude. LOL

 

That's very sweet of your fiance. LOL He better be able to handle your worst, ;] or he doesn't deserve your best.

 

I love that quote, it's on my facebook and became my motto after my ex and I broke up. Marilyn Monroe had some sage advice for sure!

[The_Seeker]

I love that quote, it's on my facebook and became my motto after my ex and I broke up. Marilyn Monroe had some sage advice for sure!

 

Your ex? LOL I should read your past forum threads then when I got chance. Probably after I graduate from college. I will have more time to do things that I like. Hehehe!

 

I just realized 2 more months til you're married. O_O

[OptomisticGirl]

Your ex? LOL I should read your past forum threads then when I got chance. Probably after I graduate from college. I will have more time to do things that I like. Hehehe!

 

I just realized 2 more months til you're married. O_O

 

Yep, my ex. We broke up last Nov, I joined ENA, and met CS. I was a complete mess back then, as we all are during that initial break up phase. I have come a long way.

 

I know! It's starting to feel more 'real' now that we are getting so close!